Dept of Homeland Security Issues New Check In Guidelines

[paparush]

1. All potential passengers must arrive at the point of departure 48 hours in advance, where you will be disrobed and herded into an 'observation area'. This will begin the 48 hours of fasting needed to ensure that A) You do not injest anything potentially dangerous and B) If you have already injested such a substance, it will have to to *ahem* pass.

2. 30 Minutes prior to boarding the flight you will be cavity searched and given a 'free' MRI.

3. If the potential passenger successfully passes the above security screening, the passenger will then be escorted to their assigned seats and fitted with a four point restraining harness that is guaranteed to protect you from in-flight turbulence.

4. The blackout hoods will be removed once the pilot has turned off the "fasten seat belt" sign.

5. At the arrival gate, passengers will disembark to the awaiting security vans that will deliver you outside of the airport's secured perimeter.

Thank you for flying 'Murkin Airlines.

[TAPat]

1. It's the Only Way to Fly...

:patriot:

[Hugin]

2. Have you ever seen, "The Andromeda Strain"?

The part where the move between the levels of the underground lab.

That's the future of flight... Let me tell ya.

[lutefisk]

3. A minor inconvenience to protect our freedoms

Isn't that what the talking heads and their "experts" keep saying?