Hot enough for ya?

[Javaman]

There I was once again out watering my front lawn, when lo and behold my fundie neighbor Phil yells to me, "hot enough for ya?!"

I roll my eyes to myself and respond with a gentle laugh and a half hearted wave.

Frankly, I really wasn't in the mood for Phil this morning. Usually, our verbal duels end in me winning and him screaming up to the heavens about how Godless or something else that I am.

I had a long night before and the last thing I needed was his glazed eye lawn sermon about the evils of this Godless planet.

But sure enough, over stomps Phil. How I wished at that moment I was invisible.

"Whoooweee, it's a burner, I can only image heck would be close to this", Phil snorted at his concept of a joke. I gritted my teeth and smiled politely.

Phil prattled on and on, oblivious to my disinterest. "It's hot but you know, I think I'll fire up the ol'BBQ and have me and the family a few steaks."

"Sounds good", I responded, trying hard to stop him from continuing.

"Dang, it sure is hot", but that's what A/C is for. Have that baby going full blast. Icicles hanging from the ceiling, har har!", Phil smiling stupidly. I gripped the sprayer tighter to keep from screaming at him.

"We we were up all hours of the night last night, sorry if I kept you up, I know the family and I can be a bit lough and with having all the lights on and everything. Little Bunny was up practicing her speech for the church on the benefits of fast food..." I cut Phil short, I couldn't take it anymore.

Now I screamed at the sky, "give me patience!"

"Phil, look, we are neighbors, so I won't get to nasty, but have you ever thought that the world doesn't live in a vacuum? That the things you do effect everything and everyone around you?"

Phil stared blankly at my outburst. I don't think he's ever see this side of me, I didn't care.

"You are a energy sucker! You burn a billion watts every single say, with all of light your lights on, you crank your A/C to arctic levels, and you are killing all of us slowly with your carbon factory BBQ! I won't even go into that behemoth of an SUV you drive! Have you not heard of global warming?" I spouted.

Recovering from the initial shock a slow creeping smile came across Phil's face. "Global warming? Har har, that's a lot of hooey my friend, it's all a part of the natural cycle of the earth, just like the ice ages." he smiled smugly, however, I saw my opportunity and drew him in.

"so Phil, when was that last Ice Age?" I asked innocently.

"Well, everyone knows, about 15 thou...", Phil stopped with a hardened look in his eyes.

"Come again?" I ask, "It sounded like you said 15 thousand years ago. That would put it well before the supposed time you believe the earth was created, now won't it Phil?" I smiled innocently.

Phil's eyes shifted back and forth. It sad to watch someones brain short circuit. I saw a myriad of thoughts and emotions rush through Phil's mind. I actually thought for moment, Phil was on the verge of a realization.

Phil stated slowly, "you are a crafty one, oh yes you are, you tried to reel me in with the whole global warming thing...", Phil's verbal tempo was building, "...then you tried to confuse me with the whole ice age thing! Bah! Devil! Evil Doer! SAY-TAN!".

Now it was Phil who screamed at the sky and stormed off.

I think about people like Phil a lot. They know what's going on, but like the rest of us, they don't really like the fact that as a civilization we have basically painted ourselves into a corner. There are some of us that bravely walk across that painted floor because, we times are tough and chances have to be taken, while others, like Phil, sit cowering in the corner, hoping that their world will still remain in it's illusionary idyllic lie. So while guys like Phil sit and wait for the paint to dry, I will continue to water my lawn with my reclaimed supply of water. :)

Note: this is an on going series of stories regarding a fictional neighbor.

[MuseRider]

1. I love your Phil stories! n/t

[paparush]

2. Um..maybe the main character shouldn't be watering his lawn..ya know

maybe the main character should be cleaning the filter on his biodiesel car or tweaking the solar panels or replacing that lawn with dry soil shrubs, etc...

[ProdigalJunkMail]

4. well...it is RECLAIMED water n/t

[paparush]

5. Aaaaahhh! Well, there ya go..!! : - )

[VolcanoJen]

3. You should seriously start a blog about Phil.

I'm not kidding. It would be great! Call it "PhilBlog" or "My Neighbor Phil dot org" or something.

:-) :thumbsup: :-)

[IndependentVoice]

6. makes me laugh every time good job

[valerief]

7. Don't you just wish all the Phils would clean their guns and get

careless? (I figured I could say this, since Phil is fictional.) I mean, talking to Phils sometime is like trying to teach your pet dog the alphabet.

[Javaman]

8. Thanks all. I didn't realize though the amount of typos I had this time.

sorry about that.