http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/19/AR2006081900353.htmlHome but Still Haunted
Md. Iraq Veteran and Thousands Like Her Are Coping With
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For women who are mothers, combat-related PTSD may have added significance. Often, after war, "it's not the same mommy who left," said Yale University associate professor Laurie Harkness, who runs a Veterans Affairs mental health clinic in Connecticut. Although the same can be said for fathers, she said, "mothers in general are the emotional hub of a family."
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"Mommy! Mommy!" her youngest daughter, then 2, shrieked during a visit in Falls Church, climbing all over her.
Johnson had been a mother since she had her son at age 14. Now she felt overwhelmed. She rose to leave.
"I can't do this," she told her sister.
In her car, she sobbed, wondering how she could feel so disconnected. "I realized that I just walked out on my babies."
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Her eldest daughter was nearly 12 when Johnson returned. The girl seemed different -- dressing in black, skipping school, no more smiles, no hugs. She wondered: Was it because of her absence?
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Her youngest, now 5, is still focused on Mommy, and Johnson is glad -- though sometimes she still finds herself overwhelmed. On weekends, she and her fiance often have six or more children around, hers and his and often a niece or nephew.
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If she is home, she may retreat to her bedroom. There, she can collect herself. Or she may, for a moment, lose her connection to everything, as the ceiling fan turns, as her mind goes blank.
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she stays armed at all times, even at home - with a knife
sigh