school is starting and It"s bully time again

[goddess40]

As a mother I should be thrilled my kids are going back to school but I live in dread. My children have Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD)part of which means they have social issues and they get picked on because they are easy marks. Our schools don't have an anti-bullying program, instead they try to put band-aids on the cases where the parents get involved. I know when I go in and raise the roof the present bully will only move on to some kid that doesn't have a parent the will come to his or her aid.

Does anyone out there in du land have a school that has a working anti-bullying program?

[ray of light]

1. Homeschool. Best thing in the world for kids and families.

[goddess40]

2. I'm not qualified

and that doesn't solve the problem of bullying.

I've thought about it but the boys are now beyond my capabilities.

[Whoa_Nelly]

3. No major suggestions...but some helpful sites

School where I last taught tried using removal to main office during recess, and a three strikes to suspension. Needless to say, the more the school grew, the more kids in the office...am not sure what they are doing now.

However, here's are a couple of sites to check out some things:
http://www.bullypolice.org/

http://www.colorado.edu/cspv/publications/factsheets/safeschools/FS-SC08.html

And something you might want to have on file at the school:
http://www.bullypolice.org/student_bill_of_rights.html

To:
Re:

To Whom It May Concern,

This letter is to request immediately that my son/daughter,_______, be afforded all the protections under state and federal law to protect him from physical or emotional harassment, discrimination, retaliation, or verbal abuse. As schools legally acts in behalf of the parent while in their care, it is my understanding that he/she has a right to learn in a safe and harm-free educational environment.

It is also my understanding that school personnel have a duty to facilitate his protection and fully investigate all allegations he reports. I am now requesting that you protect my child from the various forms of abuse he has suffered at your school.

Because my child is a minor, he/she has been informed that he/she is not to discuss any allegations of such abuse without myself/parent/legal guardian present during these discussions. I expect to be immediately called to attend to these discussions if my child makes a complaint.

I am requesting that this protection begin immediately. I will assume you are taking the appropriate action from this date forward. If I am incorrect, I request you immediately notify me, and my advocate at the following address:


Advocate/Parent name
address
city, state, zip
phone #


Sincerely,

Parent's name

[goddess40]

15. That's a great letter

Thanks I think I'll use it.

[shaniqua6392]

4. Here in Livonia, Michigan they have great anti-bullying programs.

They have peer mediation, intervention, etc. They will expel the bully permanently if necessary. I am very happy with the district. My children did go to a private Lutheran elementary school for K-8th and they were not so good about the bullies. Usually the worst culprits were the Pastor's children or the children of the teachers. I would always have to "raise hell" and demand accountability for those involved. They would try to brush me off but I would demand meetings with the parents even if it meant that the parent was my own Pastor! So, I know exactly how you feel. I got so desperate one time when my oldest daughter was being picked on by this one boy that I finally met the kid in the parking lot and threatened him with bodily harm! I memorized his address before talking to him and told him that I know where he lives and I will send over my nephew who is under 18 to kick his ass if he touched my child again. It worked. He was just as sweet as sugar after that. My daughter never could figure out why he suddenly turned nice to her!! I never told her what I did. I am sorry about your district. Stay strong.

[DoYouEverWonder]

5. Yes, but it's a small private school

My son's school goes from K through HS.

The main rule that you are informed of as soon as you walk in the door the first time is that we don't allow put downs. We don't have a lot of rules, but the rules we have are taken very seriously.

When you go to MS or HS you have to sign a contract.

Kids who can't follow the rules are not invited back the next year.

Has a result my son loves school and couldn't wait to go back this year.

I know we are very lucky to have found such a school. My son is dyslexic and public school was a disaster for us. I hope you can find some options that work for your kids.

[sandnsea]

6. Well I don't know

Our school has a program but I personally think it's stupid. Something like the Paper Clip Project would likely be a better jump off point than a bunch of rules that just annoy kids even more. One program that I've seen work is constant positive reinforcement and active cooperation where students actually help each other behave better.

In any event, I've written the principal to get a better grasp of the details of the curriculum.

http://www.paperclipsstore.com/Educational.html

[Ilsa]

7. How old are your kids?

Mine are 7 and 9 and there is a program at school, but I think it gets pretty meaningless in middle school. I think the middle school teachers pick on the kids as much as the kids do.
Sigh. I'm not looking forward to these problems.

[sandnsea]

8. Teachers have to participate

The program that I saw work included teachers catching students being good and writing up "I caught you" notes that would go back to their primary teacher. After so many notes that got some sort of small reward, I think there was like a dollar store grab bag or something. Then a quarterly award at an assembly. All the teachers were completely on board with the program, which matters the most, and they used it as it was meant to be used, to change the behavior of the bullies through both peer pressure and by giving them the praise and attention they were missing.

[goddess40]

12. 13 and 17

And I've been fighting with the school district for 10 years. I will be running for school board next round and I keep telling the school officials I don't intend to give up until they do something real about the bullying problem.

[Ilsa]

16. Oh, good for you and them!

Bullying has to be gotten under control or there tends to be nasty problems develop, including gang-type violence, higher dropout rates, etc.

You'd think school would get a clue if parents listed that as a primary reason for homeschooling.

[goddess40]

17. In WI home schooler just sign a form - no reason needed

nor are there any check ups to see if the children are getting an education. I don't really have anything against homeschooling, most do an excellent job, but some kids are really harmed by there being to system of checks and balances.

[RevolutionStartsNow]

9. Our school has a program that seems to work

It became a big deal a few years ago when there was concern about kids being teased or bullied. It seemed at the time to be sort of superficial -- the program involved talking to the kids about teasing and bullying, and having "books of the month" in the library (I think they were read to the younger kids, and the older kids were rewarded somehow for reading them) that taught about accepting differences, not bullying, etc. Posters were put up, etc.

There was a lot of promotion, and a lot of snickering from some parents about how it was just window dressing, but my kids both reported that bullying and teasing seemed to diminish, and now my son (in 5th grade at this school) says that it really doesn't seem to be a problem at his school.

The schools do need to have a no tolerance policy, in my opinion. Then of course it's up to the parents at home to not teach their kids to be mean.

I feel for you, my kids have both been victims of bullies; we teach them to keep their heads up and don't respond, because bullies just want attention. We also tell them that in the event it becomes phyiscal, they should defend themselves, because bullies don't like that either.

I commend you for understanding that fixing it for your kids doesn't solve the problem, the bullies will just move on to other kids; I would go to the next School Board meeting or whatever site-level council you might have and ask the school to address it.

[don954]

10. Find a good Martial Arts teacher for them

A good teacher will teach them to defend themselves, but will also teach them that violence is always the last resort. Once your kids are able to defend themselves, their entire arora changes and the bullies don't try anything. At least that's what worked for me when i was a small, slim, wimpy kid. Anti-bully programs just do not work as far as ive seen, they do some presentations and some cute stickers and warm fuzzes, but the bullies still bully and the teachers still ignore it.

[alarimer]

13. That sounds good

I think most bullies don't like it when their victims actually stand up to them. I am not saying they need to beat up on the bully but simply stop taking their punishment. Or maybe I am being too simplistic.

[earth mom]

11. The dog eat dog mentality that is happening in our schools sucks!

So...why do you think you can't homeschool? It's a bit daunting but there is lots of help online. Yahoo groups has home schooling groups you can join www.groups.yahoo.com There are even on line lessons for a small fee. www.brainpop.com Here's another resource www.nhen.org

Good luck! :hi:

[Magical]

14. Check Bully Online

http://www.bullyonline.org/

The definitive web site with all things bully related...
may have some helpful tips for you.

[seabeyond]

18. i love my boys school. i have a son that can easily be picked on

cause of size, glasses, and intellectual and articulate. i put him in private school from prek to part of 4th for that reason. a christian school. there was soooo much bullying and meaness i pulled them out. they tried in the 4th grade public, but it had a lot to do with children of messed up family. last year i got sons transferred to a public school and it was the first year without heels in ground and pulling them to school. this year they went in and two weeks has been bliss comparative to the other years. this school works so hard, high expectations of children and demands on the children adn parents in academics and behavior.

i emphathize with you. the picking up the child at the end of the day only to hear the sadness. i wish there was something that could be done. i know how hard it is. and i see how wonderful it is when that eliment is not a part of the childrens academic experience

[lonestarnot]

19. Mom, can't you kick ass and take names for the kids if they

can't do it?

[seabeyond]

21. story. i let youngest, 8 walk across to his brother school for first time

with other kids. there is a half hour difference in let out time. i am driving into parking lot and see this kid swing at my son. so i hit the gas. then i see son do a kick at the kid. i am getting there as fast as i can. then the other kid does a hard ass swing

i put in park, open door and yell.........hey..... knock it off..... and all the kids stop. all of you here NOW. lol. oh my. i was mad. hard and to the point of getting to problem and say to the little boy, ..... we will just talk to your mom.

now i dont have to worry about the walk over (my youngest wants to try some independence. he is the one that sits on hip and wont get off, wink). they all are afraid i will say something to their mom and they are all being particularly nice and kind to each other.

i am soooooo not opposed to stepping in. that is what our job is. i dont care what people say. all of us should be a part. i dont really care if i even have a kid in the middle of something. i see something, i jump in. teach to settle and reason.

[lonestarnot]

22. Excefuckinglent story! Good on you Mom!

I have a similar story. Damn brats anyway. My kid stood up to his first bully in second grade. Kicked his ass and had to go sit in for recess, but the bully left his ass alone from there forward. He's no angel, but he's on the small side so appears to be an easy target. Dynamite comes in small packages. But kids that don't know how or are afraid need Mom's protection sometimes. I don't see a problem with it unless Mom crosses the line and touches a kid. But names should be taken for sure. It's on the principal at that point, but watchful eyes are a good thing when it comes to bullies.

[sendero]

20. When you say bullying..

.. are you talking about psychological or physical.

Because IMHO, they are very different things. I found way back in my school days that the best way to stop physical bullying was to stand up for yourself. Most bullies fold like paper napkins when they get a taste of their own medicine.