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Edited on Tue Sep-05-06 06:07 AM by Leopolds Ghost
Steve Irwin is in heaven now, (we hope) and so we can only imagine his last taping as he looks down on family, friends, and people on the Net discussing his death. While doing so perhaps he stumbles upon a blog, known as DU...
"Ouch! I stumbled me toe upon that blog. It sure does hurt! They can pop up in all the most amazing places, even here in Australia. The important thing to remember is what blogs do to nourish the grass-roots. I'm hoping they didn't cut this one down because it's a Beauty -- they grow to be enormous, mate! Why, just counting the rings on this thing and there's 19,000 subscribers --
WHOU! A critic almost popped out of the woodwork an' bit me. This is what I've been looking for! These Cultcha Critics are native to the US, gen'rally but not always urban areas, which is a problem because of habitat loss.
Lookit the size of these THREADS! It's spinning a whole web of stories about my life, mate! Not all of them good, eitha. I'm reminded of Charlotte's Web, a children's tale over in the States. Keep in mind, it's got a very narrow range of vision, so it's best not to get it too excited, or it might say bad things about me! Nothing personal mind you, it's just acting on instinct toward what it percieves as unwarranted celebrety. But that's OK because one of the things we folks in heaven are blessed with is a sense of paspective. After all, I nevah said I was a perfect person, now, I just wanted to make a difference in wiled life, and I succeeded! What more could a man ask for in his life!
Let's turn over and look inside this blog and see what else we find, shall we? My producer tells me I've got plenty of time, which is a blessing, because on Earth you only get 30 minutes to do a show about woild-life, here in heaven you can inspire people for years to come.
OK, here we go, another potentially dangerous denizen of the woild inta-net. The internet is such an important resource for educating people about the environment, you know. If we're looky this one'll be just chock FULL of environmental postings on a daily basis! I'm gonna try and handle this creatcha for the cameras, but I gotta warn you kids, don't try this at home.
This one's called a Disruptor-Spotta. Isn't she BEAUTiful! Beautiful but Deadly, mate. Look how Sensitive it is!! You don't want to touch these spines on 'er back, mate. Those things'll sting ya! She'll alert me in less time than it takes me to say Crikey! See how oi'm being real gentle an' careful around er. You don't want to ruffle these here feathers, that's the trick. See, looka that, OUTCH! I once did that with a parrot, nearly landed me in the hospital! The only trooble with Disrupta-spottas is, they're good at controlling the population of invasive pests, which is a huge problem in Australia as well as on the internet. But they don't always respond well to changes of environment, especially in close quarters with other creatchas, if they aren't familiah with ya, they tend to lash out even more than crocodiles! OK, on to the next creatcha.
Whoah mate! I just got word on me earpiece that a whole HERD of Unpleasant Trolls is comin' this way. Whenever a well-known celebrity dies, or anything bad happens, the real disruptas and trolls gather at the watering hole to feed off the carcass after all the local creatures have had their fill of the discussion. They're an invasive species, mate! They trample down the natural growth of grass-roots dialogue and when whole entire eco-systems get taken over by Freeper Trolls people don't realize the inter-connectedness that they used to have in the Internet just like in natchure, cause it's been lost. But seeing as how this just happened, it looks like we still have some important local wild-life gathering to investigate me. Here comes one now. He sure seems curious, doesn't he, mate??
Lookit this BEAUTY! OK, we may have found the highlight of this particular discussion group. Here we have the Rosy-Crested Respected Posta. Isn't he a Beaut! Crikey, Lookit the SIZE of that thing! His post-count alone weighs more than the opinions of all the lessah postas around him put togetha'. This 'ere's the top of the food chain, mate. All the other creatchas on the internet look up to them. But that's what's so dangerous for them, because other humans tend to think of them as dangerous when they aren't. They're actually an endangered species, mate! Many of them have been hunted and killed off, or had their reputations wounded over petty disagreements. It's a real tragedy because they're actually gentle and intelligent creatchas just like you and me! And they've usually done quite a lot for other creatures to support the grass-roots habitat. But most people don't know that. Still, like with any social species they can be prone to displays of agression in order to establish their dominance. Usually they're surrounded by attention-gettas. Here comes one now!
Ohh, lookit that Attention-getta. There's two of them! One of them's trying to tear down the Respected Postah, and the other is defending 'im, like you'd defend a nest! If you listened to them sparring, you'd think it was an argument to the death -- about me, Steve Irwin! But it's actually harmless and just play-fighting. It's all part of the ritual to establish dominance.
Lookit the horns on that creature -- clearly it wants to be the next Respected Postah. If it beats the streets for a couple more years or puts out its own website it might just become the dominant postah one day. Ohh, smacked down by the big guy. Look how it's showing deference now just like the other one. The social order has been re-established. Human nature is amazing, just like real nature, isn't it? But that's all part of the cycle of life, otherwise we'd be at each others throats all the time. Ooo-wie, I'm glad I spent my life working with wild-life, and not so much with people. Except my lovely wife and kids, of course, and teaching, because that's so important.
Ohh, look over there. Here we have the Class Clown. This
creatcha had 999 posts until today, and this is its 1,000th post!
Always making light of things, they have a great sense of humah for a dinizen of the Internet. Like a lot of animals, they're really quite intelligent, but they don't know enough not to get trapped by careless humans who feel threatened or fearful. But this one's clearly trying to make a comeback, I have a lot of hope for the future of all the Clown species, there are 24 of them in all, in Australia alone, and another four on the Internet.
DANGER! DANGER! My assistant just warned me that a Moderator is watching us from behind that baobab tree. Now there's an animal you don't want to go up against, mate. It'll -tombstone- you if you aren't careful, and that's no joke. Tho I probably shouldn't say that, due to the unfortunate and sad stingray accident an' all. Which has been terribly hard on a lot of people, including some folks near to me because they mightn't understand I'm in a better place! Heck, I probably shouldn't post this whole bit, even just to be lighthearted about it all, which I always try to be in the face of death.
But I will anyway, because that's who I am! Besides, I DID go out doin' what I loved, I coulda done NONE of it and still gone diving an' gotten killed or injured by the same stingray, and nobody'd been the wiser about crocodiles or anything else. But I always loved taking care of crocodiles, an' I'll note that in the end, none of them seriously injured me. Perhaps the spirit of the land took pity an' protected me. My dad always said the beliefs of the aborigines were important and should be respected. Maybe they were right all along!"
--Channeled by Leopolds Ghost aka Class Clown,
Dismothery Communications 2006. No DU members were harmed during the
production of this posting. CAUTION: Toasting someone in the wake
of their death is dangerous and should only be attempted by
professional Clowns, including but not limited to Jay Leno, in the
utmost sincerity and respect for the loss of a beloved TV figure.
Don't try this at home, kids!
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