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President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit a Methodist Church as part of tour to restore his poll standings.
His chief handler made a visit to the Methodist Bishop and said to her:
"We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research, the war in Iraq, the violation of civil liberties at home, tax breaks for the rich and greedy, using the Federal government to promote and finance fundamentalist religion, and other piddling stuff like that. We'd gladly make a $100,000 contribution to your church if, during your sermon, you'd say the President is a saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and was sorely perplexed. Finally, she said:
"The Church is in desperate need of funds. I'll do it."
On the following Sunday, Bush showed up for church looking especially pompous and smug because he knew that the sermon was in the bag.
The President spoke to the congregation. Then the Bishop began her homily ...
"George Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a paragon of privilege for the undeserving wealthy.
"He is a nitwit. He is a liar. He is a cheat.... and an amoral weasel to boot.
The President began to turn red and the congregation held its collective breath, but the Bishop went on ...
"He is a draft-dodging skunk who lied about his military record while having the gall to pose on the deck of a carrier under that Mission-Accomplished banner when a war that he shouldn't have started and doesn't know how to end goes on and on claiming tens of thousand of American, allied, and Iraqi lives every year.
"He invaded another country against the advice of his best advisors -- and fired them for their trouble.
"He lied to the American people about why he was taking us into that war.
"He authorized and ordered the torture of foreigners and held Americans in secret jails for years without access to the courts.
The President sunk down into his chair and avoided everyone's eyes. The congregation was aghast, never having heard such truth-saying in church before. But still, the Bishop continued on ...
"He took America's reputation, as one of the most respected nations in the world, a proponent of freedom, justice, and civil liberties, and turned it into one that is almost universally despised and reviled as hypocritical, selfish, and despotic.
"He spied on Americans and violated American laws left and right because a rabid, lap-dog Congress let him get away with it.
"He is the worst example of a national leader and a human being that I could possibly hold up before a God-fearing, justice-loving, self-respecting Methodist congregation.
Then the Bishop's tone changed and the muscles in her face relaxed as she said.....
"But, you know ...
And sensing $100,000 worth of salvation coming, the President sat upright, smiling confidently at the congregation...
"... compared to Tom Delay, Dick Cheney, and the rest of his ferret-souled friends, George W. Bush is a saint."
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