19 Year Old Diebold Technician Wins U.S. Presidency

[Generic Other]

19 Year Old Diebold Technician Wins U.S. Presidency
Temporally realigned by admin on 2006/9/25 10:49:05 (29297 reads)

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
Washington, D.C., November 5, 2008

In a dramatic development that has come as a surprise to pundits and the public alike, a youthful technician with Diebold, Inc. has emerged as the unlikely winner of the 2008 U.S. Presidential election. The president-elect, 19 year old Billy Pustule of Green, Ohio, reached via SMS at the garage apartment by his mother's house in which he currently resides, said he was "real psyched about being the president" and "had big plans for the inauguration party".

Veteran political observers including Seymour Shackleton of the Miami-Dade Political Coroner have expressed what amounts to sheer disbelief at the unanticipated outcome.

"To my knowledge, this is the first presidential election in American history won by an entirely unknown write-in candidate," Mr. Shackleton said. "No one seems to have even heard of Billy Pustule. A Google of his name turns up only five listings, all of them Amazon.com reader comments on anthologies of 19th century erotic cartoons. How the president-elect managed to build a sufficiently large grass-roots groundswell to clinch the election while operating in complete anonymity is, frankly, beyond me."

President-elect Pustule said he "has always been kind of interested in politics because of my job", a service technician and junior programmer at Diebold, Inc., the primary manufacturer of electronic voting machines in the United States. Tamper-proof Diebold electronic voting machines have figured prominently in recent U.S. elections, particularly those elections in which outsider candidates sharing a political affiliation with Diebold executives have won by bafflingly wide margins.

According to the official electronic tally, compiled and certified by Diebold voting engineers, President-elect Pustule won an impressive 59.6% of the popular vote nationwide, the strongest showing ever received by a write-in candidate. He was followed by 38% for Democratic candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton, and 28.6% for Republican candidate Bill Frist. The fact that the totals exceed 100% has been attributed by a Diebold spokesman to "a special kind of rounding".

MORE
http://www.avantnews.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=281

[Greyhound]

1. LOL! K & R for a much needed break from the insanity.

Thanks, :rofl::kick::rofl:

[resist_vote on paper]

13. My nick tells me he loves your post ;-))

Carry on!

It's a great imagine!

[EFerrari]

14. Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[Greyhound]

15. Welcome to DU! Is Nick your dog/greyhound?

:hi::kick::hi:

[resist_vote on paper]

20. Would you call your dog "resist_vote on paper"?

I guess not :-)

No. it's simply one of the biggest things that need to change in my opinion.

That is why I choosed this nick ;-)

[tabasco]

2. LMAO ! n/t

[MuseRider]

3. Oh that is great!

Thanks. I was just reading about the North American Union :scared:. Smiling for a moment helps.

[Imagevision]

4. So this kid has no problem with 11/07/06 election outcome?!!

[rzemanfl]

5. I hate to burst this pustule, but you have to be thirty-five to be

President.

[kath]

6. Site also had this one a coupleof days ago: President Clinton Jails 938000

Illegal Enemy Combatants
http://www.avantnews.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=287

[Eric J in MN]

7. "Tamper-proof Diebold electronic voting machines"

That's the funniest phrase in the article.

[FourScore]

8. Love it!

[kansasblue]

9. The Onion should run with that one. nt

[Kurovski]

10. Hehehe...K&R(nt)

[struggle4progress]

11. How could the exit polls have been so wrong?

[Kurovski]

12. "Shy voters" embarrassed by their vote for Billy.

[Raster]

16. They weren't. But we knew that...

...great story.

[UrbScotty]

17. One of those 'funny if it weren't so true' things (nt)

[DBoon]

18. How about "Kevin Poulsen Elected President in Landslide"

true story:

Each week, the station ran the “Win a Porsche by Friday” contest. In this contest, a $50,000 Porsche is awarded to the 102nd caller who calls after a particular sequence of songs announced earlier in the day is played.

On the morning of June 1, 1990, businessmen, students, housewives, desperados, mere contest fanatics etc. jammed all the telephone lines with their auto-dialers and car phones. But Poulsen played the game differently. With the help of his almost equally talented accomplices stationed at their own computers, he seized full control of the station’s 25 telephone lines, effectively blocking out all calls excluding their own. With careless ease, he made the 102nd call and collected his Porsche.

http://library.thinkquest.org/04oct/00460/poulsen.html

I suspect compromising voting machines is a piece of cake compared to compromising the phone system.

[dkofos]

19. This is funny.

And it will probably have to happen to wake up the sheeple.