The "Jenna Test" for defining torture...

[IdesOfOctober]

This Administration seems to be struggling to define what is - and isn't - torture.

So, I suggest a simple, common-sense test that every American can understand, and it's called the "Jenna Test":

1. If the exact same conduct undertaken by our adversaries, on the person of Jenna, would result in the mobilization of a Special Forces unit, then

2. It's torture.

Ides

[Ian David]

1. Would the test need to be conducted while Jenna is sober? n/t

[IdesOfOctober]

2. No, because that would all but...

... moot it out!

; )

Ides

[ShortnFiery]

21. Indeed, that would grant one small window of opportunity ...

Jenna's seemingly always drinking like good ol' Dad in his youth. :P

[elehhhhna]

3. Please. Bush said in public that he wanted to "leash" the girls.

Waterboarding would probaby be fine w/ him, too. Replace Jenna with "Karl" or someone Bush actually CARES about...

"Ah wish they'd waterboard me with somma that Jack Daniels." GW 10/13/06:beer:

[IdesOfOctober]

4. Ya'll have some strange frat / sorority rituals deepinaharta...

... Texas, all right!

But an international norm for defining "torture" is not to be found in an Aggies' frat pledge manual.

; )

Ides

[Toots]

5. "Ah wish they'd waterboard me with somma that Jack Daniels."

You mean he doesn't remember those nights?...:shrug: and he was having such fun too....

[IdesOfOctober]

6. Maybe we could get the Man Law Committee to define it...

As an older brother, I vote that purple nurples, pink bellies, snipe hunts, jackalope roasts, and noogies should be allowed.

Man Law?

LOL

Ides

[elehhhhna]

14. LOL you forgot cow-tipping, silly! Welcome to DU!

[CorpGovActivist]

15. And 'Oxygen Masks'

LOL.

- Dave

[elehhhhna]

16. What's that? Never heard of it.

[IdesOfOctober]

17. It's a very crude...

... locker room gag, that CGA should have spared those with delicate constitutions.

But since I see you're from Texas...

; )

... here's how it works (and I'd bet you hard money or hard liquor - your choice - that it's been done in the last 120 days at a Texas high school within a 10 mile radius of you, football being what it is there):

After a long, sweaty practice, a high school senior and his pals pick out one of the youngest, "likely to make the team" players.

They approach him in the locker room, and one of them tells him he looks "a little out of breath from practice," which is the setup.

Another one solemnly says something like, "Yeah, he looks like he's about to pass out or something."

Somebody else says, "Yeah, better give him some oxygen."

The finale to this schoolboy prank is to take the rankest, smelliest, sweatiest "cup" - chosen from among the upperclassmen - and placing it over the young target's face, like an oxygen mask. He's typically held down, and the whole thing continues with all the mock seriousness the older boys can muster, as they pretend to be a medical team attending to the "out of breath" teammate.

It's a hazing ritual played out in many locker rooms, and it continues into college: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&as_qdr=all&q=hazing+%22elephant+walk%22+vermont

Rummy was a college wrestler: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumsfeld#Education

Which might help to explain: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=abu+ghraib&btnG=Search

Taken to its absurd extreme, hazing is dangerous, and - like little boys who torture small animals - those who relish it too much can become outright torturers.

Ides

[Rockstone]

10. He figures that sometimes ya gotta leash

because Chimpin' ain't easy

[SammyWinstonJack]

11. ** only cares about himself and sometimes I wonder about that.

He seems prone to self loathing, imho. I think deep down he hates himself and takes it out on all of us.

[wtmusic]

7. Per-fect

The ideal solution for a golden-rule-challenged administration.

[IdesOfOctober]

8. Has anyone checked Laura's eyeblinks for Morse Code?

M-A-R-R-I-E-D

T-O

T-H-E

M-O-B

Ides

[DemReadingDU]

9. reminds me of my dad

A few years ago, he was in hospital, under a lot of medication.

When asked a question, he would respond by using his fingers and tapping his answer in Morse code!

Our family still gets a chuckle remembering this.

[IdesOfOctober]

12. Well, Laura is the reader...

... in that family, and - through the magic of books and reading - came the closest of any Bush Family Syndicate member to Vietnam, where this method was used by POWs to communicate:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=blink+morse+code+hanoi+hilton

[CorpGovActivist]

13. I Can See It Now...

... the Jell-O shots off the belly clause of an international treaty!

; )

- Dave

[donheld]

18. Leave Jenna out of this

Test them on * himself.

[IdesOfOctober]

19. No, because then there's the added anguish...

... of a parent's worry about their son or daughter - something the Kennebunkport Kleptocrats cannot grasp.

Ides

[donheld]

20. You are assuming these parents care about their son or daughter

Most people yes, Bush maybe not. Cheney Definitely not. These people would sell out their own mothers to get what they want.

[IdesOfOctober]

23. I dunno...

... Laura just might grab him by those big Dumbo ears of his, and order him to order a strike.

: )

Ides

[ShortnFiery]

22. Don't worry about Jenna

She's in Panama City (Re: The Country!) with the rich local elites most likely getting hammered and laid every damn night. :puke: