Ok-Santorum Has Finally TOTALLY FUCKING CRACKED! (Not THE ONION!)

[Beetwasher]

Another installment of Beetwasher's ongoing series of "This is NOT The Onion!":

Rick Santorum and the "Eye of Mordor"

In an interview with the editorial board of the Bucks County Courier Times, embattled Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum has equated the war in Iraq with J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings." According to the paper, Santorum said that the United States has avoided terrorist attacks at home over the past five years because the "Eye of Mordor" has been focused on Iraq instead.

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said. "It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States."

--SNIP--

http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2006/10/17/santorum/index.html

:rofl:

[lumberjack_jeff]

1. Wouldn't you call that exporting terror? n/t

[Rick Myers]

2. Somebody call a doctor, this guy is mental!

I guess all those FARKed photos of Bush wearing The Ring are really accurate!!! LOL!!!

one edit: to fix the FARK

[C_U_L8R]

3. noooo WAYYYY !!!

what a freakjob !!!

[TheCowsCameHome]

4. Not to worry, Rick. You'll be out of the "official" loop very soon.

This jerk has lost it.

[Rabrrrrrr]

5. So, then, he's admitting that the war in Iraq is just smoke and mirrors

to keep attention away from the US?

Sorry, Santorum, I've read the books shitloads of times and I just watched the movie last night. The Fellowship (such as was left) took the war to Mordor only to feint, to offer themselves as sacrifices if necessary, and with no intention of being able to win, only so Frodo could have some more time to destroy the ring.

And, Santorum - what's the ring? Who's Frodo in your ignorant, asshole opinion? Osama Bin Laden?

[Beetwasher]

9. Santorum Watches The LOTR Trilogy and Says to Himself:

"I'm Frodo! I'M Frodo!" Hands clutched to his breast, on his knees, breathlessly repeating the phrase w/ a maniacally, blissful, wide-eyed grin.

[Aviation Pro]

22. No Santorum is Smegol, note the resemblence.....

....ok, maybe not but it begged the comparison.

[Crunchy Frog]

38. There's actually a surprising degree of likeness.

Wish I knew how to photoshop.

[Oilwellian]

42. Actually, it's Bush who looks like Smegol

[geniph]

69. No, sillies, he's Samwise

star of all his bad fan slash fiction...

[razors edge]

10. frodo is haliburton

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. And the ring is Michael Moore.

[buddysmellgood]

28. Foley must be Gollum

[file83]

45. (Foley to the young male page) "My preshhhhhh-isssssss...."

Sorry, that was obligatory!

[NewJeffCT]

72. It plays into an acquiantance of mine 's talking point...

I brought up how Bush says he's not concerned about bin Laden anymore, and how the CIA shut down their special unit to track bin Laden, etc.

And, his response was that it must be a clever ruse by Bush to make Osama think the heat is off of him!

I'm not kidding.

The way I read Santorum there, there is a naive young spy & his faithful companion on their way to kill bin Laden & destroy terrorism forever while Osama is focused on the US debacle in Iraq?

[Cocoa]

6. I think it's more like Spiderman

Osama is like the Green Goblin.

[TomInTib]

7. Having never read any of Tolkien's stuff, that shit sounds REALLY crazy.

I cannot imagine a rational adult saying such things.

[mediaman007]

8. Does he mean that God doesn't care if you kill brown skinned people?

[C_U_L8R]

11. everyone knows the kirby silver surfer is the only true silver surfer

certainly not the the moebius silver surfer

right rick???

[Stand and Fight]

66. Crimson Tide... Great movie...

I watch it often.

[dflprincess]

13. It's not "Eye of Mordor" it's

Voldemort! I saw a bumper sticker that said "Republican for Voldemort" so it has to him.

[Pachamama]

46. Voldemort is from Harry Potter - FYI...

:hi:

[saltpoint]

14. Aren't the three little pigs in that story someplace? What happened

to them?

They were living in their little houses -- one made of wood, one made of straw, and one an underground bunker at an undisclosed location near Washington, I think -- and the Eye of Mordor was seen to be lasering in on them, and told them not to eat any vegetables out of Farmer McGregor's garden, and then a wolf appeared with a picnic basket from Halliburton, so they didn't have to pay the immigrant farm workers union wages, and after that they found this slipper and it only fit the chambermaid, who it turns out was an ex-librarian who married into wildcat oil money.

The full version is on Santorum's website, probably. I just love it when Ricky dips into the mythkitty to explain U.S. foreign policy.

[havocmom]

25. Old Crusoe shoots and scores. The Hobbits go WILD!

:applause:

One old crone in the far northlands keels over laughing :rofl:

[saltpoint]

29. havocmom, hello to you and thank you. I don't know what's going

to happen on Novebmer 7th, but I hope the entrails of the beast portend a victory for many Democrats.

Got my fingers crossed.

[havocmom]

30. Mmm-AHHH, I love the smell of beast entrails in the morning-

particularly old pacaderm-type squishy bits. Wooly mammoths work best for foretelling the ways of heros and tryants, but any old elephant guts will work for this old crone's vision. Got the scrying mirror out and ready for action.

[saltpoint]

34. I love it. Larry King? Katie Couric? Who needs 'em?!

:hi: :yourock:

[gumby]

35. Bee-you-tea-full !!

Thanks !

[tavalon]

44. The mythkitty!

That's good. Little Ricky dipping into the mythkitty! LOL!

[geniph]

70. I think he's been dipping into the METHkitty, myself

totally delusional!

:eyes:

I mean, :wtf:

[Sabriel]

15. I think it's fine if he mentions it once.

But he shouldn't make a hobbit of it....

[Beetwasher]

16. LOL!

Badump bump!

[tanyev]

17. I can't believe nobody's posted this pic yet:

[Beetwasher]

18. Thanks!

:thumbsup:

Added to OP.

[dancingme]

19. I love the way Bob Casey looks at Santorum

during the debates. Casey has this half smile on his face and speaks to "Rick" in this slow soothing voice as if he knows that the patient needs his meds adjusted.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

20. We won't be Tolkein for a ride Rickie....

Jeez get the people who bought this into Kool-Aid rehab

STAT!

[mb7588a]

21. Actual article link:

http://www.heraldstandard.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=17336307&BRD=2280&PAG=461&dept_id=480247&rfi=6

[whistle]

23. Perhaps Rick Santorum was fingered by a priest also

[Canuckistanian]

24. Santorum is the Grima Wormtongue of a LOTR scenario

[Armstead]

26. I thought they cared about "Helping the Iraqi People"

That typifiesd the total hypocricy of these bozos.

On one hand they say we can't abandon Iraq, because we are committed to helping them build a glorious democracy.

At the same time they say they want all of the death and destruction to be focused on Iraq, so we can go happily about our lives free of terror because "we're fighting them there."

[seabeyond]

27. what a sick perverted little christian. he is the one that raves about

how christian he is as he says out loud to the world,.... i want them to continue to kill innocents in iraq so we wont be hurt. pathetic

[AlCzervik]

31. What the??? Does he realize he said that aloud?

[holboz]

32. Stephen Colbert will LOVE this....

isn't he a huge LOTR fan?

[Crunchy Frog]

40. Yes he is.

I hope he catches it. Maybe we should email the story to him.

[cynatnite]

33. Okay, so the US is the hobbits?

:rofl:

Now, I won't be able to watch LOTR for at least a few months now.

[stevedeshazer]

36. Silly me. I thought you had to be over 13 to be a Senator.

[EFerrari]

37. . .

:rofl::rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[bridgit]

39. oh sssNAP!

:rofl:

[Hubert Flottz]

41. Soon Rick will need a job!

There is plenty of work in the Army taking care of bidness in Iraq! It's a great life for a young ass kicking lad like Rick, who thinks Iraq is a "Noble Cause"...

[upi402]

43. Conservatives are so twisted

:beer: :hangover: :freak: :silly: :smoke: :hippie:

[Red Right and BLUE]

47. Ohhh how embarrassing...

[Pachamama]

48. So we invaded Iraq for the "Ring"???

Reason #3000 for Invading Iraq...

It all makes so much sense now.... :banghead:

[TygrBright]

49. Wow. You just couldn't make this shit up, could you? n/t

[and-justice-for-all]

50. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!LMAO!!

That analogy is so 4 years ago...and Santorum is SSSOOOOOOOO unemployed next month!!!

[deacon]

51. He thinks The Matrix was real too :) n/t

[hunter]

52. So now we have an explanation of Republican foreign policy...

They saw it in a movie. Here's Ronald Reagan after he defeated the Japanese Air Force:



Years later, another brave President defeated the communists in Viet Nam:



God Bless America, and keep the Eye of Mordor away from us!

[NMMNG]

53. What's next--Bush is a wizard like Harry Potter?

:rofl:

[Swamp Rat]

54. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Stockholm]

55. Stupid as a fox?

A rightwing bogus talking point dressed in a methaphor that young people usually not interested in politics can relate to.

Maybe Casey should refer to Santorum as Gollum


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Rick Santorum, from this day forward you will also be known as

Perubo Puddifoot , Ring-finder

http://www.myprecious.us/name_generator.php

[Beetwasher]

56. Kick

Because you just can't make this shit up.

[DinahMoeHum]

57. 3 weeks from now, we kick the "Sarumans" in DC out of "the Order"

and "the Council"

:evilgrin:

[ck4829]

58. The Eye of Mordor hs taken part in the 655,000 innocent people killed

Feel better, Santorum?

[Rosemary2205]

59. In evangelicalhood "Lord of the Rings" is Satanic.

Santorum is going to have splainin to do at church for even knowing the basic plot of Lord of the Rings.

[Fleshdancer]

60. Santorum is all about middle earth, Bush is claiming outerspace...

what the hell is going on? Please tell me I've been in a coma for the past 6 years and this is all just a scary nightmare.



:banghead:

[Javaman]

61. Can somebody just kick him in the nuts already? nt

[Beetwasher]

62. Why Is It That Whenever I See A Picture Of Li'l Ricky

I have an irresistable urge to give him a wedgie?

[corporatemedia]

63. Santorum will defend us from the evil forces of Mordor with the

Power of ABRACADABRAMOFF!

[EstimatedProphet]

64. He's right!

Look at my sigline for proof!

[Beetwasher]

67. Yeah

Put a similar pic in the OP!

[SlavesandBulldozers]

65. Even by Santorum's base standard of sanity. That's insane. n/t

[geniph]

68. Dude, UP THE DOSAGE!

Does your doctor know you've been skipping your Haldol lately?!

[eppur_se_muova]

71. OK, that's it, the Onion may as well fold up now.

Reality has surpassed satire. It's been a close contest for the last five years, but this is the clincher.