Anyone want to respond to this Republican joke making the rounds?

[Mugsy]

I received this joke e-mail from a Conservative friend. It's too good not to send him a Democratic version in response.

Add your own line in response:

Agenda for the 2008 Democratic Convention

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.
7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.
8::00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding-- Barney Frank Presiding.
8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan - Susan Sarandon.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender-- French President, Jacques Chirac
9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton
9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore
9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
10:00 P.M. How George bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad
11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals-- John Kerry
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton
12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

I was going to ignore it, but this needs a good reply, and it should be easy to do. :evilgrin:

[spanone]

1. It's childish, immature and doesn't deserve any reply. IMHO

[silverweb]

2. Too stupid to acknowledge.

I'd hit "delete" and forget about it.

Shit like that used to raise my blood pressure, but not anymore.

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. Old old old

They circulated that during the 2004 campaign. There is a repukelican version too. Both of these were posted on DU many many times 2 years ago.

[unblock]

4. i'm sure we could come up with a disgraced REPUBLICAN version...

including many reading of charges and indictments and other scandals....

[Rosemary2205]

5. This person is your FRIEND??

IMHO you need some new friends.

[Warpy]

8. Yeah, time to introduce him/her to Mr. Block

Anyone who sends me childish, hateful stuff like this goes on block immediately, relative or not.

If they really need to get in touch with me, they can cough up the money for a long distance phone call.

[Ian David]

6. I would just sign-up their email address to receive spam...

Results 1 - 10 of about 48,300,000 for make money fast free newsletter. (0.35 seconds)

[Mugsy]

10. They're a friend. Misguided, but innocent enough.

This particular friend still views Democrats as "tree hugging terrorist sympathizers that want to take all your money and give it to welfare queens." And despite all the proof I've sent him to the contrary, debunking every "myth-perception" he has, he continues to think and feel that way.

But in the end, he sends me this stuff just because (like every other Republican), he's a provacateur that likes to "push my buttons" for fun. I try to return the favor whenever possible. :evilgrin:

[Ian David]

20. There is no such thing as a Republicker "friend."

I've jetisoned my own pet Repuke.

It's time to let their wings take dream and set them free.

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. Here ya go - Google works wonders

2008 REPUBLICAN CONVENTION AGENDA
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance to George W. Bush
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
6:45 PM Salute to the Project for the New American Century
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary?”
7:30 PM Announcement: Mark Foley Was a Closet Democrat
7:35 PM Trent Lott - “Re-Segregation in the 21st Century”
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Dennis Hastert leads discussion: How to Shirk Responsibility and Get Away with It
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on “Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders”
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: How to Commit Perjury and Obstruction of Justice and Get Away with It
10:35 PM George W. Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:45 PM GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice and Alberto Gonzales
10:46 PM Ann Coulter’s Tribute “Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot”
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy
11:10 PM Dick Cheney leads discussion: How to Shoot People, Cover It Up, and Get Away with It
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Bill Clinton
11:40 PM Twice-Divorced Newt Gingrich speaks on “The Sanctity of Marriage”
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 PM Nomination of GW Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

http://jpricemahoney.com/2006/10/18/2008-republican-national-convention-agenda/

[Warpy]

9. The last one isn't possible

until Moon finally croaks.

They already had his coronation, remember? Weldon officiated.

[Rosemary2205]

12. Oh that can't be accurate!! Only one "blame Bill Clinton"????

A more accurate version would have at least 1 "blame Clinton" moment per hour. :)

[Mugsy]

16. Excellent!

Changes made! :)

[Rocknrule]

17. "2 minutes hate" of Bill Clinton

[Mugsy]

19. My modified version:

Enjoy!

6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:15 PM Reminder of need to "Stay the Course"
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance to George W. Bush
6:31 PM Blame former President Bill Clinton
6:35 PM Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
6:40 PM Blame Clinton
6:45 PM Salute to the Project for the New American Century
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on “Are Elections Really Necessary?”
7:30 PM Announcement: Mark Foley Was a Closet Democrat
7:31 PM Blame Clinton
7:35 PM Trent Lott - “Re-Segregation in the 21st Century”
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury: It’s What’s for Dinner
7:41 PM "Stay the Course"
7:45 PM Blame Clinton
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children
8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)
8:35 PM "Stay the Course"
8:45 PM Blame Clinton
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future
9:00 PM Dennis Hastert leads discussion: How to Shirk Responsibility and Get Away with It
9:05 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on “Why Women Shouldn’t Be Leaders”
9:06 PM Blame Clinton
9:10 PM EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires
9:15 PM "Stay the Course"
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
9:45 PM Blame Clinton
10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 PM Karl Rove Lecture: How to Commit Perjury and Obstruction of Justice and Get Away with It
10:30 PM "Stay the Course"
10:35 PM George W. Bush demonstration of trademark “deer in headlights” stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt
10:41 PM Blame Clinton, "Stay the Course" twofer
10:45 PM GOP’s Tribute to Tokenism, Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice and Alberto Gonzales
10:46 PM Ann Coulter’s Tribute “Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot”
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation’s Economy
11:00 PM "Stay the Course"
11:10 PM Dick Cheney leads discussion: How to Shoot People, Cover It Up, and Get Away with It
11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Twice-Divorced Newt Gingrich speaks on “The Sanctity of Marriage”
11:41 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
11:45 PM "Stay the Course"
11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
11:59 PM Nomination of GW Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
12:00 AM Renounce "Stay the Course", claim you never said it.

[Mugsy]

21. A couple of changes.

Before sending out the above, I made these changes:

7:50 PM Play "Waterboard an Iraqi!"

8:10 PM Rush Limbaugh passes out Oxycontin "goodie bags"

8:40 PM Hand out "Purple Heart" band-aids to all veterans

:)

[alfredo]

22. Second night

Agenda for the 2008 Republican Convention

7:00 P.M. Constitution burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to Exxon.
7:30 P.M. Halliburton picks waiters pockets.
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Bible misquote marathon.
8::00 P.M. Jeff Gannon services Rove.
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial cross burning.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Pederast fest.
8:30 P.M. Scientist burned in effigy.
8:35 P.M. Fox News out of whole cloth fashion show.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper technique for beating your mistress.
9:15 P.M. execution of retarded inmate.
9:20 P.M. waterboarding seminar
9:30 P.M. salute to pages they loved.
9:40 P.M. Why I didn't serve in Vietnam, buy selected members of bush's cabinet.
9:45 P.M. suck up to the rich awards
9:50 P.M. Bill O'Reilly presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Savage
9:55 P.M., bush snorts a line
10:00 P.M. How to prosper at the expense of your children.
10:30 P.M. Nomination of Kathrine Harris for the profiles in courage award.
11:00 P.M. Ann Coulter 2 minutes of hate
11:05 P.M. Karl Rove reinvents reality
11:15 P.M. Greed is good song fest
11:30 P.M. Deification of Tom DeLay
12:00 A.M. bush snorts another line
12:05 A.M. Big tent closing ceremony, white christians only.

[Mugsy]

23. Those are great!

I really like the new additions! :)

[alfredo]

29. Thanks Maybe we should combine the best that comes out

of this thread.

[C_U_L8R]

11. Leave them behind in their repukey fantasy land

idiot republicans like that are gonna wake up
after election day stunned at the gigantic smack down
that just obliterated their hateful little circlejerk.

Anyone else notice that the freeps couldn't even
finish their little fundraiser. Even after they faked
the results up 30k they still couldn't reach their goal
of padding RimJob's porkrind fund. These creeps are
headed straight for the garbage pail of irrelevance.

boohoo.

[ck4829]

13. Here's my response

Agenda for the 2008 Republican Convention

7:00 P.M. Opening Constitution burning.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to Bush.
7:30 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship to Bush. Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell.
8::00 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast.
8:05 P.M. Fear Party.
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding-- Quake with fear.
8:30 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast.
8:35 P.M. Free Duke Rally.
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender-- Former Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist.
9:15 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast.
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free Republican freedom fighters from jail. Grover Norquist.
9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by Donald Rumsfeld.
9:45 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast
9:50 P.M. Armstrong Williams presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Jeff Gannon.
9:55 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast.
10:00 P.M. How George bush and Donald Rumsfeld DIDN'T down the World Trade Center Towers-- George bush and Donald Rumsfeld.
10:30 P.M. Re-Nomination of George W. Bush by Mahmud Ahnadinejad.
11:00 P.M. Cheney proposes a toast.
11:05 P.M. Bush reinvents Internet(s).
11:15 P.M. Our Troops are dumb oxes -- Henry Kissenger.
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of George W. Bush as God.
12:00 A.M. Cheney proposes a toast.
12:05 A.M. George asks Cheney to go hunting with Laura.

[survivor999]

15. Very good!

[WillyT]

24. Bravo !!! - Well Done !!!

:yourock:

[BlooInBloo]

14. Maybe it's wrong of me, but I think it's funny.

[Lautremont]

18. Bush, Cheney, Rove, Snow...

There are a lot of Republican jokes making the rounds these days.

[solara]

25. I gave it a try, too

7:00 P.M. Opening paper shredding - today: The Bill of Rights
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to Karl Rove
7:30 P.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes a three-way
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Opening hymn sung by Jessica Simpson "Oops, Bill did it again", sermon “God Ims Me” by Jerry Falwell plus two minutes of silent hatred for Bill Clinton
8::00 P.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes a ‘Lucky Pierre’
8:05 P.M. Ceremonial Boot licking
8:15- 8:30 P.M. Distribution of profits by Exxon
8:30 P.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes a complimentary massage program for over worked Pages
8:35 P.M. Free Abramoff Rally - Ann Coulter
9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. “Spit or Swallow?” – Condi Rice
9:15 P.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes a Page auction to help cover Tom Delay’s legal expenses
9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund and per diem increase
9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to imprison American progressives –Alberto Gonzales
9:40 P.M. Video tour of the first completed Haliburton detainment camp – Sen Katherine Harris
9:45 P.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes to his towel boy
9:50 P.M. Sean Hannity presented Truth in Broadcasting award, by Katie Couric
9:55 P.M., Rep Mark Foley proposes to Rep Dennis Hastert
10:00 P.M. How George Bush, Karl Rove and Me brought down the World Trade Center Towers—Donald Rumsfeld
10:30 P.M. Nomination of George W. as President for Life by Condi Rice
11:00 P.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes a hot tub break
11:05 P.M. George W rewrites the Constitution
11:15 P.M. Our Troops Are Hamburger - Clinton as Hamburger Helper—Dick Cheney
11:30 P.M. Coronation Of George W. Bush
12:00 A.M. Rep Mark Foley proposes a sauna break
12:05 A.M Vote on permanent scapegoat status for Clinton
12:10 A.M. George W. orders another round

[applegrove]

26. Appealing to the "screaming meanies" again. Time to get on their

brooms and go out the vote. That's why the exit polls don't match the vote. You can park many brooms within 100 feet of the poll. The GOP voters never walk past the pollsters.

[novalib]

27. YAWN!!!

This is SOOOO LAME!!

[The Gunslinger]

28. The Ted Kennedy toasts are kinda funny.

It's just their humor. I get jokes against them too.

[EstimatedProphet]

30. It's the same one they put out in 2004

However, these days I feel like responding like this:

7:00 pm Raping little boys
7:30 am Raping little boys
8:00 pm Raping little boys
8:30 pm Raping little boys
9:00 pm Raping little boys
9:30 pm Raping little boys
10:00 pm Torturing random dark-skinned people off of the street, followed by raping little boys
10:30 pm Raping little boys
11:00 pm Raping little boys
11:30 pm Shredding the Constitution, and then raping little boys
12:00 am Raping little boys, and prayer for the evening for more little boys

[alfredo]

31. another one

Agenda for the 2008 Republican Convention

7:00 P.M. Blame Clinton
7:15 P.M. Blame Clinton
7:30 P.M. Blame Clinton
7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Blame Clinton.
8::00 P.M. Blame Clinton
8:05 P.M. Blame Clinton
8:15- 8:30 Blame Clinton
8:30 P.M. Blame Clinton
8:35 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:00 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:15 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:20 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:30 P.M. Blame Clinton.
9:40 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:45 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:50 P.M. Blame Clinton
9:55 P.M. Blame Clinton.
10:00 P.M. Blame Clinton
10:30 P.M. Blame Clinton
11:00 P.M. Blame Clinton
11:05 P.M. Blame Clinton
11:15 P.M. Blame Clinton.
11:30 P.M. Blame Clinton
12:00 A.M. Blame Clinton
12:05 A.M. Blame Clinton

[elvisbear]

32. Don't forget 7 min. reading of "My Pet Goat"