It's time for us to start working on this year's "Ban Christmas" plot.

[Cyrano]

Regardless of the outcome of the elections, you just know that Robertson, Dobson, Falwell, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, and many others will once again accuse us of trying to ban Christmas. Each time they do so, it makes them look more like the mindless toads they are. So let's give them some additional ammunition.

I've already posted a letter to the north pole warning Santa to stay the hell out of my chimney or he would be treated as an illegal immigrant.

Getting God's number, (from an undisclosed White House source), I called and left a message that any displays of a manger, or camels carrying the three wise guys, would be met with severe disapproval. Let's face it. All three of them were Arabs and could very well have been terrorists. Not to mention that it's a well known fact
that the lambs were actually wolves in disguise.

My next step is to gather enough contributions to buy up the copyrights to all Christmas carols and forbid anyone from singing them. (I might make an exception for Jingle Bells.)

So what are you doing to help in the drive to ban Christmas?

[Freedom_from_Chains]

1. You know I have been so busy I almost forgot it's that time of year

again. One of my favorite seasons, you know with making little kids cry because they didn't get any presents and such. Just gives me goose bumps thinking about all the fun to be had. Well, thanks for the heads up but I'm going to have to get to work now, so much to do.

Deck the halls with old dead bodies
Fa la la la la la la la

Dawn we now our gay apparel
Fa la la la la la la la

Blow the guy next door named Harold
Fa la la la la la la la

[SlavesandBulldozers]

23. lol

:patriot:

[katinmn]

2. I'm in favor of a My Jesus Can Beat Your Jesus' Ass campaign

On second thought, the evangelical Jesus would win because He supports killing innocent children, torture and corrupt pedophilic Republicans.

My Jesus loves ALL children and wants to heal the sick and help the poor.

[Ian David]

3. If they don't shut-up with this phony war on xmas this year...

I'm going to drive from bus stop to bus stop telling kindergarteners that Santa isn't real.

[Cyrano]

4. Good idea, IanDB1. I've always been suspicious of a guy who wants

little kids to sit on his lap and tell him what they want. And given what's come out about Foley, any thinking parent should keep their children away from the bearded creep.

[pooja]

5. I love Christmas. I love my family. I love the time we put into picking

out the tree and pulling out all the decorations. (Even in Florida I insist on a real tree with needles falling everywhere to boot). I love opening presents and I love giving them out. I love taking pictures. I love sending cards. I love holiday parties. I love the excitement of starting a new year.

I am a Christmas freak. I don't care if you say Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, or whatever. That's not the important part. Its the part where one time a year it feels really good. It feels like magic in the air. It is about family first. It is about connecting with others. Forget all the commercial nonsense. We don't have a lot of money. I won't have a lexus sitting in the yard with a bow on it Christmas morning. But what we do give 2 diff types of things 1) needs category: like socks and boxers, 2)an extravagance--something we don't need to survive, something we wouldn't buy any other time. Like one year I got a foot bath spa. I don't need it. I wouldn't buy it for myself. But my husband recognizes all that I do and that I should treat my feet to a rest, relax, and stop long enough to enjoy myself. So, I'm not overly commercialized, but enough so that I can realize the power of Christmas. Its about love, joy, and happiness. Wrap yourself up in the comfort and goodwill of others and try to live your life and your actions with that giving and loving attitude (hey and remember, receiving in a joy too and is underappreciated by many). I say Christmas everyday all through the year.. we'd be a better world for it.

[Rosemary2205]

7. I agree and You put it better than me.

I too am a Christmas freak -- although family birthdays, easter, thanksgiving -- all those family time off from work days brings out the freak in me. :)

[pooja]

12. Glad to see there is a fellow freak... so many bah humbugs out there

[petronius]

6. I'm going to call or visit every elementary school in my county

and demand that the Christmas Holiday Pageant doesn't include any songs that reference Christianity or any traditional Christmas elements at all (like Santa).

[CrispyQ]

8. I'm going to keep my Halloween decorations up through Jan 6.

:evilgrin:

[hedgehog]

9. I'm going to make fruit cakes and send them to everyone I know!

[Cyrano]

10. There are actually only about six fruit cakes in the world. Since most

people hate fruit cake, they save the one they received to lay off on someone else the following year.

[tavalon]

25. I always suspected that

Though I thought it was more like a couple of dozen fruitcakes but same idea.

[Tyo]

15. I love fruitcake more than anything

I wish it was available all year round. How do I get on your list? B-)

[kineneb]

32. add me, too!

I actually love fruitcake. 'Course my friends say I am one. Which may, indeed, be true.

[NickB79]

16. I'm going to launch them at Santa with a giant crossbow

Some anti-aircraft fire with cranberry proximity fuses should knock that fat bastard right out of the sky.

[Sir Jeffrey]

11. Doing my part here...

http://www.cannabisculture.com/articles/3136.html

snip

"Santa Claus, super shaman

Although the modern image of Santa Claus was created at least in part by the advertising department of Coca-Cola, in truth his appearance, clothing, mannerisms and companions all mark him as the reincarnation of these ancient mushroom-gathering shamans.

One of the side effects of eating amanita mushrooms is that the skin and facial features take on a flushed, ruddy glow. This is why Santa is always shown with glowing red cheeks and nose. Even Santa's jolly "Ho, ho, ho!" is the euphoric laugh of one who has indulged in the magic fungus.

Santa also dresses like a mushroom gatherer. When it was time to go out and harvest the magical mushrooms, the ancient shamans would dress much like Santa, wearing red and white fur-trimmed coats and long black boots."

Maybe this will help us "Secular Leftists" oppress the Christians this year...we just have to hope that Bill O'Reilly, our most formidable opponent, can be marginalized this time.

:evilgrin:

[kineneb]

34. Read: The Physics of Christmas

Great and dryly funny book, especially the part about the perfectly spherical turkey...



http://www.twbookmark.com/books/72/0316366110/chapter_excerpt362.html

by Roger Highfield

Where do you think Santa Claus is right now? Sitting with a glass of sherry in front of the glowing embers in a cozy wooden house while Arctic snow falls softly on his sleigh outside? Or maybe feeding the reindeer? Perhaps he has his maps out and is making adjustments to his route across the North Pole for Christmas Eve?

Not the real Santa. For the sake of accuracy, Christmas cards should show Santa in sunglasses, clad in red and white swimming trunks, and sipping a cool Coke next to a swimming pool. For the sake of completeness, a reindeer with a sunburned nose, called Rosie, should be panting nearby.

There is now evidence to suggest that Santa's abode lies not on the polar ice cap, but among Mediterranean olive groves on Gemiler, a tiny island off Turkey. It is there, historians believe, that St. Nicholas, a direct ancestor of Santa Claus, may have died.


Gemiler is well-known to tourists and has recently been the subject of a number of archaeological studies, most recently by the University of Osaka, and by a group of scholars including David Price-Williams, an archaeologist who lectures at London University. Though it is only half a mile long, it has at least five churches decorated with frescoes and mosaics and all the hallmarks of a major religious site-a holy city dedicated to St. Nicholas.

[applegrove]

13. And they think that cell in my basement is filled with Xmas decorations.

Really - it is filled with bunch of little elves pulling the wings off of angels.

[wryter2000]

14. My war effort

I'm going to demand that no cross will ever be seen anywhere again. Off the tops of all the churches, because they're sticking up into government air. If I hear anyone call it a "cross walk," I'm going to scream "separation of church and state." I'm going to demand that the Red Cross become the Red Peace Symbol. If anyone accuses me of being cross, I'm going to tell them they've violated my First Amendment right to refuse to practice religion. Cross trainer shoes out, integrated multi-sport and physical activity shoes in. Crossing the finish line out, refusing to celebrate differently gifted athletes in.

Don't even get me started on Lent and hot cross buns.

[eppur_se_muova]

17. Take a job as mall Santa, drop six tabs of black acid, and what happens ..

happens.

[VeggieTart]

18. Remind everyone that the Christmas tree is a pagan symbol

Wish them happy Mithras. Or Solstice Greetings. Maybe remind them that if they want to celebrate Jesus' birthday, they're about six months off.

[jazzjunkysue]

19. I'll start saying "Happy Holidays" tomorrow.

That'll kill christmas. Just you wait and see.

[jazzjunkysue]

20. You didn't get the memo? The liberal elite removed 12/25 from the calendar

All set.

[treestar]

21. Not only do we ban Christmas, we have to work on having

Muslim holidays recognized, as we all know that while we have no tolerance for Christians, we have tolerance for Muslims.

:sarcasm:

[upi402]

22. my christian neighbor floated this by me

I was shocked and offended. Really. They're nice, peace-loving folks.
But to say they are scared to show a cross for fear of repression is saying 'good morning' to opposite day.
Other way around.

I was fired once for my Drawin amphibian plaque on my car.

[kineneb]

35. I confuse them all

I have a printed Flying Spaghetti Monster in my car window.

http://www.venganza.org
:evilgrin:

[SlavesandBulldozers]

24. geeze it is time to get started with that again.

here I was all busy taking God out of the schools and we know what kind of pain THAT is. . . pretty much a full time job.

sigh.

Christmas, I mean. . THE HOLIDAYS. . .just snuck right up on me!

OH well, back to the black helicopter I go - have to get back to San Francisco in time for the pagan ritual.

[BR_Parkway]

26. We should delude O'Reilly's mailbox with all these suggestions

What a way to get this year's "War" off to a good start.


Cue the lions!

[Cyrano]

28. The lions have already received their instructions, but they're

complaining that they weren't given any toothpicks last year.

[maine_raptor]

27. Two Words:

Impeach Santa!!!!

Enuff' said?

[SoCalDem]

29. But first we have to dismantle Halloween & Thanksgiving

So many holidays...so little time :eyes:

[Cyrano]

30. A friend who saw this thread has invited me over for some elf stew.

[StatGirl]

31. God's number isn't secret -- every Catholic knows it

Et-cum-spirit-220.

Saturn is the reason for the season . . .

[TrogL]

33. We need to ban Christmas displays unless Jesus is portrayed as black

I'll find the article in a bit.

[TheBaldyMan]

36. I'll get a job as Satan's little helper at the local toy store.

using this as cover I'll put 'Happy Holiday' tags on all the kiddies' toys.

:evilgrin:

[Kurovski]

37. Howard Dean and I are heading up a fifty-state

"Theft of Baby Jesus Squad" for Nativity Scenes everywhere.

I'm also putting liquefied coal in many Republican representative's stockings this year. And on Christmas Eve, Bill O'Reilly gets a public flogging with the world's biggest loofah in Macy's window.

It should be quite a victory in the war on Christmas.