What is the proper solution to this quandary?

[dsc]

I have recently taken a new job teaching at a different school. I will get evaluated 4 times this year. Once by my department chair and 3 times by an assistant principal. My department chair attends a Pentecostal Holiness church. She doesn't proselytize though anyone who knows her at all would know she is religious and conservatively so.

As a gay man I feel very uncomfortable with the notion of coming out to her and then having her evaluate me. I may well be wrong in thinking she would be informed by her religious views in judging me but I have no way of knowing. In a real sense my knowledge of her religion makes me less comfortable being openly gay.

I admit that if she can't live her religion even at work I have limited her rights. I don't know what the solution here is.

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. 4 evaluations?

Wow that seems like a lot. We only have 2 and only during the years when we are due for an eval.

[dsc]

2. no tenure yet

we don't get tenure here until four years of continuous service in one district. I lost one year anyway due to not taking my Praxis soon enough. Thus I moved and started the clock over. I will get tenure in 2010.

[proud2BlibKansan]

12. We get tenure after 6 years

But even without tenure, we are only evaluated twice a year.

[dsc]

16. I think four is excessive

but such is life. I wish I could get tenure sooner but frankly tenure is less strong here than it is in union states.

[proud2BlibKansan]

19. Oops I goofed

I meant to say we get tenure on the first day of our 6th year.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. i dont have a solution but i do have an opinion

if her religion stated that black people were less than whites (as people used to claim existed in the bible) no one would have sympathy for her potential bigotry..so why is it so different for us? we cant help being gay any more than a black person can help being black (and arguably why should we even if we could)...

i am sorry..you are in a weird situation...i normally feel out people by asking about gay people in general...and see what they say

[MadMaddie]

4. My advice is to keep your private life private....you may have

good intentions in wanting to be honest...but you don't know her that well from what you have said...she has the power and the upperhand to make your life miserable....also if you are teaching kids whose parents are Neocon nuts....you will have a short career...

You have to perform above and beyond what every one else does and you have to have an impecible record....

[donco6]

5. Absolutely do NOT come out to her.

Pentacostal Holiness? Those people don't let women show their bare arms or cut their hair short! Jeebus - she'd be just as likely to set up a stake and stoke a fire as give you a good eval.

[mondo joe]

6. I admit, I don't understand the options in the poll.

They mostly seem to be about equitable situations.

Your positions are not, however, equitable. First, she outranks you and so there is a greater onus on her to be above board. As I say to the people I supervise when they suggest they may be inappropriate - there's almost nothing they can say to me that is inappropriate, but the reverse is not true.

Secondly, if the family situations of your peers are commonly understood at work, it is a double standard for yours to be secret. In most workplaces this is the case. Deeply held religious beliefs might be considered more private.

I have no way to answer the poll. I can only say you are in an unenviable position, and I wish you the best.

[dsc]

8. I mean as a matter of what should be the law in this situation

I don't think it is totally fair for her to have to keep her religion secret but it isn't fair for me to have to be secret either. I don't know what the equitable solution is.

[mondo joe]

21. I see. In that case, the first consideration is that you are not peers.

Again, I tell this to the people I supervise: there's almost nothing they can do that I can consider intimidation, but there's plenty I can do that can be considered such.

So you're not on equal footing.

As far as you being out is concerned, the legal issue should be consistency - if the expectation of all teachers is that they keep their personal lives secret, then it's fair to expect it of you too. But that would never happen. So there's no reason you should have to keep yours a secret.

Regarding her expression of religion, it certainly CAN be considered intimidation depending on how it happens. I wouldn't say she should have to keep it out of the work place, but if she expresses it in a way that betrays bias or intimidation she should be liable.

[DaveJ]

7. I voted #2

The key word in your options is "should." Everyone should be able to be open. If neither of you are doing anything wrong there is nothing to hide. In this case it appears more likely that she may be apt to commit sexual religious or discrimination. As far as I know they are both illegal. If the school is a corrupt environment then I would not know exactly how to fix it. If it is not a corrupt environment then you should have nothing to worry about except your job performance.

[SheilaT]

9. Perhaps it is hypocritical,

but in this climate, I'd advise you not to come out. She, as a religious person may well feel comfortable being "out", and especially if that's true it's a shame that you do not inhabit an equal comfort zone. But you need to recognize the reality of our world. Too many people out there have a profound misunderstanding of what being gay is. Recently, in a casual conversation in which I'd mentioned that the reason my hair looks so good is because of my very gay hair-dresser, another person in the room commented quite casually that gay men want to be women. I (of course) immediately said, No, no, they don't want to be women but they like women and want them to look good. It was clear that the other person sincerely believed that gay men did want to be women, and probably knew few if any openly gay men or women.

And so, there's a lot of ignorance out there. A lot has to do with knowing people who are different from us. Since your being gay has absolutely nothing to do with your abilities as a teacher, I'd say keep your sexual orientation to yourself. If she's an openly evangelical, so be it, so long as it doesn't interfere with either her ability to do her job, or her ability to evaluate you strictly on your teaching skills. Part of what makes this so difficult is that some out there honestly believe that a gay person cannot possibly be a good teacher, and simply don't see what's wrong with that line of thinking.

Your job, I think, is to teach, not to educate her. Over time, as she recognizes your abilities as a teacher, perhaps you can gradually hint to her that you're not straight. But let her simply see you as a teacher, and not as a gay man.

Here's another way to think about it: Consider possible holders of her job and of yours as die-hard Republicans, Orthodox Jews, secular Muslims, and so on. Try to think about how to separate personal beliefs from the job. I hope this helps.

[beam me up scottie]

10. Six years ago I would have told you to be honest.

Six years later, I'm in the atheist closet and well aware that I will lose my job if my boss finds out.

If you need your job, do not tell this woman anything about your personal life.

[patricia92243]

11. Your sex life and her religious life don't have anything to do with your work.

Keep work at work and home at home.

[dsc]

13. In fairness to her

I only know her religion due to sharing her classroom where she listens to Gospel music. I know which faith due to her being asked by another coworker in the workroom. I don't consider my saying I'm gay as my sex life.

[Yupster]

24. That's what I'm trying to figure out

I taught 10 years and was evaluated numerous times.

We talked about lesson plans and discipline systems, and classroom organization and time on task and unit breakdowns, and essential elements.

I can't imagine how either of our sex lives would have worked its way into a classroom evaluation. Am I missing something here?

[mondo joe]

25. In most workplaces people know something about their co-workers -

in particular, are they married? Do they have kids?

None of it should play into evaluation, but that's a separate question.

[dsc]

29. The entire department eats lunch together every day

and we do often discuss what we did over the weekend etc. Since I have been employed here I have gone to Pride, gone to a HRC concert, and gone to a HRC lecture. Clearly had I discussed those, the game would be up. None of them had to do with sex.

[rucky]

14. At least wait until after the evaluation. n/t

[Dorian Gray]

15. If you are open about it, be open...

though I don't think you owe anybody an explanation of your sexuality. If they ask, or if the topic of your partner comes up, then speak as you will. Her religion is her business as your homosexuality is yours. You both live the lifestyles that you feel most comfotable with. If she grades you lower because of your lifestyle, you have grounds to sue. If, for solely work or practical reasons, you want to hold off coming out until you've had your first evaluation to set a standard for yourself, then do that. You shouldn't have to do that, and I'm not advocating that. It's a suggestion born out of a potentially necessary evil, in case she does take down marks (whether consciously or subconsciously) due to your sexual orientation.

Either way, good luck with your choice. You should not have to hide your orientation, nor should you have to disclose it. Live as you are most comfortable living, and let the chips fall as they may.

[BlooInBloo]

17. draw a matrix of the possibilities, along with their asssociated costs/benefits...

1) you divulge/she hates/-10pts
2) you divulge/she doesn't hate/+6 pts

And so forth. I've heard that structures similar to this have been helpful in analysing some situations....

[judaspriestess]

18. I would not say anything on your first evaluation

see how the first one goes then say what you wish afterwards. It may be a good idea to simply test the waters before hand. IMO

[some guy]

20. for the poll

I voted you should both be allowed to be open.

For a more detailed response:

You should be able to live your life, and do your job as a teacher. I'm a straight, never married, non-Christian male. I don't make it a point to tell people I meet I am any of those things, but if/when questions on any of those topics come up, I answer honestly. Most common is the am I married question. I just say no. I don't much care what people think the reason I've never married might be. "Why" I never married isn't any of their business.

If you want to be prepared to deflect the topic, you might try to think up a question of your own that they would feel was being nosy and invasive, and when a topic you might be uncomfortable discussing comes up, toss that question at them.

Best wishes for you at your new school. :hug:
Teachers are among the best people in the world. :yourock:

[Jed Dilligan]

22. You should come out, she should shut up

Whatever she personally thinks of you, if it affects her evaluation in any way she will be in deep doo-doo. If she has half a brain, she will be extra-extra fair when evaluating a gay man--the same as I am when I grade papers from Republicans.

[bleedingheart]

23. It is always a bad idea to share personal information at work

it doesn't matter what the information is....unless it affects your job (like a health problem)...your personal information should stay at home.

I have known many heterosexual people, who have completely f*cked up their professional careers from sharing too much information or getting too personally involved with people at work.

I have a relative who finally figured out that it was a really bad idea after having to leave 3 jobs over issues related to sharing too much information.

One woman I worked with was a trainwreck, she came in every freaking day with a new set of stupid problems, eventually people lost all respect for her because her openly discussing her personal affairs led people to believe that she was a trainwreck and therefore...why promote her.

[Sammy Pepys]

26. Don't know how well you know her...

..but if she's a professional, I doubt being gay is going to work it's way into your evaluations.

[porphyrian]

27. At least wait until you get to know her a little better.

Some Pentecostals are actually pretty easy to get along with. It really depends on the individual and the tone of the particular church. Some are less hellfire and more Jesus-ey.

[lumberjack_jeff]

28. Is this a public or state school?

If it's a state school, she is an officer of the government, she needs to keep her religion to herself. Every public employee has their religious speech rights constrained legally, and every private employee has their speech constrained practically. ("practically" = constrained to what the boss wants to hear)

You are under no legal or moral obligation to pretend to be straight.

THAT SAID,
You have to decide if a positive evaluation is more important to you than... well, honesty. Personally, I consider my love life to be none of my employer's business, but I'm straight and when I've tried to make this point in this context, I'm often criticized (with some justification, I suppose) that I don't know what it's like to live a lie.

I dunno.