Betty Bowers' Words of Christian Concern for Ted Haggard's Delicious Disgrace

[DemoTex]

Mrs. Betty Bowers' Words of Christian Concern for Ted Haggard's Delicious Disgrace

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Delighted Snickers:

I suspect that this will be a rather uncomfortable weekend at the Ted Haggard tax-free mansion. You see, Reverend Haggard is a vociferous spokesperson against gay marriage and, until yesterday, his wife probably had no idea she was actually in one.

Oh, I can hear some of you gals used to being around florists and Governors of New Jersey -- and Texas -- cackling. You think I'm selling the woman's intuition for pushily obvious queenery short. But if Haggard's unblinking congregation could sit and listen to such a liturgical Liberace week after week and not realize they were in the presence of someone who makes Barry Manilow in a full-length mink look butch, they really need to recalibrate their ability to detect prescription-strength doses of flamboyance. Because if you can't tell that Haggard is not just gay, but marabou mules wearing gay, you must have bought your refurbished Gaydar at the same kiosk Tom Cruise got his E-meter.

But before everyone piles on with protestations of shock and awe, allow me to pause for praise where it is due for this man Harper’s claimed to hold more sway over the political direction of evangelicalism than any pastor in America. It is quite clear that Ted Haggard is a man with admirable devotion to the Christian/GOP cause. After all, it must take enormous willpower for a meth-crazed sodomite to remove a penis from his mouth long enough to denounce homosexuality. (see link for more)

http://www.bettybowers.com/nl_nov2006.html

Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's best Christian, strikes again! And she strikes to the core of the hypocrisy. It ain't about the gay thing or drugs, it is - yet again - about the breathtaking hypocrisy of these assholes.

[blogslut]

1. Love that Betty!

kick

[xchrom]

2. marabou mules wearing gay!!!

oh. my. god.:rofl:

[Neecy]

3. love it

That has long been one of my favorite sites - thanks for the update.

(Still giggling over the "Governors of New Jersey -- and Texas -- " snippet).

[DemoTex]

4. The reference to Gov. Goodhair was a screen-sprayer indeed.

I mean, everybody knows. Dogs and cats even know!


In the pink.

[tavalon]

13. Yeah, somebody ought to let Rick know

that we all know. Heck, even his wife knows.

[MazeRat7]

15. I laughed my ass off on that one... she is so right. (n/t)

[DemoTex]

5. Dupe - delete

[Jade Fox]

6. "his wife had no idea she was in one"--snarf!

This is great.

[buddysmellgood]

7. Don't you see? This is exactly how gays are destroying marriage.

Once gays can marry, all of the republicans, ministers and staight-lace God-fearing hetero men of the Earth will run from their wives and choose meth and sex with male prostitutes. Or at least they'll be open about it.

[malaise]

8. This is gorgeous

Whip them Betty:rofl: :rofl:

[grytpype]

9. Yeah, those Repubs sure love the cock.

But somehow it doesn't seem to affect their politics.

[LibertyorDeath]

10. Betty is brilliant!

Rec!

[LouisianaLiberal]

11. Kick. I love Betty.

[Libby2]

12. LOL!! n/t

[StellaBlue]

14. hahahaha - Betty Bowers has obviously heard the Rick Perry rumors

:rofl:

[Behind the Aegis]

16. Betty rocks!!

Though the whole piece is a hoot, the best line is, "After all, it must take enormous willpower for a meth-crazed sodomite to remove a penis from his mouth long enough to denounce homosexuality." :rofl:

I almost fell out of my damn chair! Of course the crack about "you must have bought your refurbished Gaydar at the same kiosk Tom Cruise got his E-meter." was also a scream!

Of course, we all know it was through her graciousness that Betty exposed the "Homosexual Agenda." Praises Betty!

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

17. I just wish people would

learn the difference between "discreet" and "discrete."

Mrs. Bowers writes, "But Mr. Haggard shows no more knack for honesty than he does for picking discrete prostitutes."

Discrete is an adjective that describes things which are detached or distinct from other things - example: Reverend Haggard's relationship with a male prostitute is discrete from his purchase of methamphetamines, though both have contributed to his scandal.

I know that "discreet" looks wrong in the same way "peenis" looks wrong, and that "discretion" only confuses the issue. But the English langwich is nothing if not confusing.

I don't know if Jesus will forgive Mrs. Bowers for her lapse. But anyone who uses (and correctly spells) the delicious word "unctuousness" deserves divine mercy.