Evangelical Haggard Claims He Was Molested By Republican Congressman

[Coexist]

The Onion's best. title ever.

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Evangelical leader Ted Haggard, who stepped down last week after confessing that he purchased methamphetamines and various services from a male prostitute, revealed Wednesday that he was repeatedly molested by an unnamed Republican congressman in the late 1990s. "We would communicate on the Internet and then meet in his Washington office to, I thought, discuss faith-based initiatives," said Haggard in a tearful admission in which he asked for the forgiveness of God and his congregation. "Before long, he had progressed from praying alongside me to having me sit on his lap at his desk, and then to touching me in my bathing-suit area. I trusted the congressman, and he violated that trust." Authorities have not acted on Haggard's allegations, saying that Republicans are often accused of wrongdoings simply because so many of them lead secret gay or criminal lifestyles.

Up next, Catholic Bishops reveal altar boys sexually harassed them.

Funny.

[Ezlivin]

1. Haggard was a Poll Worker?

The Onion is great.

I wish they were hiring.

[Bucky]

12. As in "poll" worker?

it pays to have a dirty mind

[Divine Discontent]

2. oh my!

that last line is killer!


www.cafepress.com/warisprofitable <<-- antibush prodem stickers/shirts

[Cass]

3. You know what's sad? When I read the title I had no trouble believing this could be true.

All hail the Onion - they are comedy gods.

[louis-t]

6. Had me going too. That's the genius of the Onion.

Or the absurdity of the fundiemaniac right-wing.

[notadmblnd]

4. and how old was this freak in the 90's?

looking at him.. He looks to be in his mid-late 40's.. so 10-15 years ago, would make him in his 30's. At that age.. sitting on a senators lap is not abuse.. it's foreplay. Why didn't he just say no?

on eidt... oh never mind.. it's the Onion. But it's believable.

[karlrschneider]

5. Er,

:silly:

[partylessinOhio]

7. Were Haggard's legs paralyzed so that he could not get up and walk

out of the Republican molester's office? This is such bunk!

[kestrel91316]

8. It's THE ONION, sweetie.

[partylessinOhio]

10. Never mind. Knock off the sweetie stuff put down.

[Hubert Flottz]

9. Ted Haggard Sucks!

The GOP Bites!

[Coexist]

11. !