War on Christmas update

[ck4829]

I've decided to take some preemptive action, I've captured an Elf, and I am preparing to torture him to make him say "Happy Holidays" and NOT "Merry Christmas".

Awaiting further instructions.

[Ezlivin]

1. You can't waterboard an elf - you have to snowboard them

It requires wax and a half-pipe.

Good luck.

[sui generis]

6. not necessarily. here's an elf being waterboarded

poor lil guy - I had no idea they towed them behind a boat. that grimace of pain, it's awful! Won't somebody please save the elves! :rofl:

[Mist]

2. It occurred to me that a REAL "war on Christmas" would consist of NO SHOPPING. nt

[RedStateShame]

3. Sadly enough, shopping probably is pretty anti-Christmas, in regards to the way the guy lived.

Wait for that Black Friday footage, of people herding and galloping like they've just been released from a Pamplona arena, stepping on each other, groping and shoving and clawing any merchandise they can get their mitts on in hopes of leasing the love of a child/relative/significant other for one more year, and just say to yourself, Happy Birthday, Jesus! What do you think? Correct me if I'm wrong, but after that first one, there are no other stories of lavish gifts being given to Jesus for his birthday.

[katinmn]

4. Buy Nothing Day coming up!

http://adbusters.org/metas/eco/bnd/xmas.php

[RaleighNCDUer]

9. If that's the case, I've been warring on Xmas for years.

My family does a "re-cycled Xmas". No new gifts. Home crafted, garage sale, thrift store, and re-gifting only.

[Deep13]

5. Shit dude, you are going to piss off his Middle Earth friends.

You don't want Hugo Weaving riding your ass!

[lazyriver]

7. My plans to wage biological warfare are nearly complete

My minions of spruce mites, adelgids and aphids are about to complete their training and will soon sweep the nation feasting on Christmas tree farms everywhere. A very few haggard Christmas trees will survive the onslaught making the few that make it to market prohibitively expensive for the majority of would be Christmas shoppers. The poor treeless masses will revolt against the rich tree endowed class while Christmas light, ornament and tinsel manufacturers go bankrupt thus causing a tipping point that will plunge the already unstable economy into a new depression. Bwahahahahaha!!!!
:evilgrin:

[TlalocW]

8. Make sure it's a North Pole Elf and not one of those Keebler bastards

TlalocW