Random acts of kindness

[OffWithTheirHeads]

A few days ago, I started a thread about a dishwasher. It was originally intended for an audience of about 3. It turned into something a little bigger than that. The stories that poured out, both publicly and in pm’s to me about acts of kindness and generosity both given and received blew my mind and got me to thinking. What if we could spread the concept of random acts of kindness all over. Start a movement, as it were. Sort of like the Alice’s Restaurant Movement.

For those of you too young to know about Alice’s restaurant it is sort of like this. If one person does it, they think your nuts. If two people do it, they think you’re Queer, but if 50 people a day do it, it’s a movement.
( the relevant lyrics, for those who are unaware of the Arlo Guthrie classic anti war song are posted at the end of this missive)

My hope is to get people to post about acts of kindness given or received to inspire others with ideas, both big and small, that may make a difference and help change the tone of the cold, callous country this has become in the last six years. I know I am tilting at windmills but I know what will happen if I don’t try. Who knows, wind power is making a comeback and if I have any chance at all, it is here at D.U. A more caring group would be hard to find.

I’ll start with a little story.
Preface: Occasionally, I will anonymously pick up the check for someone at a restaurant who looks like they could use it. It is not necessary that they look poor, sometimes they just look lonely. I hope my random act makes them feel a little less alone and helps them feel better about the day.

Story: A few years ago, the wife and I were vacationing in the wine country. We stopped for breakfast in Calistoga (a fairly well off enclave). While we were eating, an old lady who was obviously having some of the mental issues associated with ageing came in and ordered. When we finished our meal, I asked the waitress if I could please pay for the old lady’s meal. The waitress thanked me but refused my money. She told me that the lady never pays. “The town takes care of her”. That one sort of turned around on me. What started as an attempt by us to brighten someone’s day, was rewarded by a memory that still makes me smile years later.

An idea to share:
My wife and I play a little game. Whenever we cross a toll bridge, we always pay for the car behind us. The rule is, it must be anonymous. You are not allowed to look at the car to the rear. It could be a heap, could be a Ferrari. We will never know. Our hope is, that for a few dollars, we have brightened someone’s day. Maybe they won’t go home and beat the dog that day. Hopefully, they will pay it forward and spread some joy.

So, ideas? Story’s? Inspirations? I know you’ve got em. Spread some smiles while we war on Christmas.
Peace,
Bud
The Alice’s Restaurant Movement relevant lyrics.


And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get
anything you want, at Alice's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Alice's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.

Link to the whole song.
http://www.arlo.net/resources/lyrics/alices.shtml

[4morewars]

1. You can get anything you want...

At Alice's restaurant.

:toast:

[Mythsaje]

2. This may sound a little weird

but when I was a teenager I used to hang out at the local mall (at this point in time it was the Sunrise Mall in Citrus Heights, one of the suburbs of Sacramento).

I was a TOTAL metalhead. Long hair, combat boots, camo jacket, the works. And I used to walk around the mall being NICE to people. Opening doors, smiling at folks, and generally being the exact opposite of what people might have expected, given my appearance.

One night my girlfriend and I, while waiting for a ride, stood just inside the doors and greeted everyone who entered with "Merry Christmas."

A lot of what I do these days is just acting with consideration for other people. If I see someone with an armload of stuff heading for a door that ISN'T automatic, I'll open it for him or her. Women tend to appreciate it more for some reason.

I've rarely, in my life, had the money to be able to do some of the things you've done... In fact, I can hardly think of a time where I wasn't accounting for every dime.

But I've said before and I'll say again... I think we were "put" here to take care of one another. It's the one thing we can do that no one else can diminish. A kind word, a smile, or an act of generosity or consideration. They're small, but they can mean so much.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

4. I think what you do is more important than money

It doesn't require cash, just a heart.
Good on you!

[puebloknot]

12. Hey, Lady, thanks!

I was standing in line to pay a utility bill. In the line next to me was a guy with a shaved head, big pants...not a guy I'd bring home to meet my daughter.

He paid before I did, and walked away, leaving his sunglasses on the counter. I finished paying and picked up his sunglasses. When I walked outside, he was making a phone call in a phone booth.

I started walking up to him, and I could see him bristle. I was getting in *his space*! He had a huge frown on his face.

I bearded the lion. I walked up and handed him his sunglasses, without a word.

As I walked away, a really soft and sincere voice followed me: "Hey, Lady, thanks! I mean it. Thanks."

Paper tiger. That's what he was!

[Mythsaje]

13. I was standing in line at the grocery store the other day

and I looked down and spotted a 5 dollar bill. I reached down, picked it up, and looked at the guy in front of me. I figured it was most likely his. He was a big guy about my age and twice my size (and I'm not particularly small). I said "excuse me. Did you drop a five, by any chance?"

He reached into his pocket, realized he had, and said "yeah, I guess it must have fallen out. Thanks."

But I never got the impression of sincere gratitude. The impression I was left with was "so what?"

[puebloknot]

26. Well, some people just haven't had any raising! nt

[AZBlue]

69. You never know - maybe he just had something on his mind or was embarrassed.

People respond weirdly sometimes but I bet he stopped and thought about it later that day and was truly grateful.

[Shine]

32. I was touched to read your story, Mythsaje.

I agree, we are here to celebrate and embrace our connections. Thank you for your open generous heart. :hug:

[Horse with no Name]

3. I think what you do is wonderful

I lose the randomness by telling you--but it was special.
My teenaged daughter got pregnant. All of the sudden, I was 40 and had a grandchild on the way.
By the time she decided to share her news, she was pretty far along.
It was a lot of work to get things ready for someone as well as work, be a mother to my other child and take my daughter back and forth to the Doctor (closest we could find was 2 hours away) twice a week.
When one of my close friends found herself in the same situation, we started rounding up clothes and furniture. Pretty much everything they would need. We threw a shower. Everything. They were so thankful and asked what they could do to repay us. I replied that they could extend the same to someone else down the line.
Now, a friend of hers is in the same situation. They are doing for them what they we did for them.
It's a wonderful feeling. Everyone on all sides feels good and it is the gift that keeps on giving.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

5. This is what i'm talkin about!

A little push can have far reaching effects.

[bobbolink]

6. Thinking alike--I started my day with Alice's Restaurant today, and

caught on that same line... "If one person does it, they'll just think he's crazy....." Great minds, and all that... :hi:

I'm with you on paying it forward!

Not too long ago, I was having lunch at the Senior Center, and a woman being pushed in a wheelchair admired my earrings. I liked that, as I had made them. She remarked that they matched her shirt, so I took them off and gave them to her. Later, I saw one of the workers putting the earrings on her, and she was beaming from ear to ear. Such a small thing, but it gave me a lot of pleasure.

Right now, I'm busy making lots of dvd disks for people to watch... not really a happy thing, as they're mostly "awareness"-type things, like poverty issues, etc. But, it's my little piece of trying to help people understand what is happening to our country, and that we all have to be the media now. If we were all doing this, I think the level of understanding would go up dramatically. As it is, I can only affect my little corner.

Good on ya for doing this, and I hope you get quite a good list of ideas here!

BTW, the Hawaiians call this "Living Aloha", and have bumperstickers to that effect. I saw one the other day here in Colorado, and followed her until I could speak to her, and yell "ALoha", which made her day.

You can find those bumperstickers and the card of ideas by googling, I think. "Live Aloha" gets the attention even of those who have never been to the islands.

so.... Mahalo nui loa!

bobbolink

[twilight_sailing]

7. Here's an easy one -

When you are standing in line at the grocery store, keep an eye out for little old ladies. Say a little something to them. You'll be surprised how often they'll be up for a 5 minute conversation about nothing in particular.

I think a lot of these ladies must live alone.

All it takes is good manners (your Mom taught you all about that way back when). Just stand there and talk about whatever they want to talk about.

Try it a few times and I think you will come to see that it is, as Martha Stewart used to say, a good thing. :)

[JudyM]

22. That's a good one - and I do it too - just in case they're lonely it can really help. n/t

[AZBlue]

71. That is a good thing! I also do this in grocery stores (or any store really):

We're all in a hurry to get going and usually when I'm being rung up at the grocery store I'm fumbling with my purse, trying to find the right savings card for whichever store I'm at, getting my money together or my debit card out, etc. I usually don't buy a lot of groceries at one time - usually it's just for a day or two - so it's not a long purchase to scan and by the time I've got myself together, they are done ringing me up and it's time for me to slide those cards through the reader, put in my PIN, then put my cards back, grab the bags, and so on.

I realized one day that in all this stuff that I'm doing, I don't always look up and greet the checker by making eye to eye contact. I'd speak to them of course, but I might not even look up at them once - I just spoke while I was fumbling around with other stuff. How rude was that? They are a fellow human being and I should take the time to look at them and say "hi."

So, now I make sure that at least one point in the transaction I look them right in the eye and let them know they are acknowledged and appreciated - I particularly like to do this when I'm leaving as I say "thank you" or "have a good evening." Hopefully this way at least some of them know that I really do mean it.

It's a tiny thing, but the responses since I've done it have been amazing - the pleasantly surprised looks I get are all the reward anyone would need!

[Maraya1969]

8. I was told not to tell anyone of your good deads but I realize that we

are mostly anonymous here so I'll give it a shot.

I saw a homeless man on the sidewalk the other day and although I mostly just hand out money this time I stopped and talked to him. He was a sweet gentle man who did not look very old. I helped him pick up his aluminum cans that he was collecting and helped get his grocery cart in order, (it was a mess and things were falling out all over). He had on sandels that were held together with DUCT TAPE! I asked him where he hung out and he told me of a store near by. So I left and went to a shoe store and bought him a new pair of sandels, (size 7 - I asked) and socks and then I went to the drug store and bought him a few boxes of those handi wipes and anything else I thought he could use that he could carry around in his cart.

I went back and asked around, (his name is Lawrence) but no one could find him. So I have the things in my car and I am planning on getting back there to give him the things.

I read about a man who once lived on the streets to find out what it was like and he said the number one thing he noticed is people treat them as if they are not there, like they are not people. They avoid eye contact even if they give money. So now if I ever see a person like that I make sure I look them in the eye and smile just to let them know that I know they are people just like myself.


I wanted to add one thing that many people can do. I have really good insurance and I take medications that are changed a lot. I never throw them away if they don't work or the doctor changes it because I have always found people in need who I can give them to. (I also ask the doctor for more pills than necessary sometimes - Like 4 pills a day instead of 2 so I can rake up a surplus to give to people. Maybe that is stealing a little but the drug companies can surely afford it). Once I gave a man a bottle of a drug that I had extra of and he saved $175 dollars!

[WindRavenX]

9. you're a kind person

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise :pals:

[elehhhhna]

10. I've assisted a few minor miracles but not telling any. Here's one someone did FOR me.

Bored and bummed stay-at-home Mom, ex-bigshot bigmoney mourning a dearly loved but couldn't be repeated-job.

Spent time on DU reading & smarting off. One day I discovered that our county was buying e-voting machines and that Diebold was the frontrunner. Got worried. Didn't know much, not sure where to start or what to read to prep for the meetings, etc.

I pm'd someone here who knew the ropes, asking for a list of exactly what to read and study. Got pm'd back, immediately "Send me your phone number, now!"

He called and spent a good amount of time giving me advice, parsing/explaining material, bringing me up to speed in a crash-course. Then he sent very specific portions of text for me to digest -- and followed up with a Q&A call, more coaching, and encouragement.

I got off this perch, went to the meetings, made a little difference, made some vendors squirm (nicely) and we didn't get Diebold. Now I'm in it. I'm in it for good. I'm staring a multipartisan group to eradicate evoting in this county.

The guy who helped me probably has no idea how much force he propelled forward by simply extending his hand. But I do.

The best part? I'm only one among MANY.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

11. I think I'm having an epiphany which is unusual for an atheist.

Shortly after I started this thread, the wife and I went to Costco. If you have ever been stupid enough to go to Costco on a Sunday afternoon before a major holiday, you know what a nightmare it can be. So, I finally get in one of the endless lines with a months worth of supplies. I'm thinking about what Mythsaje said about just plain kindness. A women gets behind me in line with only a couple of items. I think about this and tell her that if that was all she had, please go ahead of me. A few seconds later, another person behind me. Same situation, same result. Seconds later, same thing. Seconds later, a fourth person. When I asked this one if that was all she had and told her to go ahead, the whole line in front of me cracked up. Cost me a few extra minutes but put much needed smiles on many faces. As we are driving home, I'm thinking about what happened and how it made me feel to make others smile.

Over the course of the last six years, I have become an intensely angry, bitter person. I have watched this country and the world become a very ugly place mostly due to the actions of greedy, Republican assholes and I'm pissed. I am no longer a nice person. Listening to some of your stories lately and personally making an effort to be kind is actually starting to make the knot in my stomach loosen up for the first time in years.

Be nice to someone today! I think it may be good for the soul.

[Booster]

15. I think you're just something. You've made me smile more than

once today, and I know what you mean about becoming intensely angry and bitter. It's a fight we must have with ourselves on a daily basis til this old world gets back to what it can be - we've got a long road ahead of us, but hold my hand and we'll walk it together. I love ya.

[orleans]

52. once you do this a couple of times you sort of get in the habit of

checking to see if someone behind you has an entire cart of stuff or just an armful of items.

i've been doing it for years and the other day when i did it there was a woman behind the man i was letting go in front of me. i glanced at her (she had a full cart too) and she kinda frowned. i smiled and shrugged back at her and said "either way, there is still two of us ahead of you." then she got it--smiled and nodded back to me.

"Over the course of the last six years, I have become an intensely angry, bitter person. I have watched this country and the world become a very ugly place mostly due to the actions of greedy, Republican assholes and I'm pissed. "

same here. i've been a different person in a negative way. bitter is a major part--so is anger.

amazing how a fucking political party can have such a negative impact on so many aspects of our lives. (yeah, totally bitter)

[AZBlue]

72. What you said just reminded me that this country belongs to us, not them.

I know what you mean about becoming angry and bitter over the last six years. But you know what...we were letting them win. By remembering what's really important, as has been pointed out in both your threads, we take back our country - a little bit at a time. To me, after reading everyone's input here, I've realized that may be more important than any election.

[Wiley50]

14. I could Use One Right Now (if nobody minds me saying so)

I paid into Social Security for 30 years. More than enough to qualify for SS when
I'm of age.

When I became disabled, I did not immediately apply for disability. I kept dreaming
that I would get well enough to work again and I kept trying, unsuccessfully.

I also intuitively knew it would be a bunch of red tape that would be too much hassle.

When I did finally break down and apply, it took 3 and 1/2 years, with legal assistance.

What I did not know is that there is a loophole in the Govts. favor, if you don't
pay into SS for 5 years( no matter how much you paid in before, You don't qualify for SSDI anymore.

So all I got was SSI. $603 a month in TN this year
and you get medicaid, but no dental coverage under any circumstance

I was making it and paying my car ins until I had a major dental abscess
I had to have 3 extractions and then couldn't pay my car insurance premium
I was canceled.

Of course, as luck goes, I had a fender bender, very minor, still police investigated
I got a ticket for no insurance.

December 14, I have to go before a judge
If i get insurance before then,the down stroke will make me starve the rest
of the month. If I don't I'm really fucked.
Either way, the state will revoke my drivers license and my registration.
and it will cost a huge amount to pay the state to reinstate it.

I need to drive to get to the doctor, drugstore and groceries.
(the only places I ever go, anyway)

I'm Fucked.

They really go out of their way to hurt the poor in this country

[OffWithTheirHeads]

20. I'm truly sorry. Maybe this will help a little.

In 1990 I got stuck in the middle of an ugly civil suit. I was not at fault but that does not matter much in the legal system. The guy with the most expensive lawyer usually prevails. Long story short, It bankrupted me. I lost my house, my car, everything I had worked for, My job and my marriage (temporarily). I can't tell you what a stress filled, degrading experience it was. I contemplated suicide almost daily. Ended up sleeping on one of my few remaining friends couches for about 6 months. Slowly, I'm talking about 6 years slow, I managed to put my life back together.

Whenever things looked hopeless, I would think of the shit other people in the world were going through. Like in Bosnia or Zimbabwe. I would realize that, no matter how bad things looked to me, I still lived like a prince compared to them. It helped, putting things in perspective.

Crawling out of the hole in this country is a motherfucker. You are right, the deck is stacked big time against poor people in our society. I am now in a position where I can piss people off by spending too much on a dishwasher. Many wonderful things have happened since then and I learned a valuable lesson.

Life ebbs and flows. Sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's good. The one thing you can be certain of, is that no matter where you are today, life will change. I will never consider suicide again since that realization. I would have missed soooo much.

You have to be very careful right now. The system is designed to punish you harshly for the slightest misstep. Tread carefully, keep your nose clean, do the right thing, and be aware that many of us out here do care. Sometimes, when things can't get any worse, they can only get better.

Good luck to you my friend.

[renate]

21. I'm so sorry

I really hope that something happens so you won't have to lose your license.

But if you did, would you be eligible for Meals on Wheels? And I wonder whether you could get your prescriptions mailed to you, and whether you can check in with your doctor through e-mails.

Maybe your congresspeople can help you with the SSI--have you contacted your senator or representative? They might be able to make some suggestions or contact somebody for you. I've been really amazed with the help I've gotten the couple of times I've written to D.C.

Good luck.

:hug:

[Maraya1969]

27. Have you tried you local medicaid office? It might be under something

like "Children and Family Services". You could get food stamps and medical care while you wait for SSDI. And they might be able to set you up with a volunteer group that helps people who can't drive. Check in the telephone book under "Social Services".

There is a lot of help out there is you look for it.

I'm praying for you and I know you will get through this.


:hug: :hug:

[Patiod]

55. I went through that with my S.O.

He didn't have his license (long story - not a DUI or moving violation points, but a chain reaction of minor tickets that he hadn't been able to pay off)

He avoided driving, but our friend called us one day crying - her car was broken down, and she had no way to get to chemo. I was at work, so he had to go. After dropping her chemo-bald self at her house, he was returning back home in his junker car, and got pulled over for some minor thing like a blown light bulb and got nailed for not having a license. (And no chemo patient in the car to prove it was an emergency, of course)

Fortunately he has a friend who's a lawyer, who went to court, proved that he had attempted to pay his tickets but the townships involved refused to let him pay (unbelievable, but the judge determined this was true!) and he got his license back the same day. But if he didn't have a lawyer friend who was willing to do this for the price of a beer, he'd still be deep in the hole, with no hope of ever getting his license back.

They do indeed go out of the way to fuck the poor. Hope something good happens to you soon, Wiley.

[AZBlue]

73. Can you get an extension?

You may still have to appear on the 14th but they might be able to give you more time given your circumstances.

You said "Either way, the state will revoke my drivers license and my registration" - if you do get insurance, they may not do either. I know here in Arizona if you get insurance before your court date, you have a fine but neither your registration or driver's license is affected. And, that would be where an extension would come in handy.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation - I wish I could help but I'm behind on bills myself. I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope a solution comes your way though.

[SeattleGirl]

16. A few little things I do, but they often have big results.

I open doors for people, and their "thank you" puts a smile on both our faces.

I let people with fewer things than I have go ahead of me in the line at the grocery store; others have done that for me and I always appreciate it.

I usually always chat with the grocery store clerks, but will do it especially if they seem tired or harried, like they can get around holidays. I might say something like, "Wow, looks like you've had a really busy/rough/challenging day." I can FEEL the relief coming from then, like someone took a second to reach out to THEM. It's especially effective when the clerk seems grumpy. Just saying something, asking how they are doing, or acknowledging that this isn't the best of days for them. The DO end up feeling better, which has a positive effect on the people behind me in line.

They are little things, but as I said, sometimes they have big results, and oftentimes I don't know how far my one act goes, but I think it travels along and affects others. It's like that commercial where one person does a little thing, and the person who was the recipient of the act pays it forward, and that next person pays it forward, and on and on.

I'm like you, tmfun. I have a lot of anger about what has happened in and to this country since Bush took office, but doing even the smallest kindness keeps me human, and keeps the anger from running my life.

Thanks for this post, and also for the one about the dishwasher. One doesn't have to be a multi-millionaire to make a positive difference in the world.

[NoBushSpokenHere]

17. One of the things I do

is to "accidentally drop" money near someone who is obviously pinching pennies to Christmas shop for children. I have seen so many standing in the store aisles with lists, totaling it up to see if they have enough to buy everything on it. I am sure you have seen the same look of panic on their faces. I drop the money and then say, "Excuse me, you have dropped this" They often say, "No, it couldn't have been mine." but I insist or say, "Well, I guess it was meant to be yours"

The relief shines through their face, it is almost as though I can see a ton of tension released.

One thing I am about to do is to give some cash anonymously to a couple of seniors that I know. It appears they are close to starvation. I do not know their circumstances, but am very concerned. While it will just be a temporary fix, at least I can eat Thanksgiving Dinner knowing that I did something.

I have taken food to shut ins, invited to my home, those who do not have family or friends to spend the holiday with.

Until we can have prosperity in this country again, the random acts of kindness need to multiply.

Excellent post!

[OffWithTheirHeads]

18. What a great idea! Found money!

I sometimes worry that if I try too overtly to help someone, they will actually feel worse about themselves because their situation is so obvious. Found money is more like an all too rare instance of good fortune rather than charity! I love it! I love you too!

[NoBushSpokenHere]

19. Awwwwww thanks, tis nice to be loved nt

[Maraya1969]

29. A friend of mine throws lost change around a school and then sits

back and watches when the kids find it.

Also another gave me the idea of picking up garbage when you walk around.

[USA_1]

23. I'm Looking For A Wealthy Wife ...

... so do me a favor and tell Santa to send me one this Holiday Season!

[emlev]

24. I particularly enjoyed doing this one

When my son was in high school he insisted he was the *only* student who wore a helmet when he rode his bike (and of course we were cruel parents for insisting and for impounding his bike for a month every time we caught him riding without his). One day we were driving him to school and passed a high school student riding his bike and wearing a helmet. We went ahead of him so as not to scare him, then slowed the car down and handed him a $5 bill out the passenger window, saying, "This is for wearing your helmet!"

I don't think it would take very many of those at a school before word got around and more kids wore helmets.

[emlev]

25. Positive interference with moments of crappy parenting

I'll often interfere in some way when I see parents having tantrums.

Once when I was with my family at a restaurant, a father at the next table was really berating his kid for going fishing in his water glass, using his fingers to try to catch ice.

I had a feeling that the reason that dad was upset was that he was worried people would judge him for being a bad parent because he was letting his child do this. (That's so often the reason parents come down hard on their kids in public--fear of the reactions of others.) I whispered to my family asking that on my cue they all go ice fishing in their water glasses, too. I cued them and we all dove in. The father looked over at us. I smiled at him. He smiled back and I saw the tension melt away. He stopped giving his kid a hard time.

I knew this could have backfired, that he could have gotten angrier if he thought he was being mocked, but my intuition was that it would be helpful, and it turned out that way.

[Maraya1969]

28. That's a great one!

[Nicole]

30. Random acts of kindness

are the best kind! :toast:

"Occasionally, I will anonymously pick up the check for someone at a restaurant who looks like they could use it. It is not necessary that they look poor, sometimes they just look lonely. I hope my random act makes them feel a little less alone and helps them feel better about the day."

Just wanted to let you know that someone did that for me once and it did make my day better. I didn't look poor by any means, in fact I was pretty well dressed. I was traveling alone and I stopped to eat before going to the hotel. I won't bore you with the details of my trip but it wasn't for fun. Having someone pick up my check, which I could easily afford, was the only bright spot in that week long ordeal.

I was in a convenience store this summer when a guy came in to pay for his gas. He gave the cashier a $5 bill & $1.50 in change. With gas prices what they were/are, that would barely be over 2 gallons of gas. I gave the cashier $20 & had her call him on the speaker to let him know the pump was set for $26.50. The smile on his face was worth much more than the $20.

[Shine]

31. Greetings to you, tmfun!

I was happy to see your thread tonite. I love those sorts of uplifting topics of discussion!! I agree, we need more of that type of consciousness on the planet today.

My hubby and I also play the game you and your wife do, with paying for the car behind us on the toll bridge. It's a fun tradition for us. We love it and have done it for years.

I was given a wonderful book recently that I'd like to recommend to you, called "The Kindness of Strangers". It's filled with inspiring tales that explore the unexpected human connections that so often transform the experience of travel and celebrates the gift of kindness around the world. Great stuff. I'm sure you'd love it.

:hi:
My personal way of practicing random acts of kindness is to give compliments to people, when they least expect it. I am excellent at that. :D

[OffWithTheirHeads]

34. Dale Carnegie would love you for the complements

I love you cause you do it.
I will definitely read the book.
Thank you.

[Shine]

35. Hey, I notice you're in San Jose.

We live in Scotts Valley! Howdy, neighbor!! :hi:

You'll love the book, I guarantee it. The forward is written by the Dalai Lama. :thumbsup:

[OffWithTheirHeads]

38. The Dali Llama! Now I have to read it.

Fortunately, I love to read. Go through at least 100 books a year. Always looking for recommendations.

[Mythsaje]

40. San Jose...

:)

When I was very young (only four or five) we lived in San Jose. One of the locations I remember was Minnesota Avenue. Right across from one of the schools where I attended kindergarten.

This was in 1970-71 and nearly everyone I knew back then was a hippie. God, what memories. Okay, they're a little blurry--it was 35 years ago.

But I guess it's not that much of a wonder I turned out the way I did. I had a good start.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

44. Yeah, Hippie parents sometimes had that effect.

Unfortunately, you're back yard orchard is probably filled with million dollar condo's now.

[Mythsaje]

45. I don't know...

It was pretty urban back then.

Up here, on the other hand, I've watched some of my favorite places paved over for the past twenty years. Breaks my heart to see it.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

48. Tomorrow I will take some pictures and p.m you

Peace
Bud

[Mythsaje]

50. I was last in the area back when I was sixteen...

Dropped in and house-sat for an old friend of my dad's when I was a kid.

That was twenty-four years ago.

OMG. Was it that long?

[Shine]

58. Sounds like we're about the same age.

:hi:

[Mythsaje]

39. I had to smile at the Dale Carnegie reference...

Back in the early nineties his book was STILL being used as a "salesman's bible."

Someone once asked me about it after I'd mentioned it in conversation. "I've heard about it. What's it about?"

I smiled. "Treating people like you care about them. It's as simple as that."

Thanks for the reminder about that.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

42. Got news for you. My employer sent me through it a few years ago.

Changed my life. On my vociferous recommendation, My brother and his entire extended family are now enrolled. As of my last report, it's changing their lives also. It would appear that the message is still relevent.

[Mythsaje]

43. Sure it is.

It's timeless.

I'm just talking about the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It's STILL widely read.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

47. If you think the book is good, you should try the training.

Unfortunately, it's very expensive. Even for someone who can afford a dishwasher. BTW, did you catch my reference to you earlier? I started out trying to inspire you and you ended up inspiring me. Thanks for that.

[Mythsaje]

51. Yeah, I caught that...

It made me smile.

It's funny. I've slept under bridges and hitchhiked the west coast several times with nothing more than a backpack and the clothes on my back. I've seen some things and met some incredible people. I've been homeless and known what it's like to be hungry. And I appreciate having some of the things I do now even more because of it.

When my wife's not around I'll almost always toss a little to someone who needs it. Sometimes I'll even mention it to her.

But mostly I do my best to be kind and considerate to other people because it can mean a lot sometimes too.

Being with me has made my wife a bit more generous too. She's started doing things that actually help PEOPLE rather than just animals. (Don't tell her I said that, btw)...

[Patiod]

56. One suggestion: do NOT try to get a teenager to read it

My father literally used the phrase HTWFAIP 2-3 times a day every day. "Well, that's not a very good way to WFAIP" "You should read a little book called HTWFAIP" "That attitude is not going to WFAIP, young lady".

I developed a (reasonable? unreasonable?) hatred of all things Dale Carnegie for many years.

And to make it worse, in addition to the constant repetition, he actually made us read the the book, and from a teen's perspective, it seems SO incredibly PHONY (from an adult's perspective, the advice is a lot more reasonable)

That said, my dad's actual example (as opposed to his useless carping) has had a strong influence on my life.

He always chats with people in service jobs, and manages to brighten their day. He was talking to a very haggard-looking waitress once, and said "what do you do when you're not working here?" Turns out she trained horses for people to ride in the Olympics. Her face just lit up telling our family about "her" horses. Another time, he was standing in line at a rest stop snack bar on the turnpike, and when he got to the cashier, he said "do you know who this man behind me is, Dana?" The high school girls at the register just blinked (and the guy behind him looked startled). "It's our Governor. Governor Shapp, this is my friend Dana - she's here every day and she's the best cashier they have". He brought donuts and coffee every Christmas Eve for years for the people in both of the tollbooths he passed through each day. He rarely bought a soda in the summer without buying a six-pack, and he'd give the remaining 5 to the folks in the tollbooth. When he had Phillies tickets he couldn't use, he would give them to the kid at the McDonald's drive-through window.

Now, he's got emphysema, so he spends all his time on the telephone, helping his friends (and distant acquaintances, like relatives of the cashiers at our local McDonald's) get signed up with the V.A. or with Rx Drug plans, or straightened out with Medicare. He's like the Magi of Medicare and Vizier of the VA.

I made a point to ignore his words over the years, but his example -- now that's another story.

[ComerPerro]

33. We were in line at checkout at grocery store once when my fiancee

told the cashier that we would be paying for the purchase of the older couple in line behind us. It wasn't much, but she told me later that she just got a vibe that these few things were going to be their meals for the next day or so, and they just looked concerned and worried. She said she recognized that look. Mind you, we don't make or have much money ourselves.

We got outside to our car and were talking, that moment having passed and the converstion elsewhere, when the woman who had been behind us came over and hugged my fiancee. Then she thanked her, and my fiancee almost started to tear up.

On the drive home she told me that they just looked like they needed it, as I mentioned above, and that she knew we could afford to do it.

Then she told me about a time before we met when she was flat broke despite working two jobs, had just paid bills, barely had enough to eat, and rent was due. She had no way of paying for it. She was on her break at her job, and standing outside the grocery store where she worked, and despite her best efforts, the stress of her work and school and having no money all welled up and she started crying. She told me that a woman noticed she was visibly shaken and upset, talked to her and asked what was wrong, got her a cup of coffee, and then gave her a rather large amount of money (she didn't say how much, but it was enough).

She said ever since then, she has always been extra aware of opportunities she could take to help people, even if its something small, just to pay that woman back for her kindness.

And we still have no idea who she was...

[OffWithTheirHeads]

36. Wow! Very cool

I think you have already done what she would like you to do. Keep doing it. Can you imagine how many others are doing something similar because of what you have done? If you think no body is paying attention, look at the number of "views" my dishwasher thread got. Blew my mind.

[ComerPerro]

37. thanks, but I didn't mean to fish for praise. Was more about

what that other lady had done.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

41. ?The nice thing about this place, the reason I even bring this stuff

up, is that it is anonymous. Praise is irrelevant. I have been here for over six tears and I think there are only three people who actually know who I am (not counting agent Mike) and only one who has actually net me. I want no accolades for my behavior. As an atheist, I look forward to no rewards in some "afterlife". BUT.....
If I can make even a modicum of difference in this life, I will die a happy man.

[Patiod]

57. The only "angels" are us

There's a group in NYC named "God's Love We Deliver", and that pretty much sums up my entire religious philosophy.

I don't understand why modern Christians are so obsessed with John 4:16 ("no one can come to the Father except through me")

Why so little focus on Matthew 25? ("when I was hungry you gave me food; when thirsty, drink; when I was a stranger you gave me your home; when naked, clothing; when I was sick or imprisoned, you gave help and solace.") It's all right there kids. Whether you're a believer or not, you can't argue that it's all up to us.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

74. Matthew 25

you are so right friend :) It is the way I try to live my life, though I'm not perfect at it. You hit the nail on the head, the only 'angels' are us. Put another way, God exists in all of us, and when we are kind to others, it comes back to us. This is putting the Golden Rule, or the Second Commandment, into action............

[bobbolink]

77. As Michael Moore says, "You can't get into heaven without a permission

slip from poor folk."

[ComerPerro]

59. You know, that's the odd thing about agnostics and athetists

a lot of time, they are humanist. So, as you said, even though they don't really have to kiss ass to any particluar God or idol, and don't have to worry about being judged in an afterlife, they are still good people who do good things.

Why?

Because humanists believe that you should try to do some good while you were here. Not to get into heaven, not to impress your God, but just because you should.

[SeattleGirl]

46. Your story gave me goosebumps, ComerPerro.

Bless the woman in line at the store, belss the woman who helped your fiance, and bless the both of you.

[ComerPerro]

60. Really, I wish I could find that woman who helped my finacee

[AZBlue]

76. That made me tear up. That is truly "Paying It Forward!"

eom

[snot]

49. I anonymously made a b-day cake and

arranged for it to appear on the desk of one of those nice guys who always finish last.

[Bhaisahab]

53. hi. are you my alter ego?

its amazing, i've been thinking exactly like this for a while now. i too termed it 'random acts of kindness' and had even designed a geocities page about it, u know, to spread teh word. it all began for me when i was walking back home in Bangalore after dropping my girlfriend home, and i saw this street kid tug at my shirt, asking me for a few bucks. she had had the typical street kid line all mugged up, and said - "can you spare some money? i haven't eaten all day."
i don't know how it is over there, but here in India, us middle class kids are always taught that one should never give money to beggars coz they go and buy drugs with it. so what i did, i took the child to a 'chaat' cart (chaat's this spicy mishmash of vegetables in gravy that passes off for our version of fastfood. its yummy) and fed the kid.
watching her dig in, i thought won't it be cool if one could just help someone in need. full stop. no commitments save the present instance.
so since then, i speak about the concept to pals and relatives, and have gone on to buy a set of notebooks for a rickshaw puller's kid, feed a couple more kids on different occasions, and buy medicines for an old woman who sold roast corn for a living.

i don't go out of my way to look for people to help. i do what i can when i come into contact with them. its all very random, after all. some of my friends say that's a stupid idea, coz what i have done is taken care of an immediate need, but what about tomorrow? that kid i fed today will be hungry again tomorrow. that's a valid point, i guess. but i do like to argue it.

tmfun is right. everyone should try random acts of kindness. its good fun (oops). and it doesn't cost much. in terms of time as well as money.

[IronLionZion]

64. Hmm...that's a very good idea

I don't give money to beggars either, because they are never what they seem, especially the aggressive ones and the ones carrying injured babies. But I think getting them some food is a great idea.

[Alamom]

54. Great thread....I was thinking not so long ago, people are so

busy, have so many problems themselves or have forgotten to be "Kind". One post upline says what my 75 year old Mom would say. "These people have no raising."

I don't know if that's the problem, however, I do think a movement of "Random Acts of kindness" is wonderful. I know it's not a new thought and I loved the movie, Pay it Forward.

I think at this paticular time in our country's history,
Many "Acts of Kindness" would be wonderful, but more important, they are needed.

My contibution for now,
And for many years has been to help the elderly and/or disabled. No big deals.....most have a lot of pride and dignity about being able to do most everything for themselves, just those little things that escape most of us.

It use to be opening doors for wheelchairs and those with canes and walkers. Now with electronic doors, that's not such a problem.

In the last few years with the motorized (?) seated shopping carts in stores, most of these people (if they are alone) can't reach high items or they may be too heavy for them to pull off a high shelf. Little old ladies are a prime example.

It began with a little lady asking me to hand her something she couldn't reach and then she followed me around and ask for help a couple more times. I realized there would be many like her and some of them might not want to ask. I look for them, now. It's surprising how many do need a little help and would never ask for it.

It takes a little of my time, but I have the time & always leave smiling if I have helped out one person.

[The_Warmth]

61. This whole thread is like

a random act of kindness =) slapped a big *inspiring* smile right across my face. thanks DU!!!

[City of Mills]

62. Bought a new computer for

An 81 year old guy who lives in my city. I've been doing free computer repair for him for some time (I work in IT for a college he is a student of), however his computer was really slow and outdated. Since he uses the computer all the time (one of his main links to the outside world) and he would certainly never be able to afford one on his own, I surprised him with a nice Dell PC and a nice 17" flatscreen monitor. My own computer at home is outdated and slow but I don't care, I can always buy myself a new one sometime down the line.

No one except my wife knows I did this. Well, now DU knows too!

[EC]

63. My daughter and I pretty much automatically have always

done things like all listed...I don't really look for good deeds to do, they seem to be daily...letting someone in line go in front of me, giving someone my gloves when I see they have none and are cold...helping someone who falls up, opening doors, paying shortages in check-out lines, paying for meals, etc....just seems to happen daily. I still feel good about doing these things, but it does become automatic after awhile...

[DeeDeeNY]

65. Once in my local supermarket I was surprised by a random act of kindness

when I saw an older woman put a cents-off coupon for cereal right on the shelf with that cereal. She saw me looking at what she did,
and she explained to me that whenever she went shopping, she would put any coupon she had but couldn't use on the shelf with that item, assuming that someone who needed that coupon would see it and be able to use it. Many times I will see coupons on the shelves in the supermarket, so I know her idea caught on and others are doing it also.
Doing good deeds for other people has always makes me feel extra good, and it's especially a no-brainer when it doesn't even put me out in any way. Yet I have learned through experience that not everyone feels this way.

[earth mom]

66. I love this thread and I'm going to share something someone did for my family.

Right before a recent Christmas, my husband and I were really struggling to make ends meet and not sure if we could even afford $20 gifts for each other because the small amount we had left in the wallet to spend on Christmas needed to go towards gifts for our kid, and maybe a couple of family members and a couple of friends. When out of the blue a guy we knew casually called us up and asked my husband to come to his office after work, that he had something he wanted to give him. My husband thought it was some paperwork that he was returning to us that we'd almost forgotten about. Instead, my husband came home with a large wicker laundry basket wrapped in cellophane that he had waited to open with me. When we opened it up we just looked at each other, stunned with tears welling in our eyes. Then I started to cry because the guy had given our family a gift basket filled with food and $400 in gift cards that included cards for food from the local market, toys from Toys R Us, stuff from Home Depot and even a dinner out! To us, this was riches beyond measure and it felt as though Santa had actually shown up on our doorstep just when we needed him the most as we faced a bleak holiday season.

This year will be a better year for us then we've had in a very very long time.
Can't wait to play Santa ourselves... O8)

[ecstatic]

67. Wow. You should go on Oprah!

I'm not being sarcastic, she and her audience love these type of things. You sound like a great person to know. As far as the tolls, most Americans are so jaded they probably think you paid for them by accident, but what you're doing is still great! :hi:

[greiner3]

68. Excellent song;

And movie. Catch both if you can!

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

70. Speaking of "Alice's Restaurant"

if you can stream the Net you can hear it this Thursday at 2:00pm PST on www.kser.org

[mdmc]

75. another group w bencher!