The Straight Story
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:43 PM
Original message |
Do you believe this crap?!?! Someone told me 'Happy Hanukkah' yesterday |
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:sarcasm: Thought I would put that at start to make it clear (we need a satire one...)
There I was in Bexley, Ohio, home of a large jewish population I might add, shopping at a small business looking for a unique gift for a friend.
I walked in and the clerk blurted out 'Happy Hanukkah'. I about fell over. I was so mad I wanted to break something. So I thought up some smart assed way to reply real quick, but I didn't want to go kramer on her ass. So I just said 'you know I am sick of people pushing their holidays on me and telling me to be happy'.
Can you believe the NERVE of some people in this fucking world? Oh, and get this:
I left and went downtown to see the lights, and lo and behold on the statehouse lawn there was a menorah - I knew it was there years ago (my attorney btw was the one who fought to put it there, a bit of irony in this satire - but true). Holy shit I about wrecked my damned car. I felt a sudden pain, as though I were a minority in the beliefs of my fellow citizens. If I did not become a jew quick, or make em stop such things as celebrating in ways I can see it, then I would probably go insane. I mean - hell, the city was acknowledging the fact that there were people in my own city who were jews and celebrating their holiday.
That's like having flags on the fourth of July, how do others feel who don't like our country and live here?
I have had enough, the madness must stop. I declare a new war, this time on Hanukkah - BEFORE it gets as bad as christmas and it's smiling happy joy joy assholes and their decorations, caroling, and giving.
Stop Hanukkah - before it stops you.
Rant off :)
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spoony
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:46 PM
Response to Original message |
1. This war on Hanukkah may require a draft |
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:P lol
Very nice satire, and yes we need a not-so-drippy satire smiley.
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The Straight Story
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:48 PM
Response to Reply #1 |
3. Draft me, I got a seven barreled menorah locked and loaded :) |
hsher
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:51 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
6. Not eight? What happened to the shamash? |
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Seriously though - loved the satire. Hurry up folks! Hanukkah's only three weeks away (Dec 21)! Get that shopping for chocolate gelt and Manichewitz done early!
I guess your shamash candle holder shoots blanks eh ;)
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The Straight Story
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:53 PM
Response to Reply #6 |
8. I use it for my bayonet :) (nt) |
hsher
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:54 PM
Response to Reply #8 |
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Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Best, fastest rejoinder EVER :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Nikki Stone1
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:46 PM
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2. How many holidays must we organize wars against before we stop the madness! |
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Thanks for the chuckle. :)
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MoseyWalker
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:49 PM
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excellent rant
:thumbsup:
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havocmom
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:50 PM
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5. Have a very festive... |
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Kwanzaa :evilgrin:
Yule enjoy the season. The Buddha and Kali told me so. A Raven and wolf concurred. It is written in the heavens, or more accurately, on a banner being pulled by a space craft hiding behind a comet
Humans need a party this time of year, evidently ;)
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The Straight Story
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Sat Nov-25-06 04:52 PM
Response to Reply #5 |
7. I think the OSU-Michigan game should be a holiday here |
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People worship football in Ohio more than other deities/entities 3:1.
If we fly enough flags and sing our hate Michigan songs enough the college football god will smile down on our team.
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sarge43
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Sat Nov-25-06 05:18 PM
Response to Reply #7 |
13. Watch what you say or the Uppers will mount a stealth attack |
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and they have the Frost God on their side.
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Redstone
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Sat Nov-25-06 05:06 PM
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conscious evolution
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Sat Nov-25-06 05:07 PM
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Are you crazy! We are already stretched to the limit on the GWOC.Fundamentalists and evangelicals,in addition to fighting us,are on the verge of full scale civil war!Not to mention the loss of global standing due to our insistance on stealing the worlds gift supplies. You are obviously an adherent of the PNAH(policy for No Assinine Holidays).
BE GONE you nasty little elf!
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johnfunk
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Sat Nov-25-06 05:11 PM
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12. The nerve! And I haven't even brought the Festivus pole down from the attic! |
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I swear, there is a war against Festivus, and Bill O'Reilly, the Reverend Moon, Skull & Bones, and the International Judeo-Christislamist Conspiracy are behind it!
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The Straight Story
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Sat Nov-25-06 10:19 PM
Response to Reply #12 |
14. We should roll em all up into one huge holiday party |
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That way I can use my festivus pole on Bill O'Reilly's skulls and bones :)
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Ian David
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Sun Nov-26-06 11:32 AM
Response to Original message |
15. Hitler celebrated Christmas |
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Edited on Sun Nov-26-06 11:32 AM by IanDB1
Hitler celebrates Christmas with his soldiers, next to a decorated Christmas tree.More: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=214x97928
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The Straight Story
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Sun Nov-26-06 02:53 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
16. and if there was no christmas, he would have celebrated hanukkah |
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So we have to get rid of both holidays, because obviously people who celebrate them are evil...
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Ian David
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Sun Nov-26-06 09:29 PM
Response to Reply #16 |
19. Maybe he would have celebrated Saturnalia? n/t |
SoCalDem
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Sun Nov-26-06 03:30 PM
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17. A best Buy employee once told me to have a "Blessed Holiday" |
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I called the manager and told him I thought that was inappropriate..I do not come to Best Buy to be reminded to be religious:)..he agreed with me :)
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TahitiNut
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Sun Nov-26-06 03:41 PM
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18. Imagine! A holiday about just burning OIL! |
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Don't they know our cars need that stuff? :dunce:
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DU
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Fri Apr 26th 2024, 11:17 AM
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