Mike Wallace Sues Son

[jgraz]

Saturday, Dec, 2006 3:31 p.m. PST

Mike Wallace Sues Son; Demands Return of Sperm

Mike Wallace, Senior Correspondent for CBS's 60 minutes, filed suit this Friday against his son, Fox News Host Chris Wallace, demanding the immediate return of "one sperm and all accompanying genetic material."

"We have asked the courts to require that Chris Wallace immediately surrender all paternally inherited skills and characteristics to his father, Mike," said plaintiff's attorney Holly Sadlon. "When Chris was conceived, his family expected that he would use his alleged talents to further serious debate and educate the public. Instead, he chose to become a shill for right-wing media and their corporate sponsors."

Wallace had long been unhappy with his son's career path, but Sadlon said that the final straw came with Chris' interview of Former President Bill Clinton -- an interview in which the younger Wallace strongly implied that Clinton bore the brunt of responsibility for the September 11th, 2001 attacks on New York and Washington D.C.

"The fact is that Chris has never been particularly good at journalism," Sadlon said, "but that interview clearly demonstrates that even a tiny amount of talent can cause great harm when used inappropriately."

Wallace had reportedly offered his son the use of additional genes for honesty and journalistic integrity, but talks broke down when it was revealed that all Fox hosts have a strict "no integrity" clause in their contracts.

There's no word yet on whether Chris Wallace's mother, Norma Kaphan, plans to join the lawsuit, though she is rumored to be unhappy with Chris' use of her genes for intelligence, compassion and personal hygiene.

[mike_c]

1. straight to the Greatest Page with you....

Do not pass GO.

[Bunny]

2. K&R

:thumbsup:

[Catherine Vincent]

3. LOL!

I almost took it for serious.

[Kerrytravelers]

4. Holy Shit.

I got to the second paragraph (sentence one of the second paragraph) before I realized this was a joke. I was thinking... eww and :puke: until I realized...

[XboxWarrior]

10. I want mines back too

My Ex-wife argued in court that I was "no more than a sperm donor"

and the judge didn't see my point......

justice?

$500 a month for a home schooled bigot is what I pay?

[Frustratedlady]

5. How clever!

Wouldn't it be fun if Clinton was called in to testify against Chris? Between Mike's dry wit and Bill's quick wit, Chris, the witless, would be mincemeat.

Dibs for a seat on the jury!

[Pierre.Suave]

6. The Onion?

Or your own work?

[jgraz]

9. Nope, my own twisted little mind

The product of a nasty cold, boredom and lots of Nyquil. But thanks for the comparison! :blush:

[Mabus]

15. I was looking for the Onion link

I was sure I would find it. When I didn't I thought it was because of the tears in my eyes and the fact that I fell off my chair laughing.

Great job! :applause:

I hate to say it but you need to be sick more often. :evilgrin:

[tavalon]

20. Yeah, being told this is Onion worthy is high praise

and I agree. This is a good one!

[liberalmike27]

38. I'm with you, also with the cold

Sneezing, sore throat and a deteriorating cough.

Wallace is a great example, along with the Bushes, for the inheritance tax. They show how generations of once productive Americans degrade over the years to become nearly worthless shills of their own piles of money.

[orpupilofnature57]

56. Kick!!! You've said it in a nutshell

[wicket]

40. Nice work!!!!

I'm dying here! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Pierre.Suave]

46. Its good,

you should do this more often.

[NMDemDist2]

7. ROFL!! K&N n/t

[karlrschneider]

8. ROTFLMAO

k&r!
:toast:

[orpupilofnature57]

11. Chris wouldn't make a pimple on the pioneers ass ,When news had Nut's

Remember '20TH Century' ? He's still on my shit list for his lame attempt to help ShrubCo.

[jgraz]

45. whoops -- wong place

move along...nothing to see here...

:banghead"

[orpupilofnature57]

48. Nice picture of T

[SharonRB]

12. LOL

:rofl:

I love it! Bravo!

[Xipe Totec]

13. His defense attorney claims

Chris inherited nothing from his father.

The proof is incontrovertible; there is no resemblance between Chris Wallace's work and journalism what-so-ever.

[jgraz]

30. heh -- wish I'd thought to add that

:hi:

[orpupilofnature57]

49. Nice picture of T

[Maraya1969]

32. There is the possibility he was switched at birth...Or he is the mailman's son.

[brer cat]

14. k&r Best laugh I've had all day. Thanks!

[Cleita]

16. LOL! You know the old man can let his politics get in the way

of his journalism, too. Remember that awful interview with President Ahmadinejad of Iran? Ihought the elder Wallace let Ahmadinejad wipe the floor with him because his arrogance got in the way of his handling of the interview. It seems the acorn doesn't fall far from that tree.

I did enjoy your satirical take on this though.

[Swamp Rat]

21. Not only did Mike Wallace let Ahmadinejad wipe the floor with him,

he lost a chance for all of us to get serious intel on Ahmadinejad. Instead of acting like a popmpus jerk, he could have been a real journalist by allowing Ahmadinejad to talk and therefore reveal more information we could really use in the future. What an idiot. What an idiot he has for a son. :eyes:

[xchrom]

17. woo-hoo! k&r

[Digit]

18. Brilliant!

Best laugh I have had all day!


Make that...several days....
:rofl:

[Mike Nelson]

19. Mike will ya watch where ya shoot that thang!

lol

[originalpckelly]

22. OK when did you start working for the Onion?

That's one of the best parodies I've read in a while!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:woohoo:

I lucky I was drinking anything at the time, or you might just owe me a new keyboard!

[lordsummerisle]

23. Great work jgraz!

I bought it too for a few sentences... :eyes:

[Massacure]

24. Haha, this deserves a bookmark!

:rofl:

[HughBeaumont]

25. DU should have it's own fake news forum.

How many regular contributors would be there to let off steam?

K&R.

[proud2BlibKansan]

26. LOL

Poor Mike. I know he is probably very embarrassed by this kid of his.

[Straight Shooter]

27. Brilliant satire!

:yourock:

[vixengrl]

28. Damn funny! n/t

:hi:

[pacalo]

29. Awesome, awesome satire!

[Hissyspit]

31. Children do not owe their parents fulfillment of the parents' expectations.* That said... very funny

and I wish Mike Wallace would actually do this!

* beyond being a half-decent human being to the best of their capabilities, which Chris has clearly failed to fufill.

[last_texas_dem]

33. Good stuff

[leesa]

34. Excellent job! I hope you're making some money writing.

[jgraz]

37. Not unless you count software

Though I've been told that some of my code is hilarious.

[orpupilofnature57]

50. nICE PICTURE OF t

[jgraz]

55. Yes, but what do you think of my picture of T?

Cuz I'm a little fuzzy on your feelings about this

;)

[orpupilofnature57]

57. Excellent , Anthony j.r. ,Shrub ,Chris and all the other zeros born to heroes.

[AtomicKitten]

35. Brilliant!

Well done, K&R

[Generic Other]

36. Ho Ho Ho That was funny!

Bravo!

[No Exit]

39. Priceless:"it was revealed that all Fox hosts have a strict 'no integrity' clause in their contract"

:yourock:

[Raster]

41. How I wish it were true! Chris Wallace is but a pale shadow behind his father.

Damned good jgraz! You made me chuckle this fine Sunday morning.
:kick:75!

[Subdivisions]

42. "...paternally inherited skills and characteristics..." Ummm...

Suit over because Chris Wallace DIDN'T inherit anything from paternally from Mike. He'll be lucky to inherit Mike's loot when he passes.

[jgraz]

43. Ooohh -- wouldn't it be sweet if Mike left him NOTHING??

Dude deserves it for his bullshit crack about his dad's mental competency. What a fucking asshat.

[KAT119]

44. Wonderful article-thank you....

[yurbud]

47. if you spun Chris in a centrifuge long enough, you could separate out dad's DNA...

[RiverStone]

51. Did Mike have an affair with Ann Coulter's mother?

That could explain things!

[jgraz]

54. Sorry, Ann Coulter was hatched from a spore

[Tiggeroshii]

52. THUS IS HUGH!!!!!

!!!1!!1

[ComerPerro]

53. but he has no inherited skills or looks or features TO surrender.