Kansas Outlaws Practice Of Evolution

[eppur_se_muova]

November 28, 2006 | Issue 42•48

TOPEKA, KS—In response to a Nov. 7 referendum, Kansas lawmakers passed emergency legislation outlawing evolution, the highly controversial process responsible for the development and diversity of species and the continued survival of all life.

"From now on, the streets, forests, plains, and rivers of Kansas will be safe from the godless practice of evolution, and species will be able to procreate without deviating from God's intended design," said Bob Bethell, a member of the state House of Representatives. "This is about protecting the integrity of all creation."

The sweeping new law prohibits all living beings within state borders from being born with random genetic mutations that could make them better suited to evade predators, secure a mate, or, adapt to a changing environment. In addition, it bars any sexual reproduction, battles for survival, or instances of pure happenstance that might lead, after several generations, to a more well-adapted species or subspecies.

Violators of the new law may face punishments that include jail time, stiff fines, and rehabilitative education and training to rid organisms suspected of evolutionary tendencies. Repeat offenders could face chemical sterilization.

To enforce the law, Kansas state police will be trained to investigate and apprehend organisms who exhibit suspected signs of evolutionary behavior, such as natural selection or speciation. Plans are underway to track and monitor DNA strands in every Kansan life form for even the slightest change in allele frequencies.
***
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/55807

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. It's about time someone stood up for God!!

I hope this is the first step in bringing America back to God's chosen, special country!

Though it is kind of odd that Kansas would outlaw something that doesn't exist...

[TwentyFive]

2. For laughs....somebody should post this in freeperville.

Just seeing the reactions would bring belly laughs.

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. Not funny anymore

Kansas voted out the far right school board members in August and will be changing the science standards in January, as soon as the new board meets.

[Rowdyboy]

9. Might have been funny back before Kansas voters threw the bums out....

Really proud for you guys in Kansas! Kicked ass on the biggest asshole in state government when you shed your attorney general....Way to go!!!

[Warren DeMontague]

15. Good for you guys.

Unfortunately, don't these clowns keep getting voted back in every couple years after they get voted out?

[proud2BlibKansan]

17. I think that pattern is over

They are being purged from their own party.

[Warren DeMontague]

19. 'Bout time. Congratulations!

:patriot: :yourock: :patriot:

[sakabatou]

4. Again?!

[valerief]

5. And they've also banned the use of the word "pregnancy" in an

attempt to recapture the purity of 1950's Hollywood films and incorporate it into Kansan culture.

[Quantess]

13. I hope Kansas revives the "Look What the Stork Brought Us" explanation.

Nobody really needs to know where babies come from. It's much more polite to just say the stork brought you the baby.

[Danascot]

6. Not to worry

Eventually evolution will outlaw Kansas

[Gman]

7. They only made it official

Evolution left Kansas many years ago.

[bperci108]

8. "When Evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve..."

:rofl:

[threadkillaz]

10. "I have therefore found it necessary to deny knowledge in order to make room for faith."

-- Immanuel Kant




lol.

Brash Young Floor Trader Trying To Rally Dow All By Self
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/55941

[tinfoil tiaras]

11. "We Need Gon in America Again!"

Haha...on a bipartasan message board I post on, this was a title of a thread (with a c/p article on it about how "America is a Christian Nation" etc). "Gon" should be a Freeperism...hehe.

[bperci108]

12. "Gon"?

Now that's a curious typo....


The N is nowhere near the D.


I'll scratch my head all day on that one. :wtf:

[tinfoil tiaras]

14. Hahaha, i know.

That just makes it all the better :rofl:

[Warren DeMontague]

16. Actually, maybe they really meant "Gon"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gon_%28manga%29

According to Wikipedia: Gon is a fictional tiny dinosaur and the title character of a classic Japanese manga, created by Masashi Tanaka. Gon features the completely wordless adventures of the irascible title character as he interacts with the natural world, depicted by Tanaka in lush, realistic detail. Gon somehow survived the extinction of his fellow dinosaurs and interacts with paleolithic animals.

[and-justice-for-all]

18. If it was true...

..May they feel the wrath of Harris and Dawkins upon them.

ID = Junk Science (Well, just Junk because it has nothing to do with science..)

[Quantess]

20. Be nice, people.

Obviously, Kansas just wants viruses to stay out of their state!
Now, who among us does not want viruses to leave us alone? Kansas realizes that viruses evolve, so, by outlawing evolution, Kansas hopes to eliminate viruses in their state!
Yeah! Lets Totally Support Kansas!