A confession to DU and an apology that I should be giving to my niece

[shadowknows69]

Had to lose a piece of my soul and honor Saturday night for some lousy life sustaining coin. I had possibly the most vile creature ever to ride in my taxi late Saturday and I should have just kicked him to the curb at once. I think he actually said the word n****r before saying hello to me. Lucky me the ride was about a 20 minute jaunt toward the High School I went to and I was "treated" to possibly the most impressive display of raw racial hate that I've ever seen. I truly wish I had counted because if this guy didn't say the N-word 200 times in 20 minutes then I'm the great and fluffy Lord God himself.

"That God damned bar's got nothin but n****rs and whores in it!! I can't stand those fuckin n****rs!!!" etc. etc. and on, ad nauseum.

If any of you know me at all you know people like this bring the bile to the top of my throat and I only know true hatred myself in the presence of it. I should have shown him the nearest ditch or better yet made a stop at the river and done humanity a favor. Of course I sat there and took it like a good little worker bee and I'm hating myself for it.

Gotta make that money. Can't rock the boat blah blah blah. It comes down to that I was a moral coward that night for security. Ben Franklin would not be proud of me. So I guess I ask forgiveness from you DU and I should be begging it of my racially mixed niece who is the most intelligent and beautiful girl the Gods ever breathed life into.

I swear if I were rich i'd be a super hero. I would have dragged this fucking bigoted boil on the ass of humanity out of my cab face first across the gravel. Always been the professional transporter though and even the monsters get my courtesy. I'm sitting here not even sure if I can go back to the job because there's a significant amount of similar rhetoric coming right from the office and it sickens me but, can't rock that boat.

I hate that we've become a nation that allows and even requires its citizens to sell their integrity for their food. We should be empowered to stand up to such hatred anywhere it rears its head. I know, we should anyway and the consequences be damned. I know and I was weak this time. The Shadow comes before you ashamed. I beg your absolution.

[madokie]

1. Apology accepted

Peace bro' and thanks for not allowing yourself to be one of them

to add: Not that it was necessary

[LisaL]

10. When I worked in retail, the policy is-customer is always right.

So, I understand.

[Demit]

2. I don't think you have anything to apologize for.

I don't think you have to feel bad about this incident vis-a-vis your livelihood. Your livelihood depends on an element of the customer being always right. You didn't let down your integrity—unless you felt compelled to agree with him somehow, and I doubt you did that. Your icy silence in this situation was the right response.

If you had been sitting next to this guy in a bar, or where your positions were roughly equal, you could have registered your distaste more openly. But in this situation, your function was roughly as an employee to his employer. Nobody expects employees to challenge the boss based on politics.

[1932]

3. It would have been quite a lesson for the guy if you pulled over and asked him

to get out.

[Buzz Clik]

16. It wouldn't have changed him at all.

shadowknows69 would have lost some money -- maybe lost his job if the customer complained -- and the racist piece of trash would have gone on unfazed and unrepentant.

Good choice, shadowknows69. Racism is my hot button issue, but we must chose the proper time and place for our battles.

[1932]

65. Maybe if shadowknows69's boss is black,

he wouldn't be fired.

And wouldn't it be worth whatever money you lost to feel like you've done something good?

[YOY]

4. As a hack, you have the luck to have an insight to humanity that few get to witness

You see the worst and the best. Nothing to apologize about.

If no one was there to see the seething underbelly of reality that sometimes makes our world a worse place then we would be caught by an even worse surprise when it rears its head and strikes the rest of us.

When the majority of your fares are scum of the earth then you have to really start worrying.

Good job on keeping your cool. No shame in that and you have nothing to apologize for!

[denese]

5. all manner of blessings on you

:hug: shadowknows

I've been exposed to the evil dark side of humanity myself lately too.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You may not be a superhero but I have read your postings and you are one hell of a human being.
Peace and love to you.

[shadowknows69]

8. I've also been part of the dark side

at times in my life. Not as a bigot. I've never been cursed with that mindset thankfully despite my father's small attempts to teach me otherwise, but I've not been an angel always, and certainly, probably am not one now. I suspect it's a penance of sorts that I have to be nice to the truly vile occasionally.

[bleedingheart]

6. Why should you feel bad? Your not the racist...

hell I have spent many a Christmas Eve with my bigot uncle who has even congratulated Hitler on exterminating Jews...When I stood up to him in disgust, I was given the third degree about how "he's old and can't you just humor him?" I remember saying..."Here we are celebrating the Jewish Prince of Peace and you are congratulating the devil himself.."

[many a good man]

7. Should've given him the "racist surcharge"

$1 per "N" word.

[shadowknows69]

9. lol

I wish, I would have had a real good night. I think I'll talk to the boss about implementing that one. Thanks for making me laugh.

[npincus]

11. look, you can't knock sense into every asshole out there

granted, your situation was worse, but I had to sit ina meeting with a big client wearing a giant "Bush-Cheney" button- that had pictures on it! ANd contained the word "love"!!!

[dysfunctional press]

12. there is still freedom of speech/thought in this country, whether you like it or not

to take physical retaliation on someone for expressing their Constitutional right to free speech would be horribly Wrong.

you were correct not to do so.

[Gormy Cuss]

17. He was being assaulted. He had the right to take reasonable measures against it.

Reasonable as in kicking the customer out of his cab, not pummeling him. Freedom of speech does not require that you listen without reaction after all.

[shadowknows69]

18. No but my job pretty much does

n/t

[Gormy Cuss]

29. I realize that your job rules may have prevented you from taking that action.

My point was that freedom of speech doesn't entitle any of us to assault someone verbally without consequence.

[dysfunctional press]

50. verbal "assault" can only be responded to in kind.

it's not right, legal, nor moral to physically accost somebody merely for expressing thoughts/words that you don't agree with.

[Gormy Cuss]

52. "Assault" =attack.

And a tirade that triggers an emotional response, particularly when the audience is captive, is an assault. If you would please reread my post I made no suggestion that the OP physically attack anyone, only that an appropriate response would be to refuse to be subjected to the tirade.

[dysfunctional press]

53. and as you also pointed out- when the "assault" happens while on the job-

generally, the only appropriate way to 'refuse to be subjected to the tirade' is to walk away from the job yourself- rather than refusing or turning away a customer. unless you work for yourself and/or have been given the power/leeway to make such a decision by those for whom you work.

[shadowknows69]

55. I didn't beat the man

just felt like it. you won't find a bigger champion of free speech than me. I know we must suffer the fools as well as the prophets. My free speech just happens to think this guy is a waste of skin.

[dysfunctional press]

56. when you start to hate people for being hateful...

you've already lost.

[shadowknows69]

21. Assaulted isn't the word for it

He even uttered the words at one point. "I don't even care if you're married to a n****r! I hate em all!"

I wouldn't know where to find a n****r to marry one but If I we're married to an african american woman he'd probably be a missing person today.

[pnwmom]

26. Maybe you could have replied

"And I don't care if you're married to a racist. I hate 'em all."

[dysfunctional press]

45. Assault DEFINITELY isn't the word for it-

people have the right to free speech- had the OP assaulted the fare for expressing himself verbally, he would have been in the wrong, and subject to arrest.

and rightfully so.

[dysfunctional press]

46. he was not being assaulted.

and the op didn't say that he should have merely asked him to leave the cab- he felt that some type of physical beating was due the rider for exercising his rights.

it gets kind of dicey when you decide to use hatefulness against hatefulness.

[Gormy Cuss]

51. I'm not talking about a legal definition, although if the fare threatened violence that would

qualify as a simple assault at least in some U.S. jurisdictions. Regardless of whether it meets the legal standard, it meets the dictionary definition of assault to have a hateful verbal tirade directed at you.

But on meeting hatefulness with hatefulness, there is nothing hateful about refusing the fare. Dumping the guy at the end of a dark alley or in the middle of nowhere would be hateful. Telling him to get out and find another cab isn't. Although I agree with the OP's desire to beat the crap out of the guy, I wouldn't agree to him acting on it. However as I said earlier, a reasonable reaction would be ejection from the cab because nothing about free speech requires him or anyone else to remain in the presence of someone spewing hate speech. Phelps of "God Hates" fame has a protected right to have his followers display vicious slogans at military funerals but that doesn't mean that he has the right to do so on the sidewalk in front of the church.

[dysfunctional press]

62. the hateful tirade wasn't directed at the op...

he was just in the presence of it. as for ejecting a fare for objectional speech- if the driver owns the cab- that's his decision...if he doesn't, it probably isn't.

and if the sidewalk in front of the church is public property, phelps definitely has that right.

[QuestionAll...]

34. shadow, fyi, I am the elipse QuestionAll...

and don't necessarily agree with my evil twin. ;)

[shadowknows69]

35. Everyone should have an evil twin

I have one that smokes too much pot, listens to evil rock music and cusses like a sailor. Oh wait that's me. B-)

[dysfunctional press]

47. who's the REAL evil twin...?

my money is on the one who doesn't believe in freedom of speech.

[Brewman_Jax]

13. Thank you for the kind thought

and the realization that those that spew that vitrol don't all look like this:
and

[shadowknows69]

19. Oh, I guarantee this guy was probably a member.

Just didn't wear his sheet to the bar.

[Brewman_Jax]

37. No doubt

if you feel that you require penance, then remember to stand up to them when you can, (I understand that you have to work for a living). It's a bigger impact coming from you than me, being one of "those people". I've never seen redder faces and louder silence coming from those scumbags when a white guy lets them have it.

[shadowknows69]

38. Those people?

I only know two kinds of people. Human beings and not. I suspect you're a HB. ;-)

[Brewman_Jax]

39. Thanks

:hi:

unfortunately, there are too many people who think like your fare from the other day.

[Nobody]

74. Would that make him a sheethead?

If I were you, I'd ask your boss what the company policy is on ejecting rude and insulting customers. This guy was rude, obnoxious, and using language that was insulting to your niece.

I can't walk into a coffeehouse and order a &*%@^@ latte with &*@^&%# skim milk and they'd better be (*&@&^#$$^@ snappy about getting to my &*%@^#( table. They'd throw me out in a heartbeat. There are standards of civilized behavior we all have to adhere to in public. One of them is to wear clothing even when it's 100 degrees out, and another is to be reasonably polite when doing business. Since when are customers allowed to rant and rave at service providers?

Find out what the standards of conduct are and see if you can get training in diffusing situations where you have to eject someone from your cab. Making a rule is one thing, enforcing it is another.

Restaurants have the right to tell someone to leave if they're being obnoxious and disturbing other diners, you should have the right to do something similar.

[zbdent]

14. Maybe you should have given him a free ride ... to the neighborhood which

is completely "nothin but n****rs and whores" and watch the news the next day ...

[shadowknows69]

20. Bwahh ha ha ha

"Oh, I'm sorry sir there seems to be something wrong with my cab. I'm going to have to call a tow truck so you're going to have to wait over there. Have fun now."

[Lisa]

61. beautiful!

Wasn't there a Jonathan Winters sketch about a pro-Nazi guy who dresses up as his idol Hitler for Halloween -- who ends up fleeing for his life through a very tough New York neighborhhood?

[shrike]

15. I almost threw one of my husband's friends out of the car

Slowed down, looked at the curb and said, "If you say that word one more time, you're walking." He didn't.
It helps when you're the driver.

[shadowknows69]

22. What really baffles me about people like this guy

is their NEED it seems to announce to the world their hatred. If you don't like black people fine, that's your hang up. Why the desire to broadcast it to the world? Must be some vain attempt to find other people to validate their pathetic beliefs? I have to hope that it means that pieces of shit like this are a dying breed if they have to hate so loud to make themselves feel good. Hopefully he spews his hate at the wrong place some day and, to use some "urban" slang, someone busts a cap in his ass.

[pnwmom]

24. Had he been drinking? Drunks say a lot of mean, stupid things.

Ask Mel Gibson.

[shadowknows69]

25. lol indeed,

Drunk yes but this went beyond inebriated ramblings. This guys wears, sleeps, eats, drinks and shits his hate.

[pnwmom]

23. Don't beat yourself up over this. You don't deserve it.

Your anger probably had you frozen up -- afraid that if you reacted at all you'd find yourself taking a swing at him.

But you might think about what you could say the next time you had a jerk like this in your cab.

For example, one approach that comes to my mind -- said in a kind of slow, relaxed drawl. "Oh really? Huh." (Pause for effect.) " I always liked that story Jesus told, about the good Samaritan. He always liked people who were different. I guess I do, too."

[shadowknows69]

27. Perfect pnwmom

Wanna be a cabbie co-pilot? B-)

[pnwmom]

28. The thing is, I've been through the terrible two's three times.

You learn how to respond to crazy little people. If you're lucky you can later apply those skills to crazy big people.

:silly:

[shadowknows69]

30. Unfortunately the big crazy people sometimes have guns

and the red necked ones more often than others. I think I need to be getting myself one too but I may have been sickened enough to just end this asshole for the good of the world if I did so...

[pnwmom]

31. Right. I know. That's why I'd try to stay very calm

when one is stuck in the backseat behind me.

You have a scary job for sure. Good luck, shadowknows69.

[noamnety]

48. That's a great response

I'm gonna save that for the next time I hear people bashing immigrants.

[MamaBear]

32. Thank you for your honesty.

Absolutely no absolution required: you recognized what was coming out of the back seat for what it was, and you did not join in or encourage it further. You did fine.

If you really want some penance, try thinking about the abject fear that is really behind that sort of speech. Here's a guy who is so unsure of his standing among people that he has to make sure you don't mistake him for one of *them* or somebody who likes or tolerates *them* --

A person who is so profoundly afraid of the Other is a sad case, indeed.

Peace to you and also to your niece.

[shadowknows69]

33. Mama I wish my soul was so sparkly clean

But by not standing we do encourage and you even have to do the obligatory nod or "uh huh" to these morans. Act interested if not in agreement. All part of the game of tuning it out and getting to the end of the ride. Still makes me feel dirty. Thank you though.

[KansDem]

36. This deserves a "Choirboys" moment...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075845/">The Choirboys (1977)

In one particular scene in this movie about LA cops, Louis Gossett, Jr. and Clyde Kusatsu portray two police officers riding together in a squad car when they pull over a motorist for a routine traffic stop. Well, this guy gets out of his car shouting insults at them about being pulled over and drawing into question their intelligence, and other implications (I don't recall if there are any overt racial insults). Both Gossett and Kusatsu play very cool and professional officers in the face of this screaming, belittling SOB. At one point a gun falls out of the motorist's coat and both Gossett and Kusatsu see it. Their reaction is very subtle but you know they're thinking something like, "Well, well, what do we have here...?" The tables are turned for now they can arrest him for carrying a concealed weapon. They very calmly read his his rights and 'cuff him, but instead of an "in your face" attitude, the two officers maintain a very professional demeanor. But you just know they're enjoying it!

Anyway, they take the motorist to the police station and by now he's pleading with them and whining and crying... And you know true justice has been served! As the saying goes: "Karma's a bitch."

We all need a "Choirboys" moment once in a while

[Catherine Vincent]

40. You should have told him if he doesn't want to see n******

anymore, he should move to Idaho somewhere. You're right, he did sound vile with all that hatred and I think the reason you didn't say anything is because you were probably shocked someone would be vocal with their hatred like that. You shouldn't feel bad. Thank you and you shouldn't apologize.

[happydreams]

44. Good point. There is a stage of shock

when confronted with something like this, then you have to think it out. There could also be a sense of fear if the guy is that loony. It all takes time to process.

A number of times I've felt guilty for not "doing the right thing" at a moment like this.
(( Then I got a degree in psychology.))

[Sapphire Blue]

41. Now, imagine for a moment how you would have felt if you were Black.

[Generic Other]

64. I bet the creep wouldn't have said a word to him if he was black

For one, he wouldn't have wanted to get his ass kicked. He felt safe saying it to Shadow. That's my guess. If he had known what Shadow was feeling, he would have been afraid. Most of these sorts of loudmouths are also cowards.

I feel sorry for Shadow. It's hard when someone like that mistakes you for one of his blood brothers. You want so much to disabuse them of the idea. And when you can't, it eats at you.

Sorry Shadow.

[shadowknows69]

77. I can't imagine what that must be like Sapph

But I'm not a stranger to discrimination and ridicule being a large man all my life. It is, in a way, a state of being constantly judged on your skin. This pales in comparision because it has been theoretically possible for me to change that about myself but the hatred you encounter is no less vile.

[Sapphire Blue]

78. All discrimination, hatred, and ridicule hurts.

In the case of overweight people, society's acceptance of it, and even applauding it, makes it hurt that much more. Leno is one who tells 'fat' jokes... and the audience laughs. :cry:

I wish they'd listen to this: Don't Laugh at Me.

:hug:

[5thGenDemocrat]

42. I don't think you have anything to apologize for

In fact, the case that you're upset by the incident tells me that you aren't the one who's all fucked up.
I have to fight my tendencies to slip into racism (racist remarks) and have my whole life. I won't make more of it than to say that my head got polluted by a grandmother, born in 1895 and raised in a conservative Catholic family who went to her grave believing in white superiority.
For that, she also believed in social justice and contributed generously to African missions, soup kitchens and humane societies. I think she saw the racism was a flaw in her, too and, unlike me, was too old to be much affected by the civil rights struggle, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and other influences that helped to shape me.
I have to struggle with my racism every day. And I beat that monster back down every day. But it's always there in the morning waiting to climb out.
Kiss your niece for me.
John
Putting an arm around your shoulder, too.

[sandnsea]

43. Sucky world we live in sometimes

Cuz ya' know, you make choices to not do business with people like that, then it starts to get around that you're "difficult" and then the next thing you know, it's all your fault that you're broke because you made bad choices. hehe.

Yeah, it's a sucky world sometimes. You weren't going to change that guy no matter what you did.

[oxbow]

49. We all learn our lessons one way or another, Shadow

It seems like this guy pushed a lot of your buttons...I actually think that you did the right thing in this situation. If you'd confronted him with all the rage you were feeling at that time, along with the fear of losing your job, getting in a fight etc inside you, things could have quickly devolved into a dangerous situation. You got rid of him as quickly and smoothly as possible, and then started dealing with your emotions. If you had been stronger in yourself, to the point where his hate didn't set off yours and thus cloud your judgement so much, then you could have acted in a way that was for the greatest good. As it was though, you needed to deal with all this crap first. Use this situation to face those parts of yourself that you don't like, and embrace them. That is the only way that you can move past them, into a stonger place within you.

God bless and best of luck to ya...you should know that I always click on your posts and am anxiously awaiting your book deal, my friend.

:hug:

[roguevalley]

54. you don't have to apologize. sometimes its so weird, you can't

react. hugs to you, honey.

[leftofthedial]

57. I have no problem accepting money from

bigot-repuke-nazi assholes

if they exercise their bigotry as a weapon against others, I'll intervene, but if they are privately being a degenerate, I'll take their money. You're a cab driver, not a bigotry cop. Take their money, and mark them down for what they are. You might have an opportunity to use that information constructively later.

I'm glad you're pissed about it though.

[jgraz]

58. If you owe an apology, then we all do

All of us have chosen security over morals to some extent these past 6 years. I used my savings to make a down-payment on a house, instead of pouring it into the 2004 campaign (don't think I didn't consider it).

I *did* rock the boat at a previous job, and I found myself out on my ass. Surprisingly, I found could do far less for the cause of light while I was looking for work and scrounging for food and mortgage money. Once I had some income, I was able to be lot more helpful to the people and causes I care about.

If you really want to make up for it, send a night's tips to the Southern Poverty Law Center. That way, you didn't sell your integrity for food, you just chose to act strategically.

[MercutioATC]

59. You fed your family. Nothing more, nothing less.

You are not appointed "arbiter of all that should be" when you get behind the wheel.

You did fine.

You certainly didn't fail anybody.

Peace, brother.

[EFerrari]

60. We'll all have to deal with these @ssholes every day.

The Republicans have made sure of that. They've been gorging themselves on hatred for forty years.

Be strong, my friend, and kick their @ss whenever you can.

:hug:

[tom_paine]

63. You've gotta pick and choose your battles and you've got to take care of the family

That's job #1. Life in the workplace is about compromise and caution.

I think Ben Franklin would not be ashamed of you. I think that he might ask if anything was at stake beyond your pride in this incident. And I even think he might have agreed with your actions in keeping your job.

Because nothing was really at stake here. Your inaction did not harm anyone.

Does that mean there is never a time to risk things? Of course not. But risking livelihood or other things should only be done for good causes in which inaction will lead to harm.

Proportional response, is the term I am thinking of.

So, I don't think you did wrong here, except to your pride, and that will heal.

If you are going to risk your livelihood, do it for something that REALLY means something, like protesting a demonstrably stolen election or saving lives.

[Mich Otter]

66. Keep your niece out of it.

There is no reason for you to try to dump your guilty feelings by talking with your niece. She does not deserve to have her day spoiled by hearing of another ignorant racist in Amerikkka.

[shadowknows69]

67. I hadn't planned on it

n/t

[dansolo]

68. I'm probably going to get flamed for this

But frankly, I find your behavior far more disturing than your customer's. I find it troubling that you are apologizing, not because you were tempted towards violence, but because you chose not to attack him. If you were to actually do what you apparently are fantasizing about doing, it would make you a far worse person that some foul mouthed bigot.

[shadowknows69]

72. I would never attack anyone

if feeling like it makes me a horrible person so be it. Gandhi I aint.

[Canuckistanian]

69. You gotta wonder about guys like that

What makes them like that? Why do they have to be so vocal, so demonstrative?

It's almost like a pitiful cry for attention. Life's kicked them in the teeth, so they've got to find an oppressor to blame.

No doubt, he's had a horrible childhood. Not that it's any excuse

But people like that usually end up badly. So, you probably end up vindicated anyways.

The best revenge is to live well. And it looks like you're doing that already.

Good on ya, mate!

:toast:

[Miss Chybil]

70. A nation is made up of a whole bunch of individuals.

Hopefully, next time you will be stronger - for yourself and the rest of us.

On edit: Not stronger towards violence. Violence is wrong. Stronger towards your convictions. Maybe, next time you will simply ask someone like that to find another ride.

[EFerrari]

71. My friend, sometimes we are just witnesses.

The hate crowd has been very busy for the last forty years. So it shouldn't be too much of a surprise that we sometimes witness their mindless, heartless hatred.

Don't let it touch you. It will burn itself out as all hatred does.

[democrank]

73. Sometimes no response

is the best response of all.

[BoneDaddy]

75. You don't owe anyone an apology

You made a choice and I believe a very reasonable and valid choice. You weighed the odds and realized that your job (and all of those who depend upon you)is more important than confronting a racist, who would most likely be still be a racist regardless of how you confronted them.

These people exist and certainly it is well within your rights and choices to choose to change people like that, but it has been my experience that unless something like a "road to Damascus" conversioin occurs, nothing will change with this person. They will be angry, ignorant and bitter their entire lives. Life will also have a comeupance for them, it doesn't have to be your job on the line to do it.

When we work, we have to filter what we say or do, otherwise we would be out of a job. And regardless of what people may say, your job is not worth giving that prick the satisfaction of having you lose it.

[lectrobyte]

76. You have nothing to apologize for, but I understand the feeling. I always

want to go home and get some clorox for my brain when that happens.