WTF?????

[proudlibal]

Help! My dumb-ass Republican dad, sent me this horrible little Christmas greeting today. I am a bit pissed off about it, and would like to return the gesture!!! Does anyone know of a good website, or have a nice little poem or saying, that I could use to send to him??


For Our Democratic Friends & Family:


"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."


For Our Republican Friends & Family:


Here's wishing all of You a


Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and may GOD bless you all!!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:wtf:

[jilln]

1. Maybe he just thinks it's funny (nt)

[proudlibal]

6. Sure

You don't understand. He is really mean when it comes to politics. Bill O and Rush are his idols. He sent this to me out of spite!! I just would like to jab back at him for once!

[Midlodemocrat]

12. Maybe you two need to stop discussing politics if this is such an

issue for you. :shrug:

[jilln]

17. OK, then maybe this year you should celebrate Festivus.

That way you can air your grievances and challenge him to some feats of strength.

[Dorian Gray]

69. Is it bad that I sort of found it funny....

???

On the scale of things to be offended about, I don't think that ranks really high up. The OP should just respond with "Ha ha! Very funny Dad!"

And an eyeroll! :eyes:

[derby378]

2. Sounds like a combination of a George Carlin routine and a SOUTH PARK episode

You know, the one with the holiday play where Phillip Glass supplied the music.

[Leftisalwaysright]

3. Hmmm

I can't think of anything off hand, but I'll think about it.

My Dad's a Republican too :-(

[southernleftylady]

4. agreed that he prob just thinks it is funny.. i on the other hand like being complicated ;) lol nt

[RedStateShame]

5. The expression I'm looking for here is "lost cause"

You can't teach a conservative comedy. You're more likely to teach a dog trigonometry.

[wicket]

18. You got that right

Dennis Miller is decidely unfunny now that he has made his right-wing swing.

[BOSSHOG]

7. I find it sad

that a father would send a son such a thing unless he is joking. Dad's got a sense of humor??

For republican friends and family - Allow me to offer a free ride to the Army Recruiting Station. And I'll be sure to pick up a magnetic yellow ribbon to my put on my car for you.

[karmaqueen]

19. Good one, lol! n/t

[wryter2000]

22. Ding, ding, ding -- We have a winner

For republican friends and family - Allow me to offer a free ride to the Army Recruiting Station. And I'll be sure to pick up a magnetic yellow ribbon to my put on my car for you.

[Cha]

39. "And I'm sure bush will wish

you a Merry Christmas and God Bless you all".

[wryter2000]

70. BOSSHOG

Someone posted the same "joke" on our company electronic bb, and I used your response.

:yourock: :woohoo: :applause:

[BOSSHOG]

79. Spread the word near and far my friend

I have to admit though that I have failed in my endeavor to get anyone to the recruiting station. It seems whenever I bring the subject of joining the military up, its as if I let go an extremely loud and noxious fart. No one wants anything to do with me. Obviously chickenhawks have some sort of code of honor; you ain't getting my ass in uniform.

[RoBear]

8. Tell him HAPPY SATURNALIA!

and promise to remember him to the goddess while you're dancing naked around the pagan fertility symbol in your living room.

Usually works for me...

[Virginia Dare]

9. Reply "Jo, Saturnalia"!

http://www.novareinna.com/festive/xmas.html

[Kelly Rupert]

14. Make sure that's pronounced "yo," though.

Wouldn't want to be imprecise.

[proudlibal]

23. Thank You

Very informative. Thank You.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. How about:

"Thanks, Dad. I had no idea that you thought so highly of the Democrats."

[proudlibal]

15. Thank You

This could work. Simple, understated, and sure to get at him!

[Kelly Rupert]

11. I think it's kinda funny, actually.

I don't agree with the message there--that Democrats are soulless lawyerbots--but I find the precise expansion of a common phrase amusing. I think it's always amusing to put things in legalese, political overtones or no. I can laugh at myself.

[Mike Daniels]

31. It's kinda funny in a verbal Rube Goldberg-esque sort of way

and sent by itself I wouldn't neccesarily find it offensive.

I guess the context in which it was sent would be a major factor in how one interprets it.

[Kelly Rupert]

34. Yeah, I think that's fair n/t

[Tiggeroshii]

37. yeah, it is pretty funny...

n/t

[sallyseven]

13. Maybe your adopted and he is not

your father really. I cannot imagine sending something like that to my son or daugher even if they were evil republicans.

[Red Zelda]

16. Like the difference between a constitution

and a simple order from the dictator

[tsuki]

20. Just me-

For Our Democratic Friends & Family:

Here's wishing you Happy Holidays, Peace on Earth and Prosperity in the New Year.


For Our Racist Republican Friends & Family:

Here's wish you a WHITE Christmas.

[Lusted4]

21. Tell your dad you find him as you do his greeting, shallow as an Earl Scheib paint job. n/t

[judaspriestess]

24. find some photos of injured US soldiers

dead Iraqi children (pics are out there) and that asshole "church" that protest at soldiers funerals against gays. That shows how much they "support" the troops. I forget the name.

Then name it: Merry Christmas to all republicans a.k.a. Christians from Hell.

Rememeber Thou Shall not use God's name in vain.


Happy Holidays.

[wryter2000]

25. Send him this

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=385x8458

You can link to it on Youtube if you don't want to mention DU. And be sure to hit "reply to all" so his whole list sees it.

[proudlibal]

26. YES!

Wow!! that was great! I think I will send that to him just for laughs!!! Thank You so much.

[cynatnite]

59. My RW SUV driving mom laughed her butt off over it...

She can be a regular nutball sometimes, but we had a great time watching it together...twice.

[kstewart33]

27. I would just skip it and move on.

He's obviously waiting for a response which, regardless of what you say, will make him feel even more self-satisfied and smug.

So let it go. And geez, no more talking about politics at the holiday table. He's too insufferable.

I don't know how you can talk politics with a guy like that.

[proudlibal]

30. I know

I try not to, but he always finds a way to get in a little " liberal jab"!! I just hate it.

[Madrone]

28. K.I.S.S.

Go Fuck Yourself.

Hey, it worked for Cheney. :shrug:

[Bluebear]

29. Tell him it's a shame he is politicizing the Baby Jesus. nt

[Dr.Phool]

32. Order him a subscription to "The Nation" for X-mas.

And a copy of Howard Zinn's "A Peoples History of The United States, 1492-Present".

[walldude]

33. Here's a nice response

Dear Republican,
You lost. Get over it. Happy Holidays.

[BrewAz]

35. It is kind of funny...but he got the labels wrong....

The only citizens in our country who feel they need to use the words that are listed (The paragraph being sent to the Democrats)...are right wing Republicans, trying to be funny. Of course the words are in fact funny, because they are an over top attempt to make fun of the social, religious and cultural pluralism issues here in the US....an over statement, that with the right inflection and "dour look" would get yuks at a Comedy Club.

Liberals, Democrats and Progressives, would in fact NEVER feel the need to say all the gobbly-gook...most just live to a set of principles that promote equality, individualism and freedom...no need to make a big deal out of it.

So, actaully...the first paragraph (which is an attempt at humor, pointed to Dems) really is a lot funnier if it is addressed to Repubs...since they are the ones who need to be reminded of the issues on a daily basis because they would just as soon forget that everyone is not like them and they abhor differences.....and overstating the case is REAL tongue in cheek humor. Just read it as if you are saying it to your Pop....Don't you think it is funnier?

Most Dems I know...even those who are not Christian...say: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or Happy Holidays, which ever is appropriate, because they care....and I usually get hugs and kisses too.

Merry Christmas... Happy Hanukkah...Happy Holidays!!

xoxoxoxo

BrewAz

[HCE SuiGeneris]

61. Nice response -- and those poor Repugs will never learn

that they are really humorless cretins. :toast: BrewAz from a fellow golfer on AZ.

[Bridget Burke]

36. You could ask him why his Spam sources are so outdated....

That little piece has been around since 2001, at least. And Google finds more than 500 other "hits."

www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=%22our+best+wishes+for+an+environmentally+conscious%22+

At least, some of the other versions have actual paragraph breaks!

[Nick Fallon]

38. Solution

A punch your dad's mouth, destroy all presents he gives you so he will not get his money back, then disown him. If he doesn't accept you for you, then he is not a good father.

[Duer 157099]

40. Frankly, this actually displays something important

and it doesn't offend me, in fact, it's a compliment to progressives.

In one case (the first) one has to actually be able to read and think critically to understand the message. In the second case, it's a meaningless and trite stringing-together of familiar words that takes little to no thought to write or read.

That sums it up just fine for me.

[warrens]

41. To our Republican friends

Here's hoping you can take a moment off from slaughtering people around the world, exploding the national deficit, giving tax breaks to billionaires, rigging elections, raping the environment and poisoning the public discourse long enough to enjoy a happy, peaceful and prosperous holiday, no matter what your religious affiliation or lack thereof.

[proudlibal]

43. I Love It

Perfect... Thank You

[Ron Green]

42. Last year. Same thing. Tired. Ho-hum. Got anything new?

[sinkingfeeling]

44. I thank him for his warm greetings and gently point out that the upcoming year will be

2007...and we're still stuck in Iraq with more death and destruction daily.

[valerief]

45. Send him the link to armchairsubversives.com. nt

[seabeyond]

46. tell him thank you very much for participation in fucking up everyones

christmas by making a war of it,.... when all we are looking for is celebrating the turning the other cheek jesus's bday

[crim son]

47. I can imagine my republican father sending that and thinking it's funny

while also "educational". And I can imagine myself ignoring it.

[July]

48. Dear fellow man and woman,

Since I wish us all to share the same rights and freedoms equally (see "rights, unalienable,"and "created equal, all men," U.S. Declaration of Independence) and am not so insecure about my own religious beliefs as to require you to believe what I believe or celebrate the holidays I celebrate (see Amendment I, U.S. Constitution), Happy Holidays to all!

[unpossibles]

49. ask for the Bluest Christmas gifts you can think of

I was going to ask my freeper-in-law for a DVD of An Inconvenient Truth and buy him a copy also.

[Catherine Vincent]

50. Respond back and say...

"Happy Kwanza!"

[deaniac21]

71. respond back???

[Catherine Vincent]

75. Yes?

[high density]

51. Well I had a coworker send me the "send a Christmas card to the ACLU" chain email the other day...

Such joys.

[librechik]

52. just tell him don't bother--Democrats & Liberals already got their holiday gift!

Republicans Lost!

[wryter2000]

53. Oooh, I like that one

We got rid of Rummy and Bolton, and January promises to be better and better.

[VOX]

54. Ouch! Good one, librechik! n/t

[Kingshakabobo]

55. Don't forget: "GET OVER IT" nt

[sandnsea]

56. I'm sorry

Because he's your father I'll presume he has other redeeming qualities - but I think sending you that email just sucks. I don't know what is wrong with people who think it's cute to ridicule their own kids. This is a prime example of shittier behavior than using a curse word and why I can't stand hypocrites who will do garbage like this while pompously patting themselves on the back for not cussing.

[eridani]

57. Send him the following little ditty--

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=2823897&mesg_id=2824331
teenagebambam

‘Twas some weeks before Christmas, and all thru the town,
decorations were hung over trees not yet brown.
“Why the rush?” I did muse, “to be merry and gay,
when we’ve not even set our Thanksgiving buffet?”

Yet the ‘Christians’ were out, and they dared to declare,
“You won’t let us be Christians! It just isn’t fair!
We want to hear 'Christmas' when we go to the stores,
To buy our big-screen TVs and dress our daughters like whores!”

I puzzled a bit at their public distress;
Surely Jesus would not have endorsed such a mess?
It was He, after all, who was heard to intone,
“When you pray, go away, thou shalt do it alone!” (Matthew 6:5-6)

“You have every freedom in this land of ours,
To pray in courthouses, schools, and even bars!
The problem, you see, is if you had your druthers
You’d dictate the prayers to be said by all others!”

“But our nation,” they cried, “is a Christian-y land,
We’re being oppressed, you don’t understand!
The Founding Fathers were God-fearing all,
They would want us to celebrate Mass at the mall!”

I puzzled some more, for a cursory glance
Through the History books showed a very slim chance
That the great men who founded our Nation would care
If you’re Christian or Jewish or something more rare!

Washington, Jefferson, Adams, and Paine,
State-sponsored worship they all did disdain.
One can imagine just how much more
They’d have hated religion pushed by a store!

“Besides,” then I thought, “I’m as Christian as you,
but have many friends – Atheist, Muslim, and Jew.
My ‘Happy Holidays’ doesn’t slight your belief,
But acknowledges theirs – so what’s your beef?”

But my words of good sense fell on ignorant ears,
Who continued to rail against their imaginary fears.
So to you, dearest friends, these two words I transmit;
Happy Holidays to all – even dumb hypocrites.

[cynatnite]

60. That is great!

It's a keeper!

[and-justice-for-all]

58. Well that repuke 'letter' shows us one thing....

..That the general repuke population has no fucking idea what it means to be a Democrat. I guess it wasnt obvious enough for them to see that even their party consist of many different people, all of which are sadly trapped in the same delusion.

[nicknameless]

62. You could send him this:

We’re very happy about the recent election and ecstatic that MOST Americans finally woke up.
And we will be enjoying our holidays immensely, thank you.

Happily, THESE dark days are over: http://www.thefrown.com/frowners/becomerepublican.swf

[Fleshdancer]

63. and yet all we ask for is PEACE ON EARTH

go figure :eyes:

[symbolman]

64. Send him a picture of Osama Bin Laden

and tell him that JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF looked Pretty Much like HIM..

That should do the trick, let them WORSHIP what HIS PALS in the Right Wing would profile as a TERRORIST in most airports :)

Jesus was not some Hippie looking WHITE GUY in case they never figured that out..

Oh and don't forget to mention that HE LOST, and that he needs to "get over it", and that MOST of the nation disagrees with him, and THAT is the reason HE LOST.. :)

And that Reagan is as Smart as he ever was right this second..

I got a million of them :)

[timtom]

65. I WAS going to say

I can sort of see the point of view reflected in that mildly amusing satire. But it dawned on me that THAT is just how many right-wingers think -- in convoluted, byzantine terms.

[aceman2373]

66. Lighten up, it is kinda funny.

[ProfessorGAC]

74. To Whom?

I didn't find it funny. I thought it was stupid.
The Professor

[deadparrot]

67. "Happy Holidays."

:hi:

[karlrschneider]

68. Send him this:

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted
a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're 840 feet above sea level.
You are at 31 degrees, 14.29 minutes north latitude, and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes
west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "YOU must be a democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

The balloonist answered, "Everything you told me is technically correct,
but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I am still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "YOU must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going.
You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, then you expect me to solve
your problem. You're in exactly the same situation you were before we met
but, somehow, now it's my fault."

[Bethany Rockafella]

73. LOL! Very funny and true!

I could hear Mike Malloy repeat that joke. It reminds me of the wave file I heard a while back of Malloy to a right winger that called into a show asking what do we do now with the Iraq war.

[karlrschneider]

78. Maybe you've seen this one, I like it too:

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare
his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some
tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first
swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe
to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety
and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's
medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid
medical insurance -- now Joe gets it, too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs.
Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal
fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his
shampoo.

His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents
because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was
putting on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and
takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some
environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries and government from
polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his
government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and
transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation,
which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.


Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay,
medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy
liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's
employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills.


Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's
money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan
because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was
educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his
father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car
is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal
fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third
generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't
want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until-some big-government liberal
stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

Joe is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and
a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take
care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host
keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that Joe's
beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his
day. Joe agrees. "After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of
themselves, just like I have."

[deutsey]

72. Wish him a happy Bodhi Day tomorrow and say you're praying

for his enlightenment. (Bodhi Day celebrates the Buddha's moment of enlightenment).

[ContraBass Black]

76. Wow, it spells "Democratic" correctly.

I wouldn't bother.

[insane_cratic_gal]

77. Don't even rise to it

Just say "Whatever Dad.. Merry Christmas to you too."

leave it at that.

[Sapere aude]

80. Just tell him thanks and that you are going to wipe your ass with it.