It's December 7th, What was YOUR personal Pearl Harbor? Mine was today.

[The Straight Story]

We all have a turning point in life. In the life of our country it might be 12/7 or 9/11 or one of many other dates.

We remember where we were during certain dates, challenger blows up, Kennedy killed, 9/11, Pearl Harbor, etc and so on.

But we each also have our own personal tragedies. Something that happened to us that changed our lives.

Tomorrow is my mom's birthday, and almost two years ago (12/31/2004) she left us. And it crushed me.

And then more deaths followed, and wife got parkinson's disease.

And this morning, after being up most the night, I woke up crying and scared, alone and needing help and a hug.

My life is a financial mess, small change to some I am sure, but to me a huge deal. I have ignored my issues and slipped away from my life and dreams - because I have been in such pain I have not been thinking correctly.

This morning, for some reason, I woke up in terror. I have no out, but I am hopefully finding peace in this war I call life. A failure to my wife and daughter, though they are off having fun for now. But still, I have been sunk. And now I am so depressed I can barely function. Down - but not yet out.

I broke down this morning, weeping like I never have since mom passed. And I just need to post this to get it off my chest in hopes that I might be able to rest.

And that is what got me to thinking - beyond myself, to you and your own personal Pearl Harbor.

We all share certain dates in common, but we also have days we remember where our lives turned. What is yours?

Mine is today, and though I have little hope of a miracle occurring, I do have a sense of getting my act together and making life better. Two years of hell an death came to a head this morning. And while I don't have the answers to my plight, I do have a realization of what is wrong and how to fix it - even if I have no means to fix it.

Today I nearly prayed for the Lord to take me home, I felt my own attack. Sitting here with the 'bombs' raining down on my life, and then a part of me rising up to fight.

My 9/11 was when mom died, my Pearl Harbor was this morning. And I am just a guy in Ohio, you are someone, somewhere, with a similar story. What was it, how did you deal?

Like on 9/11 I am worried and scared. You have felt the same in your life, and weathered it - how did you do it, and what did you learn?

I will be ok I suppose, I just needed to get this off my chest. But I don't want to seem selfish - I am not the only one with issues who needs help. You have had a moment in life that changed you - what was it and how has it helped/changed you?

If nothing else, maybe I will learn.

[TexasLady]

1. First, Im very sorry for your loss

Can I share what has helped me?

In '97 I lost my brother. He died on my 34th bday. Motorcycle accident. Took me through pure hell for almost two years. Then I slowly questioned everything I had ever believed in. So, the past years since his death, I have learned to accept it, and grow on the inside like I never have. I think it has truly been a blessing in disguise. I appreciate things so much more. BUT...

I still have my breakdown moments. I sometimes wake up scared, and I think we all do, for whatever our personal reasons. I think its ok to give ourselves permission to feel scared and feel like crap. It's like you have to go through the gunk and the mud, to get to the dry land sometimes.

But on those mornings where I wake up feeling even a tinge of happiness, I try to go with it. I try to do tiny little things for others. I kind of 'capitalize' on a good day and make it even better. Gratitude seems to be a good start. I mean, don't force it. Youll wind up resenting, which is just the opposite. But when you can feel juuust good enough to say thank you, keep saying it all day long.

I like that saying that there can be no compassion without suffering. It surely rings true for me, as surely as it does most of us.


Most of all, just remember you arent alone. Lots of us sure do hear ya. Remember, it really is temporary.

[noonwitch]

2. I had a friend who killed himself on 12-7

When I was in high school. I always associate those dates, and the anniversary (tomorrow) of John Lennon's death, because I found out about my friend's death on the first anniversary of Lennon's murder (and the radio was playing all his songs).

[TAPat]

3. Hang in, SS - I know it ain't easy...

I can't necessarily pin mine down to a specific day, but there was a time when the rug was pulled out from under us and we struggled mightily for 4 long years. It seemed like forever...

My partner and I were both so painfully depressed every waking moment but we muddled through mostly for the sake of our little daughter, who thankfully doesn't remember the "bad times".

Things turned around about a year and a half ago and we're doing o.k. - at least we don't have to be thinking about which shelter we would have to live in.

And, you know, our change of fortune came just about 2 weeks before we would have had to move to that shelter...

If there is anything that is within my power to help you with please let me know - I mean that sincerely :hug:

[bulletsandspikes]

4. Mine would be 3-20-2000

My friend whom I hadn't seen in 2 years was killed by a drunk driver. I never got the chance to say goodbye. My friend wasn't the only one to die. The day before 5 people were killed instantly. My friend was airlifted to the hospital where they took her off life support the next day (3-20). The drunk driver was both drunk and high. She had been 21 for something like 3 days or 3 weeks. She killed 6 people and will only get 18-48 years in jail. I never heard how much she got.

I woke up from my sleep. I was jolted back into life and reality. Life is not something that should be wasted. I do not drink now and every time I hear someone talk about man I'm going to get drunk this that and the other, which usually leads to, I can drive it's ok. It takes me everything I have to not explode and kill them.

[The Straight Story]

6. It may sound dumb

But since right before mom died I have had odd panic attacks before someone died. Not my usual issues with mom and her death, these attacks are different. I wake up, unable to sleep, and freaked out.

It has occurred 8 times now, these weird attacks. My niece was here the other night and I told her I had had such an attack and someone was going to die or had. The first time was mom and the Tsunami victims, and this most recent time...

Well I was talking to her about this feeling, that someone had died I knew or knew of. She went home, and I got toasted, then woke up after 2 hours of sleep. Something was not right. Then, as I was sitting here, I saw that James Kim had been found. I was at peace oddly, and somehow knew he would be dead. I have followed this story from day 1 here at DU. My panic attack was on 12/5, they found him on 12/6. I called my niece when I heard (and posted here) the news.

Last attack I had, I woke up freaking out - and found that my neighbor had hung himself. These were not my normal worries, etc, these were bizarre attacks. And now they scare me.

Guess I am just rambling now, sorry about that - but this morning has been weird.

[newyawker99]

15. Hi bulletsandspikes!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[capi888]

5. You are feeling the depression many of us feel.

I don't know how old you are, however, I too am facing a financial ruin. I am 65, retirement is here. My business was my retirement, as all my money was put into my business. This past Labor Day weekend, my checking account was fraudulently attacked, by one of the companies I did business with, wiped out, then on Veterens Day attacked again. wiped out. So I know what you are talking about. I live in a job loss area in Michigan. NO business coming in...its a nightmare. Bankruptsy is stareing me in the face. Now have the FBI, working the case (see how far that will go) Researching on the company that did it! I found out Other clients, and dealers have had the same thing happen.
Now creditors calling, I am trying to sell building (no buyers). Luckily, I have good health and no family to support.
It is the time of year, when we feel the depression the most. Christmas. New Year, and the future outlook for the new year.

HOWEVER, I am going to tell you this, NEVER give up. You have a family, that depend and love you. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, will ever get me without a fight. I MEAN FIGHT. If you prayed, for the lord to take you home, he isn't going too! He has a purpose for your life as he does for all of us. He doesn't give you more then you can handle. I always believe, that when we face these challenges, we have to re-evaluate, change direction, and not be afraid to make those tough decisions. I AM, and will survive, just as you will. When you come out of this, you will be strong, family safe. Just do what you HAVE to do, and listen to that inner voice. It isn't the end of the world....yet!
This is a time for decisions to be made for the new year. Make the tough ones, face them, then implement....
Oh and by the way, I have to many Dec 7, 911, etc, but I am still here after raising 4 children as a single Mom...never, never, never give up...life is full of challenges...hang in there and good luck my friend.
YES, you will survive and learn that life is like a ballgame....you don't win all the time...
Hope this helps....take action...

[renate]

26. oh my goodness

Is there truly nothing you can do? Isn't the bank liable if your account was cleaned out by somebody else? I don't bank online so I have no idea what kind of protection or passwords or whatever are in place, but if a check doesn't have your own personal signature on it, the bank's liable if it cashes it, so surely there's something similar for online banking.

You obviously know a lot more about this than I do from your horrible experience, so please pardon my ignorance, but I will be keeping my fingers crossed that it'll just be a matter of time before the FBI sorts all this out and you'll have your money back.

Best wishes and prayers for you. :hug:

[capi888]

28. Thank you for your concern...Renate

When you sign up as a distributor, for ANY company, you must give your bank information. They now wire your earnings into your account PLUS, purchases are paid by your account. However, you are correct, saying they do not have the right to deduct , without permission for any other payments. This company did so, which is against the law. My lawyer, said I had the right to litigation, however, (as he is one who also got his account hacked) said he is following the company and they have tons of lawsuits against them. He said I would tie up more $$$ that I would ever see. I changed my account so they cannot do it again...but was already out of funds. Most transactions are wired now, for big compainies...this company headquarters are in Israel....go fiqure...The Bank is not liable when bank account is provided with debit card, as company is responsible. Unfortunately. I asked my MAIN company, that I sell for, if they could go into my account, they said NO, its against the law. I think the fact this company is in Israel makes it more difficult....I just hope the FBI, finds a connection to this company, with the added fraud being committed internationally, on CREDIT CARDS. My local Banks, had to re-issue ALL bank cards because of Fraudulant attacts, as cards were being used internationally, and nationally on MANY different types of credit cards...Its a Big mess...and I am just a little business person...so time to move on, fight the battle...but keep some sanity in the process. Goal for 2007, get involved with 2008 election....do something good for our Country...
If you can do Good you Should**** Wes Clark

Thank You for your prayers. I pray for all who are suffering!!

[conscious evolution]

35. What company did this to you?

[Katzenjammer]

40. Israel, like NYC, is now home to many nodes of the Mafiya

They used to operate in Russia, now they operate out of Israel, often in cooperation with "branch offices" in Brooklyn. Anyone who does business with anyone in Israel is in danger of ruin.

I'm so sorry they got you. :(

[symbolman]

7. Thanks for the Reminder

I can honor my deceased mother today. Her Birthday was on Pearl Harbor day, and I completely forgot. She died of breast cancer when I was a kid so I know how you feel.

But remember, these fine people gave US life so we could Live it FULLY. Don't forget that :)

Oddly enough my father's birthday was the same day as the RFK assassination.

Gets weird sometimes, doesn't it?

Sorry for your losses, all my sympathies to you and yours.

[Patchuli]

41. Weird coincidences, aren't there?

My adoptive father died on my birthfather's birthday...

[JeffR]

8. Picture a humble shepherd

who meets his travails calmly and remembers the blessings amid all the difficulties. His reward will come.

[The Straight Story]

9. Wise words my friend :) Thanks (nt)

[knitter4democracy]

10. October fifth of this year. They told me I had cancer.

Not a small one, not an easy one, and they were going to have to operate. In one day, I went from normal stuff to I could be dead in months or a couple of years. I will never forget that.

The docs were wrong, it was a bizarre, rare benign tumor, but that fear and horror and the surgery a week later will always stay with me.

Pearl Harbor Day is an important one in our family, too. My dad was there.

[BlackVelvet04]

11. self deleted

[LiberalEsto]

12. You WILL get beyond this

but it will take a few tiny steps at a time. Don't try to tackle everything at once. I've coped with severe depression over the years and there have been times and circumstances during which I didn't feel like going on.

It is not selfish to feel bad and turn to others for help. We all experience times when we need someone to listen.

Please go outside and spend a few minutes in the fresh air and (hopefully) the sunshine. Sunlight helps people who get especially depressed when days get short.

Then -- PLEASE -- find someone to talk to. It can be a minister, a friend, a counselor, a hotline.

It takes time to get over our grief at the deaths of loved ones. Grief doesn't vanish in a week, or a month, or even a year. Everyone processes grief in their own way. You will continue to grieve, and you will eventually come through it, and make peace with it.

Many blessings to you!

[IronLionZion]

13. Hang in there buddy,

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I know it's tough but when you are on DU, you ALWAYS have someone to talk to. Check out some of the DU groups. You are not alone.

America doesn't let tragedy defeat us, so don't you dare let yourself be defeated. Years from now you will realize this experience has made you stronger.

[slackmaster]

14. Early death of my father

December 27, 1965.

I can't say it did me much good, other than putting me into a life that I'm familiar with (compared that that which would have happened had he lived).

[mongo]

16. Hang in there my friend

I have already lost most everything I owned a couple of times -- and I'm looking at the prospect again.

So, yeah I know it's hard, but it's just stuff. In the end the financial stuff is just a distraction from the important things in life. One of the happiest times of my life I was living on food stamps and $20/week in a house we were squatting in. For every door that closes, another one opens.

And yeah, advice is easy to give and hard to take. You can remind me of all these same things one day.

And my Pearl Harbor?

I had a good friend that committed suicide. It was after we moved to Ohio, but we went back to Boston for the funeral. I had struggled with suicidal thoughts all of my life, up and down an emotional rollercoaster. I guess I'm just a coward, because I never seriously acted on it, I just tortured myself with the thought of it. I kept setting dates. If my life didn't improve by xx/xx/xx, I'd off myself. I even put a gun in my mouth every night for a couple of months hoping I could pull the trigger, but I never did.

Anyway, being at my friends house, seeing his wife and daughter I decided I could never ever do that to my wife and duaghter. It was a big turning point in my life. Yeah, I get down sometimes, but I'm not the same person I was before. I don't wish I was dead anymore.

[izzybeans]

17. You are not alone SS. You are already home and do not forget it.

:hug:

[Sapere aude]

18. You need to get professional help. You can come back out of this.

I lost a job and could not afford my mortgage. I had to sell our new condo. I could not find work and went into a clinical depression. I was suicidal and ended up in a safe house. I refused professional help thinking I could lick this on my own. I ended up fearing my wife was going to leave me. I thought I was going to be homeless on the street any day.

I did something about it. I got help. I learned that in those situations you have to do something to make a change. I learned that there is no guarantee that what you do will work and no guarantee that it will make things better. But if you do nothing there is a guarantee that it won't get any better.

Get out and make a move in some direction. Get medical treatment for your depression and anxiety. Life can get better for you if you try. It won't get better if you don't.

[Horse with no Name]

19. Lean on me

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

:hug:
Hang in there friend.

[jobycom]

20. I used to wake up like that a lot

Terrified. Crying. Wishing I wouldn't wake up. Never thought of actually doing it myself, but wishing I was dead. I felt that I had failed at everything and all I had to look forward to was the death of my loved ones or my own death--which seemed preferable (again, I never thought of ending it, though).

There was no one thing. There was a bad marriage, and no real career--I had failed at my chosen one. I had no one on my side. My spouse was verbally abusive to the kids, and ignored me. We had lived in separate rooms for a decade. I didn't trust her, didn't want to be around her. Her infidelities and her constant lies had killed my feelings for her. Some of them stand out, and I guess they could be 9-11s or Pearl Harbors. I felt alone. But I didn't want to leave and have her wind up with the kids, to do the same things to them she had done to me. I had never told my parents the story, and so they could not understand why I withdrew from her, and so they sided with her.

About a year ago I separated. It wasn't a sudden decision, it was just a following-through on what I had thought of for years. The kids, even at their young age, had known it would happen.

I don't wake up like that anymore, now, even though I'm just as alone. I like the alone part. I am with the kids every day, though they sleep at their mothers most of the time. The rest of the time I just feel relieved. And I have my cats. I still feel down some mornings, but nothing like what I went through before (what it sounds like you are going through now).

Anyway, I don't have any answers for you, except that you will get through it. Maybe one thing will fix it, maybe just time will move you past it. Maybe you'll just get a better perspective one day, and see what you have, instead of what you don't. It might help to set a goal to give you something to feel you are working towards. Not financial if you can't afford it (I'm in unbelievable debt, too). Some change you feel you need.

Don't be afraid to seek medical help if you need it, either. Severe depression is like any other mental illness--your mind is not really your own. It's being controlled by an illness, not by you, and even if you know that, you can still lose to that other force. Make sure you don't go that far down. Get help before you do, because once there, your mind won't let you make a good choice.

That's my witness. Not very unique, but it's what I've got. My mid-morning ramble. :)

[Laurab]

21. So many "Pearl Harbors" in my life

I think my first was a little over 24 years ago when my best friend killed herself. She had just had a baby a few months before - she had a 1 and a half year old, and a new baby. I had just had a baby, too. That started me on a spiral of panic attacks, then alcoholism. I still struggle and take medication for the panic attacks, but I'm 21 years sober.

I've gone through divorce, bankruptcy, losing a "career" job, house AND car at the same time, then losing other jobs due to an illness that is tough to get a disability for, but also makes it hard to keep a job. Luckily, after a number of years, I'm happily re-married, and I work for myself at home, and can pay a share of the bills.

The thing I think that has saved me when things were the worst, was the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It teaches you to be grateful for the little things, the things you do have, and to never, ever, dwell in self-pity. I also have a wonderful family as a support system, and they were always there, if they couldn't be financially, at least they could be emotionally. Last, but not least - I have a belief in God - certainly not the God the "Christian right" believes in, but a kind and loving God.

The struggles, for now, are behind me, but there were surely times in my life when I wanted to give up, and there probably will be again. I've learned to be grateful for all my struggling, since it made me who I am today. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore, and although I'm still a wuss if anything happens to one of my kids, or someone I know is struggling, I'm a whole lot stronger than I used to be.

Life is hard sometimes, but I've learned that there's always someone worse off than I am - WAY worse off, and, most of all - that "this too shall pass".

[BoneDaddy]

22. Mine occurred

when my wife and I first found out we were three months from the birth of my first child. My mother-in law wasn't feeling good and she was a breast cancer survivor from several years back. Long story short she had pancreatic and liver cancer and had only months to live. So our baby is born while my mother in law is dying. Then my son is born and less than three weeks later my father is diagnosed with lymphoma. Supposedly it was a very curable form but he, too, was a cancer survivor so it made it more complicated. So both of them are going through serious chemo while we are adapting to the stressfull life as new parents, while our parents are dying.

Fast forward to Christmas. My mother in law lives longer than anyone suspected but dies the day after Christmas. My father dies 8 days later when the lymphoma became brain cancer. So here we are shell shocked, numb, hurting and still having to care for an infant.

On the stress scale we were through the roof.

So how do you get through it? You find things to live for, you accept that this situation holds important lessons about life and that if you are going to suffer you learn something from that suffering. You cry, your grieve, you memorialize, you pray (if that is your bag), you find others who can relate, you love, you find small things to be grateful for.

I will always remember this story about the Buddha. A woman who lost her child (the worst loss as far as I am concerned). She wanted a potion to make her forget her pain and grief. He thought about it and then told her he could do it, but her task was to get a single mustard seed from someone who had not experienced loss. She said ok. So she starts in her village and begins to speak to everyone, but she soon realized that there was not a single person who had never experienced the suffering of loss. So she leaves her village and goes to the next one and the next one. She began to understand that suffering and loss are universal and this understanding opened her heart to those who were suffering. In a sense the Buddha taught her how to change suffering into compassion.

Hang in there my friend.

[renate]

23. I just don't know what to say... words won't do it

I'm glad you see that glimmer of hope. Never let it out of your sight.

I hope today was the beginning of a whole new upward turn in your life. Sometimes we just need to let go of the way we wish the past had been and to look at what IS and start from there. It sounds like you're doing that. You'll never be "okay" with your mom's death, or with a dire financial situation and your wife's health; accepting a loss or a disappointment doesn't mean that you have to be happy about it. But that doesn't mean you won't eventually be able to incorporate these things into your life, and go on.

I wish it went without saying that you are NOT a failure, that you have many friends here, that you have a wife and daughter who know they are loved by you. But depression can make people feel like failures even when they are not. On a practical note, I'm wondering whether you might want to talk to your doctor about antidepressants or antianxiety meds. They have been life-altering to many people.

:hug:

[Ganja Ninja]

24. In May of 2005 I came down with Bell's Palsy.

I woke up and half of my face was paralyzed. Thinking I was having a stroke I went to the emergency room where they diagnosed me. Most people recover form Bell's Palsy within 6 months or so but I didn't. Slowly over 2 years time I recovered about 90% from the Bell's but it still leaves me noticeably disfigured and is causing a problem with my right eye not unlike lazy eye syndrome.

Since then I've had to have half of my thyroid out because of a tumor and I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea and now have to wear a C-PAP device when I sleep at night.

In short my life has sucked for the last two years but I guess it could always be worse and I'm thankful for the health I do have.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

25. Oh, my, I'm so sorry that you are in such pain

:hug:

Is there someone you can talk to? Someone from whom you can gain affirmation and wise advice?

I hope you're not blocking out your wife and daughter. They surely know that you are suffering, but they may not know how to help if you don't tell them. You don't have to bear it all alone.

[Catherine Vincent]

27. Sorry for all your troubles, TSS.

Here's a :hug: for ya. I wish I could say or do more for you and your dear wife though. I am glad you were able to get this off your chest.

Stay strong.

[ljm2002]

29. Please see my PM to you...

...I did not feel comfortable sharing my stories publicly, but like others, I encourage you to reach out, and to have faith that things can work out.

[Greyhound]

30. February 7th 2002 was the beginning of the end for me.

I know exactly what you're going through and you have my deepest sympathies.

June, 2001. 43 was squatting in the White House and the writing was on the wall, I'd lost over 70% of my retirement savings, the company I was working for was going through the contraction after the dot-com burst and the lay-offs were imminent. I took the opportunity to start a new company with a college buddy that had been laid off from Disney, we were under funded, but the work was coming in and things were looking up.

September 11th 2001. I was literally out of business overnight, every contract we had canceled by the 13th, and my partner bailed to be a temp doing his old job at the same company for less than 1/3 of his former wage.

September 20th 2001. Still reeling from the loss of my sole source of income, I get a call from my father, my mom has cancer. The health-nut vegetarian that got her semi-annual checkups religiously, didn't drink, smoke, nothing, not only has cancer, but apparently has had it for close to a decade and they just missed it until it was too late.

February 6th 2001. Dad calls, "If you want to say goodbye to your mother you better get here." Drive in overnight, arrive about 11:00 pm. She waited for me, I get to talk to her for 40 minutes, she can't talk because of the pain and the drugs, but she recognizes me, we say goodbye, and she is gone.

My life has been on a steady downward spiral for almost five years. Sold off or lost everything, out of business, bankrupt, house foreclosed, cashed what little was left in the 401(k). Finishing up packing today and moving for a fresh start in a civilized place. Last post for a few days while we drive to our new home.

Good luck to you, to us, and thank you for giving me a place to write this out.

[OzarkDem]

31. Damn the wretched state of Ohio

I'm so sorry to hear of your problems. Did your wife apply for disability? I know its a very slow process here and the amount people get isn't much. I hope she has applied.

Also, call 211 - United Way's First Call for Help. They can give you referrals to area agencies who may be able to help.

I had my cancer diagnosis nearly 8 years ago and it has changed my life. I now spend every day trying to help people in need, especially through legislative advocacy. Unfortunately, that's been a very difficult job as I've watch the GOP in Ohio systematically strip funding from every health care and social safety net to pay for pork for GOP donors.

I'm going to send a copy of your post to Ted Strickland's team. I know he cares and he will try to turn this state around so people like you and your wife don't have to go through so much stress and worry.

Mkay?

[Blue_In_AK]

32. I don't have a particular day,

but I do have a month -- September. In September 1953 when I was 7 years old, my 15-year-old older brother, my favorite, accidentally shot himself in a hunting accident. This was my very first brush with death, and I was devastated, even more so because my mother fell into a terrible depression for which I could do nothing, no matter how hard I tried. Then a year later, almost to the day, my mother, father and remaining brother were in a terrible car crash involving a drunk driver, in which my mother was killed and my dad and brother were hospitalized for months. I thought my world was ending. I had to stay with my stern old grandmother who didn't know how to comfort me. There was no grief counseling in those days. I was lonely and afraid and had no idea how I could go on.

But somehow I survived all that, and I can look back now and see how these early losses made me stronger, more able to face life's disappointments and fears. But not a September rolls around that I don't have a nagging little suspicion that something terrible is about to happen, and some years (like 2001) something terrible DOES happen. Green Day's song, "Wake Me Up When September Ends" has a special meaning for me.

These things stay with you, but be strong, Staight Shooter. You have many friends here. I've missed you in the Photo Group and hope you'll find your way back to us soon. My prayers are with you.

[merh]

33. August 29, 2005 - Katrina stole my life and the lives of so many

I'm still trying to get back on my feet, sometimes too tired to keep trying and at other times, too tired to feel tired.

You just have to put one foot in front of the other and never give up hope, never lose faith.

Good wishes and prayers for you, it will get better, you just can't give up and you can't stop believing. :hug:

[Richard D]

34. I've hit places like that twice in my life.

And the mantra that got me through them both was: This too shall pass.

It may not seem like it, but hang in there. Everything changes. Exercise if you are able. It helps burn off the chemicals of stress.

[motocicleta]

36. 12/21/95

I unsuccessfully performed CPR on my father. It was not expected. It was terrible.

It has never gone away, and it effected me similarly to what you describe. It has taken time, but I am much stronger now than two years after. Fighting helps. I wish you the best in that regard. Weeping, I believe, helped a ton as well.

Now when I feel the most overwhelmed, I look at my daughter. She needs me. That is the best I can do. I am certain you are not a failure to your daughter. You show her love, be kind and giving and compassionate to your wife and child, and you will get through this. And don't forget to demonstrate these qualities to yourself as well. You need to care of yourself, treat yourself gently, and not pummel yourself for perceived failures.

You're in my thoughts, SS.

[Codeblue]

37. I don't know

I don't know when or how things changed for me. I was a fairly hapy child with good parents and I made friends easily. It was sometime after Bush took office I know that. All of a sudden, 9/11 happened, the economy hit the shitter and now I hate the world. I don't think I've had many happy days since then.

On a further note, your panic attacks are a strange occurrence, though it could be some sort of paranormal ability that your depression has tapped into. I know on days when a disaster or tragedy has occurred, I feel something strange on the wind and I know something horrible has happened. It doesn't apply to smaller, individual deaths. But the day of Columbine, before I learned of it, I felt that something was wrong. And on 9/11, I woke up and felt that something was off. Even the tsunami brought a strange wind.

Anyway, I am sorry that your life has taken a turn for the worse. But we will all get through it. We're resilient creatures. As long as we don't give up, we can adapt and come out ahead.

[XanaDUer]

38. 12/12/96

Still reverberating.

[dogday]

39. You know I have been where you are now

It is the hardest, saddest thing in the world. My hardest day was Sept 17, 2001 and I prefer not to bring it up.... I will pray for you, because I do believe in good thoughts going your way.....

[stillcool]

42. my heart, my soul ...

and my mind know you. I've had my share of emotional catastrophe's and there is nothing more frightening to me, than the thought I may be stuck in one...like free-falling over a cliff, but never reaching the bottom. I get bitter-sweet memories that flood my consciousness...of previous times when life hurt really bad that achingly remind me of the innocence and essence of me. Be really good to yourself...breathe, take a bath, have a cup of tea, listen to music...and let yourself be....a human-being rather than a human-doing. It's all good.

[Time for change]

43. I have had problems with depression from time to time

No particular dates stand out in my mind though.

The last time I remember being seriously depressed was several years ago, and what really helped me quite a bit was going through a book called "Feeling Good":
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

The book taught me how to get through it, and I have never been seriously depressed since. It taught me lessons that have stuck with me all this time, and that was about 15 years ago.

But everybody is different, and different things work for different people. It sounds like you may need professional help. Some people have serious problems with depression because of chemical imbalances in their brain, and those people need drugs. Others need counseling. I was lucky that I found just the right book that worked for me.

I hope you feel better.

[BlueIris]

44. Kick. nt

[CC]

45. 5-29-2000

Hell the whole year 2000 from that day on. My son was killed by a drunk driver, my FIL that lived here died 4 months later, other deaths then the beginning of the death of the country.

You do get through it, slowly, painfully and with lots of work even if it feels like you will never make it.

[WinkyDink]

46. {{{TheStraightStory}}} Mine will be the same as yours, but luckily it is not yet.