|
Edited on Tue Jan-31-06 11:04 PM by politicat
Democracies in the Middle East will not look like our own, because they will reflect the traditions of their own citizens.
Translation: They're gonna keep their women in chadors, barefoot, ignorant and pregnant, and we're not going to complain. Also, cutting off hands is a-ok, as is public stoning.
The same is true of Iran, a nation now held hostage by a small clerical elite that is isolating and repressing its people.
Translation: The same is true of the United States, a nation now held hostage by a small religio-corporate elite that is isolating and repressing its people.
And tonight, let me speak directly to the citizens of Iran: America respects you, and we respect your country. We respect your right to choose your own future and win your own freedom. And our Nation hopes one day to be the closest of friends with a free and democratic Iran.
Translation: Kiss your ass good-bye, because you know what we did to the neighbors? You're next. And as a reminder: close friends share... so start handing out the oil leases, would ya?
The enemy has not lost the desire or capability to attack us. Fortunately, this nation has superb professionals in law enforcement, intelligence, the military, and homeland security.
Translation: not to mention the best eavesdropping equipment borrowed money can buy.
They also deserve the same tools they already use to fight drug trafficking and organized crime - so I ask you to reauthorize the Patriot Act.
Translation: They need to be able to entrap and violate civil rights at a whim, because I still haven't heard enough teenagers talking about their prom dresses and read enough spam about getting a bigger penis.
Previous presidents have used the same constitutional authority I have - and Federal courts have approved the use of that authority.
Translation: We won't mention the fact that the previous presidents who did this got their asses handed to them politically....
Appropriate Members of Congress have been kept informed.
Translation: We've been forwarding the good masturbation material to Bill and Tom.
Our own generation is in a long war against a determined enemy - a war that will be fought by Presidents of both parties, who will need steady bipartisan support from the Congress.
Translation: There's no effin way another Republican is getting elected in 2008.... Sorry, dudes.
Our economy is healthy, and vigorous, and growing faster than other major industrialized nations. In the last two-and-a-half years, America has created 4.6 million new jobs
Translation: The economy is kinda like kudzu - it may be growing, but it's not doing anybody any good... and the 4.6 million jobs were in India and Indonesia.
In the last five years, the tax relief you passed has left 880 billion dollars in the hands of American workers, investors, small businesses, and families
Translation: That $880 billion is in the hands of the Saudis, the Chinese, and my Skull and Bones chums.
Every year of my presidency, we have reduced the growth of non-security discretionary spending
Translation: And the savings have been passed directly on to KBR, Halliburton and my good friends in the Carlyle group, who salute you!
This year my budget will cut it again, and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities.
Translation: Suck it up if you can't pay your gas bill or eat - didn't you know Americans are fat anyway?
This year, the first of about 78 million Baby Boomers turn 60, including two of my Dad's favorite people - me, and President Bill Clinton
Translation: See, this whole war thingy wasn't just to get my Daddy's approval. Really. And you like me better than you like him, right, Dad? Right? Dad?
Keeping America competitive requires an immigration system that upholds our laws, reflects our values, and serves the interests of our economy.... And we must have a rational, humane guest worker program that rejects amnesty,
Translation: Time to go back to the plantation system...
leaving women in nearly 1,500 American counties without a single OB-GYN
Translation: Who can't practice their love on their women....
I propose to train 70,000 high school teachers
Translation: Because young teachers work for less and help break the unions....
They are concerned about unethical conduct by public officials,
Translation: Especially those in the White House and Congress....
Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research - human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments , creating human-animal hybrids
Translation: Because I have been watching the X-Men movie, and Wolverine is one SCARRRRY mofo....
So far the Federal government has committed 85 billion dollars to the people of the Gulf Coast and New Orleans. We are removing debris, repairing highways, and building stronger levees. We are providing business loans and housing assistance.
Translation: Fooled ya, didn't I?? I got Rangers and Pioneers to take care of, and they're getting that money, not you little people. Jeez... what do you think this is, a federal program or something?
We will also lead a nationwide effort, working closely with African-American churches and faith-based groups,
Translation: Because since I know all you black people out there hate me for New Orleans, I'm gonna have to bribe your asses....
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
