IRAQ parody of UNEASY RIDER by Charlie Daniels Band

[Jeffersons Ghost]

Before embarking on the parody, read these light funny lyrics by one of the finest fiddlers in music.

UNEASY RIDER
by Charlie Daniels Band

I was takin a trip out to L.A.
Toolin along in my cheverolet
Tokin on a number and diggin on the radio

Just as I crossed the Mississippi line
I heard that highway start to whine
And I knew that left rear tire was about to blow

Well the spare was flat and I got uptight
Cause there wasn't a filling station in sight
So I just limped on down the shoulder on the rim

I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car
It was right in front of this little bar
Kind of a red-neck lookin joint called the Dew Drop Inn

I stuffed my hair up under my hat
And told the bartender that I had a flat
And would he be kind enough to give me change for a one

There was one thing I was sure proud to see
There wasn't a soul in the place except for him and me
He just looked disgusted and pointed toward the telephone

I called up the station down the road a ways
He said he wasn't very busy today
And he could have somone out there in just about 10 minutes or so

He said," Now, you just stay right where yer at!"
And I didn't bother to tell the darn fool that...
I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go

So I ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar
When some guy walked in and said, "Who owns this car
With the peace sign, the mag wheels and fur on the floor?"

He looked at me and I damn near died
And I decided that I'd just wait outside
So I laid a dollar on the bar and headed for the door

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
These 3 big dudes come strollin in
With one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth

Now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight
In Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night
Especially when there was three of them and only one of me

I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, "You tip your hat to this lady, son!"
And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath

They all started laughin and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked old green teeth right in the knee

Now he let out a yell that'd curl yer hair
But before he could move I grabbed me a chair
And said "Now watch him Folks cause he's a fairly dangerous man!"

"You may not know it but this man is a spy.
He's a undercover agent for the FBI
And he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan!"

He was still bent over holdin on to his knee
But everybody else was looking and listening to me
And I laid it on thicker hand heavier as I went

"He's a friend of them long haired, hippy-type, pinko fags!
I betchya he's even got a commie flag
tacked up on the wall inside of his garage."

"He's a snake in the grass, I tell ya guys.
He may look dumb but that's just a disguise,
He's a mastermind in the ways of espionage"

"Would you believe this man has gone as far
As tearing Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars.
And he voted for George McGovern for President."

They started lookin real suspicious at him
He jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute Jim!
You know he's lying I been living here all of my life!"

"I'm a faithful follower of Brother John Birch
And I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church.
And I aint even got a garage, you can call home and ask my wife!"

Then he started saying somethin bout the way I was dressed
But I didn't wait around to hear the rest
I was too busy moving and hoping I didn't run outta luck

When I hit the door I was making tracks
And they were just taking my car down off the jacks
So I threw the man a twenty and jumped in and fired that mother up

Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud
Of the way I was movin when I passed that crowd
Coming out the door and headed toward me at a trot

Now I guess I shoulda gone ahead and run
But somehow I just couldn't resist the fun
Of chasing them all just once around the parking lot

Well, they're headed for their car but I hit the gas
And spun around and headed 'em off at the pass
I was slinging gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air

I had them all out there steppin and fetchin
Like their heads was on fire and their asses was catchin
then I figured I had better go ahead and split before the cops got there

When I hit the road I was really wheelin
Had gravel flyin and rubber squeelin
And I didn't slow down till I was almost to Arkansas

I think I'm gonna reroute my trip
I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped
If I went to L.A., via Omaha

UNEASIEST RIDER OF ALL

After being deployed across the sea.
I was toolin along in a fiber-glass Humvee
Rocking with a big-gun and diggin on the radio

Just as I crossed the Baghdad Hot-line
I felt a chill run up my spine
'Cause I knew that left rear shock was about to go

We'd rigged sheet-metal on the doors last night
Cause ridding in fiber-glass ain't too bright
So we just shut it down right there and things looked dim

We went as far as we could but when we stopped the truck
Crap started exploding before we could duck
With no control or fiber-glass luck, we stopped where terrorists lurked within

I stuffed a fresh clip in my M-16
And as we kicked in the door, they started to scream
Then a newbie cut lose, cause killing ain't a sin

As all the smoke cleared, we were both sad to see
Everyone was dead, except for him and me
He just looked disgusted and pointed toward a dead baby

I went back to the radio, still feeling dazy
And called for support but the reply sounded crazy
Still, they said they'd get somone there in 10 minutes or so

It said," Now, just keep quiet and stay where you are!
Cause we're sending you a special armored car
With special folks who'll tell you all you need to know."

Then, as I took a pill, to forget that ugly show
Some guy came up asking, "Where'd the terrorists go?
They shot these folks and that's all you know?"

As he looked at me I broke down and cried
And so I decided to just wait outside
Then, vanish like evidence, I was watching them hide

Just when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin
Three dudes in black come strollin in
And a chick taking notes, with eyes as cold as ice

Now, I figured I'd be cool and play real nice
Before body count changed, as I payed the price
Especially with my squad lying so far away from our ride

I was almost to the door when the guy in charge
Said, "Did they shoot in bursts or one big barrage?"
All I did was sob and then looked right at a sarge

They all started laughin and I felt kinda sick
And I knew I better think of something pretty quick
So I just reached out and kicked that contractor right in the gut

While he moaned, I said "see that woman over there?
Well, she said a few things before dying in her chair."
And I said "So watch him Folks cause he's pulling off a dangerous plan!"

"You may not know it but this man gets more pay.
He's a undercover agent for the CIA
And he's been sent out here to infiltrate Halliburton's game!"

He was still bent over holdin onto his gut
But everybody else was listening to me save my butt
And I laid it on thicker and heavier as I went

"He's a friend of them long haired, Muslim-types, wearin the rags!
I betchya he's even got an insurgent flag
tacked to the wall inside of his private under-ground garage."

"He's a snake in the sand and it ain't no joke.
He may look dumb and his disguise fools some folk,
But he's a mastermind in the ways of sabotage"

"Would you believe this man will soon kill all of you?
After you clean up this mess and kill me too.
And he voted for John Kerry twice for President!"

They started lookin suspiciously pissed at him
Then he jumped up and said "Now just wait a minute Jim!
You know he's lying no one gets a private garage!"

"I'm a faithful follower of Brother Dick Cheney
And the sand makes my new car just as grainy.
As the vettes you park outside after dinner nearly every night!"

Then he started saying somethin bout my bloody uniform
But I didn't wait around to hear his scorn
I was too busy moving and hoping they'd left keys in one of their trucks

When I hit the door I heard a loud crack
As they shoot that dude right in the back
So I threw down my gun and jumped in and fired that mother up

Old Dick Cheney woulda sure been ashamed
Of the way they left all those papers that named...
him as the one who ordered the cover-up and clean sweep

Now I guess I shoulda gone ahead and split
But somehow I just couldn't forget their shit
So I turned her around and put those freaks to sleep

Well, the last one standing, grabbed a radio
And just to help them hide our horror show
I spun her around, as my bumper landed square

I had them all out there bleedin and screamin
Like a bear snaggin salmon, school was out but still teamin'
Yep, I split, right then, before I had time to care

When I hit the road I was really freakin
As I read a report, I'd soon be leakin
And I didn't slow down till I was almost to Pakistan

I'd say to those folks about to join
Save your time and just flip a coin
If it's heads, just shoot your head off where you stand

[Jeffersons Ghost]

1. I guess it deserves a kick with the revised headline

[Jeffersons Ghost]

2. maybe it will help them with recruitment, ya think?

[Bigmack]

3. I liked it....

why aren't you getting much comment?

Maybe just the name Charley Daniels puts people off. Nobody wants to go there.

Maybe too many DUers are too damn young to remember the original.

Goddam whippersnappers!

[Jeffersons Ghost]

4. naaa that's not it... I've gotten older music and lyrics voted through the roof, here at DU...

If I were to venture a guess, I'd say CDB lyrics attract a demographic that is very uncomfortable with picture my parody paints. Harder rock lyrics might have helped but this is strong medicine for ANYONE. In fact, everyone should be uncomfortable with this story. As long as this War stays statistical and clean without ugly stuff like friendly-fire, rape or torture. we don't have to deal with it at a gut level. Vietnam only ended after TV gave millions in America a front row seat in the atrocities. That's why the money brokers bought up all the media this time around and that's why I'm going to keep offering my readers a taste of the real deal, where things rarely fall into neat categories.

[KharmaTrain]

5. It'd Mean More If Daniels Actually Wrote It

I very much remember the original from '73. My buddies and I had those lyrics memorized and became big CDB fans. I even have the remake he did in '88 which was lame. He also did a great PTSD song called "Still In Saigon". But that was a different Charlie Daniels than the one that ones around with Sean Hannity and now spits at those "long haired hippy freak Commie Fags" that he once claimed he was.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

6. To tell the truth, I was never a big fan... in 72, I was mourning Hendrix...

Digging John Kay and Steppenwolf stressing about 'Nam.