An evil egg that can lay in your brain after all the shit that's happened...

[Harper_is_Bush]

I was reading about the space shuttle and possible damage it sustained.

A thought rammed itself into my brain:
"I hope that F'n thing crashes"
OMG. Where did that come from?

After some quick self-examination I *think* I know:
I am so pissed off about Iraq that I'm feeling manevlolent.

i.e.: Why shouldn't those people on that rocket ship die if all those soldiers and Iraqis are dying?


I don't believe in the Christian God, or any other religious figure...but I will say a prayer for those people and hope others will also.

EDIT: added "F'n"

[TomInTib]

1. Sadly, I know exactly what you mean.

I seem so stay so angry at the current state of affairs that I find myself thinking the same as you.

And I am a combat vet (if you know what I mean and where I am going on that).

I think that it is because I want everything to just stop so that we can start over, clean-like.

[lib2DaBone]

21. .... a thousand points of Light (ughhh)

K&R Remember Poppy's ..."Thousand Points of Light"? Just before voters threw Poppy out things got very ugly. Things feel the same way now , only nastier. Junior has lit fires in every corner of the world and the dialog matches the video. Smirky has used and abused everything decent, good and deserving on the face of this earth. Standing in line at the store yesterday, a Repuke in front of me was wearing a T-Shirt that said.."How about a nice big cup of shut-the-fuck-up"? (I knew he was a Repuke because I saw the "W" stickers and yellow ribbons on his rusty pickup) While I was outraged at first and almost punched this guy, my thoughts switched to sadness. How sad is the state of our world thanks to a smirking POS lunatic like Junior.

[newyawker99]

22. Hi lib2DaBone!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[jgraz]

2. That's actually an interesting point

I was wondering last night if instances of suicide and domestic violence have gone up in the last 6 years. I wouldn't be surprised if people have just gotten nastier with this monster in charge.

[lonestarnot]

3. manevlolent?

[Harper_is_Bush]

4. did i spell it wrong, or do you have a question?

[lonestarnot]

8. Just wondered how you were "really" feeling. LOL

Because you wished for people to die there if I read correctly, and I couldn't really say whether you meant just the nastynaughts or the Iraqis. :shrug:

[rpgamerd00d]

15. Malevolent

[scarletwoman]

5. The word you're looking for is "malevolent" -- "mal" comes from the Latin root word meaning "bad".

It's really quite admirable that you examined your thought process. If more people stopped and questioned where their negative thoughts were coming from, this world would be a vastly better place.

Thank you for posting such an excellent example of honest self-examination.

sw

[Harper_is_Bush]

7. Thanks for the spelling correction, and the analysis

In all modesty I agree 100% with you on all counts.

[scarletwoman]

9. Thanks for taking the spelling correction in good grace. & I totally get where

you're coming from. When surrounded by evil, it takes conscious effort not to unconsciously take that same evil into our own selves.

You've really done a great service by making your OP.

sw

[Speck Tater]

6. Not surprising. Not shocking.

The innermost layer of the human brain has no compassion or concern, only the reactive impulses of the brutal hunter. What makes us human is not that we can't think evil thoughts. We all think evil thoughts. What makes us human is that we do not act on those deep impulses.

[karlrschneider]

10. I strongly believe that humans are the only animals that CAN have evil thoughts.

I can't seem to recall any other species that kills for 'sport' and hangs the stuffed heads of its victims on the living room wall...

Disclaimer: I'm not against hunting in general if it's done to get food.

[Poll_Blind]

16. My kitty kills for sport. She will do what I percieve to be the...

...most aweful things to her prey before finally walking around proudly with a tail coming out of the corner of her mouth. But I do not judge her. She is an animal and animals do not generally exhibit the facility to evaluate the morality of their desires. I'm sure someone's got a counter-example of this but in my defense I don't want to put too fine a point on the example given.

  I am impressed by what I consider the noble beauty of humanity to think a thought, sometimes a primal, base thing...and then reject it after evaluation. Critical evaluation of thoughts is something the world could use more of, especially as wars, violence and general selfishness seems to grow worse every month and year.

  Humanity has this noble feature but it is not what I would consider to be the prime feature of humanity. Instead, it seems as though most humans pander to their baser selves and do a disservice to the thorough levels of critical thinking of which we are capable. For those willing to exercise critical thinking (if, indeed, that is the best word to use) at times when baser thoughts encroach, demanding action, that glimmer of nobility is revealed and, as quickly is gone.

  There is just barely enough of these firefly sparks of that noble thought which gives me hope in humanity but it can seem very dark and with the dark, cold, in these troubled days.

PB

[everythingsxen]

11. Well technically...

As far as I know, most people have a steady stream of horrifying impulsive thoughts, most of the time. In most cases, your brain filters those thoughts out, sometimes though they are loud enough to notice them.

[G Hawes]

12. Do you think the same thing of

the people you see crossing the street or the people in the office next to you or the people in line nin front of you at the supermarket? "i.e. why shouldn't those people die if all those soldiers and Iraqis are dying?"

In my humble opinion, you should seek professional help, because it does seem as though there is something fundamentally wrong with "hoping" that innocent people completely removed from the source of your angst will die a nasty death. While I completely understand, and share, your angst at the disaster that the Bush goverment has unleashed upon the world, I still think that random thoughts wishing innocent people dead is not an appropriate reaction, and one so extreme that you really should seek professional help.

I sincerely wish you all the best in working through your difficulties.

[Bluebear]

13. Passive aggressive much?

The poster clearly was shocked at where it came from and wished to discuss it, without your Fristian diagnosis. In my humble opinion, of course.

[silverojo]

18. It's not a "Fristian diagnosis"

It's a statement of fact. Anyone who even entertains the thought of wanting innocent people to be killed needs help. You'd pass judgement a lot differently if someone casually thought about seeing any of your loved ones killed, because of his/her frustration about the war.

[FedUpWithIt All]

26. I think the point is that the OP did NOT entertain the thought...

thoughts happen, often outside of choice and one then has the option to "entertain" them or not. Clearly, the thought was not something the OP was comfortable with and they did not allow the thought to continue.

[G Hawes]

24. No, not at all.

There was nothing "passive aggressive" about my post at all. In fact, I find your response to my post rather perplexing. I don't understand why you would respond to my post in the way that you did but maybe that's because I'm not an armchair psychologist and have never purported to be. I simply responded to a post in a manner that I believe was entirely appropriate. It appears that you have a problem with that but, frankly, I'm at a loss to understand why that is, and I think that you have badly misjudged and misinterpreted my post.

[Harper_is_Bush]

20. Oh yeah, i want everyone to die. thx 4 pointing that out.

[G Hawes]

25. I sincerely wish you well.

I just found it alarming that you would "hope" for the death of innocent people wholly unrelated to the source of your angst.

I'm sorry if you misunderstood my legitimate concern.

Edit to add: and I truly hope that you will seek assistance to deal with the anger and angst that you feel. While I can certainly understand it, I also think that when it manifests itself so deeply into your psyche as to post what you posted here, it's probably a good idea to seek out assistance to deal with such depths of anger and angst. This is not to suggest anything but that it's a good idea to seek out assistance when you're harboring such extreme thoughts and feelings, and I mean this only in the kindest of ways.

[Poll_Blind]

14. It takes bravery to publicly self-examine an aberrant thought like that.

  Really. Every once in a while, I'll catch some thought like that floating through my head. I try to catch the little fucker, pin it to an imaginary entomologist's board and just observe its squirmy, hateful self.

  "Where did you come from little guy? Scratch that, I know where you came from. You're a nasty little thought, and I thunk you. Well, so be it. But I want to make a point of acknowledging you before crushing you under my heel. Because I don't like your kind."

  This species of insect, I'm afraid, is closely related to the great grief and cynicism many of us feel about the Iraq war and Bush's lack of leadership in general. We all realize that things are going to get worse, a lot worse unfortunately, before they get better. And sometimes, I hope the worse hurries the hell up, because it seems like we've all been waiting forever for things to get better.

  One of these little fuckers will crawl out from under the stove in my mind's kitchen hissing something like "You know, I hope 10 soldiers get killed by an I.E.D. today and every day for the next week because that's the only way A) the news media is going to spend any time reporting on it and B) it's going to be the only thing that might remotely change the minds of his zombie supporters."

  I think it's important to acknowledge thoughts like this before rejecting them. I know too many people who make the mistake of sweeping the pests back under the stove which doesn't address anything.

  When a thought like that happens, I take a moment to remember the grieving mothers, the pictures I've seen of them being handed the perfectly-folded flags and the masks of grief they wear, the wounds in their hearts which will never fully heal.

  "Is that really going to help anything? No. No, it's not. Fuck you, thoughts like you are the reason we're in this war in the first place."

  Obviously, this is a dramatized expression of something which takes place in a few seconds in a person's mind. It's very hard to express through language the intense shorthand of the semi-conscious thought process. Still, whatever symbolism is used, it is important to realize that our minds produce many thoughts, all of which are important enough to acknowledge and examine before accepting or rejecting them.

  We live in very troubled times. Haunting, sometimes wildly irrational thoughts are an expected byproduct of this poisoned environment. But thinking a thought is not de facto acceptance of it, of course. Sometimes I feel as though the extremists on either side of the aisle make the mistake of not realizing that. It's something no one can afford.

  Thank you, again, for your honesty. You are not the only one this happens to.

PB

[Harper_is_Bush]

23. Thanks for that. n/t

[silverojo]

17. Wishing death upon the occupants of the space shuttle?

Why stop there? Wish that it will come crashing down onto an elementary school building while school is in session!

It's one thing to be pissed off about the war, but wishing death on innocent people is truly evil. In fact, it sounds like the kind of thought that might come from Bush's malevolent, festering, booze-soaked brain.

[Poll_Blind]

19. I think a more careful reading of the OP would reveal that the...

...intention of the post was an examination of an irrational, rejected thought.

  Not a celebration of it, by any means.

PB