Damn! Kids can be so fucking mean!

[Blue_Roses]

When my daughter got off the bus today, I could tell by the look on her face something wasn't right. I asked her and at first she didn't say anything and then she told how some of the so called "popular girls" were calling her names 'cause of her size. She is taller and bigger than most kids her age, but she is still very cute (of course I'm partial) Come to find out, this little b**** who is starting this crap lives in our apartment complex and her mother and dad are NEVER home. I wanted to go over and bitch this little girl (little girl to me, but she's 13) out, but of course common sense FINALLY ruled out--for now.

At first I was mad, but now I think I just feel sorry for her. No supervision must really suck:eyes:

My child has had a hard time shrugging this off today and we've talked about how some people in life are just plain MEAN!

I wish we could fight our children's battle's for them and not being able to seems to hurt us more than it does them.

Anybody had to deal with a kid bullying your child?

:mad:

[Blue_Roses]

1. Guess I'll take my thread to

the lounge:(

[BuyingThyme]

2. Just channel all of your anxiety into a

world-record hug for your daughter.

[Blue_Roses]

31. Already done

several times:D

[deadparrot]

3. I'm sorry.

:hug:

Kids can be really cruel...I'm still feeling the effects of it years later.

Chances are, though, your daughter will be fine. Those tween-early teen years are the worst. :)

[marmar]

4. Parents calling other little kids "bitches" might contribute to the meanness...

Just a thought.

[Blue_Roses]

5. I didn't call the little girl a bitch to my daughter

I'm on an "adult" board--so I choose to say this to those of you who are out in cyberspace:eyes:

There's a word for it --venting.

[marmar]

15. Claro que si. I can understand the need to vent.

n/t

[onecent]

52. Just put some people on ignore Blue. n/t

[Beausoir]

59. Here's another thought. Some 13 year old kids ARE bitches and pricks.

Think back to the kid gloves that the parents of the current occupant of our White House extended to that dirty little monkey.

Sometimes....if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck..it IS a duck.

As a parent, I am not going to PC/protect these sick little folks any longer.

Your kid messes with my kid? The parents get their asses kicked.

Fortunately, our principal agrees and has a zealous non-bully, non-bull-shit policy.

I am fortunate.

[aikoaiko]

6. I would suggest teaching your daughter how to fire back.

Bullies thrive on victims -- not fighters.

[Blue_Roses]

10. I agree

[elehhhhna]

74. I am tall and have 2 very tall tweener daughters -- try this:

teach her to immediately STAND UP and if possible and necessary,lean over/into the person who's harassing her. What she says at that point is not so important as how she says it. "Excuse me?" works well enough.

She may as well practice on tweener bullies as it is a very handy technique and she'll need to use it on the occasional boss or coworker in the future, anyway.

[Journeyman]

7. Anyway you can invite the young girl over, to help bake cookies? . . .

It could help -- show her kindness, she may reciprocate.

I always find it best to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

[Blue_Roses]

9. I actually think this is what she needs

her mother is never home and her and her younger sister run the neighborhood. The family is from Brazil and the mother and father speak very little English. It's hard to even discuss this with her mother.

[NanceGreggs]

13. Excellent idea, Journeyman ...

This girl may simply be acting out in order to garner some attention -- because she's not getting the attention she craves at home. The candle of which you speak, once lit, may someday shine on a newly kindled friendship rather than emnity.

[happydreams]

14. The best idea I've seen. Very intelligent.

[TahitiNut]

29. We're usually better off when we ACT rather than REACT.

Stop. Look. Choose. (Sounds easy. Funny how often it seems hard.)

We have CREATIVE powers ... far more than most of us ever realize. An afternoon baking cookies is, at the VERY least, an afternoon where that little girl isn't acting out her anger at someone else.

Pebbles in the pond ... ripples.

:thumbsup:

[annabanana]

8. My oldest used to get harrassed....

And because "teasing" wan't part of our family's "joking style" he had no defenses for it. And of course he'd rise to the bait and it would get worse. It was rough for him in grade school. He had one superannuated teacher in 3rd grade (who was old enough to have been MY 3rd grade teacher) who told him to his face "where you go, trouble follows". The place was NOT hip to anti-bullying tactics. Fortunately he was smart enough to understand that the bullies were to be pitied, found more sympatico pals and just plain outlasted them.

[happydreams]

11. I hate to see this. But it might be

an opportunity to shed some light on the idiotic standards for beauty our kids are inundated with.
I was reading something awhile back on how pictures are doctored to "trim pounds" off of models. Then there is the makeup shit that also alters reality.

Maybe your daughter could do a little school project on this....."Lookism".

Examples: Have a class where everybody who wants to play has to go and wash their makeup off to let us see what we all look like.

Or do something on the adverstisement industry that creates these phony images out of thin air, particularly the part about trimming lbs. I like this because it also teaches kids to be skeptical of information they recieve from the media. Wouldn't it be cool to see your daughter up in front of the class showing how the models in "Glamour" magazine are little more than human Barbie Dolls. Kids get into this stuff, especially when it has to do with the here and now.

Hope it helps.

K&R

[Rude Horner]

12. One thing that's usually true about kids who tease others

is that they are very insecure themselves, and have to cut down others in order to feel superior. You might try explaining that to your daughter and maybe that might help. What this neighbor girl is looking for is a reaction from your daughter. Your daughter can try ignoring it and eventually the other girl may grow bored with teasing her. I know - easier said than done.

I agree, kids can be very mean.

[in_cog_ni_to]

16. 4th grade was an especially BAD year at school for my son. He was bullied

unmercifully. He had one boy threatening to beat him up if he didn't give him his lunch money everyday. He was pushed off the playground equipment and called crude anti-semitic names on a daily basis. One kid pushed him down and tore a religious medallion off his neck and LOST it in the playground ground cover. This went on for years. By 7th grade things got better and this year we haven't had any bullying or anti-semitic crap. Kids can be mean as hell and if you want it to stop, you MUST go to the principle or Superintendent to have them deal with it. We went to the school every year since KINDERGARTEN and things finally got better by 7th grade. He's in 8th grade now.

I feel for your daughter. I know exactly what she's going through. Maybe you could also talk to the mom of the little brat girl, but if she's anything like the mom of the little anti-Semite I had to deal with, she'll deny everything. Her little angel would never do such a thing.:eyes: Be prepared for THAT.

Give your daughter a hug from me. My heart breaks for her. Been there, done that.:(

[patrice]

17. I have many nieces and nephews near one another in age and

I taught public and private high schools. I also lived this experience as a teen.

Saying things about such behavior to people who engage in it doesn't work at all. Even if "authority" does the talking to the perps, the behavior just goes underground. Taking the "high road", for a time, is really preferable, both emotionally and practically speaking in terms of its effect on the perps. Being in control is usually a better message to display to whatever kind of person(s) are doing this. They do it to get a reaction. Not reacting (at their jibes' beck and call) also makes them 0, something they dislike very much.

If it continues without "provocation" the perps must be identified to the school (privately, of course) and a plan of action discussed along with consequences.

Once your daughter has developed the necessary verbal skills and the sense of self that includes speaking for herself, maybe an opportunity will present itself for your daughter to say (or not) what could be said, when it is possible to do so, and in front of what others are present to hear it, something that might be "news" as far as the perps' self-awareness is concerned. But because such people are what they are, she might have better things to do.

Edited to add: You can help her through this time in her life if you explain the perps to her. Tell her all about basic applied psychology, including people who feel inferior and attack others to feel better about themselves.

[Blue_Roses]

26. Yep, saying something to her would only make me feel better

but it would do NOTHING to help my daughter or the situation. Thank-Goodness for boards like these:D

[patrice]

75. If she makes them aware of the fact that she does not perceive 0s, they

might attack her more for a while. Eventually they'll move on to their next victim.

Encourage her not to "play their games", don't buy into THEIR schema by responding to them. Do her own thing, which doesn't need them at all.

[malaise]

18. Tell your child that in five years she'll

be both the beauty and the brains with a lovely height advantage. It works everytime. Our friend's daughter was almost six feet and heavy at fourteen and started slumping. She really was a pretty young thing and oh so intelligent. The bullies had got to her as well and you could see it.
I told her to keep on working but to stand tall and proud and wait it out a few years. If you could see what a beautiful, elegant, intelligent young woman she became, you might not believe me. She studied law and is now working with an NGO group. She exudes self confidence. The chief bully has three kids and an ex husband.

Seriously the bully is jealous of your daughter's stable family. She's the one who needs help.

[Blue_Roses]

23. thank-you!

What a wonderful thing. I told her she's unique 'cause she has beautiful red hair and yes, I agree, she will be a KNOCK-OUT in a few years. She's smart too!:D

[TahitiNut]

19. "Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission."

This is a VERY important lesson in life ... whether it comes early or late.

There are TWO issues to be addressed here: (1) accepting 'feedback' on its merits only, and (2) understanding how some people 'discover' they can hurt others and why they want to.

The other girls' behavior has NOTHING to do with your daughter's behavior or value as a human being. We are ALL born lovable and capable - Love and Respect are our birthrights and NOBODY can take them away ... only we can abandon them.

In a spiritual sense (if that's part of core beliefs), every living thing, including us, is essential to God's Universe ... that's why we're here. (For some, it's merely to provide bad examples ... or assist in the lessons we must learn.)

[Blue_Roses]

24. well said!

I will keep this in mind! :)

[renate]

69. I absolutely love that, TahitiNut!

That's lovely!

"...every living thing, including us, is essential to God's Universe ... that's why we're here." It seems so obvious when you put it like that, but I hadn't really seen it before. :hug:

[TahitiNut]

72. Thank you. It's something I must remind myself of each day.

Healthy self-esteem is precious ... probably because it's so tragically rare. I don't know of many folks who couldn't benefit from the simple truth of their own innate value. I particularly like that framing because it doesn't feed the "I'm better than you" rot ... since each and every living thing can 'say' the same thing. Loving and respecting one's self can only come with love and respect for all other living things, imho. Every drop in that Rainbow of Life is essential to its beauty, imho.

[Warpy]

20. Schools are notoriously lax in going after bullies

and the parents of bullying children were often bullies, themselves. Some never grow out of it.

Just don't issue the usual parental nostrums, "She only does that because she likes you," and "Just ignore her and she'll go away." Most of us know from bitter experience that they are both untrue.

Eventually your daughter will learn to stand up to that brat. In the meantime, let her know that bullies pick on everybody who has anything out of the ordinary going on and that deep down, they're afraid people will know how different THEY are. You might mention also that being tall is a real advantage, that there's a reason models are all tall.

Your instinct to feel sorry for the brat is probably a good one. I imagine her home life is far from pleasant in this economy.

[sandnsea]

21. Oh ack - mean girls

I don't even know what to say. I wish every 20 year old could go visit every 13 year old and just tell them how stupid it all was, how bad they feel that they gossiped about each other, how they all end up hurt, and how terrible they feel that they hurt others. And even if you told your daughter that every 13 year old goes through it, I don't even know that it will help. It generally stops between 15-16. It's just a miserable miserable time for girls, I hope she can find a few friends that will all make a pact to stick through it together.

[proud2BlibKansan]

22. Befriend her

Invite her over.

Reach out to her. She obviously needs to believe that someone cares about her.

I love this story I heard many years ago in college. A principal had a bully at her school who got there very early and pounced on the kids as they arrived. So she told the bully she noticed he came early every day and wondered if he would be willing to help her with a problem. Someone was beating up her kids as they got to school and she just didn't have time to watch and see who it was. She asked the bully if he was willing to keep an eye on the kids and let her know who was beating on them as they came to school.

She made him feel important. And his bullying stopped.

I have used this tactic many times. If I notice a kid stealing things, I ask him to help me keep an eye out for who is stealing things in our classroom.

Trust me, it works. Kids bully or steal or lie not because they are bullies or thiefs or liars but because they are reaching out for attention. "Look at me, notice me!"

So notice her. Her parents obviously don't. She needs a competent caring adult in her life. Sounds like you may be the one.

[Blue_Roses]

25. that's a great story!

I know this kid wanders the neighborhood until her mother and dad come home. It's sad.

[proud2BlibKansan]

33. I honestly believe if you reach out to her, she will stop bullying your kid

I also think that's a better strategy than talking to her parents. Sound like you would have a hard time getting ahold of them anyway.

BTW, how old is this kid?

[Blue_Roses]

37. She's nine.

[proud2BlibKansan]

40. Too young to be home alone

In my state, they can't be left home alone if they are 7 or younger. You may want to check the laws in your area.

[Blue_Roses]

43. Oh, I 'm sorry--she's 12

I read that wrong--mine's nine

[proud2BlibKansan]

44. 12 is old enough to get pregnant

Then there will be more of her - and more kids for her parents to neglect.

[diamidue]

65. Wow. I would have had to befriend half the town

as much as I got picked on in my life. That's a lot of cookies to bake. Sometimes you just cannot stem the flow with a nicety or two. Sometimes you just have to endure it and deal with the scars for the rest of your life. If I were to give any advice at all, it would be for this girl's family to shower her with love and affection and ensure that they make her home a safe haven where she can feel safe, secure, and good about herself.

You might be able to help turn around one bully, but it won't help her if she gets ridiculed by strangers or passerbys or people in shops, etc.

[nadinbrzezinski]

27. Yep kids can be very mean

having been teh one who repeatedly got bullied since I was different, stick to your daughter and may want to go to school and talk about it

problem is that schools still believe bullying doesn't do nothing to kids

[tinfoil tiaras]

28. I was never bullied for my size (I'm small)

but people did (and still do) take advantage of me (i.e. "give me half of your candy" or whatever) because they know I can't say "no" to anyone.

Mean people really do suck. I hope your daughter gets through this okay :hug:

[Blue_Roses]

30. thank-you for your kind thoughts

I'll be there for every step of the way--hopefully we both can get through this:D

I'm too old to go through this again;)

[Blue_Roses]

32. that's gotta be hard as well.

Being tall myself I've always felt the compassion for what others go through with meanies and it sucks, but nothing compares to how it feels seeing your own child hurt. There's nothing that feels worse.

I have a friend who is a dwarf--actually--he's a very good friend and when we would go out together we got hassled, but by that time, I didn't really give a rats ass what others thought. I just learned to enjoy those who made me happy. Hopefully, I can pass this on to her:)

[tinfoil tiaras]

34. Yeah, there's just gonna be little girls

especially 12 year olds (is that how old your daughter is?) who are just so incredibly bitchy, it's hard to imagine. That age--Middle School...all the girls (myself included) are major bitches. It's a phase and hopefully, by the time she's a junior or senior in high school, that will all be settled out by then...

[Sydnie]

35. My daughter was telling me about an incident that happened today

to her. Nothing really earth shattering, but really embarrassing for a 14 year old. My daughter is becoming active (joining sports like soccer and track) and has been losing a bit of weight that she wanted to lose in the process. She is beginning to finally have the figure that she has wanted, losing the weight the way she should and not through some whacked out idea or eating disorder. She is feeling more confident with her appearance and the increased self esteem that goes with feeling good about yourself. I bought her some new clothes (because she needed them due to the weight loss) and they are a bit more trendy than she has worn before. However, her body is still changing (winter track will do that) and her pants can sometimes be just a bit more lose than she would like. Well, I guess her pants slid down just enough today to let the top of her underwear show over her waistband. That, of course, did not go unnoticed nor unannounced by the usual loud mouthed girl in her class. She told me how embarrassed she was and asked why this girl didn't just discreetly tell her of the problem with her underwear.

My advice to her was to acknowledge the boo boo as pointed out to her and laugh about it, even though that sometimes is the hardest thing to do for someone that age. I told her, no one can hurt you with things you will acknowledge about yourself, but they can hurt you with things that you try to hide. Bullys can only get their jollies if they get the reaction that they want. If my daughter just turns around and laughs it off, then this girl will stop.

It's a hard lesson, but there are adults out there that act the same way toward other adults in any given situation. As stated up-thread, they do this because they have a need to make others feel worse than they do about themselves. Don't feel their need and they stop.

[Blue_Roses]

38. I agree and I told my daughter something similar to this

We talked about "cutting them off at the path" with a "yeah, I know" and move on. It's hard as hell and at her age hard to do, but it will make her look like the pearl in the long run;)

Damn, if we could have just known these things back then...

[Manifestor_of_Light]

36. what my mom told me to do

I was bullied because I was small and i was a year and a half younger than everyone else ( I started school early).

Mom said, "Tell 'em to go to hell!".

I did that a lot. Of course the bullies would threaten to report me for saying a bad word, when they knew far worse words. I said, "Go ahead". They never said anything to the teachers.

This was when they would invite me to fight off campus. I wasn't dumb enough to show up for a fight. I learned to run. When they wanted to copy off my paper and cheat I gave them wrong answers.

Too bad that nobody did anything about bullying until parents started suing school districts and school shootings happened. Now if they would just do something about bullying on the job, that would help. Except that a lot of us are unemployed.

Has anyone else noticed that bullying has become more and more acceptable? Like on these reality shows where people are degraded and demeaned by having to eat bugs or get dipped in a vat of worms.

Pretty sick.

:wtf:

[davsand]

39. Warning: I am NOT politically correct with this stuff.

If you make it "painful" for the ones who tease you it stops. PERIOD.

Yep, I'm a really bad mommy, and I am probably a really awful human being, but I got called Harelip one time too many when I was a kid and I have a very real attitude to this day about anyone dumb enough to climb up in my face.

When I was little girl I got teased about a f**ing birth defect that my parents borrowed money to have corrected by one of the top docs in plastic surgery. I would curl up and want to die whenever I'd hear anyone say "hey harelip," and I lived every day in fear of hearing it.

One day I finally snapped and the kid who was calling me harelip that day got verbally nailed in public for being stupid as a post. He never messed with me again after that, and at that point I started to respond to the assholes of the planet.

I also located my backbone. I will not lose it again--ever.

My nine year old daughter gets teased at school sometimes and we talk about why kids bully. We also talk about the fact that I tell her to walk away as a first choice. THEN we talk about what she could have said to whoever it was that was up in her face.

Yep, I am an awful mommy, but I am dammed if I'll tell my kid to stand silent when she is abused by the terminally dull of this planet.

Just my jaded two cents...



Laura

[Blue_Roses]

42. I've told her to be sure and stand up for herself

and she does, but this one hit home since it's a little girl she thought was her friend. That one hurts the most. I think the betrayal and the hurt words is what sent BOTH of us reeling.

I should know better :eyes:

[OzarkDem]

41. Our boys stood up to the right wing athletic types at school

Its sick the way the kids who are involved in sports are today. Many have been playing sports since they were 3 or 4 and it seems to create this warped environment where kids are groomed to be professional athletes all their young lives. Parents seem to have an unhealthy obsession with it.

I eventually quit making my boys participate in sports because it was such an unhealthy environment, sadly because both are gifted natural athletes, they just hated organized sports activities and the bullies it creates. These kids also seem to be immune from any oversight at school. A group of football players developed a perverted hazing ritual that involved anal rape of younger team members. My oldest son and others knew of it, reported it to the coaches and authorities, but nothing was done. Finally, one of the victims told his parents who pursued it to the point of filing a lawsuit. The police finally investigated it, but the bullies got off with little punishment. It was finally covered in the local news media, with kids names left out.

A few weeks later the police showed up at our front door wanting to talk to our oldest son. They said they heard he was involved in vandalizing one of the perverts car. Number one son said no way, it wasn't him, so we backed him up. The police let it drop. A year later he told me he was the one who did it. He and a friend sneaked up to the arrogant bully/rapists car (the kid was still refusing to apologize) and spray painted it with words they thought described him pretty well.

Same son was at a party at another university during his freshman year in college. He didn't realize, but some of the kids were football jocks. Some were pretty drunk and started getting violent. My son and his friends decided to leave; on the way out the drunk jocks started pushing around the girl in front of my son (he didn't know her). They started to push her down a flight of stairs and number one son told them to stop beating up on women. They ganged up on him and 10 minutes later he had a concussion, two black eyes and bruises all over his body. He even had bruises on his head in the exact shape of the treads on their shoes - they were stomping his head.

The police drove by and my son asked for help and they said "forget it" and took off. I nearly sued the city. By the time he got home both eyes were swollen nearly shut.

He's a good boy who sticks up for the underdog, has read all the philosphers, worked digging wells and building clinics for poor Mexican Indians during spring break while the other kids were partying and is a gifted writer. He learned from his mom and dad to hate bullies, but I wish he wouldn't fight them.

This year, though, his reward is to take a mini vacation in Washington DC with his brother and the 'rents to party with his new senator, Sherrod Brown and be there for his swearing in. Its the least we can do for such good boys. I hope he doesn't run into any bullies in DC, though.

[renate]

70. how proud you must be of your wonderful son

Wow.

I'm proud of him and I don't even know him! :loveya:

(And OMG, football players anally raping the younger team members? :wow: How awful. What kids have to endure just to stay a part of school society, it just breaks your heart....)

[Bluerthanblue]

45. your daughters tormentor is a product of her environment- as

is your daughter.

My youngest son is the only African American in his school. He's faced more than his share of unkind, and ugly remarks in his short life. I completely understand the "Mother bear fury" that rises up when our children are wounded, particularly when the wounding comes at the hands of other cubs that are only parroting what their 'family' and clan holds up as 'the standard'- And when that 'standard' is completely un-fair, and bigoted.
We talk alot about why other people do the things they do in our family- It is something that helps us to put our lives into perspective, and helps us to understand and deal with the hurt that we feel.
One thing that has helped my son, is the realization that when people are pretty content, and sure of their worth, they usually don't need to go around making other people feel bad about themselves. It is usually people that are hurting, or needing something that attack others- Just like animals.

When you come right down to it Blue_Roses, the worst thing we could do is to "fight their battles" for them. Because we won't always 'be here'- or be where they need us, when they need us. Far better to equip them as best we can, to overcome the crap that will try and trip them up as they journey through this crazy world. That, and to show them that everyone has value, and deserves respect. We can't 'control others'- but we don't have to let the way that 'others' act, force us to act in ways that we would rather not- (like wanting to give back to the girl that has chosen to target your daughter a taste of that bitter medicine).

My best advice to you would be to listen to your daughter, let her tell you how she feels, not try to minimize, or ignore the wounding words- and the feeling of being picked on that she is going through. It's not easy to listen without feeling the urge to 'fix' the problem. But sometimes that is the 'best' we can do. Ask your daughter if she really believes the things that are being said about her- Then ask her if she would respond to others in the same way- I pretty sure that she isn't as insecure as those who are tormenting her, and that they see in her, something that is missing in them- I would keep on top of things. The bullying girl needs help- and while it isn't your responsibility to 'fix' her- she needs someone in authority to step in, and help her.

The suggestion of offering her a friendly response, where you could be a part of the interaction between your daughter and hers (like baking cookies) sounds like a great opportunity if you are up to it- and the girls are receptive. At least then, you can know you have done your best to make things better- I would involve the school system (at least the bus monitor, or bus driver) if things continue for any length of time, or get worse. Bullying isn't something that should be seen as 'ok' and ignoring it often doesn't end it.

I hope this helps in some way- And I wish you all success, and peace-

blu

[Blue_Roses]

48. Comments and responses like yours are the reasons

I'm so glad I posted this:hug: Thank-you so much for the thoughtful response. I appreciate your wise thoughts. Much to consider here and believe me, I will. I hesitated posting this tonight but everyone has been so kind. What started as a "venting" post has turned out to be much more than I could have ever imagined.

It's a "tough slog" as someone once said, but I know we'll make it through this one--until the next one.
Thoughts like yours are reasons I'm glad I hang out at DU
:hug:

[Bluerthanblue]

57. I'm glad

we all hang out here too-
There is much to share and learn, and this is a great place to do both-
Hugs to you and your daughter.
and
thank YOU for your kind words-
blu
:hug:

[Dorian Gray]

46. It's difficult...

I'd tell you to talk to the bully's parents, but often they learn their behavior from those very same parents.

[Left Is Write]

47. I was once the 13-year-old who was bullied.

I'm sorry.

:hug:

[momster]

49. My daughter is in 8th Grade and has always been tall.

When she comes home with 'that look' we talk and I sometimes remind her that studies have shown repeatedly that the taller you are, the more money you make over your lifetime. A quote from a recent study...."

“For both men and women in the United States and the United Kingdom, a height advantage of four inches equated with a 10 percent increase in wages on average.”

Since the average American woman is 5'4", my daughter only needs to gain more one inch to hit this but she will probably shoot up a bit more during high school (all the cool kids are doing it...)

It may be mercenary and low-minded, but it's amazing how much better she feels when she can think 'you may be the top of the food chain here 'n' now but wait 'til I see you in 10!'

Side note: It gets better. 6th grade was appallingly clique-y (even in a magnet school), 7th grade they worked much too hard to get very nasty, and in 8th grade they're all hustling to get into the high school of their choice and the bullying/bitchiness has dropped way, way down.

[rpgamerd00d]

50. I dont get it - your daughter is bigger, right? Tell her to kick the bitches ass.

One good beat-down, and the little tramp won't bother anyone ever again.

[Cleita]

55. That used to be my solution and I wasn't even big, but

I was really strong for my size and it surprised a few big mouths, who watched what they said after that. However, in retrospect.

[Blue_Roses]

56. LOL

Yep, believe me it was a thought. Hell, I wanted to kick her ass myself. At my age it might be a tie...

[onecent]

51. You are so right Blue. I have a beautiful intelligent granddaughter...

honor roll, gymnist..moved to a new school in Virginia...

And the treatment she is getting from the girls....is sinful.

A jealous girl poured a gatorade in her backpack, because her boyfriend now likes "the new girl"...

Thank god her mother (my daughter) is a teacher in that same new school and the girl who did it, her mother also is a teacher.

Apologies were said to my grandaughter...but I wonder why this happens.

My Grandaughter is beautiful, mixed race, talented gymnist, and an honor roll student.....it's sad that she has to go thru such stress...

Kids are mean...and I don't and won't ever understand it... Sending good vibes to your daughter...It is tough...not at all like when I was attending school...it was a much better time....50's and 60's were heaven COMPARED to today.

Bless you.

[Cleita]

53. Reminds me of a girl I went to high school with who was

six feet tall, with stringy blond hair and she was well gawky. The cheerleader types made fun of her. However, after high school, she got offers for modeling, learned some poise, hairstyle and make up tips, and eventually worked as a Las Vegas showgirl, where she met a rich L. A. realtor, whom she married and lived happily ever after in her hillside estate in Beverly HIlls.

The cheerleaders ended up marrying young, having kids before they were twenty one, and getting divorced, becoming single mothers, chasing deadbeat fathers. So your daughter has better days coming.

[JCMach1]

54. Major problem in a British School over here...

The bullying was major and ongoing.


Now, she is fine at a school largely with Emiratis, and other Arabs. Strange world really, but there seems to be a terrible British school tradition of bullying.

[Beausoir]

58. I have been in your exact position. My kid is the only Latino on the bus route.

I learned, real fast, that the bus is a jungle. He was teased for being brown, teased for being fat...you name it.

I pulled him off the bus and I drive him myself.

I realize that is not an option for most people....but I refuse to put my kids into that unsupervised and unsafe environment.

I truly wish you well with your situation.

You have my support. Wish I could help more.

[BreweryYardRat]

61. That was damn good of you.

School buses are hell in middle school. I had to deal with being groped 3 days out of every five by people who thought it was funny. Had some bastard point a boner at me once.

I ever meet any of those so-called people again, I will beat them to death. Not joking, not being an "Internet tough guy."

[ReadTomPaine]

60. When I was younger, I had a habit of breaking bullies...

I can't abide bullies, it's a personal quirk. One nice thing, however, is that you never feel sorry, no matter what you do to them. I used to keep a jar filled with the teeth I'd knocked out of their faces in my school knapsack.

The sound of their teeth clattering against the glass jar in my backpack was usually enough of a deterrent, after that initial meeting. Ahhh, youth.

[BreweryYardRat]

62. How the shit did you get away with that?

Did you go to school back when fighting off bullies wouldn't get your ass expelled?

[ReadTomPaine]

63. It was decades ago, yes.

I would wait off school grounds and corner them at an opportune moment. Then I would beat them silly. Worked every time.

For what it's worth, I grew up in NYC.

[nonconformist]

64. My 11 year old 6th grade son has some problems

He's very small for his age - short and thin. He gets teased a lot because of that, the other boys calling him weak and the like. He's also an Aspie, so his social skills leave a lot to be desired. He hasn't been physically assaulted, thankfully, but he is excluded and shunned by most of his peers. He has one "friend", but he never sees him outside of school. The boy won't give my son his phone number or call my son. :(

He's so sweet and innocent, so naive. It really breaks my heart. Actually, it's a good thing he has impaired social skills because this all seems to bother me much more than it does him. He has his bad days, but for the most part he takes it in stride. I remind him often that this too shall pass - middle school is rough for a lot of kids (me included). I try to give him tips for interacting with people socially. And I try to make his life outside of school as safe, comfortable and loving as possible to compensate for the shit he has to deal with everyday in school.

Being a parent is really, really hard sometimes.

[renate]

73. hearing that breaks my heart too...

...but I bet you're right, that it hurts you more than it hurts him.

Maybe the boy who won't call your son doesn't have the social skills to know that friends exchange phone numbers, and maybe your son senses that and doesn't take it personally.

I'm sure that your support is a huge comfort to him. School may suck totally, but he has a warm, loving environment to come back to at the end of the day. Maybe that's part of why he's coping so well.

:hug: to you both.

[me b zola]

66. I was a girl like your daughter...

I was a head or two taller than the other children and, well, big. I grew up, though, in organized sports--a competative swimmer since I was 4 and later basketball. Sports gave me the self-confidence to not let anyone mess with me:D Mom put me in a ballet class to make me more fem--but that made me feel more self-conscience; I'd have to watch my big self in the mirror dancing next to the little petites :puke:

As a woman, until recently I have always been considered a hotty. Big boned that I am, if I get smaller than a size 10 my bones are sticking out and I look unhealthy. When I am a size 10 I appear like the petites wearing a size 4---perfectly hot--but with the physical prowless that they don't posses:)

I never had a daughter, but if I did--regardless of her size--I would definetely encourage the Amazon in her. People have a way of not picking on a female who knows her wildish ways;)

[reformedrepub]

67. Hit her in the head with a brick........

that should end it.

[shanti]

68. that's middle school for ya

don't you remember middle school? not to make light of your daughter's dilemna, but it was vicious when i went there, and it was vicious when my son (16) was there 4 years ago. my son tells me the girls fight more than the boys too.

any differences are strongly highlighted in ms. just remember the old mantra, this too shall pass.

:hug:

[cynatnite]

71. Caught a girl cussing out my oldest when she was 10

I was picking her up from school and she was outside. This other girl, who was bigger, starting cussing her out. Like the lioness I can be sometimes, I ran over, gave the girl a piece of my mind, told her that I would take her to the principle's office, have her parents called if I ever caught her talking to my daughter like that again. Scared the hell out of her. Problem ended.

If this is a persistent problem, you might want to think about talking to the parents. Maybe the kid is reacting out of not having anyone there. :shrug: