Would you agree that the most dangerous thing in the world is a bad parent(s)?

[trumad]

The one thing I learned quickly after becoming a parent is the huge amount of influence that I have and will have with my children. It would be so easy to fuck them up if I was so inclined to do so. I'm not perfect, that's for sure---and I do know that some of my imperfections have infected my kids--- but it's my awareness of my imperfections that help me to be a better person so that my kids will grow up to become terrific adults.

Here's the thing: There are parents out there who could care less about their actions around their kids and are clueless to what it is doing to their kids. Race, Class, etc have nothing to do with these kind of parents. Their selfishness and their indifference helps to create children who most certainly struggle throughout life. Now I know there are many out there who have had horrible parents and who turned out to be pretty decent people. My own family was dysfunctional as hell when I was a kid and we all (5 of us)laugh at how we didn't end up on the evening news in handcuffs.

I've often thought that there are two types of parents: Those who when they have their first child have a life-altering-experience--- and those who after having their first child continue on as if nothing happened.

The life-altering-experience means that it ain't just about you anymore--- as a matter of fact, you come in second. It's hard work--- unimaginable hard work to be a good parent.

And that's the thing--- there are way to many procreators who put themselves before the children that they help bring into the world. Either they're lazy, selfish, or their own childhood has rendered them incapable of being responsible enough to become a decent parent....

Kids are simply a reflection on the parents. How many times have you seen misbehaved kids and notice their parents are oblivious to the kids misbehavior? How many stories have we read of notorious criminals who have had dysfunctional childhoods?

The Columbine shooters were kids left to their own devices with no parental guidance. Did they have bad parents? I think so. Shit---you can take it as far as Saddamn Hussein and his two boys... Daddy was a brutal murdering dictator--- so we'll grow up just like him.

Bad parents are worse than WMDs. MHO

[bryant69]

1. Family values

You are right of course. But everybody has a differnt idea on what prescription will fix the family.

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[back2basics909]

2. I think it has been for a while..

.. i think some of the problems we are seeing today, are a result of years of bad parenting.

[Kelly Rupert]

3. I'd say the most dangerous thing in the world

is probably a launched ICBM. A hurricane is also pretty dangerous. Also, asteroids can be quite dangerous. And super-volcanoes. Oh, and antibiotic-resistant tuberculosis. That's dangerous too.

[librechik]

4. that and a gun in a drawer at home.

[seabeyond]

5. sittin in the stillness of this, saying not taking a position, i will say

that having children for me was beyond life altering. i tell my children, all children i learn sooooo much from them. they are a blessing because they teach me much about life, lessons i would not have had the opportunity of having if not for them. truly blessed with not only my children but all children that come into my life.

mine are still young and in school. i come across lots of kids and connect easily with most all. my kids go from embarrassed to amazed at my interaction with both their friends and foes. i am at eye level and i listen and feel the kid, embrace and love. that is all that i find i need with any child to connect. and with connection...... only good stuff

having said that

i know in my parenting, choices i have made, there are people on this board that will condemn me as a parent and decide i am a bad parent, bad person, without much information or insight to my parenting skills.

all people that personally know me often speak out about my abilities as a parent

hence,..... why i sit in stillness in this parental judgment.

but then i see this (one of my favorite subjects, children) as much larger than this little bit i typed. i could go on and on with what i have learned.

[flying_wahini]

6. I agree with everything you say, but would add that it's not just

the type of parents that feel like their kids don't change who they are, but the
parents that feel like children are just a fashion accessory;
a reason to buy that big ass dump truck SUV
a reason to spend more time shopping for the right clothes for them
rather than any real face time with them.. they think that THAT is what
they are supposed to do. I guess it is 'spending money instead of
spending time' with them. These parents do what I call it Dot to Dot living:
People that go thru the important milestones and "check off" having children
and just another step on the punchlist without any real deep understanding -
they have shallow lives and shallow needs.
any surprise that the kids grow up shallow sheeple?

[RB TexLa]

7. I disagree. Isolationism is worse

[dogday]

8. Then why is it in a family with a few children and

all of them turn out ok, but say one goes bad... How are the parents responsible for that? When does the child stop being the child and take responsibility for adult mistakes.... You can blame your actions on a bad childhood, but in the end, it is you as an adult, who will make the choices you make....

There is not a handbook or class that can really prepare you for being a parent. It takes heart, courage, determination and lot's of love... The last I believe is the key.... Lot's of love and kisses. Kids need that....

[Corgigal]

9. a reflection on the parents

I use to agree with this statement. I don't anymore, I just think some children are born with an internal chemistry/electrical impulses that parent's don't see coming. Now the good parent, who also have means, can do the right thing and allow the child to mature in the frontal lobe and off they go into the adult world. If you don't have the means, or if you're too tired to care, then that child gets shipped to Juvie.

I have 4 kids, all different. The parent part comes with me changing the flow to suit each child.
That's the hard part. So far I been lucky, but I still have two teenagers, one bad friendship and my life gets very complicated.

[johnnie]

10. I'm not a parent, but I have them

From my experience, a parent can only do so much and after a while it is up to the kids. My parents raised four of us and all four of us are different people. There wasn't much difference in the way they raised us, but they had to make decisions based on each of their children. I was a little pain in the ass and I got enough cracks on the ass for the whole clan. My older sister was a straight A student who made the honor roll over and over. My little brother was quieter than I was and had a big heart, but he lacked a bit of common sense, and my little sister was everybody's friend.

All four of us turned out different, but we do share some of the things we were taught as children. I think parenting is a huge part of a child's life, but their own individuality is larger. I now look at both of my sister's 6 children and see the same thing. They are all treated the same, but they are different kids. I don't see anything my sisters could have done differently to make their children better or worse. They are who they are.

I think one major problem that parents have is that they think they can choose how their children will turn out.

[mondo joe]

11. The most dangerous thing is a bad parent with a shark strapped on his/her back.

Obviously.

[trumad]

14. LOL

OK--maybe I should have toned down the most dangerous part... but I hope some catch my drift.

As to some bad eggs out there in a family of good kids... I agree but wouldn't that be an anomaly?

[Sparkly]

12. I disagree.

Parenting is one part of the equation, but not necessarily the "most dangerous." There are many factors involved in what we become, and they include a range of environmental issues and experiences, as well as innate propensities, limitations, abilities, etc... Things like poverty, mental health, community, opportunity, and whatever "coping skills" people develop all play a role, imho.

[Ron Green]

13. Bad parenting goes hand-in-hand with Television.

Not only for the reason that so many young and overburdened parents park the kids in front of TV to baby-sit them, but also because of the central message that we can continue to enjoy all kinds of rights without any responsibilities (if we just buy this product or watch that show.)

[NashVegas]

15. One Size Doesn't Fit All in Good/Bad Parenting

Aside from the standard clothe/feed/shelter the most important thing a parent can do is love their children well.

In what I've seen and experienced, parents who take their responsibilities uber-seriously leave their children emotionally castrated; the best mother (judging by her children) I know once told me that if she could, she would regularly schedule her kids "screw-ups," to let them take as many of life's lessons into adulthood as they could.

[H2O Man]

16. Land of the Spotted Eagle

(by Luther Standing Bear; Boston & NY; 1933)

"Another most powerful agent that gave native man promise of developing into a true human was the responsibility accepted by parenthood. Mating among Lakotas was motivated, of course, by the same laws of attraction that motivate all beings; however, considerable thought was given by the parents of both boy and girl to the choosing of mates. And a still greater advantage accrued to the race by the law of self-mastery which the young couple voluntarily placed upon themselves as soon as they discovered they were to become parents. Immediately, and for some time after, the sole thought of the parents was in preparing the child for life. And true civilization lies in the dominance of self and not in the dominance of other men.

"How far this idea would have gone in carrying my people upward and toward a better plane of existence, or how much of an influence it was in the development of their spiritual being, it is not possible to say. But it had promises. And it cannot be gainsaid that the man who is rising to a higher estate is the man who is putting into his being the essence of humanism."

[trumad]

17. So is Standing his middle name?

[H2O Man]

18. No, but

your question reminds me of the story that Vine Deloria told about a US government official who met with an Indian who had the last name White Rabbit. As I recall, Vine said the fellow tried to be polite, calling the Indian "Mr. Rabbitt," etc. Perhaps a result of multi-generational neglect.

[fishnfla]

19. There are plenty of kids who survived bad parents

and there are countless bad adults that had good parents.

So on the face of it I am going to say no, there are worse things in the world.

Like haterd and genocide take a look at Darfur

[treestar]

20. Yes, though a thing more dangerous could be a society as atomized as

ours - there is no societal background, it is every man for himself, so the nuclear family is exaggerated in importance - used to be you might pick up your parents' faults, but they would be moderated by your contact with other adults and exposure to other ways of coping. Now between the idea every other adult out there is a predator and the general lack of extended family or community bonds, and you have a recipe for implosion of the nuclear family.

[Annces]

21. If my parents were not overly idealistic Catholics

who had one child after the next, I would not be here. So I probably shouldn't be a fan of parenting theories that would put be back into the stars again, waiting for a chance to be born.

[gollygee]

22. Have you ever read anything by Alice Miller?

She would agree with you! She researched abuse and violence.

Here's one article as an example: http://naturalchild.org/alice_miller/political.html

[trumad]

24. Wow--great piece and thanks

[woo me with science]

26. Alice Miller, like most psychoanalysts, is misinformed.

She was part of the whole repressed memory misinformation that caused so much malpractice in the 80's and 90's. Her writing is more elegant than the pop psychology of the time, but it contains all the same misconceptions and outright fiction.

[gollygee]

27. I've never read anything she's written about that

only about abuse physical discipline - and what I've read has been discipline that both child and parent agreed happened, they just didn't necessarily define it as abusive.

[Philosoraptor]

23. Let's ask that of barbara and george bush senior.

[valerief]

25. I'm afraid of crazy world leaders. nt