The Gift of the Magi: by O. Reilly

[muriel_volestrangler]

It’s Christmas morning, and a couple’s yuletide glee is under siege by the secular progressives. Provocative television personality and 19th century author O. REILLY spins their tale.

One dollar and 87 cents. That was all. And 60 cents of it was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the vegetable man and the butcher until one’s cheeks burned with the silent imputation of parsimony that such close dealing implied. Three times Della Young counted it. One dollar and 87 cents. And the next day would be Christmas.

Not that you’d know it. Thanks to the War on Christmas that the SPs are waging—secular progressives, I call ‘em SPs—you’re lucky to see any lights, any trees, any indication that Christmas is a longstanding tradition in this country. You’d never even know it. At the newspaper stand, around the corner from Della’s flat? The seller was told that if he said the words “Merry Christmas” to his customers, he would be immediately fired. Immediately fired. I mean, this is, really, the worse kind of fascism. And I hammered ‘em for it. So, of course, the media attacked me for having the guts to point it out, for siding with ordinary Americans. And that’s fine, I can take it. But I’m not going to step aside and let the SPs replace the Christmas carolers on the corner with people, you know, chanting from the Koran. I’m not going to stand for it.

Della, at least, understood the importance of the season. She stood by the window and looked out dully at a gray cat walking a gray fence in a gray backyard. Tomorrow would be Christmas Day, and she had only $1.87 with which to buy a present for her husband Jim. She had been saving every penny she could for months, with this result. Twenty dollars a week doesn’t go far. Expenses had been greater than she had calculated.

By “expenses,” I’m sure she meant income redistribution. This is one of the things I talk about in my other book, Culture Warrior, available now in hardcover and large-print editions. You got these nutcases on the far, far left, liberal extremists, who want to take money away from working people like Della and Jim and just give it to those who, for whatever reason, have less. Maybe they don’t work as much, or whatever the reason; who knows? And they do this—the secular progressives do this—through income taxes. Which, it’s important to remember, the founding fathers were against. I understand that socialism has a lot of appeal. But the founding fathers, unlike these far-left loons, recognized that income redistribution is bad for the country. Culture Warrior is also available on audio CD.

...

http://www.themorningnews.org/archives/spoofs_satire/the_gift_of_the_magi.php

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. The ending is a scream!

Thanks for sharing!