The American Public and the Battered Spouse syndrome...

[Javaman]

I didn't watch the moron* last night, I just didn't have the stomach to watch regurgitated bullshit.

But after reading excerpts and various opinions on the speech, something occurred to me.

The U.S. population is suffering from battered spouse syndrome.

The "ex"-alcoholic president* who converted to christianity to save himself* from the evils of an abusive life-style, has instead become the dry drunk. Without real therapy, we get all the anger, jealousy, stupidity and self-righteousness without the booze.

But the one thing, that dry-drunks and active drunks also have in common, they lie. But they lie in such a way as to make it appear as if they are doing right by their spouses.

"honey, the car appears to have a bit of an oil leak, I'm taking it to the station", however in reality, the car had it's front ripped off in a hit and run.

Or the classic, "are you going to trust me or your lying eyes?"

With the various lame ideas and week proposals that moron* put out there last night, two come to mind as not only being lies, but lying to us as a nation to prop himself* up while we pay the price.

1)We are addicted to oil.

Actually, no we aren't, the U.S. Gov't is addicted to oil. The military uses more oil than the entire nation combined.

We the people are addicted to a means of how we get from here to there OR power our homes OR keeping ourselves warm, these are what we are addicted to. If some other type of energy came along, that was cleaner and cost effective, I think we as a people would change in a heart beat.

Sadly, that means exists, but moron* has chose not to fund it, explore it or develop it.

But as long as the gov't and it's corporate buddies reap big profits off our sweat, the gov't will continue it's addiction.

2)The children have to do better in Math and Science.

Oh wow, where do I begin.

While the religious right continues to wage war on Science and moron* cut's funds to his crappy no child left behind program and on top of that, cuts financial aid and grants to students, we as a nation, allow him to do it.

This dumbing down of our population and propping up the of military services as an alternative way out of poverty will be the death of us.

But these are only two examples from the many that can be picked from from his* SOTU address. And only two from the many things that are going on right now in the administration in general. He* spies on us, he* lies to us about a war and WMD's, he* invades nations on the thinest of reasons, his* cabinet members expose our agents in the field, he* violates the U.S. Constitution at every chance he* gets, he* rams through "coached" SCOTUS nominations and we allow them to pass without them answering questions regarding their character or their past judgments.

We are complicit in all of this. Why? Because as a nation, we are filled with apologists. The neo-cons are the battered spouses, the moderates, both repuke and DINO dem, are the apologizing child, who just wants peace in the house but at the same time getting the status as daddy's* favorite, the progressive democrats are the punk rock son, who rebels but has no voice because daddy* smacks his ass and locks him in his room. This progressive Dem's could "leave" aka speak out forcefully and does so once in a while but only until daddy* humiliates him and does a power trip on him to make him think his ideas are useless and futile. The Progressive Dem then feels powerless, especially when older sister, the DINO Dem, tells him one thing then does another.

The supreme court is the crooked cop that looks the other way at morons* violations and indiscretions. And the media are his former drinking buddies.

This is a dysfunctional family.

No one member if this family, even the neo-con spouse that trumpet morons* "marvelous" contributions to the nation, like him. They only deal with him* because he holds the purse strings of the nation.

But like most dry drunks, rather than drinking, he focus's his addiction onto something else. Is it religion? Is it being world leader?

Nope, he* honestly doesn't care about those two things, it's all about control. He* really can't control himself and rather than take a look at his* own fuck-ups, he* chooses to control and blame others. Us.

So here we are. One big happy screwed up family. Until "dad*" goes into rehab in earnest or something happens to him* that allows him* to get a grip on reality, we are stuck with this idiot*.

And as a result, the only thing we can hope for is impeachment (divorce), because nothing short of that is going to get him* to change his* dry drunk ways and stop him from beating the hell out of us.

[thinkingwoman]

1. This is an accurate analogy

of the current situation.

K & R

[Arkansas Granny]

2. That's it in a nutshell. Great analogy.

[LiberalEsto]

3. Great analysis

2 points for Democrats to remember:

1) Americans need gas to drive to work, to stores, etc. because fat-cat developers get rich planning communities where it is impossible to get by without cars. If there were more efforts to design communities that were people-friendly, with decent public transportation, think of the fuel that could be saved. Think of all the seniors who would not get hopelessly stuck if they were no longer able to drive.

2) No Child Left Behind is destroying math and science education. I have 2 friends who teach 5th grade, in 2 different states. Both say there is so much time wasted on "teaching to the test" that there is virtually no time for science or social studies, let alone art, music or phys ed. Kids don't get taught basics like the times tables any more. They don't know, in 5th grade, that 6 times 8 is 48, for heaven's sake. One of these school districts is fairly wealthy and nationally top-ranked, the other an average community.

We are preparing a nation of undereducated people who will not be able to afford college, not be able to afford health coverage, not be able to afford cars, not be able to get manufacturing jobs, not be able to get work in the computer field or in call centers, who will only find work sweeping floors or stocking shelves at Wal-Mart. Or go into the military.

Seems to me that's exactly what Corporate America wants and is working toward.

[SharonAnn]

4. Yes, it's what I've been saying for a while.

We're very co-dependent in this relationship.

We have to call it what it is, make the Republicans and GWB be accountable, and make the changes happen that we need.

[OzarkDem]

6. That's what we have to tell our Dem leaders

and the news media, too.

Fear of Bush and the GOP is just another form of co-dependency. Like spousal abuse, appeasing the tormentor never improves the situation, it only empowers it.

There are no bad consequences to saying "enough" and walking away, that is, unless you're being paid to shill for the GOP.

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. Yes, but it goes deeper than one dry drunk.

We do not live in a sane society. Lately I've been having trouble finding much sane in the whole of Western Civilization.

Divorce won't solve the problem if the dysfunctional family brings in another fucked up parent.

I'm actually uncomfortable with the analogy because of it's patriarchal basis. Families aren't democracies. We click our tongues at families "ruled by the children." Yet that's the mirror we're holding up to our form of government. Our lack of congruency is apparent every where we t urn.

[NanceGreggs]

7. I've been saying this for a while ...

... and even have a name for it: BBS, or 'Battered by Bush Syndrome'.

Your analysis, IMHO, is dead on. However, I have been seeing the positive side of this, to whit:

Bush is the traditional misogynist, who romantically courted the voters with flowers and sweet talk about how good things were going to be once they were 'together'. But once in office (just like a man once married to his 'prey' woman), he started showing his true colours. He went about his business and neglected the needs of his family, ignored their pleas to be peaceful and reasonable, and responded to their criticism with the back of his hand.

We have all (sadly) known women who marry abusive husbands; some of them pack up and leave as soon as they realize their spouse isn't what he held himself out to be, while others stay until the abuse becomes unbearable.

Bush's poll numbers have been dropping steadily, as more and more wives (voters) decide they've had enough. Everyone has a different threshold of emotional pain and as that line is crossed, they pack their bags and leave. For some voters, it was early in the game; the unanswered questions about going into Iraq. For others, it was the loss of a job, the loss of medical insurance, the loss of a government program they depended upon for themselves or their children.

It's a slow, steady drip-drip-drip - and every time another company closes up and outsources its jobs, every time an educational program loses its funding, every time an American realizes they are slipping hopelessly into debt due to Bush's policies, another few hundred 'wives' gather their children and their belongings, and walk out the door.

Patience, my friends. The house of Bush-supporters is emptying out, one by one, and soon there will be literally no one left at home.

[ananda]

8. Time to read Co-Dependent No More..

.. and For Your Own Good.

[electron_blue]

9. Yep

[hunter]

10. I'm listening to the Dixie Chicks' "Goodbye Earl"

Mary anne is flying in from Atlanta about now.

:evilgrin:

[land of the free]

11. Dems as battered spouses - finding strength to fight back

I agree with you.

I've also been thinking a lot about how depressing things have been for those who don't support Bush, particularly since the 2004 election. The push to prevent Alito's confirmation, even to get a filibuster, made me realize that many of us must be living like battered spouses. We keep trying to make things better, but we are so often disappointed, and then we blame ourselves (i.e. the Democratic leaders & Democratic party) instead of blaming the abusers of our constitution.

I have to say that the failure of the filibuster actually made me feel empowered. At first, I was frustrated, like a dog that has been whipped one-too-many times. If they just could have mustered a filibuster until after the SOTU speech, it would have made a dramatic statement. It was a good effort, but a frustrating loss.

But immediately after the vote for cloture was tallied, something amazing happened. A Repulican Senator (I'm having a mental block on which one) gave a caustic speech. It was as if he was rubbing Democrats nose in their failure. I didn't even listen to all of it - it really made me angry and disgusted at how they revel in their power.

As a result, I'm more motivated than I have been in 2 years. I've been a bit lethargic about politics in the past year, as I'm overwhelmed with the feeling that nothing we do matters - the Bush regime can do whatever it wants because it has all of the power and control it needs, through the White House, Congress, media conglomerate supporters, and big business.

But after listening to that vile speech, I realized how much we *did* accomplish. No one thought a filibuster would even be tried. No one thought Alito would get that many "No" votes for confirmation. I realized there were literally thousands, perhaps millions of Americans who are fed up and are not alone in their frustration with our country, and together we can make a difference.

I'm going to spend a lot more time fighting back, fighting for my freedom from this abusive relationship our President has been controlling.

[raccoon]

12. Thank you! " and together we can make a difference."

Welcome to DU! :wave: (sorry I don't know the correct code--you get the idea!)

[undergroundpanther]

13. I have been hammering this dynamic for a long time

More info...



The violence committed by a serial bully is almost entirely psychological, for psychological violence leaves no scars and no physical evidence. Most commonly the violence takes the form of verbal abuse and emotional abuse including trivial nit-picking criticism, constant fault-finding combined with a simultaneous refusal to recognise, value, acknowledge and praise. Manipulation, isolation and exclusion are other favourite tactics, as is feigning victimhood or persecution, especially when held accountable.

The objectives of serial bullies are Power, Control, Domination and Subjugation. These are achieved by a number of means including disempowerment, the stimulation of excessive levels of fear, shame, embarrassment and guilt, manipulation (especially of emotions and perceptions), ritual humiliation and constant denial. When you live with someone who is constantly denying what they said or did a day ago, or an hour ago, or even a minute ago, it drives you crazy. When the symptoms of injury to health start to become apparent, the bully will tell others you have a "mental health problem". You may be mad, but this is not mad insane, this is mad angry.

Control is a common indicator of the serial bully at home - control of finances, control of movements, control over choice of friends, control of the right to work, control over what to think, and so on. All are designed to disempower.

A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:
a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarrelling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and
b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people's attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict


http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm



Sound Familiar???


More Imperial Sociopaths
http://www.dissidentvoice.org/Articles8/Nimmo_Imperial-Sociopaths.htm

"The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth becomes the greatest enemy of the State."

—Dr. Joseph M. Goebbels


Like a compulsive addicted liar,drunk or thief hiding his problem..the truth must always be hidden behind a mask of sanity.

[rman]

14. Indeed, many people seem to be in denial

Much energy is spent on reasoning, pleading, begging, and being outraged at the abuser. It should be obvious that it doesn't work, yet many people continue spending time and energy on it.

[robbedvoter]

15. Correction: the neo-cons are Daddy's boss. Otherwise - brilliant!

[Sapphire Blue]

16. The Politics of Victimization (another great essay on this subject)

The Politics of Victimization
Mel Gilles, domestic violence activist

(excerpt)

First, you must admit you are a victim. Then, you must declare the state of affairs unacceptable. Next, you must promise to protect yourself and everyone around you that is being victimized. You don’t do this by responding to their demands, or becoming more like them, or engaging in logical conversation, or trying to persuade them that you are right. You also don’t do this by going catatonic and resigned, by closing up your ears and eyes and covering your head and submitting to the blows, figuring its over faster and hurts less is you don’t resist and fight back. Instead, you walk away. You find other folks like yourself, 56 million of them, who are hurting, broken, and beating themselves up. You tell them what you’ve learned, and that you aren’t going to take it anymore. You stand tall, with 56 million people at your side and behind you, and you look right into the eyes of the abuser and you tell him to go to hell. Then you walk out the door, taking the kids and gays and minorities with you, and you start a new life. The new life is hard. But it’s better than the abuse.

We have a mandate to be as radical and liberal and steadfast as we need to be. The progressive beliefs and social justice we stand for, our core, must not be altered. We are 56 million strong. We are building from the bottom up. We are meeting, on the net, in church basements, at work, in small groups, and right now, we are crying, because we are trying to break free and we don’t know how.

Any battered woman in America, any oppressed person around the globe who has defied her oppressor will tell you this: There is nothing wrong with you. You are in good company. You are safe. You are not alone. You are strong. You must change only one thing: stop responding to the abuser. Don’t let him dictate the terms or frame the debate (he’ll win, not because he’s right, but because force works). Sure, we can build a better grassroots campaign, cultivate and raise up better leaders, reform the election system to make it failproof, stick to our message, learn from the strategy of the other side. But we absolutely must dispense with the notion that we are weak, godless, cowardly, disorganized, crazy, too liberal, naive, amoral, “loose”, irrelevant, outmoded, stupid and soon to be extinct. We have the mandate of the world to back us, and the legacy of oppressed people throughout history.

Even if you do everything right, they’ll hit you anyway. Look at the poor souls who voted for this nonsense. They are working for six dollars an hour if they are working at all, their children are dying overseas and suffering from lack of health care and a depleted environment and a shoddy education. And they don’t even know they are being hit.

http://www.refuseandresist.org/article-print.php?aid=1696

[northamericancitizen]

17. This thread should go on the 1rst page. K & R