George W. Bush Recites 'Twas The Night Before Christmas'

[ElsewheresDaughter]

Twas the night before Christmas here in the White House.
Laura was sleeping and the twins had passed out.
Their stockings and spike heels were strewn everywhere,
while I sat there thinking, 'It just isn't fair'.
Here it was Christmas and everything sucked.
Life really stinks when you're just a Lame Duck.
Nobody called, so I sat there alone
My polls are so low even Cheney won't phone.
No Angela Merkel, no Ehud Olmert
no Vladimir Putin, they all think I'm a jerk.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
the Secret Service rushed in to see what was the matter.
But I sent them away. "It was nothing.", I lied.
I didn't want them to see me, their President, cry.
Then I went to the window to see what was there
and what I saw outside just made me so scared.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
gave the luster of midday to objects below.
When what to my bloodshot red eyes should appear
but a massive Blue sleigh, and it filled me with fear.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it wasn't St. Nick.

It was Nancy Pelosi, and with her there came
so many Dems, and she called out their names.
"Now Daschle! Now Clinton! Now Kerry and Gore!
Obama and Edwards! Get us out of this war!
To the top of the Ticket! Make the GOP fall!
Now dash John McCain! Now dash away all!"
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
I watched my Legacy wither and die.
So up to the White House these candidates flew
with a sleigh full of programs, and entitlements too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The dancing and cawing of this Liberal group.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the chimney they all came with a bound.
Then they stood before me, each tapping their foot
and their clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot
from the coal fired plants I said, "Build everywhere!"
I cried, "Leave me alone!" but they just stood there.

Then Obama stepped forward and looked down at me
He said, "I'm taking your job, or at least the VP's."
Hillary said, "You know, this once was my place,
and it'll be mine again when I win the next Race."
I think it was Kerry who called out from the rear,
"Take your Swift Boat and sail off with your Culture of Fear!"
Then Howard Dean screamed from the back of the crowd,
"You wouldn't listen before, but you're listening now!"

Dennis Kucinich, with his face filled with grief
held up in his hand a large funeral wreath.
And on it the names of the thousands of dead
and there was real pain in the words that he said,
"You've started a War, but you'll stay alive.
The same can't be said for all the children who've died.
All of their deaths now rest on your head
and you'll see their faces when you're on your deathbed."

For a moment I wondered if that could ever be true.
Am I really to blame for the all things that I do?
I thought about calling to Karl for help,
then I shook my head no, and I laughed at myself.
You see, I can't be blamed for the things that I've done
since you can never have Peace without bombers and guns.
So I called to my guards, "Send them into the night!
Merry Christmas to all, now get out of my sight."

~~Author Unknown~~

[valerief]

1. Very good and timely. nt

[TygrBright]

2. OK, with apologies to AA Milne...

King George was not a good man--
He had his little ways.
And sometimes no one spoke to him
For days and days and days.
And Dems who came across him,
While working on the Hill,
Gave him a promise to legislate,
A repeal of his favorite rich folks' tax rate--
And bad King George the Press would berate,
Preparing to veto their bills.

King George was not a good man,
And no good friends had he.
When he'd visit other heads of state...
They'd excuse themselves to pee.
And, round about December,
The cards upon his shelf,
Which wished him lots of Christmas cheer,
And fortune in the coming year,
Were never from his near and dear,
But only from himself.

King George was not a good man,
Yet had his hopes and fears.
He'd demanded presents as his right
For years and years and years.
But on this year at Christmas,
While fundies preached unheard
Of Godless Liberal war on Yule
To media now ignoring fools,
King George sent memos to his tools
And signed them with a pout.

King George was not a good man,
He lived without a clue;
Alone he thought his message out
While straining on the loo.
He preened himself and told the Press
Uncaring how he vexed:
"TO ALL AND SUNDRY --NEAR AND FAR--
TO CONGRESS IN PARTICULAR."
And signed it not "The Chief Exec"
But firmly "Georgius Rex."

"I want more tax cuts,
And a First Amendment freeze,
You need to quit watching
How we treat detainees.
Global warming's a myth,
We'll stay in Iraq!
And I DEMAND you let polluters
Cut themselves some slack.
And oh, Liberal Congress, if you fear me at all,
I'll see the Ten Commandments on every courthouse wall!"

King George was not a good man--
He brayed this message out,
And sat him in his Oval room,
Sniggering like a lout.
Exchanging winks with Dick and Karl
He huffed and puffed with pride
"They've got to do just what I state,
After all, it's MY mandate.
The fix is in, the vote's too late--
The money is on our side!"

"We might not get the cuts,
Or the First Amendment freeze,
Those traitors might examine
How we're treating detainees.
They're 'global warming' suckers,
They'll try to leave Iraq!
They might not let polluters
Turn the sky a dusty black.
But oh, Liberal Congress, next election you'll fall,
If we don't see the Ten Commandments on every courthouse wall!"

King George was not a good man--
Next morning when the sun
Rose up to tell a waiting world
That Christmas had begun,
The voters e-mailed Congress,
And reminded them with glee:
"We dumped the GOPpies with a bang
And voted in a whole new gang!"
King George's jaw did open hang
"Not listening to ME?!?"

"But I WANTED tax cuts,
And a First Amendment Freeze;
And you BETTER not examine
How we're abusing detainees!
You CAN'T slow global warming,
I WON'T leave Iraq!
We'll meet with the worst polluters
And our rules will cut them slack!
And oh! Liberal Congress, I'll pout and scream and bawl...
Until I get just what I want, on every Court House wall!"

King George did rant and threaten,
And glowered at the Hill,
Where Democrats were working late,
And drafting lots of Bills.
A while he stood there watching,
And cursing at them all...
When through the office rang the screams
"This can't be so! It's all a dream!
"They've gone too far! It's too extreme!
Subpoenas for us ALL?!"

AND OH, LIBERAL CONGRESS,
MY BLESSINGS ON YOU FALL
FOR BRINGING GEORGIE UP AGAINST
A REAL, LIVE,
COURTHOUSE
WALL!

imitatively,
Bright

[NMDemDist2]

3. that was AWESOME!! bright!!!

I'd nominate it if i could hehehe