The PERFECT Presidential Candidate for 2008

[Mythsaje]

"Hello, Americans, I'm running for President. Most of you don't know me, and haven't ever heard my name, but that's okay. The same was true for many, if not most, of my predecessors, before they were elected to the position.

"If this campaign runs the way most of the recent ones have, my opponents will kick open my closet doors and drag whatever skeletons may be hiding in there out into the open.

"Well...I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm okay with that. The people should know who they're hiring to lead them. I'm human, and I came of age in a time of social upheaval, as did most of you. But I have learned from my mistakes and I believe in making the most of what I've learned. I made my share of errors, learned from them, and resolved not to make them again. This, in my opinion, is far better than denying their existence.

"Some of my opponents will try to make the most of some of them. They may expect me to say 'I did not inhale' or something equally ridiculous in an attempt to evade the question. They will attempt to twist my words into something that means something completely different from what I said, and turn this campaign into a mud-slinging contest.

"I will not. I will stand by my principles and my belief in American ideals of truth, justice, and fair dealing for all. And that means that I believe that each and every one of you out there has something to contribute to the discussion--whatever the discussion may be. That doesn't mean I will agree with everything everyone has to say, but I will listen. And that, in my opinion, puts me somewhere above the person who now holds the office.

"People will make an issue out of my lack of foreign policy experience. But I will appoint people to advise me who do have that experience, people who have a proven track record for getting things done and getting them done right. People with ideas, and imagination, and principles. People who aren't simply party loyalists, but people who have proven themselves as honorable men and women with faith in American institutions and American principles of good governance.

"I will strive to fix that which has been broken. I will mend fences, and serve the interests of humanity, and work to see that the future is a better place for all of us. I will reconcile the lies, and reveal the truth, and make the United States a nation worthy of a sense of pride and accomplishment.

"America was once known as the 'Land of Opportunity,' but, in recent years, much of that reputation has been lost. Entrenched systems have separated people from their potential, and demanded sacrifice of people far beyond what they have provided in return. It's time we changed all that.

"We know that Americans want to see a healthier America. Healthier in mind, body, and soul. Americans want people to matter more than money, and want to know that every American gets a fair deal.

"That's what I want to give to Americans. A fair deal. A real deal.

"Vote for me. Vote for the real deal."