In these times; is it proper to live together prior to getting married?

[hang a left]

Actually, I know of very few people who have not. Just curious what the consensus is amongst left leaning individuals.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

1. Whatever The Hell They Want. None Of My Damn Business Or Concern, Really.

I couldn't care less if two people choose to live with each other or not prior to marriage. Neither should anyone else.

[Warpy]

18. Thanks, that's certainly the best response.

Whether or not the prune faced and blue nosed think it's "proper," it's certainly normal, and it may be that a slight majority do so. It's not the kind of statistic a right wing administration would publish, so we really don't know.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Well, for what it's worth

I don't know that it's all that new of a phenonmenom. My father and mother in law lived together for a time before marrying at the close of WWII.

[LeftyMom]

3. I'd question the sanity of people who didn't.

There are certain things about a person that might drive you crazy in close proximity and the only way to know them and if you can get past them is to live together.

[crikkett]

4. do what you think is right

for yourself. That's what this leftist grrella thinks.

[tblue]

5. I bet most of us don't care what consenting adults do together. It's the freepers who like to get

in people's personal business.

[dave_p]

6. Not necessarily

It's about people doing what's right for them.

I'd do without the married bit. But it makes some people happy without harming others (except maybe those of us left sticking out like perverted sore thumbs), so I don't care.

I think it's generally a sound idea. But propriety doesn't really enter into it.

[gollygee]

7. I don't care

my husband and I lived together for a short period of time before we got married, but it was really just a logistics thing - it had nothing to do with "trying each other out" and everything to do with it being stupid for him to take out a year lease a couple of months before we got married.

[JohnnyLib2]

8. NOMB

[Nite Owl]

9. It really is a none of our business

thing. If both are adults and agreeable society should stay out of it.

[TwentyFive]

10. Absolutely!!! Live together, have sex...get married in your minds before committing on paper.

I think the marriage license just makes official what you feel already in your heart.

[hang a left]

11. FWIW

I have lived together with all three of my husbands before marrying them. My oldest son from first marriage has a born again complete fundy father. He has a serious girl friend of almost 3 years. Because of the teachings of the father, my son would not (at this time) consider it. I think that it is necessary. They are having intimate relations, which his father has told him was to be saved until marriage (hypocrite of the highest order).

I just think that if the relationship goes on for another year or so and marriage is considered, they should live together first.

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. It's neither proper no improper. The only thing that would be improper

is if they were living together for the wrong reasons - that is, if their relationship were dysfunctional in some way, or they were too emotionally immature, etc. But that's not a question of married versus unmarried living together, it's a question of "Is the relationship healthy?"

[ecstatic]

13. It is proper, but personally I wouldn't do it

All the stats show that living together prior to marriage actually increases the divorce rate. You tend to view your SO as a disposable roommate. When you make a decision to get married, at that point, you should know if you're capable of working through serious (and not so serious) problems together without falling apart. It takes work.

[seabeyond]

14. i was old when i got married. liked being by myself. when...

i decided to get married, i didnt need to live with first. doesnt mean we didnt play. but i didnt desire to "live with". i dont care what others do. not my business and they are perfectly capable of making their own choices, for their own reason.

[ElboRuum]

15. Don't care one way or the other...

However, IMHO it's the smart thing to do. People who date and live separately and get along fine sometimes find that they're poor cohabitators. Getting divorced is an expensive and emotionally painful experience, and you want to give a marriage every chance at success. This is a very effective way of testing the waters before diving in the deep end.

[TankLV]

16. Who cares? It's not my concern what others choose for themselves,

nor is it any of my business to voice an opinion on such a personal matter.

To each his own...

[thecrow]

17. I have lived with my SO for over 14 years

We have all the legal stuff covered and don't really feel we need to be married, in fact we are somewhat against it. We are both divorced and don't want to ever go through state's laws if we should break up.
My son refers to us as "my parents"... he was under 10 when we moved in together. He is now 24 and we are still his "parents".
My fundy family was against it until they realized what a good person my SO is and now they accept it except in moments of religious spewing...
And no... we are not a gay couple; it's a man and a woman just choosing to love, and our love should not be directed by the state.

[Tansy_Gold]

20. I have known my SO for over 40 years

We dated when I was in high school, went our separate ways, got married to other people, had kids, grandkids, etc. We stayed in touch through the years and after my husband died, we just kind of got together. We've made it clear to each other and to everyone else that there is no marriage anywhere in the future.

But that's what's comfortable at this point for us. For someone else in different circumstances, a different choice might be more appropriate. There are still legal ramifications -- property rights, custody of children, inheritance, etc. -- that should be taken into consideration when making the decision at any age whether to marry or not. So what works for one couple may be a disaster for another, and vice versa.

Morally -- it ain't nobody's business.


Tansy Gold

[krabigirl]

22. right on :)

[newyawker99]

26. Hi krabigirl!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[porphyrian]

19. I don't think it's improper to most, and I think it's a good idea.

People have quirks that don't become obvious until you spend time living with them, and some of them can be a problem in ways you wouldn't necessarily think beforehand. Commitment becomes easier (or harder) when you have a better idea of what you're committing to, and I'm all for honest representation in long term relationships.

[krabigirl]

21. I recommend it, but people should do whatever they want.

Personally, though, I wouldn't want to be married without living together first.

I also think it's cool when people say no to marriage and just live together. I didn't, but I admire those who do.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

23. I really don't care

Not that what I feel would make it proper on in proper. :shrug:

[XOKCowboy]

24. Living together before marriage has kept me blissfully single...

for quite a while now. :) Getting married ruined a great friendship also. Go figure.

[InvisibleTouch]

25. Personally, I think it's foolish NOT to.

If you find out you can't stand day-to-day life with this person, it's better to learn this before marriage than after. A divorce is a lot more hassle and expense than moving out - sometimes so much of a hassle and expense that you end up having it even worse and staying stuck in the relationship. I'm not a big fan of marriage any way you turn it, but to jump in without even experiencing daily life together is, IMO, asking for trouble.

[Left Is Write]

28. I got married without living with my husband prior to the marriage.

Yes, our first six months or so were pretty tough, getting used to each other, but we figured going in that it might be, and we worked through our issues. We've been married over nine years.

On the other hand, I lived with my oldest daughter's father for quite some time and never married him. We almost got hitched while I was expecting our daughter, but he backed out. I was angry, but that turned out to be the biggest favor he ever did me.

[Left Is Write]

27. Is it "proper"? I can't see why it would matter to anyone but the individuals involved.

[monmouth]

29. I wouldn't have had the two divorces if I had been smarter and lived

with them (one at a time, mind you) before the wedded bliss. A 50's child, doncha know.....