The face of poverty

[proud2BlibKansan]

Some of you may remember about a month ago I posted a funny story about sex in the Lounge. One of my kids had made a funny comment about sex ed. He is a neat kid. He lives with his grandparents. He is 12 and has 3 younger brothers who also live with the grandparents. There is a sister too but she was lost in the foster care system several years ago and the family lost track of her.

Their dad is in prison. I am not sure what for (I think drugs). The mom took off when the dad was incarcerated and took the sister with her. Then Mom got busted and the sister was put into foster care. Grandma told me that by the time they found out Mom was in prison too they tried to find the sister but she was in another state and too hard to trace. The sister was fathered by a different man so the grandparents would have trouble getting custody of her anyway.

These grandparents are the most wonderful people. The kids are incredibly well behaved and NEVER miss school. I have taught this little boy for two years now and have gotten to know the family well. They have done a wonderful job raising these boys.

In May, Grandma called me to let me know that Grandpa had been diagnosed with 6 different kinds of cancer. They did surgery and then sent him home - to die. This fall, Grandma called me to ask if we would talk to her grandson (my student) and let him know Grandpa was terminal. She said it was too hard for her. So the counselor and I sat down with him and started out by saying "Your grandma wants us to talk to you". He said "It's about my Grandpa; he's dying, isn't he?"

The last day of school before the holiday, they took Grandpa to the hospital. I just found out today he died last Tues.

Grandma will be losing her income. Grandpa was on disability for a work related injury and those checks will stop coming now. She has his Social Security but not much else. (Will that SS stop now that he has died?) And she is raising 4 kids.

I told her we could help link her with social service agencies that will help with utility bills and groceries. I also plan on making a trip to the grocery store myself but I have to have someone deliver the food to her house; she is too proud to accept charity from people she knows. So if any KC DUers want to help out, PM me. The family lives in Independence.

The repuke governor of MO cut the foster grandparents program last year and this family lost that income. He also cut Medicaid and the kids still have some coverage but it has been reduced. I don't know if Grandma has health insurance but I doubt it. I don't think she is old enough for her own Social Security.

I want to go to the state capitol and shout at the governor that when he makes draconian cuts in social programs, there are real consequences to good people who need help. Not every poor family wants to sponge off of the govt because they are too lazy to go out and get a job.

I guess I am posting this to put a face on the poor in this country. If I was a writer, I would want to profile this family because they are such good people and have such neat well-behaved kids. And they need help.

I wish I knew what to do. I am so afraid the grandma will put the kids in foster care now. That is the last place they need to go.

You guys who pray, do me a favor and ask for some help for this family. I guess that's the best thing I can do now. I really really like this little boy and I am just heartbroken for him now.

:cry: :cry: :cry:

on edit: link to the story about sex I mentioned
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=4395725

[hlthe2b]

1. Please go to the newspaper (with grandmother's consent)

and get them to run a story...THat she would be forced to give these kids up to strangers to foster, because strangers can be paid as foster parents and she, the grandmother can not, is just sick.

I don't know where in MO you are but surely you can get the KC Star to run an article and maybe one of the local tv news channels. I think they would jump on it. Thank you for caring and good luck.


Allow me to edit, since some are assuming I was suggesting going public WITHOUT the grandmother's permission! NO, of course, my suggestion was to sit down with the grandmother and discuss this possibility. With her permission, you could seek a reporter do a story. Should she not want to be identified, another option would be for the grandmother to remain anonymous and let the reporter do a global story on the implications of these budget cuts to children.

[noamnety]

2. That's a gross invasion of privacy

As a teacher, you can't take information told to you in confidence about a student and ask the media to run a story about it. Please.

[proud2BlibKansan]

4. Thank you

You are right.

And Grandma would never want to be in the newspaper.

[hlthe2b]

6. proud2Blib... I think you know I wasn't suggesting you do so without

the Grandmother's permission. To assume otherwise certainly doesn't give your fellow caring DUers much credit. :shrug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

7. Oh no I am reeling with emotion right now though so thanks for the

clarification.

I do understand. I want to shout from my rooftop that the poor in this state really suffer. But putting a face on that poverty is a whole new ballgame.

peace:hi:

[SoCalDem]

44. and the kids might be embarrassed to be in the paper, identified

as poor kids.. They know they are poor, but might not want their classmates knowing how poor..

[hlthe2b]

5. WHoah... I wasn't saying to do so without permission. CHILL!!!

that's really insulting, lwfern.

[proud2BlibKansan]

8. Don't start you guys

It's obvious we DUers have hearts and care deeply about the needy. Let that be the focus of this thread, okay?

[hlthe2b]

10. your post is missplaced proud2Blib

My intent was in the right place--on these children and not on second guessing the common sense of a fellow DUer.

[proud2BlibKansan]

15. You are right I am sorry

[hlthe2b]

40. your heart is in the right place... that's all that matters.

Thank you on behalf of those kids for caring and doing everything you can.

[proud2BlibKansan]

42. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't

[noamnety]

11. Sorry

I read "go to the newspapers" and thought you wanted her to, well, go to the newspapers. If other stuff was implied, I didn't pick up on it. I blame the internets!

An anonymous donation sounds like a good idea, but unless you're able to make a permanent commitment to support this family, it won't hold off the inevitable. It might, however, tide them over til other social service options become available, I suppose. Instead of doing grocery shopping for them, without knowing their eating preferences, why not tuck a gift card from a local store into their door, and let them buy their own groceries?

It's unbelievable that foster parents get a stipend - unless they are grandparents. Why would the state have a compelling interest in using finances to tear families apart?

[proud2BlibKansan]

12. Good idea about the gift cards

But Grandma doesn't drive. I will have to investigate but thanks for the idea.

Of course foster parents get a stipend. Parents sometimes have to give up their kids. For example, we have way too many kids in our school who have parents in prison.

This year, 25% of my students are living in foster care. If the foster family didn't get a check, why would they take these kids in?

[hlthe2b]

14. thank you lwfern....

[proud2BlibKansan]

3. Grandma has not said they are going into foster care; that is just

my hunch. No way can she afford to support these kids. She is also so proud. I can't see her wanting any publicity. So I am not sure that is such a good idea; but thanks for the suggestion.

I have done little things for this family in the two years I have had this kid. I adopted my student for Christmas last year and this year I found an agency to adopt the whole family. I call the grandma all the time when I hear of special programs she will probably be eligible for. But she always refuses the help. I had to get a secret Santa to deliver the Christmas stuff.

I don't think I mentioned that the gov of MO also cut the foster grandparent program last summer. That was a big loss to this family. I am wondering if we can help Grandma apply as a foster parent through a different state agency.

[ultraist]

Grandma should be eligible for TANF for each child

As well as food stamps and housing vouchers (Section 8) although in most areas there is a long wait list for housing vouchers.

Does she work? If she is disabled in any way, she can get an exemption from the Work First program and continue to recieve TANF.

I've worked with many families in this position and have found that brokering resources for them is the first step in helping them to get on their feet. Once services are in place, most families keep up with the paperwork and appointments to maintain their services/benefits. It's the initial nagivation through the system that is overwhelming.

If any of the children are disabled (ADHD, LD, physical, etc) she can apply for additional benefits for them.

Lastly, if she were to get foster parent training and become a licensed foster parent, she would be the first choice for placement for the children and then would recieve foster parent payments. At least in my state, that is how it is done.

It sounds as though she currently has a kinship placement. Kinship placements are not foster care placements and custodians do not recieve payments but anyone can become a foster parent who goes through the training, assuming of course their home meets the standards and they pass the background check).

I'd also look into food pantries where she could pick up some monthly supplies.

Do you have a school social worker?

[hlthe2b]

18. Great info, ultraist....

Are you a social worker, yourself?

[ultraist]

22. Thanks

I majored in Social Work and worked in the field for a short time at Child Protective Services. We have our own small business (real estate) but I still do a lot of volunteer work with econmically disadvantaged kids.

[proud2BlibKansan]

25. Could I PM you if I have any more questions?

BTW, what is TANF?

[ultraist]

29. Sure, feel free.

Temporary Aid to Needy Families, formerly AFDC.

As you probably know, Clinton's welfare reform (PRWORA) implemented time limits and numerous other changes, thus the name change of this type of assistance.

[proud2BlibKansan]

43. Thanks

[hlthe2b]

19. Sounds like good short & long term plans--licensed foster parent

I have a dear friend of my late mother's who was in a similar predicament many years ago in rural Missouri-- though her own kids were grown. But, she became a licensed in-home day care provider to make extra money. At the time, it seemed that the State was helpful to women like herself in figuring out a way to get up and running--with staff willing to advise. Just a thought. There are lots of latch key (older children) whose parents might really welcome having an afternoon safehouse for the kids and it would offer the grandmother a bit more money.

[proud2BlibKansan]

24. Yes we have a social worker and I am calling her today

My student is disabled (I teach special ed) but he is LD and that is rarely severe enough to get SSI. I doubt very seriously he would qualify. I have to fill out those applications for my kids all the time so I am very familiar with the process and elegibility requirements.

Grandma does not work; I am not sure she ever has but I honestly don't know.

Thanks for the advice.

[ultraist]

33. SSI is a real pain for disabled kids but if she becomes a foster parent

Payments for disabled kids are higher and the criteria to be considered disabled within the foster care system, is not as strigent as through the Social Security Office.

Your local Dept of Health and Human Services should have a website that has an overview of available services/benefits as well as the eligibility criteria, which does vary slightly from state to state (and county to county). For instance, income levels and time limits are a bit more generous in certain states. Fed guidelines allow for states to have some room on income levels and time limits to appropriately adjust criteria to be geographically specific. (Poverty levels vary from region to region).

[proud2BlibKansan]

39. I really don't think he is severe enough for SSI

He is not likely to be unemployable as an adult; that is the criteria SS tells us they are looking for with these kids who have disabilities.

But it is worth a shot.

[evlbstrd]

9. Here's a link to start with.

http://www.uscaa.info/programs.html

[proud2BlibKansan]

13. That looks great evl, thanks

I am getting ready to call our counselor and social worker. Maybe since they are still on vacation, they will have time to start on some service for this family.

[evlbstrd]

17. She sounds too stubborn and proud for her own good.

But if it comes down to a choice between assistance or foster care, I hope she makes the right choice.

[proud2BlibKansan]

21. I just talked to our counselor

She is going to call Grandma today to see what we can do.

She also said the district has a fund for kids who lose a parent. But it is a one shot donation and depending on contributions, it could be a minuscule amount. It is funded by district employees and seeing as how I had never heard of it, I would imagine it isn't a well endowed fund.

We also had a lengthy conversation about Matt Blunt. The counselor is a repuke and I don't bring him up to her often. But turns out she hates him :woohoo:

I think Grandma will make the right choice; she trusts me and I am going to do my damnedest to see that she keeps these kids.

You know death is always sad. This isn't the first student I have had who has lost a parent. When the family is poor, the consequences are so much more tragic.

[evlbstrd]

23. That's a good start.

Family Services will pay immediate attention to a school counselor, and you, too, for that matter. When schools get involved, state law makes them jump.

[proud2BlibKansan]

26. And we go through hell with some of these state agencies

especially DFS - those bastards! :grr:

[evlbstrd]

34. I'm not fond of DFS myself.

You know why.

[ultraist]

36. "especially DFS - those bastards"

Yep. That's why it's so important for families to have an advocate, such as yourself to ensure their rights are not being violated. If the caseworkers and social workers know that someone, such as yourself is overseeing the case, they will be less apt to screw over grandma.

I have seen corruption of the worst kind at CPS. Situations where social workers out and out lied to their clients to coerce them. I remember one case whereby the SWer told the mother that she MUST sign a particular placement form, a voluntary placement, to remove her children. When in fact, she had a right to refuse to place her children in foster care which would have forced CPS SWers to take it before a judge.

Sad thing about this case was, it wasn't even the mother who was abusing or neglecting the children, but a boyfriend, who should have been told to leave the home. The mother was a victim of domestic violence and easily frightened into complying. Taking advantage of someone like this is so immoral.

This is why I could not continue to work in the system. Too few social workers, who have their hands tied, not enough adequate resources, and too many bureaucrats on power trips who lie to their clients and violate their rights. This is not to say, of course, that there aren't good Social Workers out there, because there are.

Good for you, for fighting for your kids. It WILL make a difference. :hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

37. You know I would fight for any of them

but this one is very special to me. I have rarely had kids as neat as he is.

[hlthe2b]

31. "When the family is poor, the consequences (family death)

are so much more tragic." Seems not much has changed since the time of Charles Dickens, has it?
:cry:

compassionate conservatives, my ass...:mad:

[Poppyseedman]

16. Try here for some help

http://www.dss.mo.gov/pr_family.htm

[proud2BlibKansan]

27. Thanks!

[Gormy Cuss]

20. Please make sure she knows whether SS survivor benefits apply for the kids

from the SSA web page on who may qualify for survivor benefits:

" Your unmarried children who are under age 18 (or up to age 19 if they are attending elementary or secondary school full time) also can receive benefits. Your children can get benefits at any age if they were disabled before age 22 and remain disabled. Under certain circumstances, benefits also can be paid to your stepchildren, grandchildren or adopted children. A child born or adopted after you begin to receive benefits may also qualify for benefits."

www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.html

I suspect it has to do with whether they have been legal guardians for the kids for a long enough period but if she hasn't explored this avenue now is the time to do it.


Also if she doesn't get foster care assistance for the boys but the state recognizes her role as custodian she should have aid options based on household income. Food stamps alone would go along way in a household with four kids.

Before she goes to the state, please encourage her to work the phonebook and call independent social service agencies to find those who will offer support for this family. Somewhere in that network there is an organization with the right Missouri-based info on emergency assistance for a family like this. There are probably religious-based nonprofits and depending on the family's own faith they may be comfortable seeking out assistance from one of them. It's what she needs right now and there's no loss of pride in recognizing that you need a little help once in a while.

[proud2BlibKansan]

28. Great advice; thanks

[Jayhawk Lib]

30. One of many

This is just one of many stories of poverty here in the US. My heart bleeds...

[proud2BlibKansan]

38. MO has really screwed their poor

I live in Kansas but work in MO. So I am familiar with social programs in both states. We are a lot better off in Kansas.

[sandnsea]

32. Try the Casey people

It looks like they don't have an agency in Kansas or MO, but maybe the national headquarters has some info. How horrible. So many cuts, it's hard to know what's available anymore.

http://www.casey.org/ContactUs/

[kineneb]

35. wishing them all the best & our story

We have had a similar struggle, but fortunately with no children involved.

Hubby lost his job in 2002 (WorldCom) and there went our "middle class ticket." He was already over 50 and had no possibility of being hired for any kind of tech job. Also, he is diabetic and had progressive kidney failure, and so was not really healthy enough to take a more physical job. We sold the house in the SF east bay area and moved to rural Lake Co. We were able to plow the modest profits of the sale into a piece of land and a new manufactured home (modern double-wide). In October, Hubby had his cancerous left kidney removed, and went immediately onto dialysis. We had know that he would need dialysis, but not quite this soon.

We fought the system to get medical care for him after the COBRA insurance ran out. We got on CMSP (adult MediCal) so we could afford medicines and doctor visits. To qualify, an adult family must not make over 200% of poverty, and have no more than $3000 in liquid assets. One car and the home is exempt. The deep irony is that all income over $934 is considered as payment for "share of cost." Which means that no matter what (low) income I made, everything above $934 (adjusted for costs, it was ~$1000) must be paid out for expenses to get coverage. Now, folks, just try to live in CA on $934/mo (pre-tax!)for two people! It is possible, but really difficult.

In June, Hubby applied (again) for disability and was finally approved. More irony- his disability payment is higher than what I was making at my former job, and is exempt from taxes, etc. Our total official annual income is now ~$13K/yr., slightly above poverty for two people. But I cannot work, because that would affect his eligibility for MediCal and coverage for his medicines.

We have had to learn to accept charity, which is really difficult for us; we have always paid our way for things. Also, the System is set up to discourage people from seeking help. When folks do get assistance, they discover, as we have, that there is no incentive to earn more or improve one's lot, because then one looses medical coverage. Sigh. Welcome to the "genteel" poor.

I wish your student's family good luck. The System sucks.

[proud2BlibKansan]

41. Yes it does

Thanks for sharing. We absolutely must put a face on poverty. I am hoping that some of these conservatives really are compassionate.

[hfojvt]

45. K & R n/t

[proud2BlibKansan]

46. Thanks

[Pushed To The Left]

47. Kicked and Recommended

Another reminder of why it's so important to stop the radical right! The family is very fortunate to have you on their side.

[proud2BlibKansan]

48. Thank you

[Wordie]

49. I'm so touched by this story, and by your obvious compassion for this

family, proud2Blib. There are too many stories like this, I'm afraid. It sounds like there are some good ideas upthread. Would you please let us know the outcome? My best hopes for a good solution to this situation.

I would recommend this thread if I could, but it is too late.

[proud2BlibKansan]

50. Thanks Wordie I will

I can report that I have already been contacted by several DUers who want to help.

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!

I also was on the phone today working on figuring out just what resources are available to this family. They are in an unusual category, which complicates things.

And my co-workers are going in on a pool to buy some groceries for the family. I didn't ask them. I think we all give enough at school and I am reluctant to ask anyone there to give more. But they came to me, offering $$ and asking how they could help. This is a neat kid who has touched all of us. We want a good outcome for him.

I will keep you posted. Thanks for the good thoughts.