I think I've hit the final straw with my fundamentalist family

[CornField]

Okay, that's most likely a lie because they've done much worse than their latest escapade and I've always forgiven them... still, they frustrate me to death.

My birthday is Monday. Anyone close to me knows that my favorite gift is a book. As such I was incredibly happy to open a box from my family and find two books on tape. Both of the books were listed as "thriller" on the cover and that's right up my alley. I put one in my car's CD player this morning as I headed out on a business trip.

From the beginning, the book just didn't seem right. It was soft with little or no graphic descriptions of what was going on even though the main character was a pathologist at the scene of a suspected murder. It wasn't until the last few minutes of the first CD that I understood -- Christian book. UGH!

I'm not a Christian. My family knows I'm not a Christian. Why would they do something so low as to send me Christian-based fiction without even a warning? Don't answer that. I know why they do it: to witness. I'm just so tired of their pushy arrogance that I cannot even see straight. Where do they get off thinking this is acceptable? How would they feel if I shipped them Pagan literature for their birthday?

I was so thrilled and touched by the gesture until I found out the underhanded truth. I don't know why I continue to allow them to hurt me like this.

[1620rock]

1. I suppose they meant well...donate them to someone ...

...who might want them, or throw them out and say Thank you to your family.

[CornField]

5. Dropped them in the Goodwill bin on my way home.

I don't think I'm ready to say thank you to my family... which probably makes me the lesser person, but I don't care much at the moment.

[NMDemDist2]

2. next time they have a birthday, buy them a membership in the ACLU

or Greenpeace, or if you really don't want to make waves, make it a charity that does progressive work you believe in that is living the true meaning of Christ, like helping the poor or healing the sick at no profit.

if they get huffy, just remind them of them "helping you" on your last birthday and state you don't know why they would be upset that you felt they would appreciate tithing in their name

:evilgrin:

[LiberalAndProud]

11. Excellent thought.

Especially this part, "a charity that does progressive work you believe in that is living the true meaning of Christ"

[ellenfl]

14. great idea! were they lahaye books?

my boyfriend, knowing i love sci-fi, brought home a lahaye movie once . . . only once.

ellen fl

[benddem]

19. that's wonderful n/t

[northofdenali]

25. Hell with that. Send a donation in their names

to Planned Parenthood! :evilgrin:

Also, what AZDem said.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

3. Christians are supposed to proselytize, I think.

I guess they feel that who better to proselytize to, than their family members? I don't think that Christianity is about embracing others' beliefs. It never was, and it certainly isn't now. However, I wouldn't be angry with them. They probably are so deluded they think you're going to end up in hell. Tell them thank you, then donate the books to a Christian church anonymously (so they don't bug you). O8)

[rzemanfl]

4. Send them pornography for their birthdays. n/t

[area51]

36. LOL.

:evilgrin:

[saltpoint]

6. Return the books to them and ask them to give them to someone who

might enjoy reading them.

Add that you respect their choice to follow that faith but that you will be doing your own thinking on the matter.

I'm sorry they think so condescendingly of you and so highly of themselves to attempt to eclipse your right -- and ability -- to think for yourself.

Hat's off to ya, CornField. Hang in there.

[lady lib]

7. You might want to return the favor by purchasing books for them:

The Left Hand of God by Michael Lerner
Our Endangered Values by Jimmy Carter

[CrazyOrangeCat]

8. I'm sorry that the people that are supposed to love you . . .

. . . find sneaky ways to hurt you. That is very sad.


For what it's worth, your E. Roosevelt quote is one of the best things I've read in a while.


Hope your birthday gets considerably better . . .

[TNDemo]

9. Don't criticize the tapes because they are Christian.

Just tell them they were really poorly written books and you would like to exchange them for something a little more interesting, so would they mind you returning for a refund? I think saying they were boring would make them stop sending them to you quicker than saying you didn't want them because they were Christian. Maybe say you didn't even realize they were Christian - just a yawn.

[Plausible]

10. you deserve respect

from them.
the book gift type of thing does not give that respect.
I'd give them back and tell them they must have mistaken me for someone who they can disrespect.

[rucky]

12. We will all pray that your acceptance of Jesus Christ as Lord & Savior

will save you from the throes of eternal damnation.

yeah, I get it all the time.

:)

[CornField]

15. LOL pretty close

"We pray that your soul is ripped open so the goodness of our Lord and Savior can be poured within."

I told them it sounded painful. ;)

[DesEtoiles]

13. Send them O'Reilly's porno book "Those Who Trespass" and mark the racy

parts with post-its for them.

Then send them Scooter Libby's porn book and mark the dirty parts with post-its.

[NuttyFluffers]

26. oh, how i love the way you think!

i'd make a patchwork quilt out of passages from 'Sisters' if i had the time. like a memorial quilt: the Republican Porno Quilt.

[ljm2002]

16. "How would they feel..."

You ask, "How would they feel if I shipped them Pagan literature for their birthday?"

Brilliant idea! Surely there are some novels out there with pagan themes in them. Just select one such novel, await the next birthday, and send it along with a pleasant card.

They will, of course, accuse you of being ungracious. Just smile and say on the contrary, I wanted to return the favor and give you a book by a writer who shares in my own beliefs.

[Tesha]

38. Sheri S. Tepper has written a bunch of excellent Sci-Fi that...

Sheri S. Tepper has written a bunch of excellent Sci-Fi that skewers
a number of religious behaviours that we're all all-too-familiar
with.

Her most famous is probably The Gate to Women's Country
but that's just one of many good novels she's written.

Tesha

[guidod]

17. When it's their birthday,

buy them a book by Charles Darwin.

[Agnomen]

18. Send them Jimmy Carter's Our Endangered Values : America's Moral Crisis

at next gifting occasion.
He makes micemeat of wingnut dominionists.

[On the Road]

20. My Parents Do Things Like That

I just throw them away and lower my expectations for the future.

Personally, I don't try to find a way to "return the favor". If it's annoying for them to do it to you, it's the same if you do it to them. They won't read those books.

If you do want to do a return volley, it is occasionally possible to find something that's within the Christian tradition, and they have to respect, but which has a point of view that's contrary in some ways to modern evangelicalism. Something by CS Lewis or GK Chesterton, for example. But it's very difficult to get the tone right, especially if you don't share their beliefs.

Personally, I try to get my parents the best gifts possible. (It's not as difficult in my case because the family always exchanged relatively inexpensive gifts.) I found it's something they have to respect and it subtly changes the balance of the relationship, especially if you feel that you're being judged.

I've managed to maintain a decent relationship with my parents (although not with my brother's family), but it's hard and requires letting a lot of things go. Just be aware that from their point of view, they may be doing the same thing to you without your realizing it.

[CornField]

30. It is difficult, isn't it?

I do a lot of tap dancing on eggshells as well. Let's face it, they are family and I don't wish them ill. I only wish they could say the same of me.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. It's always good to know you aren't the only one stuck in a particular situation. (In other words, misery loves company.) :hug:

[On the Road]

35. I Think a Lot of Us on DU are in the Same Boat

In my case, I used to be am evangelical in college. Although I grew out of it a long time ago, it helps to understand where my family is coming from and not overreact.

It used to be there was more common space in society where your religious affiliation didn't come into question on a regular basis. Like politics, religion and society have become more polarized.

[freethought]

21. Send them 'Scooter' Libby's book "The Apprentice"

Attach a note. "Here's what the one of the Bush Admins people wrote. Family values galore!"

[madokie]

22. because of the wonderful person you are and that family bond

Realize they will, because of 'their faith' feel they must continue to try to 'save' you. Smile, thank them and what ever you do, let it not be known to them the hurt, it will only lower you to their level. Won't understand anyway, all in knowing 'you' are the 'strong one.' come to du and vent your dissatisfaction/hurt for we understand.

peace :hug:'s sometimes nothing else works

[DeadManInc]

23. Get them a playboy, penthouse, hustler, playgirl subscription

[kineneb]

24. suggest a gift certificate for your next birthday

one of the "you can exchange it" kind from a place like Safeway, so you can get what you want...mention obscure electronics or other items that cause their eyes to glaze over when asked what you want...

[NuttyFluffers]

27. so, uh, why don't you ship them pagan literature for their birthdays?

as long as they don't end up screaming "gargoyles! darksided!" what's the worst that could happen? you're only trying to 'save them' right? it'd be your moral obligation, something they could totally relate to.

:evilgrin:

[hopeisaplace]

28. Buy one of them Confessions of An Economic Hitman on Tape for their

birthday :)
or a movie of similar topic

[Katherine Brengle]

29. return goodwill with goodwill--send them some propaganda of your

choice for their birthdays ;).

I don't think they meant to offend, but I don't know them, so that's just my best guess.

[IdaBriggs]

31. My grandmother's funeral gave me the occasion for one of the BEST

"smackdown" moments in my life. I *FINALLY* realized one of the most important truths in life:

I don't have to be nice to people who aren't nice to me.

Now, that may be obvious to the rest of the planet, but it was really an eye opening shock to me. I didn't have to be nice to people who weren't nice to me. Wow. In fact, if they were nasty and obnoxious to me, I could be nasty and obnoxious right back. All that "be the better person" crap just made me an object of ridicule and contempt, and if I enjoyed the martyr role, I could keep right on doing what I had been doing, because THEY certainly weren't going to change.

So, I had myself a little attitude adjustment, and one of my sisters walked right into it. She'd been being rude, obnoxious and just generally nasty (in other words "normal"), and I'm afraid that I wasn't in a generally tolerant mood. (In addition to dealing with my grandmother's death, I was in the middle of my second miscarriage, which started the day my grandmother died, and there wasn't a helluva lot of sympathy or support from the vast majority of the family -- did I mention they aren't "nice" people?)

Anyway, we were all sitting in the "downstairs" of the funeral home (where you are able to get a cup of coffee, or have something to drink) around a table when one of my nieces started asking about death. She was sixteen at the time, and she didn't want to know about the PHYSICAL process of it -- she wanted to know what happens NEXT. I told her that it depends on what religion you are about what you believe, and then explained some people believe in reincarnation, and that you come back again in a different body, while some people believe in Heaven, and others don't believe in anything at all. She wanted more details, so I looked around the table, and said well, I don't know what your mother believes, and your Aunt (XXX) obviously isn't a Christian and ---

At which point Aunt (XXX) (one of my sisters) jumped up IN A RAGE and said "HOW DARE YOU SAY I'M NOT A CHRISTIAN? I AM TOO A CHRISTIAN? HOW DARE YOU -- "

To which I replied very calmly, "I'm just basing my judgment ON HOW YOU BEHAVE." And then I turned around to continue my conversation with my niece. My sister sputtered some more nasty type comments, I looked at her with a raised eye brow, and said, "thank you for proving my point some more," and then finished the conversation with my niece before excusing myself to the bathroom where I did a little victory dance.

My grandmother, a cantankerous old biddy, would have been proud. And my sister started behaving better the next day.

Lesson learned? Punching back removes the target sign...at least in my family. Sigh.

[Road Scholar]

32. Well said. Good for you. nt

[tenshi816]

33. I feel your pain.

My dad and stepmother send me Left Behind books and DVDs for my birthday and Christmas.

[mainer]

34. Aside from its "softness", was the book any good?

Just because a book is published by a Christian company, it can still be worth a read. As long as it doesn't proselytize.

The Christian book market is pretty huge now, and it encompasses a wide variety of genres. In fact, I know several decidedly non-Christian writers who write for the market because it pays well. They're good writers, they just have to soften down the sex and violence a little for these publishers.

It may be that your family heard from a bookseller, "Hey, this is a good book" and bought it for you, not really knowing its content aside from the "thriller" label. I'm not sure it's worth getting worked up over.

[CornField]

37. It proselytized

I only got through a little over one CD, but from that amount the book's main character was a forensic pathologist who seemed more interested in a romance with a Marshal than investigating cases. She and Marshal go to a burn out site. She notices an animal inside the burn out and, instead of taking care of her surroundings, she goes waltzing through the place, falls through a floor and ends up with a piece of rebarb a few inches from her spine. That's when the book began the God talk.

The Marshal is a Christian and sat beside her bed, praying for her. The pathologist isn't religious but tells the Marshal that she felt his prayers and they lessened the pain she felt. From there the door was flown open to the rest of her family to begin their own Christian pressuring. A sister, on the pathologist's first day back to work, spends the drive talking about a scripture from John. The pathologist ended the conversation by switching on the radio. I ended the book by turning off the CD player.

The author was Henderson. First name started with a D and was female, but I can't remember it right now. (Danielle? Dani? Deb?)

The front of the cover discussed this being another great thriller from the same author who brought you blah-blah-blah (can't remember the other title either). On the back by the UPC it was listed as mystery/romance/thriller. I'm used to Kathy Reichs and Patricia Cornwell... this book was way below those standards in both writing and overall 'thrill' level.

My brother and his wife (the family who sent this to me) aren't big readers. I can imagine them going into their local Christian store and asking for a Christian-based mystery (knowing those are the books I like) for a non-believer. I have little doubt that by the end of this book, the forensic pathologist has placed her microscope on the shelf, married the Marshal and is attending Bible study with the rest of her family. (Exactly what my family would like me to do.)

Here's the irony: Had the books been sent to me with a card saying something along the lines of "I know the Christian storyline isn't really your thing, but we thought these were good mysteries that you would enjoy" I still would have been thrilled to receive them. I probably would have even listened to them just I would have some common semi-neutral ground for discussions the next time I attend a family function. I don't so much object to the books as I object to the underhandedness of it -- as if they thought I wouldn't even notice the religious undertone or something.