Condi testilies and Iran goes Nuclear. SFRC Hearings this week

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On Tuesday, Feb 14th, Condiliar Rice will testify to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee (SFRC) about the President's budget for Foreign Affairs for the new year. Maybe she can answer the burning question: why isn't the funding for the Iraq War and related operations in the budget. That should be an interesting session.

http://foreign.senate.gov/hearings/2006/hrg060214a.html

On Wednesday, Feb 15th, the SFRC will have a closed door session and briefing from the intelligence community about Nuclear Iran. This is followed by an open hearing on the same subject.
http://foreign.senate.gov/hearings/2006/hrg060215a1.html

I don't know, Condiliar on one day, then Nuclear Iran the next. Sounds like a lie-a-palooza is in the works. I would bring the popcorn, but this is just too friggin awful to think about. Sigh!

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1. This could be good

Espeically the advance bullshit that will be spwed about the Iran nuclear threat.

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2. One more try: It could go like this.

Condi goes up to Capitol Hill. She presents her part of the budget. Several obviously bright Senators, starting with Biden, mention that the War in Iraq is 'off the budget' right now. Condi says it was a typo and they meant to put it in but forgot. (It slipped her mind. She's been really busy lately.) Sen. Biden tells her a long story about this time when he was a kid and someone asked him to steal a cross and it reminded him that he was Irish. (Name changed at Ellis Island from O'McBidenivan, btw. ) Condi, along with everyone watching, is befuddled by the good Senator's comment and can't figure what it has to do with Iraq. She starts to daydream about what it would be like to actually be Commissioner of the NFL. Biden finishes, reminds her that Rummy is an idiot, Condi stretches and gives him one of those freezingly tight smiles of hers and moves on.

Sens. Lugar and Hagel attempt to say something intelligent but not so intelligent that it turns 'the base' against them. Sen. Hagel gets in some good lines about Iraq not going well and how much it worries him. Sens. Sarbanes and Dodd make really good points about how the budget really should include Iraq as we are spending $5 billion a month over there and someone might notice eventually. Sen. Chafee attempts to waffle his way through the hearing. He has a tough re-election campaign to run so he has to appeal to the tiny Republican base in RI who don't really like him and the huge Dem voter base who don't really like him. He ends up making and refuting his own points, just to be on the safe side. Sen. Allen can't figure out why Sen. Chafee doesn't like the war and kicks him under the table. Sen. Allen congratulates Condi on the amazingly great job that she and the entire Admin is doing in Iraq and proposes that people should really think about buying vacation homes in Baghdad now, before the word gets out and the price hikes start to kick in. (Sen. Hagel wonders if Sen. Allen took his meds that morning and tries not to look at him because Sen. Hagel doesn't suffer fools gladly and is afraid he might have to get the duct tape.)

Sens. Kerry & Boxer have at Condi and get her to admit that Iraq is a real mess, the Pentagon knows that there is no military solution to the troubles over there and that the US is in no shape to do any serious sabre rattling at Iran and everyone knows it. Condi admits that she likes Sen. Kerry's ties, says she tries not to talk to the Pentagon that often, lest it prejudice her actions unduly. (She hates to go into any war-like situation with any pre-conceived notions or indepth intelligence. It might affect her opinions and course of action unduly.) Condi & Sen. Boxer spar over a giant chart that Sen. Boxer brought that says, 'Condi is a liar and here's why.' Condi thinks it's in bad taste to bring up things with that much truthiness in it.

Sen. Coleman says something that winds up inferring that the 'UN Oil for Food' program was so bad that we had to invade Iraq just to change the topic. (The UN is evil and we had to do something, otherwise they might have gotten away with gross mismanagement, inept planning and a failure of leadership. That's at the ahm, Oil for Food program, just so we're clear on that.) Sen. Allen spends 15 minutes trying to read Sen. Boxer's chart, but has to give up, cuz it's just too complicated for him. The hearing ends when Sen. Lugar figures he isn't going to get Condi to admit to anything and he can't stand being in the room with Allen and Coleman one more minute.

Sigh! How do you guys see it going?

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3. Or it could go like this: From Condi's POV.

Condiliar calls * to complain about her schedule:

CR: Sire, why do I have to go up to that den of vipers up there on and talk to those, those Democrats? They are nasty, nasty people who don't even bow when I enter the room or anything. They talk before I nod at them and speak without being spoken to first. They have no deference and don't know their place. It's, it's annoying and I have better things to do with my time than pretend that I have to talk to these lowlife serfs. Sire, can't I just blow it off.

Dumbya: Now, now my Lady . We have to pretend that we are accountable to someone for something. The Lord Regent Dick has mentioned that the people expect us to pretend to show up once in a while and give little nods and speeches and stuff that make it seem like we are but one branch of the government. We must put on a good show for the masses. Our people seem to like to pretend that they live in a, yuck, democracy, and it is our pleasure to let them continue to think so. It keeps the masses entertained and passive.

CR: But, My Lord, I am so tired of these little Senators like Kerry and and Boxer and such questioning my motives. Who do they think they are anyway? I think we should have them hauled away to the Royal Dungeons at Gitmo and have our Royal Inquisitors teach them some manners. (Condi smiles evilly.) Yes, that would teach them to ask me impertinent questions about whether or not we are going to invade Iran or Syria. As if I would ever tell the serfs my plans. Honestly, if it wasn't for the chance to see the Royal Fools Allen and Coleman perform their wonderful comedy bits, I just wouldn't bother to show up. I mean, Sire, it's not like it matters what they ask me or what I say. We do what we want. I just think it sets a bad example for the people to see other serfs actually questioning the nobility. No good will come of it.

Dumbya: My good Lady, I know that you suffer this indignity for our sake and we are grateful to you for it. We shall reward you by giving you the Royal Medal of Freedom and Confusion sometime soon. You know how much that ticks off the serfs in Congress. We would do it just to see the look on their faces, not to mention the fact that you have done great service to the Realm and deserve the Award of Confusion. Now, go up there to CapHill and confront the lowlife serfs and put them in their lowly place. You can do it. Do it for us. Do it for the nobility. Do it for the Lord Regent Dick. After all, he was the one who elevated you to the High Ministry and you don't want to disappoint him. He owns the Inquisitors and the keys to the Royal Dungeon at Gitmo. He is not someone you want to disappoint, trust us on that one.

CR: (gulps) Yes My Lord, I will do it. But these serfs all think they can overthrow you sometime soon and are planning revolts. I know it's silly to think that lowly serfs can ever topple a High and Mighty King like yourself, but I'm telling you, those peasants are planning something. I can feel it. Can't I at least bring some Imperial Guards with me? That might intimidate those Democrats (yuck) into showing some respect. They don't even address me as Your Worship anymore. It's just so brazenly common.

Dumbya: Patience my dear. Patience. Just refuse to answer any questions from the Democrats (yuck) and try and stick to the comedy bits from Our Fools Allen and Coleman. They should be enough to get you through the whole odious process. Then come back here and we can have a few laughs over their antics. That Allen really cracks us up. We have a standard drinking game in the Royal Chambers you know. Sir Fool makes a football reference, we drink up. You should have seen Our Royal Minister of Defense, Rummy, after your 'confirmation' hearing last year. He was drunk as a skunk. It was a sight to behold. Now, just suck it up my Lady and take one for the Royal Team.

CR: Yes Sire, but if one of those mealy-mouthed serfs questions my handling of Iran one more time, I am going to have the Imperial Guards taser them. That will teach them to hold a civil tongue in their heads in front of their betters. Serfs! How revolting.

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That's how I see it.