Cheney Shoots Scooter Libby By Accident (and other fine articles)

[uppityperson]

http://www.internetweekly.org/2006/02/cartoon_cheney_shoots_scooter_libby.html

WASHINGTON (IWR Satire) - For the second day in a row, Vice President Dick Cheney has accidentally shot someone while hunting. This time Mr. Cheney shot his former aid Scotty Libby ten times in the back near the Lincoln Memorial. The Vice President, who often likes to target practice on illegal aliens, sparrows and titmice in the National Mall, claimed he mistook Mr. Libby for the Japanese science fiction monster Rodan. "It's really too bad, because I was prepared to testify on his behalf at his trial next year," said Cheney through a twisted evil grin.

[uppityperson]

1. Dick Cheney Invites Jack Abramoff Bird Hunting

http://www.brokennewz.com/displaystory.asp_Q_storyid_E_1380cheneyhunt
In a stunning reversal of policy, Vice-President Dick Cheney has invited the openly shunned Jack Abramoff bird hunting. The Vice-President said he doesn't mind that Mr. Abramoff is currently embroiled in scandal; Cheney just wants to "help him get away from things." Cheney noted an attribute the pair shared. "I've heard that he has a talent for wandering off. That would make him an ideal hunting buddy. I've also insisted he forgo the neon orange vest for his traditional black trench coat and fedora. I just want him to feel at ease."...(more at link)

[uppityperson]

2. Cheney Says Shooting of Fellow Hunter was Based on Faulty Intellegence

Believed Shooting Victim Was Zawahiri, Veep Says

Vice President Dick Cheney revealed today that he shot a fellow hunter while on a quail hunting trip over the weekend because he believed the man was the fugitive terror mastermind Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Mr. Cheney acknowledged that the man he sprayed with pellets on Saturday was not al-Zawahiri but rather Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old millionaire lawyer from Austin, blaming the mix-up on “faulty intelligence.”

“I believed I had credible intelligence that al-Zawahiri had infiltrated my hunting party in disguise with the intent of spraying me with pellets,” Mr. Cheney told reporters. “Only after I shot Harry in the face and he shouted ‘Cheney, you bastard’ did I realize that this intelligence was faulty.”...

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1320&srch=