A new element discovered

[The Sushi Bandit]

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Bushcronium can spontaneously transmute into Pandemonium.

[merwin]

1. That's funny

[Justice Is Comin]

2. That's more than talented.

deputy neutrons :rofl:

Teeing it up and :kick:

[Uncle Joe]

3. I read somewhere that Bushcronium,

is the exclusive element that gives bovine feces that aromatic atmosphere that is so conducive to the establishment of the rare dung beetle's optimum lifestyle.

Kicked and recommended for it's scientific value.

:kick:

[electropop]

40. Breaking: new information about the bushcronium nukulus

Breaking: They've now discovered that at the core of the bushcronium nukulus is a small group of neocon particles. These are highly volatile and have been known to ignite mushroom clouds, or rather, what appear at first to be mushroom clouds but turn out to be merely hot air.

[Old and In the Way]

4. Highly toxic, too.

Exposure to a single isotope can irreparably damage the critical thinking area of the human mind.

great stuff K&R'd.

[salinen]

5. funny, cute, and

so true.

[annabanana]

6. delicious post!

May I cut & paste it around? Very clever..

[The Sushi Bandit]

27. Please do...

just add a little credit

[karlrschneider]

7. I think it's even heavier...they missed the procons in the nukulus!

;-)

[Straight Shooter]

8. I love it!

But, in all deference to scientific discovery, the word is not capped, as to do so would imply some sort of respect for the bushcronium element, which surely is not deserved.

:yourock:

[spuddonna]

9. LOL!!! Thanks for that! :) n/t

[Wilms]

10. kick

[mom cat]

11. or as Tom Lehrer once opined:

http://www.privatehand.com/flash/elements.html

This is an absolute must!

[Mr_Spock]

19. Cute

It seems like a lot there due to all the heavy elements that are rarely encountered...

[mom cat]

23. as long as you don't drink the water and don't breathe the air: which

of course brings up Lehrer's tribute to Pollution:
http://members.aol.com/quentncree/lehrer/pollutio.htm

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS
7. Pollution
Time was when an American about to go abroad would be warned by his friends or the guidebooks not to drink the water. But times have changed, and now a foreigner coming to this country might be offered the following advice:

If you visit American city,
You will find it very pretty.
Just two things of which you must beware:
Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!

Pollution, pollution!
They got smog and sewage and mud.
Turn on your tap
And get hot and cold running crud!

See the halibuts and the sturgeons
Being wiped out by detergeons.
Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly,
But they don't last long if they try.

Pollution, pollution!
You can use the latest toothpaste,
And then rinse your mouth
With industrial waste.

Just go out for a breath of air
And you'll be ready for Medicare.
The city streets are really quite a thrill -
If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.

Pollution, pollution!
Wear a gas mask and a veil.
Then you can breathe,
Long as you don't inhale!

Lots of things there that you can drink,
But stay away from the kitchen sink!
The breakfast garbage that you throw into the Bay
They drink at lunch in San Jose.*

So go to the city,
See the crazy people there.
Like lambs to the slaughter,
They're drinking the water
And breathing the air!



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes
* Since this album was recorded in San Francisco, this is the California version of this verse. In some live performances, he also sang a New York version, that went:

The breakfast garbage they throw out in Troy
They drink at lunch in Perth Amboy.

And a Generic version that went:
Throw out your breakfast garbage and I have got a hunch
that the folks downstream will drink it for lunch.

[oscarguy]

12. VERY GOOD. Had to laugh. Nothing else to add.

[htuttle]

13. I've heard it generates large amounts of bogon particle emissions too

[tom_paine]

14. Wow. E-mailing this to friends...

:thumbsup:

[MGKrebs]

15. That is the funniest thing I have seen in months.

Thanks!
Can I re-post this elsewhere? (With credit).

[The Sushi Bandit]

28. Go for it!

[ProdigalJunkMail]

45. are YOU going to give credit?

I am sorry, but this is just a simple rip-off of something that has been around for years.

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000647.html

Heck, the first time I saw this it was Governmentium...I have even seen Clintonium. Please at least give credit where credit is due...your changes are cute...but just that...changes.

subjectProdigal

[MaineYooper]

47. also administratium

The core of this joke predates e-mail; I saw it passed around as a xerox back in the mid-eighties.

[Wrinkle_In_Time]

48. DU needs an "unrecommended" function to counter

the unwitting promotion by some of a shameful plagiarist.

I first read this in the "Journal of Irreproducible Results" in 1994. It may well have been around earlier. Here's an amateur reference to the "JIR".

[IDemo]

16. Bushcronium can make a blue-shift appear like a red-shift

if the Diebold Effect is not closely monitored. A runaway red-state should be avoided at all costs, since it generally means a high concentration of dangerous morons have been released.

[Mr_Spock]

17. LOL! That's very good!

I like you're creativity - good thing I did well in chemistry :D

[Strelnikov_]

18. Excellent n/t

[Cleita]

20. Very good satire.

:applause:

K & R.

[chalky]

21. Reminds me of that 2004 health scare: Gonorrhea Lectim

"Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced 'gonna re-elect em') is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.

"Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, a/k/a xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

"Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas."

[MGKrebs]

22. I heard they believe they saw 312, Dimsonium, but no one has been able

to recreate it. The extra atomic weight is believed to be the ubiquitous Deputy Assistant to the Assistant Deputy Neutron.

[stop the bleeding]

24. That is a killer post n/t

[William Bloode]

25. Thats just too cool!

And i am so stoned, so i had a great laugh!

[Angry Girl]

26. Hilarious! And I love your new baby goats! -nt

[The Sushi Bandit]

29. Blush!

Thanks. They are too cute!

[Rob H.]

30. Ha!

Excellent post! I especially like the definition of "Critical Morass." :rofl:

[justabob]

31. That is hilarious... thanks nt

[roguevalley]

32. That atomic weight equals my dinner biscuits. this is very

cool,.

[berni_mccoy]

33. K&R

EXCELLENT!

[BuyingThyme]

34. The science is simply amazing.

How do morans fit into all this?

[eppur_se_muova]

35. Neutrons? or neocons?

Let's hit it with a Fitzpatrick contraction...

[Richard Steele]

36. Science really CAN be fun!

[underpants]

37. Oh that's going out on the email

:bounce:

[kimpossible]

38. An instant classic!

You might want to start sending it around yourself, before it explodes and becomes the next web fad.

:rofl:

[Pithy Cherub]

39. They are now planning on enriching bushcronium and the UN

inspectors have been denied inspection. The reports from the field show that enriching the inert element has a profound effect of rendering individuals coming into direct contact, unaccountable and insipid. Enriching bushcronium is considered a threat tothe world at large. Ironically, a Kansas Accord is being signed by the nations of the world to stop the enrichment facilities. The UN has left no potions off the table to stop this.

[Sparkman]

41. This DISCOVERY will travel around the globe TODAY! Not 24 Hrs or 4 days!

[bloom]

42. k & r n/t

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

43. Beautifully done!

Excellent throughout, but -"isodopes": that's the part where I laughed out loud.

:applause:

[ProdigalJunkMail]

44. funny...but hardly new

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000647.html

[Kurovski]

46. Brilliantly funny!

Worthy of being e-mailed around the world.

:D :thumbsup:

[Lorien]

49. It's already making the email circuit!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=455731&mesg_id=455731

[AntiFascist]

50. Excellent research !! Fortunately, bushcronium is highly unstable...

it may self-destruct at any moment.