"Bushcronium"; the ultimate explaination

[Lorien]

A friend emailed this to me this morning. :-)

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium."
Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Bushcronium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Bushcronium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Bushcronium has a normal half-life of multiples of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Bushcronium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element which radiates orders of magnitude, more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Bushcronium can spontaneously transmute into Pandemonium.'It's All Good!"

[sinkingfeeling]

1. LOL!! I think he has it!

[Pithy Cherub]

2. The original author Sushi Bandit of DU was on the greatest page

with that post. That is amazing it only took 24 hours to get back to Here. Wow! Enjoyed it and the responses very much! :P

[Lorien]

3. Really? That's wild! A DJ/ music director at a PBS station sent it to me

he hadn't heard of DU-but another friend of his had sent it to him earlier. Kudos to Sushi Bandit!

[MaineYooper]

4. it's an adaptation of an old joke

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000647.html

It's a clever and inventive re-working to fit modern events, but the core joke has been around (at least among science labs) since at least the mid-1980s and maybe longer.

[central scrutinizer]

5. there has been new research

Bushcronium is not inert, in fact it greatly increases the speed of some reactions, notably the creation of a powerful vacuum in the National Treasury as atoms of bushcronium quickly ingest every trace of legal tender.

[Lorien]

6. Lol!

yep, it would be even funnier if it weren't so true.