Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Texas Attorneys

[philarq]

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Texas Attorneys

370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must be state health department "certified-free" for rabies and vermin.

370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.

370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, drug-dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.11 Bag and Possession Limits per day: Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2; Two-faced tortfeasors, 1; Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3; Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2; Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4. Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).

[kaygore]

1. This is worthy of the Daily Show

Great job!

[Flabbergasted]

2. Great post recommeded

[lastliberalintexas]

3. I tell lawyer jokes with the best of them

But I just don't think I can find anything funny in a "joke" about killing people just because of their profession. :shrug:

[philarq]

4. shakespear could-

"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers". - Henry VI (Act IV, Scene II).

[lastliberalintexas]

5. No, Shakespeare couldn't- do you know the context of that comment?

The Butcher character and his co-conspirators were trying to overthrow the legitimate government of England and knew that first they had to get rid of the protectors of laws to do so. They knew that until and unless the rule of law was subverted that they would not be able to do away with a legit ruler.

It was actually a compliment to lawyers, just so you know.


And yes, I am particularly touchy on this subject. Lawyers have to deal with real attacks to their physical safety all the time, especially those who practice in the family and criminal courts. I just don't find it a joking matter.

[philarq]

6. yup- a real stick in the mud

I guess the PC police have got me there. I will never again laugh, joke, or make merry about anyone or anything ever again, as it may piss off someone. Yup no more jokes---everyone out of the pool, no more fun to be had ---we all get to sit around being dour and contemplative---

Oh--and by the way ---the joke was sent to me BY a lawyer, and was sent to 19 OTHER lawyers at the same time--so I guess maybe the joke's on you....

[northofdenali]

7. K &R

:rofl: