I don't know how to deal with this...

[Katherine Brengle]

I know this is personal, and my apologies if this isn't the appropriate place to post it, but I need to get it out.

My husband (talking online in AIM) just told me that he and his guys got into a firefight and he shot someone... This might sound selfish, but I am really freaking out. I am worried about him--he's a really gentle person, not someone you would expect to even join the military, and I don't know how he is going to handle this over the long term... I am sick to my stomach, but I couldn't tell him that, I didn't want him to feel worse...

He says he's fine, but I don't buy it...

[Ksec]

1. Relax. He will be fine.

Maybe after he comes home you could get some counciling if this bothers you or him. I admit its a really tough thing you guys are going through. Be strong and talk it out.

[Katherine Brengle]

3. thanks, i appreciate that...

i'll talk to him about it when he gets home... i hope he's alright...

[OhioBlue]

2. my advice would be to just

remain supportive and listen...

:grouphug:

good thoughts being sent for you and your husband.

[Katherine Brengle]

4. ty...

[catmother]

5. he'll be okay. stay calm. don't get yourself sick.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

6. I hear you

Do you have a local support group you could go to to talk about this? Even a church prayer group could help at this time, but I think talking to veterans or their families would do the most good.

[Minnesota Libra]

7. We will ALL be sending GOOD thoughts and wishes........

.....your way. He can get counseling - not through the military - and you will by far be his best hope for any needed recovery. :grouphug:

edited: should have done spell check.

[Wheezy]

8. I'm sorry

You and I don't know each other, and I can only imagine that pit in your stomach, though I feel it for you...

you are wise to bring it here and get some support. Not selfish. Not that we need another reminder that this war threatens real human lives, but lest we get lukewarm, this is something that we should all think about. It's not just the physically wounded who need healing.

Hang in there.

[DearAbby]

9. Maybe you can find a support group

that way you can deal with it, when he comes home you already have a support group up and running to deal with this as it goes along. Be supportive, but heal yourself so you can help in his healing process.

Thoughts are with you and your husband.

[TahitiNut]

10. Despite what you might want to believe, he's NOT in the 'real world' now.

A war zone is not the kind of world you can comprehend, no matter what AIM, email, and digital photos might allow you to think. It's an insane place and survival usually means a person must go a little bit nuts. Right now, you must react and correspond with acceptance. That doesn't mean agreement - it means acceptance. Your job is to 'hold down' that sane place for him to return to. Deal with his recovery then. Worry and denial are mind-killers - don't let them get the best of you.

[havocmom]

11. Good advice! Having gone through welcoming friends home from

that war in the jungle a few years back, I concure.

It is not a normal situation. Survival demands actions which are not normal to us back home. When they get home, that's when you deal with the transition back and how to handle the memories.

Just be there now. Later will get here when the time comes.

We all send strength.

[Katherine Brengle]

12. I never claimed that he is in the "real world"...

but that doesn't change what happened. I accept that he did what he did because he had to, in that situation. I'm just worried that he won't be able to handle it when he comes home--I know that this experience will change him, and I accept that as well, but I want him to be alright...

Thank you for the advice--I appreciate it, truly.