Here's the husband of your nightmares. This guy is one sick bastard.

[unschooler]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0217062contract1.html

FEBRUARY 17--This country, as you know, is filled with the deranged. And then there's Travis Frey, a 33-year-old Iowa man who is facing charges that he tried to kidnap his own wife (not to mention a separate child pornography rap). Frey, prosecutors contend, apparently is a rather demanding guy. In fact, he actually drew up a bizarre four-page marriage document--a "Contract of Wifely Expectations"--that sought to establish guidelines for his spouse in terms of hygiene, clothing, and sexual activities. In return for fulfilling certain requirements, Frey (pictured right) offered "Good Behavior Days," or GBDs. Each GBD, Frey wrote, could be redeemed by his wife to "get out of doing the things" he requested daily. A copy of the proposed contract, which Frey's wife never signed and later provided to cops, can be found below. While we normally point out the highlights of most documents, there are so many in this demented, and very graphic, contract, we really can't do it justice. So set aside ten minutes--and prepare to be repulsed. (4 pages)

[Taxloss]

1. Yeah, I read that.

Whoa! That guy must have some serious self-esteem problems if he can't abide any independent thought around him. Any spouse foolish enough to sign needs her head examined as well.

[hyphenate]

5. Actually

his wife never signed the document. On the other hand, they have been married for 9 years. The trouble started when she wanted to bring the two daughters to church. That's when he kidnapped her and assaulted her.

He was also picked up for child pornography. In his state, a kidnapping conviction means a mandatory life sentence with no parole. I realy do so hope that he is convicted so he will himself be forced to follow the rules of "wifely expectations" to some guy named Bruno in prison.

[Taxloss]

9. Yes, that would be poetic justice.

"It's Bruno time now."

[Taxloss]

11. And on a minor point -

- what a ghastly font choice he made! He deserves to rot in jail for that alone.

[greenbriar]

2. found it last week

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=364&topic_id=506828

[unschooler]

4. Whoops. Guess I missed it the first time.

:shrug:

[babylonsister]

3. Ah, love! And why did she marry him? (Disclaimer: I haven't

read this yet).

[Warpy]

6. he probably lied like a lot of those bastards do

and she was probably young and inexperienced enough to buy it.

Since it wasn't signed, I'm wondering if it all wasn't sheer fantasy on his part, lovingly writing up a BDSM contract while wanking furiously between paragraphs.

It's a thought, anyway.

[chefgirl]

24. Thats kind of what I thought too..

Sounds like a homemade version of an S&M contract, and she was having no part of it.

-chef-

[shanti]

34. your guess is as good as mine!

:shrug:

[Rocknrule]

7. Anyone wanna guess who this bastard voted for?

[Wickerman]

8. Gee, I found him particularly generous for her birthday

:puke:

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

10. The scary thing to me, is: Did he write this himself? Or is it boilerplate

obtained from some other source?

Also, I couldn't what was going on with the fancy lettering in the subject headers.

[greenbriar]

12. I think he found it in Santorum's book

or the one from the guy who says dads should pee with their sons so they don't turn out ghay

[Rocknrule]

14. I can't imagine what his "List of Daughterly Expectations" is like

This is an example of "traditional family values" as defined by the Repubs

[Thtwudbeme]

13. I don't get it; I read the link

sounds normal to me....

?

[upi402]

15. WTF? She got to wear a longer skirt for church?

What church does this freak attend?

[leftofthedial]

16. that's disgusting.

it's roughly comparable to the deal males get from the courts during a divorce.

[Katherine Brengle]

17. what a sick twisted f**k... i am also wondering why she married him...

[fortyfeetunder]

18. Deranged is being too nice

He's one of the sickest mofos ever planted on the face of the earth.

I hope when he's in jail there is a guy like Vern Schillinger (character in Oz) can give him a prag lesson....

[mike_c]

19. oh there just aren't any romantics left on DU....

:rofl:

[Nevernose]

20. I don't believe I've seen the word "dildo" used as a verb before this

The little red devil on my left says this man is a genius; the little white angel on my right says I should kick his ass on general principles.

As a man, to other men, might I suggest:

1. Husband agrees not to scratch testicles, in private OR IN PUBLIC.

2. Husband agrees not to give nicknames to his own genitals

3. Husband agrees not to refer to children, in terms of contractual obligation, as "the kids." (unlesss he's referring to his own genitals, in which case refer to number two)

4. If husband is so concerned with sleepwear, then husband is required to subscribe to the "Victoria's Secret" catalog in lieu of requirements upon spouse.

5. Husband is required to not get fat, not drink beer, and to have absolutely no association with his "friends" without the spouse's prior approval.

6. The "shaving from underarms from anus" rule is gay as hell, and shall be enforced on the man as well as woman, not so much as to protect sexual equality as to laugh at his homophobia.

And, from one pig to another, someone should tell this guy that plain underwear is sexy as hell, and his obsession with protecting the "kids" (from what? his disgusting behavior?) is a little disurbing.

[Katherine Brengle]

29. LOL I thought the same thing! Everyone should read this post! n/t

[savemefromdumbya]

21. They had children?

why would someone have children with 'that'

[rocktivity]

22. I've got only two words for this guy

Plead insanity.

:headbang:
rocknation

[Cleita]

23. I often wonder when I see these arrangements, why did she

marry him? Did he hide his true nature that well, that she didn't see it coming? Strange that friends and family see the monster before, but the intended doesn't. I lost a friend for awhile because I warned her about her boyfriend, but she considered my concern as an attack. We didn't talk for years until she finally divorced him after years of abuse.

[AussieDave]

25. Isn't this in the Republican Faith-Based Marriage Handbook ???

Under the chapter "How to be a Good Stepford Wife" ????

[Catherine Vincent]

26. If my fiance' approached me with those demandments,

I would have shoved the four pages up his ass. Well, I'd definitely try.

[Katherine Brengle]

30. I don't know, he may be on to something...

Maybe I should make a contract like this for my hubby...

1) Concerning disgusting bodily functions and/or noises, including, but certainly not limited to: farting, burping after eating smelly food, spitting, and coughing without covering one's mouth--only to be done in the sanctity of the bathroom, or if one is not available, in a room in which no one else is currently present or will be present within 15 minutes of incident.

2) Concerning personal hygiene: daily shower are required, as well as additional bathing sessions at my request or as contractee sees fit, tooth brushing mandatory twice daily, more if I demand it, deodorant, mouthwash, and sparingly applied cologne mandatory.

3) Snoring will not be accepted.

4) No shirts or socks or jeans with holes shall be worn. Belt color must match that of shoes in the case of brown and black, when sneakers are worn, all efforts must be made not to clash said items.

etc, etc... lol

[malaise]

43. I would have run like hell

that is one sicko

[CabalPowered]

27. I'm not sure the DSMV-IV is capable of diagnosis for this guy

:scared:

[Ecumenist]

28. I would not put up with this kind of crap from this man at all....

I'd stab his ass in his sleep, in his left eye. Then again, I'm just not a subservient kinda girl. :shrug:

[Katherine Brengle]

31. Amen! n/t

[Ecumenist]

32. I often wonder if this is something that is rather confined and accepted

to republican women or rather, fundamentalist automatons.
Thanks Katherine. More women like us would go along way toward stopping this sort of rubbish.:hi:

[MadMaddie]

52. In his left eye....why not his right?

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[anitar1]

33. Put Travis down now ,as you would a rabid dog ! n/t

[Raine]

35. What a sick bastard

I've never seen anything so ridiculous! :puke:

[radwriter0555]

36. She married him, with the full knowledge of what he was. What does that

say about her?

[BoneDaddy]

42. Don't you know

women are not accountable for their choices. It is never their fault whom they choose as a partner.

[radwriter0555]

44. I didn't know that!!!! I DO know that if the guy is a scoundrel who lies,

cheats and deceives, (like bush lied to everyone in the USA) that those who were fooled are really just victims, but any idiot like the chick who married this loser with the full knowledge of his extreme mental illness knew what she was in for. I have no pity.

I do pity the people who believed the lies of bush... that's a travesty.

[lukasahero]

45. Given the actual facts of the case, it's unlikely she had "full knowledge"

Since this contract was presented to "his wife" (i.e. - already married), I think it's fair to say when she did marry him, she may not have had evidence of his mental illness. He's up on charges for abusing and kidnapping her.

A little googling turns up this: "Ruth Frey, who married her husband for better or worse nine years ago, told prosecutors she did not sign the document." http://crimesucks.blogspot.com/2006/02/iowa-pervs-sick-pact-with-wife.html

The lack of compassion for this woman is demonstrative of why women can't/don't leave their abusers - no one cares.

[Ecumenist]

51. Amen Lukas, Amen. nt

[BoneDaddy]

54. NOT true

I care very much but I think it worthwhile to note that this was a choice to marry this man and that decision needs to be owned. It sounds like she did own it by standing up to him and not signing it, but this dynamic (most likely) did not spring from a vacuum but rather has a long history of strange, possesive, controlling behavior. It would be very interesting to know the history.

What I am saying is that this isn't about blame, this is about ownership of the choices we make and accountability for what we do. I guarantee that this behavior pattern existed long before the abduction and abuse actually occurred.

[BoneDaddy]

53. HEhe

I was being a wise ass and really don't believe that about women. I just get really really tired of hearing about women with a long history of bad relationships make the same mistake over and over and keep being portrayed as victims. It is insulting to women to think that they are eternal victims by choice.

[Hekate]

37. I though Abe Lincoln abolished slavery--but this surely qualifies as such

Too sick for words.

He probably got his wife young and started in with the psychological and verbal abuse soon after the wedding. Stockholm Syndrome anyone? In any case, she and her daughters should be treated for PTSD now that they have escaped.

I tried reading it, but my antique browser wouldn't let me get past the first page -- for which I am actually grateful beyond words. brrr

Hekate

[Puglover]

38. Anyone want to hazard a guess

as to who ole Travis voted for in 2000/2004?

[in_cog_ni_to]

39. This reminds me of that men's Christian Group that meets yearly

to talk about how much more superior they are to their wives and pray together. Can't remember the name of the group though....I have a freeper cousin who's a member. He's a DOCTOR....a cardiologogist and a member of that DISGUSTING group.....just goes to show you that BRAINS do not equal commom sense.:(

ANYWAY...Mr. Frey is one sick puppy and I hope his wife can get away from him....ALIVE.:scared:

[walldude]

72. That would be Promise Keepers

Did some video for them once, it was about as creepy as it gets.

[foreverdem]

40. What a sick bastard

It's scary to think that there are actually people who think and believe this sick shit are walking around free.

[HughBeaumont]

41. This is the type of bastard that wants to run our country forever.

Ever read the CNP? They want the white male to be in their rightful position in political power and in turn, have the males to completely dominate their families. Didn't Pat Robertson once say something on air that "women should accept that your husband is your master, your station."? Coital mistakes like Travis probably watch this and think that it's OK to revert back to turn-of-the-century ways, when a wife was thought equivalent of a house pet that needed to be trained by any means necessary.

Multiply this mistake by about 20 million, and it's easy to see what we're up against . . . and who we'll never reach.

[RebelOne]

46. After reading that, I am speechless. n/t

[VOX]

47. Upstanding, church-going Bush voter? You bet!!! (n/t)

[Rocknrule]

48. This guy would fit right in with the Taliban

[Blue_Roses]

49. when I first read this I thought

"is this for real?" Who would stay with someone like this? Good grief.
:puke:

[lukasahero]

50. Why is the question "who would stay with someone like this"?

Why isn't it "who would do something like this?" Why are so many taking her to task instead of him? For the record, they had been married for 9 years before he kidnapped and raped her for taking the children to church.

Why are we so quick to blame the women who find themselves in the clutches of vile, despicable men instead of calling the man out on his crimes and behaviors?

[BoneDaddy]

55. The guy is a scumbag

It is not about blaming the woman but if any of you knew anything about family and marital dynamics you would realize that by painting her as a victim you rob her of the very choices that allowed her to stay in this relationship. Every abused woman asks herself the same question until eventually they find the courage, support and protection to leave the piece of shit that this man was.

[lukasahero]

60. Wow, a man telling a previously abused woman how abused women

think and feel. Where's that shaking her head in disbelief icon when you need it?

Trust me, BoneDaddy, you don't have to tell me what it is to be abused.

[BoneDaddy]

64. That's right

Men don't have a right to say anything to professional victims. My apologies.

[lukasahero]

65. "Professional victims"

I don't know why I'm going to bother responding to this as you obviously have no interest in what I may have to say, but perhaps someone else out there may learn something and be able to help the women in their lives who find themselves in this situation.

The only way I managed to get out of my abusive marriage was to FINALLY realize his actions were criminal and that I WAS a victim. Until then, I thought there was something wrong with ME - not him. According to him, ALL men behaved as he did, ALL relationships were like ours. I was lucky in that I had other men in my life that I look to and other relationships to compare mine. Many women are not as lucky.

Suggesting that women are not victims of domestic abuse is dangerous. It was the realization that yes, I was a victim, that his behavior was actually ILLEGAL, that gave me the courage to leave, to choose and make a better life for myself with a man who understands it was my ex-husband's behavior that was wrong, not mine.

Now all I have to deal with are strangers on message boards who call me a professional victim. And that's nothing compared to what I've already overcome. Ciao.

[BoneDaddy]

66. But...

there was something wrong with you. Your thinking was what was wrong. and when you finally realized it, you made the change. You took ownership and you moved on. Good for you.

But to paint yourself as a powerless victim would be to denigrate you and take away any power that you have. You are a victim no longer.

What I responded to was this outrageous claim by some women that the ONUS is entirely on the abusive man and this idea that women are total passive vitims and not accountable flys in the face of everything that empowers women. That is not exactly the way to help motivate people in abusive situations.

[Blue_Roses]

74. I agree with you

and I have to say I'm sorry for the way I expressed that thought. I think it was more of a rhetorical question than an actual question. I understand how women can become victims to abuse and the option of leaving is narrow. I think my comment was insensitive to abusive women. I just know that I couldn't stay in this relationship short of shooting the guy.

It is hard for women to get out of an abusive relationship when they feel there are no alternatives available. Believe me, I wasn't so much blaming her for staying as much as I was just throwing out comments from the thought of this sick abusive relationship.

I'm glad to see you got out of your abusive relationship 'cause I know it takes courage and lots of support.

Take care:)

[gkhouston]

56. because he destroyed her self-esteem a little bit at a time

It could be that she grew up in a environment that set her up to be a victim. It's also likely that at one time he was a charmer but once they married and she was in his control, he systematically isolated her from her old life and verbally abused her until she believed there were no other options. If you've read much true crime, it's a common pattern, and it's one I've witnessed in real life. A good friend of mine is now divorced from a dysfunctional man. One of the biggest ways I helped her during the divorce and subsequent re-construction of her ego was an unintentional act of mine: I'd actually met her husband, years before I'd met her, and known him at a time when he seemed normal.

Now, she wonders why she didn't leave his sorry ass years ago. But when she was in the middle of it, she didn't know which end was up, and leaving seemed impossible. When you're constantly afraid of how someone's going to react to what you do or don't do, logical thinking can be next to impossible.

[lukasahero]

62. Thank you. eom

[KittyWampus]

57. This is a classic Master/Slave Relationship. Contracts are found

on the web. Domination Sex is a whole subculture.

[mongo]

67. It's a shame you are using this story

to make a broad-brushed smear of BDSM as a whole.

There is no such thing as a "classic" or "typical" slave contract. Each is an agreement worked out between individual couples. And there was NO agreement here since she did not sign it.

And yes "Domination Sex" is a whole subculture -- with just as many women as men being in the dominant position.

[KittyWampus]

68. LOL! "And there was NO agreement here since she did not sign it"

who is to say there was no signed agreement somewhere along the line? There isn't that much info in the article and it only gives her side of the story.

When people in such a relationship and divorce, they can always claim they were forced into doing x,y,z and the judge may very well believe them since the majority of people can't concieve of anyone willing putting up with that crap.

And how you get what I said was a smear is beyond me... the contracts exist, they are of a "TYPE" (hence use of word typical) and they can be be found on the internet.

But enjoy acting the fucking know-it-all.

[mongo]

69. Once you start making up parts of the story to shore up

your arguments, you're on pretty shakey ground.

who is to say there was no signed agreement somewhere along the line? There isn't that much info in the article and it only gives her side of the story.

--------------------
And how you get what I said was a smear is beyond me...

Let's see, in your post above you said:

This is a classic Master/Slave Relationship.

Seeing that the "agreement" had no opt-out provisions for the slave, or defined any roles and responsibilities for the master, I would not say it was typical at all. You have taken a document made by an abuser and claimed it was the norm (classic)for BDSM folks.

Here's a definition of a REAL slave contract.

A contract in this context is an agreement which formally sets out the roles, responsibilities and limits of a Dominant/submissive or Master/slave relationship.Some find them useful because they demand thought about what each person is prepared to contribute to the relationship and what they expect out of it. This may provide a sense of clarity as well as security. It may also create a sense of commitment and help to avoid potential points of conflict later on. Others feel that contracts are worthless and in fact inhibit the natural change and growth of a healthy D/s relationship. There is some more information about contracts in our own 'illustrated guide to bdsm'. In addition, we've collected some other links on this page to examples of slave contracts and also to pre-play checklists and play etiquette.

http://www.bdsmcafe.com/resource/cheklist/checkx.html

What I would consider to be more "typical" slave contracts can be found here:

http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/contract1.htm
http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/contract2.htm

[Debbi801]

73. I have to agree with Mongo....

Those examples are far better.

When I've had a contract in the past, it was written mutually with both of us agreeing to everything inside. It was also signed by both of us. While there are some parts of the contract posted on Smoking Gun that are BDSM-like, the "validity" of the contract in their relationship is questionable, since she never signed it and it appears she never agreed to any of it. Within a healthy "normal" BDSM relationship, everything is consensual.

Here is a site i like for more info on healthy BDSM relationships. http://www.castlerealm.com/ The bdsm cafe site that Mongo psoted is a very good one, too.

[0rganism]

58. Question for women....

What would the characteristics of a husband have to be for you to sign such a contract, or even to contemplate signing seriously?

Billionaire? Movie star? Nobel laureate? Last man on earth?

[gkhouston]

59. None.

If I want to play those games for a night with my husband, that's our business and our mutual choice. Maybe this guy should have simply found a partner who's also into this scene, but since he apparently tied her up and forcibly took her (for real, not as part of role-playing), I wouldn't be surprised if part of the thrill for him is having an unwilling slave.

I'd never do this shit for real, regardless of the partner. Just not me. YMMV.

[lukasahero]

61. She didn't sign the contract.

[0rganism]

63. I didn't say she did

I was just curious what kind of husband could inspire such devoted lunacy in an otherwise-sensible person.

She did stay married to the guy for 9 years, he must have had some redeeming quality (or she was a total pushover).

[Iris]

70. Dead.

[mr_hat]

71. Wonder what made him choose that font?