Why I should be your President.

[mopaul]

i am announcing my intentions to run for president of the united states, even though i am utterly unqualified, i am sure that i can do a much better job of ruining the nation and pissing off the world than the current man in the oval office.

i will be open and honest about my graft, and i will accept bribes proudly and openly and even on camera if you prefer. no special interest group will be turned away, i'll play all sides, anyone offering bribes will be met with open arms and a smile.

and i will espouse no particular religion, but all of them, i will accept money from any and all faith based groups, including satanists and voodoo witch doctors. i am no religious bigot like some presidents i know.

and if it's war you want, why i'll give you war, lots and lots of war, and i want 20% right off the top from the military industrial complex. i'll sell arms to any nation with gold, and i'll bomb anyone you pay me to without prejudice or malice.

and i won't spy on you or torture you, so long as you pay me my cut, which is an offer no one can really refuse, and i promise to protect you from any and all batman villains, the cost of which will be deducted from your taxes.

and finally, i promise to never leave the white house, i don't need to, it's huge, and people bring you everything you need, and if i need to take bribes from world leaders i can just do it by phone, saving the taxpayers millions by not using air force one, which i will turn into a flying casino for v.i.p.'s.

that just about covers it for now, and if there is anything else i can promise you, feel free to write it in the memo line of your check.

thank you, and may god continue to bless america.

[Tesla]

1. You have my vote Mopaul

Do we get free ice cream too???

[mopaul]

2. not free, but cheap, bulk non-flavored ice cream

simply stand in the ice cream lines that are coming soon. your vote is appreciated!