The Red State Residency Application

[pstokely]

I didn't write this list, I saw it years ago as the "Texas State Residency Application"

First Name: (check appropriate box)

(_) Billie Bob
(_) Jim
(_) Hank
(_) Leroy
(_) Willy
(_) Buford

Last Name:

(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae

Age: ____

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:

(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Asbestos Worker
(_) Belt Buckle Manufacturer
(_) Un-employed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:

(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?

___ Total number of vehicles you own

___ Number of vehicles that still crank

___ Number of vehicles in front yard

___ Number of vehicles in back yard

___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks


Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_) Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
Organizations that you belong to: (Check all that are applicable)
(_) NRA
(_) KKK
(_) NHRA
Number of tractor pulls you've been to this month :
(_) <5
(_) 5-10
(_) 11-15
(_) Can't count
Beverage of choice:
(_) Night Train
(_) Blind Dog Bourbon
(_) Cousin Cletus' Moonshine (Non-Commercial)
(_) Schlitz Beer
(_) Gasoline
Number of Skoal Belt Buckles You Own:____
Brand of Jeans you prefer:
(_) Wranglers
Do you play the banjo? (_) Yes

[jean]

1. The occupation categories are offensive ... and "other brother" should

be added to the relationship with spouse category.

[pinto]

2. Locking.

If this post missed one egregious, broad brush stereoptypical characterization about southerners, I missed it.