***DUzy Awards for week ending June 1, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jun-01-07 05:41 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring shining shenanigans, shambolic showboating and shocking Schadenfreude from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The deliquescent DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Attention, DUzy honorees! Toot your own horn with a "DUzy winner" custom avatar! Non-DUzy recipients appropriating these avatars will be subjected to the endless scorn and ridicule of legitimate honorees. Choose from these four attractive, hypoallergenic designs:

Inspired by ih8thegop's DUzy winner sig pic (and shameless theft of my Photobucket bandwidth).

Special thanks this week to MelissaB, eppur_se_muova, krispos42, Forkboy, BushDespiser12, eridani, Kurovski, babylonsister, Lars39, johnaries, helderheid, stellanoir, Buzz Clik, wryter2000 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

This should have appeared last week:

On a thread by bananas:

      Granny grows horn
"A Chinese grandmother has a five inch horn growing out of her forehead. The horn curves downward and looks like the stalk of a pumpkin, reports the Yangcheng Evening Post. Granny Zhao, 95, of Zhanjiang city, Guangdong province, says it first appeared three years ago. 'At first, it was only a mole, but it gradually grew and became like a horn,' she said."

response #1 by Redstone:

      Hey, if she's 95 and can still be horny, that's something.

response #3 by habitual:

      ah that's nothing, I saw a man just today
in a press conference with Tony Blair. I forgot his name, but he had 2 horns growing out of his head!

response #5 by soothsayer:

      holy moly!

response #12 by Orrex:

      At what point does someone say "I should really have this looked at", I wonder?
As a general rule of forehead, if the horn extends into my line of sight, I'm definitely going for a consultation.

response #14 by Pigwidgeon:

      She could be poor
China is still a developing country. Granny Zhao probably fell through some of the bureaucratic cracks.

Now if she was in America ... People for the Ethical Treatment of Horns would have stepped in already!

:evilgrin:
(This guy has horns, too!)

Science, May 18, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x30335

On a thread by Newsjock:

      Gallup: Nearly 1 in 3 Believe Bible is Literal Word of God
"About one-third of the American adult population believes the Bible is the actual word of God and is to be taken literally word for word, a new Gallup poll reveals. This percentage is only slightly lower than several decades ago..."

response #52 by redwitch:

      "Blessed are the cheesemakers"
typo? :-)

response #53 by Xipe Totec:

      Well, obviously, this is not meant to be taken literally.
It refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

response #61 by BrokenBeyondRepair:

      which god?

LBN, May 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2858565

OP by Bucky:

The president is stopping the terrorists from attacking your children. Your CHILDREN! And puppies!
I do not envy SNL making fun of the president this week. He's damn well ridicule-proof at this point. I mean, was he seriously suggesting that terrorists are only targeting children? Or maybe there's a specific plot against David Gregory's kids? If I were a terrorist, I'd totally target some place like a bingo hall or a retirement home. It seems like Bush doesn't give a rat's ass about them.

GD, May 25, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x974424

OP by Call Me Wesley:

Proposed GrovelBot talk boxes (dial up warning)

Click the link. The visuals are key.

The Lounge, May 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6548339

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Bobblehead figurine sends 350 state workers fleeing from building in Washington State
"TUMWATER, Wash. – Talk about a blunder. A bomb technician discovered that a suspicious package that forced more than 300 workers to evacuate a state building contained a bobblehead doll awarded to public officials for perceived errors..."

response #1 by annabanana:

      "awarded to public officials for perceived errors"
How the hell do you get an award for that?

response #5 by dicksteele:

      Maybe by evacuating 350 people because of a bobblehead doll? nm

GD, May 26, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x977389

On a thread by Solly Mack:

      "Mistakes Were Made"
... As long as government gets to label their crimes as "mistakes" - they will get away with them. Mistakes can be forgiven - they're understandable. Everyone makes mistakes. Making a mistake doesn't make you criminal or even a bad person.

Crimes.Took.Place

response #3 by Swamp Rat:

      Oops! I accidentally burned the U.S. Constitution.
:shrug:

response #5 by SeattleGirl:

      Yes, I know it was just a mistake that was made by someone, somewhere,
who misled you into thinking that the Constitution was just a piece of paper meant to help start the summer campfire.

There, there, Swamp Rat. No one's gonna blame you. It's those freakin' DemocRats.

response #6 by Swamp Rat:

      Bill Clinton's penis works for Al-Qaeda.
It is seeking the cover of a dark Ozark cave where it will continue 'terrorizing' wanton Stepford housewives.

response #7 by dragndust:

      Sounds like a child's excuse
"The vase was broken, but it shouldn't have been on that shelf where my brother and me decided to wrestle".

response #8 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      It's my homework's fault the dog ate it! n/t

GD, May 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x979802

On a thread by firefox_fan:

Group: Terrorism not focus of Homeland Security
"The Transactional Records Action Clearinghouse said it analyzed millions of previously undisclosed records obtained from the immigration courts under the Freedom of Information Act...

'The DHS claims it is focused on terrorism. Well that's just not true,' said David Burnham, a TRAC spokesman. 'Either there's no terrorism, or they're terrible at catching them. Either way it's bad for all of us.'"

response #2 by dave_p:

"Either there's no terrorism, or they're terrible at catching them"
Maybe they misheard the mission as focusing on terriblism?

GD, May 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x983586

On a thread by tridim:

      Wow! Check out this new Mars image

Click the link. Amazing photos of a dark hole in the Martian surface.

response #10 by krispos42:

      THAT'S where the WMD's are!
We just can't, you know, um, see them. But we can't prove they aren't there!...

response #11 by Forkboy:

      By jove, I do believe we've discovered Mars' asshole!

response #14 by jeff30997:

      Too bad we can't name it Dubya...
The name's already taken for Earth's asshole.

response #26 by JDPriestly:

      Looks like a paper towel with a hole in it to be precise.

response #63 by whopis01:

      You are missing the point!
It is a picture of a paper towel with a hole in it that was taken on Mars!

Who has paper towels on Mars? And why are they poking holes in them?

Personally, I think it is an alien life form trying to communicate with us, but as anyone who has tried to write on a paper towel with a pencil knows, it is really hard to do.

response #65 by krkaufman:

      I can't say what it is, but I certainly wouldn't ...
... fly the Millenium Falcon into it.

Science, May 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x30578

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Just now on radio: "A lot of areas of the country don't support our troops like NASCAR..."
... I was passing by the radio show of the "Performance Racing Network", braodcasting the Coca Cola 600 from Charlotte, North Carolina. They were interviewing John McCain, who evidently was making some panderfest appearance at the speedway...

response #8 by rzemanfl:

      They need the oil. n/t

response #7 by ClassWarrior:

      I didn't know that NASCAR was an area of the country.
:eyes:

response #11 by Lastlaughin08:

      Just like the Iraq war - running around in circles without an end
Go get 'em, John.

GD, May 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x983182

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Biden says U.S. losing its credibility

response #3 by NNadir:

      You're kidding?
That's amazing!

It's very hard to believe!

Joe Biden is incredibly incisive and perceptive!

response #8 by karlrschneider:

      Next week he will breathlessly announce
water is wet.

:eyes:

response #13 by RUMMYisFROSTED:

      I thought you were going to say
"Hairplugs look real."

response #17 by Bigmack:

      ...and Paris Hilton...
is losing her dewy-fresh reputation.

LBN, May 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2860263

OP by BattyDem::

      Phrases I loathe
"War on Terror"

"Support the Troops" (Obviously, I don't hate the actual reality of supporting the troops, I hate the way the words have been twisted to mean something entirely different. When they say "Support the Troops," they really mean "Support the Endless War.")

"Everything changed after 9/11"

"Western White House"

"They hate us for our freedom"

"Freedom is on the march"

"Mission Accomplished"
"The Homeland" (This one makes my skin crawl! It's a little too Nazi-esque for me. :scared:)

Feel free to add more. :-)

response #7 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME:

      "I'm Gonna Vote For Nader"

response #92 by girl gone mad:

      At the end of the day..
the bottom line is that we're thinking outside the box to get eyeballs and traffic to our content-rich e-zone on the i-phone.

If the blogosphere is any indication, we support the President, a man of great moral fiber, as he presses the flesh of security moms in the heartland, er, make that homeland.

Your the bomb, fo' shizzle.

response #39 by mooseprime:

      President Bush n/t

response #95 by Chulanowa:

      Oh, oh, I've got a few!
"Keeping our powder dry" - If that powder were any drier, it would be my mother's roast beef. ZING!

"Religion of Peace" - Always said in a sarcastic tone, by people who want to convert all the Jews and kill all the Muslims.

"In other News" - always the prelude to some cokehead wanker celebrity who's crotch is being flashed across YouTube. I. Don't. Care.

"The homosexual agenda is being rammed down our throats" - What is it, exactly, with homophobes and their obsession with throat-ramming? And my gay friends, can you please tell me what this agenda is? If it's cool enough, I'll gladly switch teams!

"The Liberal media" - Considering 'the media' consists of corporations that think hiring Glen Beck or Sean Hannity is a stellar idea, I'm frightened to think what these people would consider "conservative media." I'd suggest the "Watching Paint Dry" channel - NO PINK!

"Cut and run" - Because "Sit and stay" has worked so well, don'cha know?

"I'm more of a libertarian" - Because, like, you know, I believe in stuff, and this test on the internet, like, said that makes me a libertarian.

"Yanking defeat from the jaws of victory" - it was clever and witty the first time. But much like "Wazzzzzaaaaaaaaaap!!!" and "You the man!" and "git er dun" it's time has passed, and when you say it, you only sound like an idiot. Not that you needed the help.

"Islamo-fascist" - Duzzuwhowhatnow? That's like saying Amisho-anarchist. Do you know anything about Islam and / or fascism? Naaaaargh

"Commander in Chief" - If you're going to have a junta, it might as well be a military junta, I guess?

"Socialism!" - I actually love this one. Every time I hear someone call something, anything 'socialist', I hear "I'm a corp-WARRIOR! Everythin's dark-sided! Slykicks! Gorgyles!" in my head.

"There haven't been any attacks since 9/11!" - well, unless of course you count weapons-grade anthrax being mailed to Democratic politicians (which apparently only Democrats count. Go fig!). Come to think of it, we weren't exactly living on the Israel-Palestine border prior to 9/11, so, what, is this lack of an attack some sort of achievement? Seems more like "status quo" to me. Want to impress me with the lack of terror somewhere? Make my previous Israel-Palestine simile obsolete!

"When they stand up, we'll stand down" - Can't blame 'em for not being too quick on the "standing up" part there, chief.

"Weapons of Mass Destruction" - Oddly enough, from the same people who claim there is no legal definition for an "assault weapon." I got so sick of this phrase that, for a time, I was hoping Kim-Jong Osama Hussein would drop his chem-nuke right on my freaking head just to make it stop.

"We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here" - Them being swarthy-skinned, big-nosed moon worshippers, of course. Pay no attention to the blonde, blue-eyed worshippers of a tortured Jew nailed to a stick who blow up synogogues and night clubs, they're not "them"

"It's hard work" - Coloring inside the lines is hard work. Making it all the way from A to Z while standing on one foot, that's hard work. Finding a frog's butthole, that's hard work - hell, I never knew they had one until you talked about putting firecrackers up there, thanks for the science tip. Managing the country and it's foreign affairs? Must not be hard enough, you keep finding excuses to haul that same damn log around in Crawford.

"Pro-life" - Unless that life is brown, female, or in any way detached from a placenta.

"Support the troops" - Nice sentiment, but it doesn't translate well to $1.00 rubberized magnets in the shape of a ribbon. Could there be a more shallow gesture? And me to think you're serious about supporting the troops, mister 20-something-with-a-confederate-flag-and-18-inch-wheels-on-your-toyota-pickup? Recruitment office is thattaway, maybe if you give them a few "git er dun's" they'll even let you keep the mullet.

"This nation is founded on the ten commandments" - yet strangely, only 1/5 of these commandments are reflected anywhere in American law.

"Protect our borders" - Well, not the Canadian one, since the Canadians aren't mud people, I guess? Funny thing, the right-wingers always argue that Canadians aren't pouring over our borders to take jobs. This is true, they have health care and Republicans haven't fucked up their economy, so, why would they surge into North Dakota? Hell, it's hard enough convincing North Dakotans to go back home after the holidays, why would anyone else go there?

"Reverse discrimination" - Man, if I had a dime for every dumbass white dude who thinks he's being oppressed, I could start my own game show. And really, isn't "reverse discrimination" more commonly known as "acceptance?" I mean, if you take the phrase literally. Pretty plausable that this is exactly what they mean. "Man, I can't believe they treat that black dude just like anyone else, that's so not fair!"

"Elitists" - This of course being anyone who doesn't base their vote on whether or not a candidate showed up at the monster truck rally that one time.

"Western civilization" - Oh, this one just pisses me off. It's so chock full of smarmy eugenic racism that the stench of it could make Joseph Mengele throw up a little in his mouth. Apparently we're all supposed to believe that Western Europe is the only bastion against a savage and pagan Everywhere Else, whether it be the Africans breeding like rabbits, the Russians trying to take away god, the Chinese trying to take away our money, or the Arabs trying to blow up your puppy. I especially like how gun-toting bible-thumping jackasses in northern Texas like to act like they have some spiritual heritage with Hellenic civilization.

"You should respect me, I'm a veteran" - this phrase annoys me because I always hear it from this one dude who spent the Clinton years being well-paid to learn how to barter for a blowjob in South Korea. There's plenty of dudes who were stationed in Germany during the Reagan years who act like that, too.
"it was tense, man, I knew that any minute troops were going to start pouring over that wall"
"Well, that's what you get for voting for Reagan"

"Shock and awe" - As if it were an Alice Cooper concert.

"bringing democracy to (wherever)" - Strange how the delivery system for democracy seems to be an automatic rifle, I should think. But hey, we might as well give democracy to Iraq - We're not using it and, tell you the truth, we're still not quite sure what it does or how it works.

"Coalition of the Willing" - You know, for the longest time, I was afraid that we were going into this alone, that America was invading a sovereign nation for no real reason, and we would become pariahs, mocked and derided in the world. I trembled at the thought that, once in Iraq, we would be stranded, with no end in sight, with only our own corrupt kleptocrats to turn to. Then, I remembered Poland, and my fears were allayed.

"To pull out now would be surrender" - Really? When I'm finished fucking, I consider pulling out to be an inevitable next step in the evening. Iraq is well and truly fucked - it's time for phase two.

"This is just like world war two" - No. No it's not. And John Wayne never fought in World War 2, stop referencing movies he acted in as a soldier, you waffleheaded turtlefucker.

"Clash of civilizations" - An ironic statement from people who believe "western civilization" is the only one. There truly aren't too many differences going on between the "Islamic world" (another funny phrase, like they live on the moon or something) and "Western civilization". You want a clash of civilizations? Ask a Hindu if he has the time.

"Anti-American" - The king goofy of the list, anti-American. First off, there are two whole continents worth of America, try to be more specific next time. second, why does being pro-American mean acting as though we're living with Idi Amin's secret police on our doorsteps? Seems just a bit counterintuitive that being a sycophantic, unquestioning and uncritical yes-man who agrees with a single party no matter the right or wrong of the situation because they tell you if they don't, you will die, is pretty much the definition of anti-American.

response #100 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      "Secular Humanist Agenda"
Or as Monica Goodling would call it, SHA!

like, I am so sure...

response #120 by spanone:

      Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq. Al-Qaeda in Ir
Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

response #168 by ariesgem:

      Good one! You forgot to insert "911" to that!
911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.911.Iraq.Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

GD, May 27, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x979467

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

Group: Terrorism not focus of Homeland Security

response #9 by youngdem:

That's not true...Homeland Security's number one priority is terrorizing us.

LBN, May 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2860910

On a thread by BrklynLiberal:

      One third of Americans polled can't name the vice president of the US
"When asked to identify the three branches of government, one in five American adults responds with Republican, Democrat and Independent. Thirty- five percent of those polled think the United States Constitution makes English our official language. Nearly a third of Americans polled can't name the vice president of the United States."

response #1 by trumad:

      I know the answer---
It's George W. Bush.

response #2 by no_hypocrisy:

      How hard is it to remember Darth Vader?

response #7 by vpilot:

      Don't hold
that against them, wish I didn't know who that a**hole is either.

response #18 by ThomWV:

      ... and the other 2/3's find it disgusting to do so.
The other half of the poll ...

response #26 by jmowreader:

      Most people can't name the VP because...
"Cthulhu" is not an easily pronounceable name.

response #35 by badgerpup:

      Kuh-THOO-loo
We will worship great Cthulu, though he's slimy, cold and cruel-u.
Still our sabbats are a lulu and that's good enough for me!
Chorus:
Oh that old time religion, that old time religion, that old time religion,
it's good enough for meeeee!

response #37 by Lisa:

      and half of the remainder are terrified to say his name aloud 3 times ...
... in case he appears in front of them and rips out their hearts!

response #39 by FloridaJudy:

      Brad Angelina Paris Anna's baby Lindsey Sanjaya Britney
What? You mean those aren't members of the Supreme Court? Never mind.

response #52 by Telly Savalas:

      Repression of memory is a coping mechanism for dealing with trauma.

GD, May 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x986356

On a thread by maddezmom:

      Wolfowitz blames media for flap, resignation

response #6 by DrDan:

      how dare the media report the truth about this self-serving cretin
Why can't they print some of the good things . . . like Paul rebuilding the schools . . . and how he has quelled the violence among the banking elite

response #37 by struggle4progress:

      "Damn the media, I can't keep my pants zipped!"

LBN, May 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2861017

On a thread by Neecy:

MSNBC news bunny refers to Iran as our 'arch-enemy'
Perhaps I'm still mired in what televised news used to be, but I'm hard-pressed to recall a time when Walter Cronkite casually referred to any country in such trite, juvenile terms...

response #2 by Warren Stupidity:

They are attacking us from all sides!
They have their vast Iranian Navy off of our coast right now in a show of force.

They are occupying our neighbor Canada, using it as a base of operations against us.

They are also occupying our other neighbor, Mexico, surrounding us and causing vast instability on our border regions.

They are in control of nuclear weapons and delivery systems that can wipe out our major cities within minutes, and their leaders refuse to take first strike use of these weapons off the table.

They recently announced a covert program to destabilize and topple our elected government.

They have a long history of belligerent interventions in the affairs of other nations.

We must act now, and forcefully, to end these outrages!

GD, May 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x986394

On a thread by Solly Mack:

The War Against Tinky Winky continues....Falwell would be proud.
"A senior Polish official has ordered psychologists to investigate whether the popular BBC TV show Teletubbies promotes a homosexual lifestyle..."

response #13 by liberalEd:

We will fight the Teletubbies over there
(in Poland) so we don't have to fight them over here. :crazy:

GD, May 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x989170

On a thread by muriel_volestrangler:

      Poland targets 'gay' Teletubbies

response #3 by acmavm:

      What is wrong with me? Why can't I see the connection between
Teletubbies and gays?

response #4 by Kurovski:

      Because you're sane?
:shrug:

response #44 by rpannier:

      Because you're not trying hard enough...Let me help you
Go get your Bible...I'll wait here while you get it.

Got it? Good.

Not start hitting yourself in the head 50-100 times with your Bible.

That should kill enough brain cells to allow you to see the connection.

Hope that helped.

response #7 by Forkboy:

      Falwell only took slightly longer to come back than Jesus did.
:puke:

response #11 by 0rganism:

      Those psychologists could be investigating why people link teletubbies with sexuality at all
I think a study of the sexuality of teletubby-obsessed homophobes would be much more fruitful, so to speak.

Frankly, if upon watching The Teletubbies, the most disturbing thing you come up with is "some of them look gay", you haven't really thought about the show. The world of the teletubbies is a bizarre, quasi-totalitarian environment, in which the inhabitants are cyborgs with televisions implanted in their abdomens who must obey a faceless fatherly mechanical voice in all things and windmills periodically sprinkle contact hallucinogens across the landscape, all for the amusement of a godlike Star Child. These poor creatures are tormented with a steady diet of synthetic "tubby toast" and charged with the meaningless oversight of an erratic appliance/pet called the Nunu which ostensibly cleans their dwelling, but frequently runs amok. And then there are the rabbits, lots and lots of rabbits, who never figure into the storyline yet seem to be nearly everywhere...

There are numerous grounds upon which to fear The Teletubbies, and none of them are overtly or even passingly sexual.

response #37 by TrogL:

      So you're going to ignore all those rabbits?
Got to be a message there somewhere.

response #39 by 0rganism:

      the message of the rabbits is likely one of the acceptability of rodent infestations
Another possibility is they are actually robotic rabbits -- or if you prefer, rabbitic robots -- who provide mobile video surveillance capabilities to the fatherly mechanical voice.

response #40 by laptoprepairguy:

      Rabbitic robots?
Talmudtubbies?

I have to smoke a LOT of dope to really appreciate that show!

response #17 by Mendocino:

      It's the work of Polish evangelist...
Jerzy Fawellski.

response #18 by Mojambo:

      Polish jokes are officially back on the table. n/t

response #41 by Kurovski:

      I'll bring the Kishka and Luksusowa.
"So the Kaczynski brothers, Lech Walesa, and the pope enter a gay bar in Lodz..."

response #19 by TheWatcher:

      Maybe we SHOULD Forget About Poland.

LBN, May 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2861251

Poll question by Buzz Clik::

      Do we have enough active Cindy polls at DU?
Personally, I like to vote in a poll about every five seconds. The current rate of Cindy polls is down to 7 or 8 seconds.

Do you agree -- do we need more polls?

Poll result: 100% voted No. There was no other voting option...

response #1 by Beelzebud:

      Not sure. Maybe it's time for a poll. I'll go create one.
:D

response #3 by CJCRANE:

      Robb is a Dingbat

response #5 by bryant69:

      I think we need about 3 more
Maybe something like "If Cindy Sheehan were a flavor of Ice cream, which flavor would she be?"

GD, May 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x993465

On a thread by Kadie:

      Bush attacks immigration deal opponents -suggesting they "don't want to do what's right for America"

response #1 by Demeter:

      All Bush's Plans Are Comprehensive--They Just Don't Work!
Damn reality!

response #6 by Johonny:

      you know
no one doesn't do what's right for America like Bush doesn't do it!

GD, May 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x994054

On a thread by sabra:

      "Bush has given us 2075 days of a terrorist free society"
"BATAVIA, IL - While a crowd of people gathered at Batavia Library May 22 to discuss the possible impeachment of President George W. Bush and his administration, one man stood outside with a sign in support of the country’s current leader.

'I hate war, believe me,' St. Charles resident Earl Johnson said. 'But if it wasn’t for the Civil War and the Revolutionary War, we’d be in deep trouble now...'"

response #9 by SemiCharmedQuark:

      What does he mean by "a terrorist FREE society"?
No attacks by terrorists on our soil? And does he include homegrown terrorists in that calculation?

Great argument though. We haven't had any tiger attacks since Bush took office. That should be his new slogan.

"Bush/Cheney: Giving you a tiger free America"

response #14 by HawkeyeX:

      Uh. Not on his watch either
Remember Siegfried and Roy? Roy Horn got attacked

GD, May 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x996471

On a thread by sicksicksick_N_tired:

We talk too damned much!!!!

response #6 by Bornaginhooligan:

Tell us more.

GD, May 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x998503

On a thread by mwb970:

What would Bush have been like without Cheney?

response #1 by Redstone:

Asking: "Paper or plastic?"

GD, May 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x999257

On a thread by Bluebear:

      "I was wondering, since i can read French, would it be okay to read the Bible in French?"
From, "teens-4-christ.org" message board:

"Unless you can find a trustworthy person to help you choose, I would avoid it. Just as there are many versions in English, there are different versions in French (and other languages). If you are not VERY careful, you'll end up in a bad version.

If English is your primary language, stick with the KJV.

By the way, there are people out there who are translating the KJV into other languages. Though the KJV is a perfect translation, translating the KJV into other languages (second generation translations) creates imperfect (in fact, flawed) translations..."

unnumbered response by MonkeyFunk:

      Yep!
gotta read it in English, just like Jesus wrote it.

response #9 by BlooInBloo:

      Looky!!! I fond ****12**** angels on this pinhead!!!

response #15 by MidwestTransplant:

      Jesus hates the French for not joining us in Iraq. Of course it should only be read in English.
Stupid kid.

response #27 by blondeatlast:

      That's how the French do it, see? We offer them bad Bible
translations, then they turn around and translate those to sucker in our pious acne sufferers.

The Lounge (moved from GD), May 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6558226

On a thread by ck4829:

      Fred Phelps says Brownback talks to him

response #5 by htuttle:

      So, he's named one of the voices in his head "Brownback"?
Interesting...

response #6 by SalmonChantedEvening:

      Iceberg Endorsed by Titanic. Film at Eleven n/t

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1007164

On a locked thread by somebody:

Who here feels that DU has moved to the right of center?

response #66 by EarlG:

Locking
Because when Richard Mellon Scaife calls, I spring into action!

GD, May 30, 2007

On a thread by HawkeyeX:

      Why are you here?
Speak up!

response #1 by sinkingfeeling:

      My mom and dad wanted a second child?

response #2 by Bluebear:

      They validate parking and serve a pretty good blue plate special.
And I love the conversation :)

response #4 by LSK:

      Al Gore created the internets with tubes
:D

response #7 by SteppingRazor:

      IT'S A SERIOUS OF TUBES!!!!
(I figure if serious=series, then the opposite must be true.)

response #25 by stellanoir:

      How can I be sure that I'm really here. . .
It's all maya isn't it. . .?. . .after all.

Still waiting on the teleportation chamber I've been promised by the Nigerians.

Sheesh.

response #27 by tblue:

      I'm here?

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1006283

OP by sister_rosa_refried:

Surf's UP, dears! Get the crabs cookin'!
Hello dears, I must drop in and tell how much I missed you all. This is Sisters favorite time of the year. We are in the middle of the annual Nun-A-Thon. This years theme is SURF'S UP: Nun-A-Thon '07!

This year the whole shin-dig is taking place right here in Mexico. We've invaded ...... um reserved serveral hotels. Today is the first full day of festivities. We are having a beach party with a crab and lobsterfest. Well Rev Mother is normally the biggest crab, but that's another story.

We local sisters charted a boat last week and hauled in a big mess of crabs and lobsters and we're boiling the water, melting the butter, cutting the limes and chilling the beer!

I do hope to remember this tomorrow!

All my holy love,

Sister Rosa Refried.

The Lounge, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6559608

On a thread by jefferson_dem:

Chimpy has the third lowest IQ of any president, Clinton fourth highest, according to study (mydd)

response #12 by onehandle:

Right. Here's the true order.
1) Every President except George W. Bush
2) A Brick
3) George W. Bush

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1004487

On a thread by Up2Late:

      O.K., THIS is a sure sign of the Apocalypse: CANADA's first museum of creation opens in Alberta

response #1 by Swamp Rat:

      Man, I think I am gonna start my OWN 'Creationist Museum'!
A few Flintstones posters, some glow-in-the-dark dinosaur bones, some cut-out figures of Charlton Heston and Jeebus, some bibles and crosses (can be found for free), and I'm in business!

$$ Here comes the money! $$ Here comes the money! $$ :woohoo:

response #8 by Bozita:

      Personal service for late model BMW owners heading for the Rapture
I will personally hand-carry all of your personal effects/papers from your pampered vehicle to the sinners in your family remaining behind.

Only $99.99.

Or, for an additional $49.95, we can incinerate your personal stuff. Your sinful kin will never know.

Visa/Mastercard/Amex

response #17 by ComerPerro:

      I could open a Creation Evidence museum for $100,000 US
Purchase a 5x5 foot shed, throw in a copy of the Bible, and pocket the rest.

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1001083

OP by Blackhatjack:

      Will the Bush Presidential Library have a Comedy Wing Dedicated To 'Bushisms'??
If so, attendance will likely pick up tremendously.

Videotape of classics (ie. 'Is Our Children Learning') will provide hours of entertainment not soon forgotten.

It would help offset the empty look of a library with one book he read ... My Pet Goat.

response #6 by geardaddy:

      complete with slide whistle sound effect. n/t

response #9 by Buns_of_Fire:

      When you go, you gotta check out the Presidential Codpiece
It'll be in the Presidential Garments Room, right there with the Presidential Boots and the Presidential Jackets and the Presidential-Undies-That-Were-Monogrammed-So-He-Could-Find-His-Way-Home.

response #10 by Ilsa:

      Maybe Dim Son could host a spelling bee at the library, and he*
could be the one to read the words to the contestants:

newkular
Abu Grayp
dictayder
Eye-Rack
dissemble vs disassemble
subliminal
preservation vs perseverance...

response #11 by lpbk2713:

      If so, that will be good news for Dennis Miller.
It will probably be the only place he will be able to find a gig.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1004731

On a thread by sabra:

      Bush: "I’ll be in Texas" after leaving the WH

response #1 by woodsprite:

      Maybe that's what he named his place in Paraguay? n/t

response #19 by MilesColtrane:

      Q: "What will you do after you retire from public life Mr. President?"
A: " I'll be all aroun' in the dark.
I'll be ever'where--wherever you look.
Wherever there's a fight so oil can be took 'n brown people killed, I'll be there.
Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a
guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the
way necons yell when they're mad--an'
I'll be in the way military contractors laugh when
they're hungry an' they know a war's on. An' when our people loot the public treasury, an' live in the
houses they've stolen , why, I'll be there
too."

...with apologies to Steinbeck.

response #22 by GloriaSmith:

      Suddenly building a fence around the TX border doesn't sound too bad
can we get the fence around the entire border? Please?

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1003056

Just click the link:

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1008502

On a thread by Telly Savalas:

      He's old and ugly, and he's got a much younger wife.

response #8 by dweller:

      oops, thought this was a Kucinich slam ...

response #9 by chimpsrsmarter:

      i thought you were talking about my Dad.

response #11 by Telly Savalas:

      Is he going to run?
Or do I need to scrape my "Chimpsrsmarter's Dad '08" bumpersticker off my car?

GD, May 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1009189

OP by El Supremo:

I knew it! TB Guy has a beautiful blonde wife.
And they're talking to Diane Sawyer! And he asks for forgiveness!

Oh the humanity!

Great responses, especially Philosoraptor's, but you have to see the pic!

GD, May 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1015720

OP by The Straight Story:

      Catholic Church Organist Fired For Selling Sex Toys

Catholic Church Organist Fired For Selling Sex Toys

NEW FRANKEN, Wis. -- A Catholic priest has removed his church's organist and choir director from her duties saying her sale of sex toys was not "consistent with Church teachings."

Linette Servais, 50, played the organ and sung with the choir for 35 years. Much of her work as choir director and organist was done without pay. When her parish priest asked to meet with her, she thought it was to say thank you.

Instead, she was told to quit her sales job with company known as Pure Romance or she would lose her position in the church.

Pure Romance in Loveland, Ohio, is a $60 million per year business that sells spa products and sex toys at homes parties attended by women. It has 15,000 consultants like Servais.

She said her decision was not hard: She began working with Pure Romance after a brain tumor and treatment left her sexually dysfunctional. The job allows her to help other women who have similar problems.

http://www.local6.com/spotlight/13417471/detail.html

As a christian myself I am tempted to mail that church some sex toys and tell em to go fuck themselves....

response #6 by xmas74:

      I think I bought something from that company once.
It's nothing compared to some of the companies out there. Come on-it just runs on a couple of batteries.

Maybe it would have been better if she had been selling shotguns door-to-door.

response #8 by Buzz Clik:

      I hope you're appropriately ashamed.
This poor person, thanks to you, has one less organ to stimulate.

response #11 by xmas74:

      That would be the case
if I lived near her.
GD, May 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1016584

On a thread by Philosoraptor:

      What is the number 1 reason for the neo con's amazing success?

response #7 by bryant69:

      I suspect good Feng Shui
Used for evil purposes, of course...

response #31 by Giant Robot:

      I was thinking more
Multiple sacrifices and pacts with various demonic entities myself.

GD, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1020063

On a thread by elehhhhna:

      UH OH! Now there's a "Measles Man" who flew around, too...
"Measles-infected Oregon man exposed air travelers to disease..."

response #2 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      Next up...
Gonorrhea Man!

response #9 by musette_sf:

      or "Drippy"
as he is better known

response #8 by Buns_of_Fire:

      It'll be like "The Fantastic Four" once you add Halitosis Man
(...soon to be a major release from 20th Century Rupert, wherein they battle Clap Man and Heartbreak-of-Psoriasis Boy)

response #11 by havocmom:

      Try getting on a plane with a jar of huckleberry jam for a friend
:eyes:

The American public has put up with all their horse shit nonsense that wouldn't make the Homeland safer and they still wanna fly. Now we have COOTIES on a PLANE!!!!

GD, June 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1022208