Freeper Science 101: Billions of Years of Climate Cycles on a 6,000 Year Old Earth

[Bjorn Against]

Hello fellow Freepers, my name is Hugh and I am a graduate of No Chyld Leafed Behind. Today I am going to edukate you so you can debate the librul morans who need to get a brane.

You see these liberals claim that we have all evolved from apes, but us Freepers have consistently proved them wrong. The liberals may have evolved, but Darwin never had to explain us because we were hiding away from the heathens in the scientific community. Recently however we sent two great scientists to prove once and for all that we have not evolved.



As soon as the scientific community saw these men many people who previously believed in evolution started to have second thoughts, as these men provided them with undeniable proof that they had not evolved at all since the time they were riding on dinosaurs.

Of course they can't ride their dinosaurs anymore, because the liberals who hate our freedom are hiding the existence of dinosaurs today and forcing us conservatives to hide our pet dinosaurs in our garages. As our extremely credible source Conservapedia tells us:

Creationists cite a number of reasons to believe that dinosaurs have existed until relatively recent times, and perhaps still survive.

* There have been a number of claimed sightings of dinosaur-like creatures.

We have proof that humans coexisted with dinosaurs but the liberals refuse to acknowledge this proof, even as we broadcast images of dinosaurs and humans coexisting on television sets across America. Here is one picture taken by a scientist named Hannah Barbarra that proves that dinosaurs and humans did once live together peacefully:



But the liberals are unwilling to accept the truth behind this image, but fortunately we have a person named Michael Crichton to give us an even more compelling lesson in science. Crichton has been bringing important issues to the public's attention for a long time. He not only showed us that dinosaurs do still exist in Jurassic Park, but he also gave us a great glimpse of what a Republican convention looks like in the climax of Congo. Lately however he has moved away from dinosaurs and Republican conventions to take on another issue, global warming.

Crichton knows that the climate of our 6,000 year old Earth has been going through climate cycles for billions of years. Crichton also knows that all the scientific evidence that points to the reality of global warming is all fake, instead he gives a more credible theory as to what is happening:

A nefarious liberal organization reminiscent of the Natural Resources Defense Council is about to hold an international conference on global warming. At the same time, they're also masterminding the calving of an enormous Antarctic iceberg, a series of lightning-triggered Arizona flash floods and a tidal wave aimed right for the Cirque du Soleil tents on Santa Monica Beach. (A killer Caribbean hurricane is also threatened, but called off at the last minute. It's obvious a thriller's in trouble when the most cinematic thing about it is the way most of a vestigial subplot is left on the cutting-room floor.)

That's right, the scientists are wrong it is not the climate which causes extreme weather conditions, it is liberals. The liberals are planning to send hurricanes and tidal waves after you so you will think that global warming is real. It is all a huge conspiracy, and the giant machines that are in the liberals possession are about to be used to start a flood in the Arizona desert. This is good credible science, and I am sure that one day the giant weather machine that the Natural Resources Defense Council owns will be exposed for all to see.

To wrap things up, us Freepers must go out and convince the public that while climate change may have been happening for billions of years on our 6,000 year old planet, it is not happening now. No, now it is the weather machine we have to worry about. We must destroy the weather machine and liberate the dinosaurs!

GOD BLESS AMURICA!!!!!!

[mike_c]

1. that pic of denny and dimmer is one of the best ever published....

I'd love that as a poster for my lab.

[jazzjunkysue]

14. I'd love that poster for my birdcage. n/t.

[acmavm]

2. Just sitting her laughing my ass off. This shit just so fits those two

white, fundie, arrogant, braindead monkeys in those white coats:


<snip>

Creationary Perspective
Young Earth Creationists believe, based primarily on Biblical sources, that dinosaurs were created on day 6 of the creation week<5> approximately 6,000 years ago, along with other land animals, and therefore co-existed with humans. As such, they reject the Theory of Evolution and the beliefs of evolutionary scientists about the age of the earth.

They believe that dinosaurs lived in harmony with other animals, (probably including in the Garden of Eden) eating only plants<6>; that pairs of each dinosaur kind were taken onto Noah's Ark during the Great Flood and were preserved from drowning<7>; that many of the fossilized dinosaur bones originated during the mass killing of the Flood<8>; and that possibly some descendants of those dinosaurs taken aboard the Ark are still around today.<9>


http://www.conservapedia.com/Dinosaurs

[MrPrax]

3. It's Soros!! He's trying to corner the amber market!!

I figure the only science-related material they get is the Good Book, Jurassic Park and perhaps the video game Rainbow Six...

The year is 1999

RAINBOW is a newly created multinational counter-terrorism unit, composed of elite soldiers from NATO countries, formed to address the growing problem of international terrorism. The organization's director is John Clark, and the team leader is Ding Chavez. The term "Rainbow Six" refers to the director of the organization, John Clark.

Soon after its inauguration, RAINBOW finds itself responding to a series of seemingly unrelated terrorist attacks by the Phoenix Group, a radical eco-terrorist organization. Throughout its investigation, RAINBOW is assisted and advised by John Brightling, chairman of the powerful bio-tech corporation Horizon Inc.

However, RAINBOW eventually learns that the Phoenix Group is actually a front for Horizon Inc itself. Brightling's company is developing a super-virus, codenamed "Shiva", with the ability to kill every human being on the planet. In order to protect "mother nature," John Brightling is planning to kill the entire human race, sparing only Brightling's chosen few, who will re-emerge and rebuild the planet into a scientific and environmentally-friendly utopia. To achieve this goal, he has used the scattered terrorist attacks to create fear of terrorism, which he then exploited in order to secure a security contract for his own private security firm at the Olympic games. Brightling's plan is for his "security personnel" to unleash the virus at the games, spreading it to all the countries of the world.

RAINBOW succeeds in preventing the release of the virus at the Olympic games, and Brightling and his collaborators retreat to their Horizon Ark facility in the Brazilian jungle, from which they had originally planned to weather out the global holocaust. RAINBOW infiltrates the facility, killing all of Brightling's collaborators and capturing Brightling himself.

wiki

Now that is hard-core batshit crazy 'crank'

[Gregorian]

4. Hey, I think I remember you from that class at Liberty Univeristy.

The one taught by Jonah Goldberg. Some science is real. Like that DNA testing of that blue dress. It's all Clinton's fault!

Bush/Cheney '08

[Bjorn Against]

5. Yeah was that the class that Jonah said this of Katrina victims....

ATTN: SUPERDOME RESIDENTS – I think it’s time to face facts. That place is going to be a Mad Max/thunderdome Waterworld/Lord of the Flies horror show within the next few hours. My advice is to prepare yourself now. Hoard weapons, grow gills and learn to communicate with serpents. While you’re working on that, find the biggest guy you can and when he’s not expecting it beat him senseless. Gather young fighters around you and tell the womenfolk you will feed and protect any female who agrees to participate without question in your plans to repopulate the earth with a race of gilled-supermen.

http://thinkprogress.org/2005/11/11/latimes-jonah/

See Jonah's got his science down, who needs to help Katrina victims when we can just let them be so that they will become gilled supermen and save themselves?

[Gregorian]

9. Nothing says "SCIENCE" better than reckless abandon.

Like god turned water into wine. (I guess they hadn't invented kegs yet.) See, he could have turned it into gasoline. But since he didn't, we just have to get it wherever we can find it. And if it ends up we have to kill a bunch of unlucky people who have what we need, that's just too bad.

God wouldn't have put the oil in the ground if it would cause global warming. So there. Proof global warming is a myth. It's science.

[Bjorn Against]

11. Yes, I love your logic!

And just like you point out oil could not cause global warming, because God put it in the ground.

God created lead as a natural element as well, and everything God creates is safe. That is why all those lead-based paint chips us Freepers eat on a regular basis are not harming our ability to think.

[DesertRat]

6. Are you coming to the new Creation Museum this summer?

:evilgrin:

http://travel.nytimes.com/2007/05/24/arts/24crea.html

[Bjorn Against]

7. Of course, how could I miss this?

But step a little farther into the entrance hall, and you come upon a pastoral scene undreamt of by any natural history museum. Two prehistoric children play near a burbling waterfall, thoroughly at home in the natural world. Dinosaurs cavort nearby, their animatronic mechanisms turning them into alluring companions, their gaping mouths seeming not threatening, but almost welcoming, as an Apatosaurus munches on leaves a few yards away.

Us Republicans have such a clear view of science, how could anyone not think we are credible?

I mean after all who doesn't believe in humans playing with dinosaurs that still exist while liberals make weather machines to fool us into thinking that floods and hurricanes are caused by global warming?

[Chulanowa]

8. "Dinosaur"? The correct scientific term is "Jesus Horse"

[Bjorn Against]

10. You know I almost put that same picture in the OP

Thank you for posting it I wanted to put I already had the Flintstones so I thought it might be too many dinosaurs, but I am glad you included it in the comments.

[JeffR]

12. K & R! The Academy is giving this one a lot of attention. n/t

[badgerpup]

13. ...and I read such an interesting article today in National Geographic...

...on how we evolved to walk upright and the changes it caused in our legs, knees, feet, backs, pelvises, and brains and why humans have so much more difficulty giving birth than other primates.


The fetal skull j-u-s-t barely fits through the bones of the pelvis...it rotates twice during the transition and sometimes it's gotta squish quite a bit. Then the shoulders have to rotate twice too, and baby comes out at weird angle and facing opposite direction from mom, which makes it difficult for mom to immediately grab onto baby and clear mucous off face to help breathing and stuff.
Which is why human females have always sought assistance during labor and delivery.
Fascinating, as Mr. Spock would say.
F___ you, Mr. Spock, says mom.

I thought the money quote was:
Evolution is a tinkerer, not an engineer.

Boy, they sure got that one right! :thumbsup::thumbsup:

[nam78_two]

15. Oh thank you-I lost that pic

It was my desktop pic for a while. We often have to wear coats like that one when we are using the clean room. I think I will make it the desktop on our stock room comp. It is perfect :rofl:...