Woman Named Butts Charged in TP Theft

[dogday]

MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa -- Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.

"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."

Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.

Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.


http://www.newsday.com/news/nationworld/wire/sns-ap-odd-tp-theft,0,2482776.story?coll=sns-ap-nationworld-headlines

[TwilightGardener]

1. If one feels the need to steal toilet paper---uh, be my guest. Use it in good health, Miss Butts.

[melnjones]

2. 3 years for 3 rolls? Good grief. nt

[originalpckelly]

6. I know, that's completely insane for a sentence. I mean come on...

it's fucking TP!

[Javaman]

21. That's a year a roll...

and since there are roughly 338 feet per roll, that works out to 1.07 days per square.

http://komar.cs.stthomas.edu/qm425/01s/Tollefsrud3.htm

Our nation has some serious problems

[Javaman]

22. That's a year a roll...

and since there are roughly 338 feet per roll, that works out to 1.07 days per square.

http://komar.cs.stthomas.edu/qm425/01s/Tollefsrud3.htm

Our nation has some serious problems

[gkhouston]

3. ROFL -- there's Olbermann's paper toss for the day.

3 years? Damn, couldn't they have indicted Libby for rustling paper products?

[Gidney N Cloyd]

4. She was one of the three Butts sisters.

[hootinholler]

12. Bertha, Betty or Basheba? n/t

[jollyreaper2112]

5. she has an alabi

"She needs TP for her bunghole!" Meet the Great Cornholiolina.

[LiberalFighter]

7. Were these the little rolls or super rolls?

The super rolls are about 2,000 feet long (2.50 a roll)
The little rolls are about 180 feet long (.40 to .60 a roll)

They are going to throw her into jail for this?

Just give her a $100 fine plus court costs and restitution and be done with it. Will cost the county and state a whole lot less.

[TwilightGardener]

8. Note the "two-ply" detail. Apparently the courthouse, while generous

with its extra ply, decided it did not have a square to spare.

[Jamastiene]

27. Oh, wow, you are on a roll there.

:rofl:

[dogday]

9. I'd say she is catching a lot of crap for stealing

a few rolls of paper even if she has had previous theft charges....

[no_hypocrisy]

10. What I can't get over is the fact that someone actually called the cops on her for this.

[Richard Steele]

11. You steal paper from the STALLS, not the supply closet. Stupid rookie.

That's it- she's outta the gang!

[Jamastiene]

28. I'll bet she will be the butt of every joke in the pokey

for that too. :rofl:

[NorthernSpy]

13. Names are powerful things. This was her destiny.

From the moment she acquired the name Butts, she was swept along by fate's current til the day she did something embarrassing and butt-related.


It's the John Wayne Bobbit effect.

[Truthiness Inspector]

14. "Police get to bottom of missing toilet paper: Butts charged."

"Butts caught stealing TP, in deep doo-doo."

[dogday]

15. ROFL

:rofl: :rofl:

[yasmina27]

16. Jeebus!

Every college kid I knew who lived in an apartment (as opposed to a dorm where these items were provided) should have done hard time!

They even had signs up in the stalls at school that said "If you need toilet paper, please ask!"

[Madspirit]

17. I hope she doesn't get three years...

I hope she doesn't get any time.

...and yes, funny AND embarrassing.
Lee

[dogday]

18. Me either

She has previous theft convictions, so it looks like they could try to enhance this crime to a felony. Three years is a felony conviction sentance...

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

19. Well She's A Habitual Offender So Her Sentence Should Be A Bit Harsher.

But I hope everyone pays attention to the fact that it is up to 3 years, not a 'will get' three years. I find no reason to believe anyone is out to prosecute her harshly enough to come anywhere close to a sentence like that.

[swimmernsecretsea]

20. Throw the book at her!

But you may not want it back, afterwards.

[dogday]

23. Throw the book at her page by page

You will only get the binding back :rofl:

[petersjo02]

24. Thanks to all of you who've responded to this post...

for the best laughs (plural) I've had in a long, long time.

[Gabi Hayes]

25. anybody want to bet she'll do more time than Scooter?

somebody ought to do a thread on time others have spent in jail, comparing the type of crime/severity of sentence/time served with Scooter's

ya think?

[Jamastiene]

26. "But, but...but..."

Is that what she said when she got caught?

Oh, shit. :rofl:

[Seabiscuit]

29. "Butts On A Roll; Cheekiness Flushes Her Into Deep Doo-Doo."