Argh. Sometimes it's VERY hard to be anti-DP

[Xithras]

Some of you may remember from previous posts that I have a 13 year old daughter. She's a handful, but she's a good girl overall and I love her dearly. She gave a speech at her school this year on why George Bush is the worst president in history, so I'm sure you'd all love her too. My daughter has a very dear friend, an adorable young girl who just turned 14 and is practically a part of our family. She's spent countless nights at my house with my daughter, she's gone on camping trips with us, and basically spends every moment possible with my daughter. As we've always understood it, her parents were never home, so she chose to spend time with us instead of an empty house.

I learned an hour ago that it was just an excuse. I came home from work expecting, like most nights, to see my daughter reading in her room while my wife watched her Tivo'd soaps on TV. Instead, I found my daughter in tears, my wife shaking with rage...and in a few minutes, myself actually wanting to end someones life. I'm still there right now. I actually want to kill another human being. I would end his life right now, and feel no remorse.

Who is this person? The father of my daughters friend. We found out today the real reason why she came over to our house...to avoid him. It turns out he's been having sex with her, and he started when she was 10 fucking years old. For four goddamned years, he's been having sex with her almost every fucking day. This innocent, sweet, highly intelligent little girl was too terrified to tell anyone. She was in my house almost daily, and I had NO CLUE :cry:

He got caught because he got her pregnant. As I understand it (this part is a little murky), he took her to PP to get an abortion, and threatened to kill her if she didn't say that the father was someone else. The doctor at PP performed the abortion, but apparently the staff became suspicious of his behavior and questioned her a bit more after it was done. She told the doctor the truth, and they called the police while her genetic donor (it seems wrong to call the bastard a "father") waited in the lobby. When the police showed up, she confessed it to them, and he was taken to jail.

She called my daughter after the police were done, to let her know that she wouldn't be coming over for a while. CPS is keeping her in their custody for the forseeable future, and there is a very good chance we'll never see her again. I don't know what the story is, but apparently they don't want to turn her over to her mom. This poor little girl has had her life shattered, because her bastard SOFB of a dad couldn't keep his goddamned pecker in his pants.

I could kill him. At this very moment, I could take a baseball bat to the guy and end his life. I am REALLY wishing that the DP could be applied to molestation and rape cases, because I want the bastard to fry for this. DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!

Nobody needs to reply to this thread, because I'm not going to be back on tonight, and I probably won't be on tomorrow. I have to go try and explain to my 13 year old child why some pervert is responsible for ripping away her best friend, and try to figure out some way to channel this rage away. I've got a cord of wood that needs splitting, and at the moment I'm thinking that an axe, some firewood, and some vivid visualizations would do me some good. Tomorrow I'm going to see if there's anything I can do to help, and offer to take her into my home if she doesn't have any family she can be turned over to. This poor girl has been tortured right under my nose for YEARS, so there has to be something I can do to make up for it and help her. I feel so damned guilty right now. DAMMIT!

I'm going to go vent at a log now. Thank you DU for putting up with my rambling. I need a drink, or four drinks, but I'm still sane enough to know that rum and axes don't mix. Maybe I'll go vent at the logs, THEN have a drink. Or four. Dammit. Fuck. This just isn't fair.

[burrowowl]

1. I would be furious too!

I mean furious!
May the father go to prison for life!

[LearnedHand]

2. .

May the daughter find a way to carve out something that looks like a healthy, normal life. Thanks for posting this horrific event. Thanks to all your lovely family for caring for her.

[CC]

3. As bad as things are she is lucky to

have your family to lean on and she will need it. "Tomorrow I'm going to see if there's anything I can do to help, and offer to take her into my home if she doesn't have any family she can be turned over to." is the best thing you can do along with all you have already done for her. :hug: Someone willing to listen, believe and just be there is going to be very important for her.

[driver8]

4. Oh man...

That is a heart breaking story.

I am pretty sure that I would react the same way that you have. I have a young daughter at home and I cannot even begin to understand how a father could do this to his daughter.

Your daughter's friend must be going through hell right now...hopefully the father soon will be.

[Norquist Nemesis]

5. You'll figure out the best course of action

Thank goodness for people like you who care so deeply. It's an extremely tough situation all the way around. Be prepared for the mother to make contact with you pleading her case, too. You're going to need to be exceptionally strong for your daughter, her friend, and your wife. Crimes like this make victims out of everyone involved.

Just words...I realize that it seems like it now. But, if nothing else sinks in remember this: You need to stay strong and be a pillar of support for the long term. Allow your rage and anger for the next few days; then decide on the best course of action. Don't allow guilt to consume you--there is only ONE person to blame and that is her father. (period)

Best thoughts and prayers to you, your family and the daughters bf.

[Stephanie]

6. I have a girlfriend now in her thirties still dealing with the trauma of a similar childhood

She was eventually taken in by family friends, in another city. She manages very well but she is still very damaged by this, and she has worked hard on healing. It's unimaginable for most of us, devastating for those few. Your help will be invaluable to her.

[Dogmudgeon]

7. She will survive. And he's going to pay for it for a long, long time.

The prison sentence won't even begin to cover it. He will never be able to make up for what he did. He will suffer his own spiritual death in life, and will be obliged to live on until his physical death.

The girl can survive and perhaps grow from this. I'm happy that you will be there for her. She will need you, because she will have a lot more pain having to put her father behind bars.

In a very short time, she will have to deal with her natural sexuality. A strong network of friends will help more than you know.

I wish her the best of fortune with all this ...

--p!

[The Straight Story]

8. Some bastards in life are so selfish they don't see the hell they put others thru

That little girl will have a lifetime of horrid memories, guilt, etc and so on (I was molested as well from the time I was about 8 and I lived with guilt about it for many years).

I hope she gets some good care and a lot of love.

Keep in mind that in her case she may be feeling guilt that her dad is in jail, and the DP here would actually, I am guessing, add to her feelings and not help her at all.

[FloridaJudy]

21. Exactly

This poor child is probably feeling perfectly rotten already. Children continue to love their parents on some level, even when the parents are psychopathic monsters like this father. While she must feel relieved to be free of his repulsive attentions, she probably also feels some guilt for having "broken up the family", never mind that none of this is her fault. It's devastating but all too human for her to think "maybe if I'd been a better person, none of this would have happened".

Hold her in your heart, and offer a safe place for her to grieve the loss of her childhood.

Like you, I sometimes find it difficult to hold on to my principles when confronted with great evil. I want to see people like this suffer as much as they've inflicted on others, but revenge leaves a nasty aftertaste. It never feels as good as you wanted it to, and it feeds on itself.

I'll pray for your daughter's friend.

[Az]

9. There is a difference between what we wish we could personally do

and what we recognize are the limits of what the state should do.

I had a friend who's grandmother was raped and beaten to death by some thugs. She personally was against the DP. And this was in fact a DP case. She was emotionally overcome by this case. She dearly loved her Grandmother but she had to come to terms with her position on DP and her grief and anger about the situation.

The matter was brought to a point when the attorney trying the case asked her to speak up concerning sentencing. She professed her anger and grief but told the jury that she did not believe her Grandmother would be served in any way by the killing of more people.

[Make7]

10. You know who is to blame for this.

This girl's father is scum. He is the one that did this her.

And it was her mother's job to protect her.

You have nothing to be guilty about. You did know know this was happening. It was hidden from you.

You also know what to do now. Do everything in your power to take this girl into your home. Make sure she knows that there are people who will love her, care for her, and protect her no matter what.

- Make7

[Xithras]

50. I know, and thank you.

I'm over the guilt thing now, but it was pretty intense last Thursday. It's kind of hard NOT to blame yourself a little when someone so close to your family is going through a trauma like that, while you remain oblivious. I know that there's no way I could have known, and at this point I just want to help ensure that it doesn't happen again.

[tblue]

11. If you've ever wondered why the Universe put you here, you now have the answer.

The first thing you have to do is forgive yourself, immediately and absolutely, for what you think maybe you should have done. Who knew? Your, and your family's, relationship with this sweet girl will make all the difference in the world. Just stay close and let her know you are all there for her any time or place. How I wish every abused child had that type of support system.

And I agree with you about the DP. I am totally against it. But there are times....

[pork medley]

12. i'm so sorry

i just hope your girl's friend's subhuman father is kept away from civil society as long as possible :(

[RB TexLa]

13. I support the DP, but what you are describing isn't anything that nullifies someone's opposition to

it. Feeling rage and anger to the point of desiring to harm someone for something they have done is hardly related to a political or moral position you hold.

[magellan]

14. Please don't beat yourself up

...for not knowing what was going on -- how could you know? You've done so much for her already, even without realizing. You gave her what so many children in similar circumstances don't have by providing her sanctuary and sharing a normal, loving family experience with her. These are IRREPLACEABLE gifts that will stick with her in a positive way as she deals with what's been done to her.

I hope this poor girl is allowed to maintain her friendship with your daughter. I also hope her father goes to prison for many years and gets to mark each day by experiencing the same unwanted sexual attention he forced on her...or fearing what the general population will do to him if they get hold of him. I understand they don't take well to child abusers at all.

[orleans]

15. the good part of this story (besides the fact that the cops did their job

and put him in jail) is that this girl is TALKING.

that is so so very important.

my daughter's friend informed my daughter and me (when she was a sophomore in high school) that her father had been raping her since she was in first grade. but nothing was done about this by dcfs or the cops because she absolutely refused to tell them. the drama went on for a long time, she stayed with us, we talked, i brought someone in to talk with her, and she just wouldn't say it to anyone who needed to hear it in order for them to press charges against the father. AND she had a younger sister! it was horrible.

and for years i didn't know either. my daughter, who was her best friend for such a long time didn't know. i had reported that asshole before for beating the younger girl and the cops & dcfs visited him and that was that. but as far as raping his daughter--i didn't know.



i'm certain you and your wife will follow up with your daughter's friend and let them (the "authorities") know how welcome she would be in your home. and as for your daughter, i'm sorry she has to go through this. i'm sure it's very difficult for her as well.

but at least her friend finally told somebody who could do something about it. hopefully now the healing can begin.

[MaryBear]

16. Xithras, get help for your family, too.

Like you, your daughter probably feels some guilt at not seeing what was happening to her friend. She may feel anger that her friend did not tell her. Contact a local sexual assault center and ask for support in dealing with this. Good luck to you.

MB

[Xithras]

51. Good point, I'll think about that.

My daughter does feel pretty guilty about this now that she understands what was happening to her friend. My wife and her have been having some long discussions about it, but talking to a professional counselor might not be a bad idea. I'll have to discuss that with my wife.

Thanks for the advice and the support :)

[proud2BlibKansan]

17. Oh how sad

But thankfully they caught him and the abuse will stop now.

You should try to figure out a way for your daughter to see her friend. That would be very good for both the girls.

[pnwmom]

18. Don't blame yourself for not imagining the unimaginable.

Your family has been the safe harbor for this girl for more than 4 years. Your family kept this girl from cracking during her terrible ordeal.

You helped her hang onto hope. And for a girl in her position, that's everything.

[BreweryYardRat]

19. Like you said, see if you can apply for her legal guardianship.

Even if she's got family out there, you might be a better parent than some relative she's barely seen before.

[BlooInBloo]

20. Two things Dukakis conflated was *the state* killing someone vs *him* killing someone.

EDIT: It's not possible to conflate one thing.

[wellst0nev0ter]

22. Perhaps Sending Him To Prison Is A Death Sentence In Itself

considering how the other prisoners treat child molesters and all. But I still have to be honest, however awful some subhuman is, I still can't imagine pulling a trigger to his head. Maybe if I gave him a sporting chance and had it be a duel, I might be open to that type of punishment, but not in cold blood.

[Solly Mack]

23. That poor child. I wish her healing.

(((Hugs to you and your family, Xithras)))

I wish you and your family healing as well.

She had a safe place to go to..she saw a family where the Daddy was a Daddy and not a monster. You don't realize it now but that was a big help to the child.

[On the Road]

24. For People Who Have Done What He DId

prison can be a de facto death sentence. Don't know if that makes you feel any better or not.

[jollyreaper2112]

25. I think it would be a legitimate killing

We should avoid giving into vengence, killing just for our satisfaction. But the man has already threatened her life. Who knows what he might do next? I've been remotely and tangentally associated with (i.e. know people dealing with) several real-life situations that turned out ok but had a high potential of becoming local news fodder, i.e. romance murder-suicide.

The one situation that really stands out is a woman whose daughter's best friend got involved with a local punk. This 20-something Billy Badass thought he was so hard. When the girl left him, he threatened to kill her and had lurked around near the mother's property. He did have access to weapons, he was just the kind of punk to do somethin like this to keep his street cred up, and he'd already beaten her previously. The pigs, as usual, were incapable of doing anything. This is the sort of case that looks like a murder waiting to happen. I would not fault anyone who decided to shoot first.

I'm just sick of reading all the news stories about dead women with restraining orders.

[LWolf]

26. Your feelings are understandable in the cirucumstances.

What is most important here is that the man has been arrested, will hopefully face trial and be incarcerated where he can never hurt another innocent person, and that the victim has a chance to heal and move on with her life. Support from the people who care will be crucial.

I hope that the agency keeping her in custody will realize that she needs the presence of those she feels safe with to move on, as well. Ripping her out of her entire life does not help to heal trauma; it adds to it.

[hunter]

27. It's a horrible, horrible feeling to wish someone dead.

It's almost as bad to feel some sort of happy relief when they die.

In my experiences the thing I had great trouble with was that the victims had mixed feelings about the parents and guardians who should have been protecting them -- in my mind it was like "My God! How can you still love them in any possible way???" and that would get in the way of any support I could offer.

It's hard to be strong, and most importantly, gentle and available and practical when such feelings of anger and hatred are seething within you.

And the anger is still down there seething within me, it doesn't go away, and I have to take a deep breath... And I look here, at the practical political aspects of this: We need places like Planned Parenthood to bring light to these very dark situations. We can't hide behind some false veneer of propriety or righteousness and distance ourselves from the horror, nor can we reflect it back on the victim. The best we can do is to absorb the shock, hang on tight, and do whatever we can to hold what is good together while the storms pass.

[Dragonbreathp9d]

28. I help you kill him

jesus fucking christ man, may god or shiva or whatever be with her. I'm anti DP because I dont believe the state has a right to kill its citizens, but I'd arm that little girl and allow her to blow him apart. Fuck man, I cannot even state how infuriating this kind of shit is - I'm in a similar situation as I recently found out that one of my good friends was raped by a "friend" while I was away at college. Maybe you should look inot adopting this little girl if you feel you can emotionally and financially take her on.

[JVS]

29. Are you sure you want to tell your daughter the truth about this?

You might want to consider sparing her some of the details.

[lapislzi]

30. The child usually signals when "enough is enough"

Children can absorb quite a bit of truth when sensitively handled. She is probably bewildered and scared herself. Could the truth be worse than what she's imagining, especially if delivered by a loving adult?

Kids also intuit a great deal and will tell you when to stop talking.

I wish healing for these families.

[Bucky]

32. Children need to know the truth. A 13 yr old will imagine far worse than the truth

And telling her all the facts is part of what she needs to hear to help understand how she's safe and how she can help her friend, assuming her friend gets to see her again (which I really hope happens).

[Xithras]

52. I probably would have preferred that.

Unfortunately, the option was never made available to us. When the police were done questioning her, she called my daughter directly and told her everything that had happened. My wife then called the police department to see if there was anything she could do to help at the time. My daughter had the "gory details" even before we did, so there was no chance to spare her anything.

[Bucky]

31. I had a friend who found out his daughter was being raped by her step father. He surprised me

I had the same reaction. I said, "Damn, you must've wanted to kill the guy."

My friend said, "No, at that time my daughter needed me to support her more." She left her mom and lived with him for the reat of her teen years. I wish I was that evolved, that rather than get angry because I'm powerless to have stopped something, I could focus instead on doing what I needed to do to care for my family.

I would suggest, to say something helpful, that you contact CPS and let them know what relationship this girl has with your family. Hopefully they'll understand it's a positive component in her life that can help her heal some of the abuse she's suffered.
.

[WolverineDG]

33. Contact CPS & offer to take her in

if you can & if they can't find a suitable, stable relative's home for her to live while the CPS & criminal cases are going on.

dg

[immoderate]

42. That was my thought too.

Perhaps OP can apply to be a foster parent if the situation warrants it.

--IMM

[TheWraith]

34. That's horrible.

I suppose I feel a little differently than you do--I don't object to the death penalty on any moral grounds, as I firmly feel that there are people like that father whose greatest contribution to the Earth will be as fertilizer. (Rather, I do object to the death penalty on the principle that it's impossible to reverse in cases of innocence, as well as too costly compared to life without parole.) But in your place, I would be severely tempted to try and mete out revenge on my own, figuring that no jury in the world would convict me.

One thing that may bring you a sense of satisfaction, no matter how twisted it may seem, is that child molesters are held in every bit as much contempt by the prison population as they are by the rest of us. A great many of them get beaten, tortured, and even killed in the system, and those which don't die usually wish they had.

[ecstatic]

35. I'm an anti-DP who magically becomes very pro-DP when it comes to any form of pedophilia

:grr: NO FUCKING REMORSE. And if the justice system proves inadequate, then I'm all for vigilante justice.

[SeanQ]

36. The death penalty is too fast and merciful for a bastard

like him!!! He needs to be in jail for life, with no possibility of parole. Stick him in a dark hole with the lowest scum of the earth for the rest of his existence.

[mackdaddy]

37. At least they got the bastard this time..

My best friend is a teacher whose elementary school covers the north part of Columbus Ohio. May of last year, one of the fourth grade girls in the next room was murdered by her father because she had started to tell some of her friends what was going on. No adults had been told yet, and they only found out after the fact that some of the kids had been told.
He had told her he would kill her if she told, and when he found out, he trapped her in the basement alone, and chased her around shooting her four times before he killed her. He then killed himself. The mother and other kids were in the house at the time.

They had to do a lot of counseling at the school for all of her classmates and friends. The people you are supposed to be able to trust the most are your parents, and it is a real shock when something like this happens.

This one is close enough, I would be so bold as to suggest that maybe you and your family should consider professional help too. This is a big one to try to handle on your own.

I hope you can find peace again.

[Lars39]

38. It sounds like your family was one of the only stable elements in her life.

:cry: :grr: :hug:

[yardwork]

39. This happened to a friend of mine.

Her story is somewhat like yours, only from the point of view of the wife of the molester. They were married for ten years, and her husband seemed to be a wonderful man, a leader in his community, a real stand-up guy, etc. etc. Her step-daughter was a handful, a "wild child." One day the girl ran away from home. The step-mother tracked her down to her best friend's house, whose father happened to be a cop. When the step-mother asked why the girl ran away from home, the girl said that her father had been having sex with her since she was a little girl.

My friend believed her step-daughter. She helped her step-daughter file charges against her father, and she filed for divorce. He served time in prison.

[Madspirit]

40. I am So Sorry

I don't want to make this a political post so just....I am SO Sorry...for everyone. Take care of yourself and your family and do what you can for this little girl. She has been lucky to have you guys.
Lee

[slackmaster]

41. Wow Xithras, you've posted more than your share of emotionally jarring stuff on DU

Thanks to you and your family for helping that girl.

K&R

[Xithras]

55. DU is a good sounding board for a lot of things.

One of the reasons I love this board is that there are few situations that others here haven't already faced. The advice here is priceless. Of course, there's also the pesky fact that I'm a workaholic with too-few "real-world" friends to vent to. DU helps to make up for my lack of a real-world social support network :)

But I really don't think I've posted all that much on here. Off the top of my head, I can only think of two...discussions of my own molestation a while back in a thread that was all about DU members who were molested as kids, and another situation years ago when a friend caught his 12 year old babysitter having sex with her much older boyfriend. I don't count my conundrum about loaning another friend my old muscle car as "emotionally jarring".

[helderheid]

43. Jesus fucking christ - I know that rage. FUCKING MONSTER.

[Mnemosyne]

44. You have given her more already than you may ever understand.

Such abuse can leave the survivor feeling that no man could ever truly love her. She may become very promiscuous, searching for love in all the wrong places. Depression is also one pretty sure potential; even bi-polar disorder has been triggered by such abuse. As you know, she has learned to hide her pain well, hopefully you and your family will be allowed to help her release it in a healing manner.

Solly makes an excellent point - "She had a safe place to go to..she saw a family where the Daddy was a Daddy and not a monster. You don't realize it now but that was a big help to the child.". Far too many survivors are never fortunate enough to be blessed by having people like you and your family to lean on.

Having a caring and decent male figure in her life was a much needed gift that you didn't know you were giving her. You have shown her that she has value and deserves respect. I'm sure you have given her hugs now and then over the years, it helped her see that a man can touch her with love; not just lust. I cannot begin to tell you how much that can help a survivor of such bullshit.

As enraged as you are, and I'd like a shot at that creep myself, you will do her much more good if you can stay in her life rather than in jail.

Bless you and yours for giving her such a gift. :hug::hug::hug: I wish someone had been there for me many years ago. Still hurts too much at times.


And be damn careful with that ax; sharp things and the distraction of anger can cause nasty accidents!

[motocicleta]

45. It is okay to be full of rage

and probably is a good thing to let it flow now instead of bottling it up.

He clearly needs to die, but you don't need to spend jail time away from your family. The system is what it is, and you hurting him would make a terrible situation much worse.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

46. That Level Of Anger Is Necessary. It's What Makes Us Decent And Human When It Comes Right Down To It

Any decent and rationally thinking adult in the same situation would undoubtedly feel the exact same way.

What he did is unspeakable; unfathomable. Being decent as you are, your brain can't even begin to comprehend the information that is being processed within it right now. It is trying to make sense of it; yet it can't. It's trying to rationalize it, trying to cope with it, trying to understand it, trying to come to terms with it; yet it can't. Instead it fills itself with pictures. It recreates the scenario. It visualizes. It sees such innocence being overcome by such evil. Yet it still cannot comprehend. It cannot process the images, the thoughts, the feelings, as there is no rational calculation for it to understand it with. Therefore, the only thing for the brain to do is become enraged. It is natural, understandable and expected that you would feel such ways. I understand completely.

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. It is beyond horrible. Thank God he is now incapable of doing this any longer, though lord knows it came far too late. Justice will come for him one way or another. But what's most important right now is that little girl who was so traumatized, and your own little girl who is undoubtedly traumatized as well. They both will need your love, attention and guidance, and I'm sure you'll give it to them best you can. He will get what's coming to him. For now, consume yourself with these two wonderful girls and how you can help them heal.

[ljm2002]

47. Oh dear, that is terrible!

The one thing I would say is, once you have cooled down about it, it sure would be great if you could find a way that she can continue to interact with your family and to maintain her friendship with your daughter. Of course you may also have to think about the effect of this revelation on your daughter and on their friendship. Logic is not always what comes to the fore in these situations. People overreacting can be worse than if they just try and be matter-of-fact, acknowledge something about what happened, and then let it go. Hopefully, she will get therapy and can vent there; but she should also have the opportunity to have the normal life experiences that a girl of her age should be having, without that always being a backdrop, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, good on you and yours for taking care of her. She came to your place for refuge and she found it. She did not ask for more, she did not give you a clue what else was happening in her life, but she found your home to be a safe place. So she knows such things exist, and that is very important. Don't think for a minute that you have not done anything for her.

[WhiteTara]

48. work with CPS and become her foster parents

There is DEARTH of foster parents. Most of them are just as bad as the man who continually raped that little girl. If you have the inclination and energy, you could save her life.

[Xithras]

49. *****UPDATE******

I want to thank everyone for their posts, it's immensely comforting to know that I'm not the only one who gets this emotionally upset over these things. I've calmed down a LOT since writing this last Thursday, and my sanity has once again returned to me. Some of you who may have read some of my previous posts may recall that I was molested myself as a child, and this discovery exposed a lot of anger and emotion that I considered dead and buried decades ago. It's funny how old emotions can still carry so much power.

As to this situation: I did call CPS on Friday and they were initially quite receptive to the idea of her moving in here. The girl was excited over the possibility, and the CPS person promised an expedited home visit to verify our eligibility on Monday. She did warn me, however, that the girl had some out of state relatives...including an aunt and grandparents...who would get the girl if there was any interest. A CPS examiner person came out to my house on Monday, said that I could potentially have up to three children foster with me, and handed over the papers for the required criminal background check. Shortly after the CPS person left, the girls aunt called me. She will be moving the girl to Nevada.

Personally, this worries me, but there is little that I can do about it. I discovered during the phone call that the mother will not get custody because SHE KNEW. The girl apparently tried to tell her about a year ago, and the mother called her a liar and punished her for it. When the "father" was arrested, she tried to get the police to free him by claiming that her daughter is a habitual liar and that she shouldn't be believed. She even called her sister and mother (her sister was the aunt I was speaking with) to try and discredit her daughter. At first I was encouraged...the aunt didn't believe her sister and understood what the girl was going through. She seems to genuinely want to help the girl, and is willing to put her own life and job on hold to do so. I'm a bit worried, however, because she then went on to discuss her plans to "bring her mother around" and "reconcile the two". The mother sat idly by while her husband raped and impregnated her child, and this woman is now concerned about RECONCILING the two?!?!? I have already called CPS about it, but the investigator told me pretty bluntly that as a non-family member, there's nothing I can really do about it. The court will undoubtedly require some counseling as a part of the custody arrangement, and only the counselor can declare actions like that inappropriate. If you ask me, it's just stupid.

As for the father, it looks like he's going to jail for quite some time. It probably won't even go to trial because the man is a MORON in addition to being a pedophile. The girls mother and father have always raised her to be pro-life, and she firmly believes that abortion is murder. According to the aunt, the girl is very depressed right now because, from her perspective, her child was just murdered. THAT is why she broke down and admitted everything to the people at Planned Parenthood. In her mind, her father had just forced her to murder her own child.

In a twist of irony, that, and not the ongoing rapes, may be what hangs him. California has an equivalent to Laci's law that brands the killing of a fetus during the commission of a felony as a homicide. He forced her to get an abortion under the threat of death as part of a scheme to cover up felony child rape. Because she didn't want the abortion, the threat makes it a homicide. How's THAT for irony.

I had a second discussion with the aunt this morning, and the DA is apparently going to use this as an axe over his head. They have him nailed on the molestation charges, because they have DNA evidence from the fetal tissue to link him to the rapes. If she has to testify, he's as good as convicted. The DA's office promised the aunt that they would try to avoid any trials, so they're going to use the homicide law for leverage. They obviously wouldn't give her all the details, but it looks like they're going to offer him a plea bargain...if he'll plead guilty to the rapes, they won't push the homicide charges. If he forces it to trial, he'll be facing homicide charges and a possible life sentence. If it plays out that way, I'm in full support of the plea idea...I really hope she doesn't have to sit through a trial and be forced to testify against her own father. The poor girl has been through enough.

It does look like we'll be seeing her again though. The aunt and I worked out a plan where she will be visiting us twice this summer for vacations, and they will both be staying with us whenever they need to come over from Nevada for any court appearances. I may not have her in my home, but at least it's maintaining some type of connection and normalcy for her. It's better than nothing.

And, if anyone is curious, I split a quarter of a cord before my annoyed Freeper neighbor came out and yelled at me for making so much racket in the middle of the night. When he found out why I was out there, he offered to get his own axe and help me! We ended up sitting out there pretty much all night talking about this. It turned out that his own granddaughter was molested a few years back, and the discussion gave us both a chance to vent. For six hours straight. Over about a dozen Mojitos :)

Again, I just wanted to thank everyone for their support on this, and I didn't want to leave the discussion hanging without some sort of follow-up. I don't know if my original rant was really all that appropriate for DU, but I needed to vent somewhere and you're always such a great bunch to vent to. It's kind of rare to find so many compassionate people in one place on the Internet :)

[bunkerbuster1]

54. Thank you for the update.

I didn't have a chance to reply to your original post, but here's to what the future brings. It's got to be better than the past for this poor girl.

And kudos to you for your diligence and support.

[wicket]

56. Thanks for the update

May the girl get all the help the needs. Bless you for being willing to take her in. And from one survivor to another.....THANK-YOU! :hug:

[nini]

57. wow.. I don't even know what to say

good luck to all of you and I'll be sending good vibes for that little one to heal as much as she can.

[Alexander]

53. No it's not. You don't stoop to their level with revenge.

The death penalty is never about justice. Only revenge. A total mockery of the "justice" system.

[nini]

58. true, but let the courts handle these things without the emotion

Let us imagine a revenge fitting of the crime.