I've been cleaning up my old, lost e-mail from the last 10 years and, remember Joke Forwarding???

[Up2Late]

...back when it was big in the late 1990's?

Nothing like getting lots of un-filtered SPAM AND loads of Forwarded jokes from your friends, all right about the same time when you are getting Campaign e-mail and invites to Volunteer for Campaign work, etc. It really got annoying after a while.

Well, along with a few old President Clinton jokes that I either never read or didn't really think were very funny with GWBush looming on the horizon, I guess I did get a few good ones back then, like this one:

Tue Feb 16 22:36:31 1999
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1999 23:37:47 -0500
From: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.04 (Win95; U)
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Subject: Wife 1.0

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit


Query to Tech Support:
>
> Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the
new
> program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and
> valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in
the
> product brochure..
>
> In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches
> during system initialization where it monitors all other system
activity..
> Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run,


> crashing the system whenever selected..
>
> I can not seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about


> going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work
> on this program.
>
> Can you help me?
>
> -- Jonathan Powell
>
>
> To: Mr. Powell
>
> This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due
to a
> primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife
1.0
> with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT"
> program..
>
> Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run
> everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the
program
> from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend
1.0
> because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this..
>
> Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up
with more
> problems than original system. Look in your manual under
> Warnings-Alimony/Child Support..
>
> I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having
> Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
> section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume
all
> responsibility for faults and problems that might occur..
>
> The best course of action will be to push apologize button, then
reset
> button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as
you
> take the blame for all GPFs..
>
> Wife 1.0 is a great program, but is very high maintenance..
>
> -- Tech Support

Anyone else have any good ones? All this bad news is getting me down, I need a few good laughs right about now.

(Please, nothing too dirty):evilgrin:

[Hekate]

1. Slick Willie's Testimony made me roflmao

I got this Dec. 15, 1998 from my sister. We seriously needed a laugh amidst all the stupidity.

Oh gods, what will we do with him back in the White House? Do you think age has slowed down his urges at all? :eyes:

Hekate


Slick Willie's Testimony
By Dr. Seuss

I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants
I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face
I never did it in a bed
if you think that, you've been misled
I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone
I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Saddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp
I never acted really silly
with volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her 'round, but could not catch her
No kinky stuff, not on your life
I woudn't even with my wife
and Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes
was paid for by my right-wing foes
and Paula Jones, and those State Troopers
are just a bunch of party poopers
I did not ask my friends to lie
I did not hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November
but if I did, I don't remember
I did not do it in the hall
I could have, but I don't recall
I never did it in my study
I never did it with my dog, Buddy
I never did it to Sox, the cat
I might have-once with Arafat
I never did it in a hurry
I never groped Ms. Betty Currie
There was no sex at Arlington
There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel
and then endeavored to conceal
But never did these things so lewd
At least, not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed
They do not count, if we stayed dressed
it never happened with cigar
I never dated Mrs Star
I did not know this little sin
would be retold on CNN
I broke some rules my Mama taught me
I tried to hide, but now you've caught me
But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail
but never, never did inhale.

THE END

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Up2Late]

2. Yup, I have that one too!

That was one of the better ones.:evilgrin:

[Up2Late]

3. kick n/t

:kick: