Sam Brownback Pregnancy May Put Squeeze On Presidential Bid (Humor)

[bustarbusto]

Sam Brownback Pregnancy May Put Squeeze On Presidential Bid

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
Ottawa, Kansas, April 6, 2008

The presidential campaign of dark-horse candidate Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS) may be facing an new hurdle with the announcement that the virulently anti-abortion neo-conservative is pregnant. The Brownback pregnancy is, in the words of campaign press spokesman Diana Herodias, "really not part of the game plan and may create some serious challenges to our crusade for the White House".

Sam Brownback was diagnosed pregnant following a routine medical check-up taken by the senator prior to a planned balloon ride with the pressure group Concerned Kansians for Biblical Government. The balloon ascension was to be part of a scientific inquiry set to disprove once and for all heretical contentions regarding the purported sphericality of the Earth.

"We noticed an unexplained bulge in the vicinity of Senator Brownback's left rib cage," Dr. Artemus Sheppleton, a general practitioner at Ransom Memorial Hospital in Ottawa, Kansas, said.

"Concerned that it might be a potentially malignant growth, we performed an immediate MRI. To our surprise, we found a tiny fetus growing in Mr. Brownback's left lung."

Full article

:)

[Tesha]

1. Read "The Fresco" by Sheri S. Tepper.

Read The Fresco by Sheri S. Tepper. It's Sci-Fi
set in our time, exploring what happens when Earth is
first visited by a contact team of aliens with a
delightful sense of irony.

The idea that a bunch of pro-life white male Christian
conservative politicians could become pregnant is well-
covered in that book. The politicians, of course, can
NEVER have an abortion because they've made it
clear over the years that, in their minds, abortion
is unjustified under any circumstance, even in the
case of rape by (a different) alien species, even if
the baby alien will eventually be born by chewing its
way out of the politicians' abdomens. But at least the
politicians won't die as a result of their pregnancies. ;)

A few more ironies:

o Because fundamentalist Islamic men have always
argued that the reason women must be kept covered
is to control the lust that men would otherwise
experience, the aliens arrange things so that
women appear hideously ugly to fundamentalist
Islamic men.

o Because certain religions appear to be committed to
endless war over a few square miles of desert in
the Middle East, particularly Jerusalem, the aliens
simply remove Jerusalem from the face of the Earth.
No one is injured, they're simply set outside of
Jerusalem and the city becomes inaccessible, being
replaced by a deep hole in the ground. The aliens
suggest that if we ever learn to share the Middle
East, we can have Jerusalem back.

o Guns suddenly develop a nasty habit of injuring
or killing the person pulling the trigger.

Tesha

[bustarbusto]

3. Sounds like a great read!

Unfortunately, it will probably be a cold day in hell before any of these wingnuts – either the American Taliban, or loony Fundamentalists elsewhere -- become aware of the essential moral and ethical contradictions of nearly every one of their many positions.

I think anyone aspiring to political power should be required to pass, at least, Philosophy 101.

[Bucky]

2. The rib!

Forget the pro-lifers. Brownback would have a lot more explaining to do to his wife.