|
Edited on Thu Jun-21-07 07:29 PM by jgraz
Let's see, what do we have today? Misogyny? Check. Screamingly unfunny bits repeated over and over? Check. Pedantry, sophistry and solipsism passed off as intelligent radio? Most definitely. Mix in a healthy dose of unchallenged self-hating homophobia and some flat-out plagiarism and what have you got? A typical day on The Lionel show. What we learned today:- Lionel's new application of "Socratic" is even more wrong than yesterday's.
- Something something Nancy Grace.
- Your hands could be gay -- not that there's anything wrong with that.
- Today's Word of the Day Toilet Paper Square: Physiognomy.
- "Site" is also a confusing concept, along with "blog", "thread" and "post". At least it's confusing to Lionel.
- Lionel doesn't want to be "too pedantic, too professorial". Luckily, he still wants to be Socratic.
- There a two kinds of court cases: Criminal and Civil.
- Something else about Nancy Grace.
- Nancy Grace is the harridan, the meretrix, the virago, the termagant of CNN.
- Lionel knows some very fancy ways to call a woman a cunt.
- Contrary to what every unabridged dictionary will tell you, "meretrix" is not pronounced "me-reh-trix". It's actually "meer-trix". Just ask Lionel.
- The questions are more important than the answers. Which explains why Lionel has so little actual information to offer on any subject.
- In radio, everyone is a whore. (But is everyone a meretrix?)
- Lionel is gay on his left side. (however, he's annoying on both sides)
- Something happened with Nancy Grace today.
- Whatever happened is "boring" and "not important".
- Yet we're going to talk about it for a the rest of the hour.
- Whatever's going on with Nancy Grace -- which is "not important" -- Lionel really wants us to think about it.
- But first check your hands -- you may be gay.
- Lionel is a "media analyst".
- Lionel knows what frottagism and urolagnia mean. Well, at least he knows the words exist.
- Lionel thinks that frottagism and urolagnia are somehow equivalent to communism.
- Stating that someone enjoys heavy petting (frottagism) may be libel.
- Dr. Phil is a fraud.
- Seriously, that's who the fraud is. Dr. Phil.
- For anyone who isn't thoroughly bored by the gay/hand thing, there's now a picture up on the site ... er, blog ...er, thread.
- Lionel promises to humiliate anyone who calls in.
- Did you know your hand tells you if you're gay?
- Lionel likes to read his segments directly from the thinkprogress.org website:
At time 40:00 in today's podcast, after playing, in its entirety, the video on the thinkprogress.org site (blog?), Lionel says:
"Well, Laura, it says that, uh, it may be a little bit different. She's greatly exaggerating the administration’s policy. As the Baltimore Sun notes today, as of May -- May -- only 69 Iraqis had entered the United States this fiscal year. And in total, the United States has resettled fewer than 500 Iraqi refugees since the invasion of Iraq in 2003.
Meanwhile, the situation in Iraq has become “the world’s fastest-growing refugee crisis.” Syria alone is hosting “1.4 million Iraqi ‘guests’” and Iraqi refugees have become increasingly desperate, some even resorting to prostitution. In total, there are more than two million Iraqi refugees to report."
Just coincidentally, the thinkprogress.org page (thread, poll) says:
The First Lady is greatly exaggerating the administration’s policy. As the Baltimore Sun notes today, “as of May, only 69 Iraqis had entered the United States” this fiscal year. In total, the United States has “resettled fewer than 500 Iraqi refugees” since the invasion of Iraq in 2003.
Meanwhile, the situation in Iraq has become “the world’s fastest-growing refugee crisis.” Syria alone is hosting “1.4 million Iraqi ‘guests’” and Iraqi refugees have become increasingly desperate, some even resorting to prostitution. In total, there are more than two million Iraqi refugees.
- Lionel likes to read these bits without noting where the quotes from the Baltimore Sun fall, and, perhaps more importantly, without giving any credit whatsoever to thinkprogress.org.
- Nicolas Sarkozy was drunk yesterday. Or he might have been out of breath.
- According to Lionel, the sum total of knowledge you need to have regarding French Presidential candidate Segoline Royal is that she's "the hot little socialist number who's husband/partner left her."
- Bill O'Reilly is both nonpareil AND without peer.
- Lionel also likes to lift his bits directly from Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Right fucking directly. Without credit. Check out today's podcast at 51:25. Compare with this Countdown clip from Crooks and Liars at 1:17.
- Correction -- Word of the Day Toilet Paper Square: Languid. Got that people? Languid.
- Lionel fancies himself a logodaedalus.
- Lionel apparently had to wipe his ass with the Word of the Day Toilet Paper Square that explained what logodaedalus means.
- Hands, gay, check it out.
- New York has the 212 area code because the largest cities got the easiest codes to dial on a rotary phone. No word yet on which website Lionel stole this from.
- Lionel would rather drink bleach than go on a cruise.
- I missed the rest of the bit because I was off drinking bleach.
- Celibate people are different from mollusks.
- Something something John Travolta.
- Lionel wants to know how someone becomes gay. He's "really serious about this".
- Lionel wants a rimshot on his 360 for when he makes a lame joke.
- Tomorrow's Lionel Show? Nothing but rimshots. (ba dum boom)
- When an effeminate ex-gay jew-for-Jesus calls your show, let him on the air, ask him no pertinent questions and then hang up on him without comment.
- Lionel sees patterns.
- Lionel is really bad at filling when his guests don't call in on time.
- This is strange since his guests never seem to call in on time. Or at all.
- According to a May 2000 statement by the American Psychiatric Association, "there are no replicated scientific studies supporting any specific biological etiology for homosexuality."
- This clearly means that no one is "born gay".
- Act Up and Queer Nation are the "nutty fringe" of the gay rights movement.
- It's important to learn if someone is "very gay" or "extremely gay", as opposed to, I guess, just a little gay.
- Most gay men have a some sort of trauma in their early lives to cause them to choose the gay lifestyle.
- Having gay sex is "falling off the wagon", much like with alcoholics or drug addicts.
- Lionel thinks it's just fine for his crazy-ass religious fanatic guests shout down reasonable, intelligent, well-credentialed callers.
- Lionel also thinks it's just fine to invite a crazy-ass religious fanatic on his show without doing one bit of research on his positions or presenting him with any challenging questions.
- What's better is to wait until the crazy-ass religious fanatic is gone, then repeat his comments verbatim in a slightly ironical tone.
- This approach is apparently what Lionel calls "critical thinking".
- Lionel thinks that calling it "eructating" or "being borborygmic" makes it less disgusting when he belches right into the microphone.
- Lionel thinks that being borborygmic means that you're belching (it doesn't).
- Blogging is less fun that having sex. (can't I do both?)
- Hey, we haven't mentioned the gay/hand thing in a while.
- On second thought, celibate people aren't that different from mollusks.
- If you're not a crazy-ass religious fanatic but rather a Doctor of Psychology and you actually want to talk about real research regarding homosexuality, Lionel gives you the cricket noise and then hangs up on you.
- But remember, they're called "fibroblasts" and "Induced Pluripotent Stem Cells".
- Speaking of which, the fact that the issue of stem-cell research is "near and dear" to Lionel's heart does not mean that he'll mention Bush's veto of the stem cell bill. At all. Ever.
- Of course, what significance is that when your HANDS COULD BE GAY???!!!11111
- Sue ya? Still. Not. Funny.
What we didn't learn on Today's Lionel Show:- That Osama Bin Laden may have chartered the plane that flew his family out of the U.S. (But hey, it's not like Lionel's a self-appointed 9/11 truthseeker or anything...)
- Whether or not (sorry, that's redundant) thinkprogress.org or Keith Olbermann are aware of Lionel's appropriation of their work as his own.
- That the same APA study from May of 2000 states "There is no published scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of 'reparative therapy' as a treatment to change one’s sexual orientation" and that “'Gay affirmative psychotherapy' may be helpful in the coming out process, fostering a positive psychological development and overcoming the effects of stigmatization." Huh.
- What the caller, the media director for Soulforce, actually had to say about the crazy-ass religious fanatic's whack-job beliefs. (Maybe it was something about that May 2000 APA study that Lionel didn't bother to read.)
- That I still managed to put this tour de crap together, even after slicing off the tip of my thumb last night, and that Dermaglue fucking rocks. (no stitches!)
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
